"Patient Zero"

Show: Stargate Atlantis

Genre: General/Angst/Missing Scene

Pairing: A little bit of Sheppard/Teyla

Summary: Missing scenes of "Conversion". After Dr. Beckett realizes that the retrovirus is taking hold, Sheppard is worried that his uninhibited moment with Teyla may have unexpected consequences.

Disclaimer: Sadly, none of the characters belong to me. What I wouldn't give for a little John Sheppard of my very own!

Author's Note: This does contain SPOILERS for "Conversion." Thanks for all of the lovely reviews – they really make my day! Hope you like this one, and I'm writing missing scenes for "Lost Boys" as well – Shep/Teyla of course – so stay tuned!

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Chapter Three:

Sheppard kept his eyes fixed on the medical bay doors, nervously jiggling his foot and trying to calm the horrible, black thoughts that were tumbling in his mind. It had been just one moment – one innocent, confusing, intense moment – and now he may have given her a death sentence. He still couldn't figure out exactly how it had happened. They had been sparring together, but they usually always did that every afternoon, just like they usually always got dinner afterward, just like they usually always watched a movie together on Saturday nights. Why was that afternoon any different from all those other times they had been together?

He couldn't really remember feeling any differently. He supposed he felt…better, more confident and more alert than usual. He remembered that all of his senses had seemed heightened, like he could pick out subtleties that he had never noticed before – the furrowed ridge that formed in her brow as she worked out an attack; the hollow, reverberating clacking of the sticks and the soft patter of her bare feet on the mats; the way she bit her lip in concentration before making the first parry; the soft quality of the light filtering in from outside.

And then he had pushed her, shoved her against the wall with an unexpected force that made him wince in shame from the memory. He couldn't remember much – just staring at her as though he had never seen her before. Well, not exactly, more like as though he had never seen her in that way before. He could hear her rapid breathing from the sparring match, feel her light, quick pulse where his hand rested on the side of her neck, see the soft strands of hair that had come loose from her ponytail and her wide eyes bright from exertion.

And then it had happened. Even now he didn't try to fool himself into thinking that he'd never wanted to do it – hell, he still wouldn't mind kissing her – but the force and unpredictability of it all made him ashamed. When he first made contact, he felt her body tense and then suddenly relax, almost as if she wasn't quite sure where to put herself. Suddenly, that undeniable urge died away, and a new voice came into his head, one that told him in no uncertain terms to stop what he was doing. And he had pulled back. As the feeling of lust fell away, he had looked back at Teyla and was horrified at the mixture of confusion, concern, uncertainty…and fear that he saw in her face. He had no idea what had just happened, and even more terrifying, neither did she.

He wasn't always sure what he felt for Teyla. She was the closest friend he had ever had – they seemed to understand each other on a level that didn't seem possible, and when he was around her he felt as though he could really be himself. She was loyal to him to the point where it astounded him, and he was protective of her to the point of beyond just friendly concern. What frightened him most was how much he trusted her. He didn't consider himself to be a person that was easily won over, but he remembered just knowing when they met that she was someone he could hand his life to and expect to be okay. That trust had kept him alive and sane more times than he could count, and he had no idea what he would do without it. And now, because of one horribly timed moment, he was afraid that that bond had been broken forever…if either of them lived long enough to care that is.

The doors suddenly hissed open, and Sheppard snapped his head up. Carson entered the medical bay, Teyla only a few steps behind. He noticed that she was pale and flushed, and he immediately felt that sinking feeling of guilt and desperation return. When he tried to make eye contact, she quickly looked away and followed Beckett to an examination table on the other side of the room. He silently watched as Carson carefully cinched off her right arm and extracted a vial of blood, giving her a calming smile as he went to check it in the lab.

Teyla rubbed anxiously at her arm, and Sheppard saw her shoulders slump with a quiet sigh that echoed throughout the silent infirmary. More than anything he wanted to go to her, hug her, and tell her that everything was going to work out somehow. Of course, he may have been able to do that at one point, that very morning in fact, but what had happened between them wasn't going to go away any time soon – he wasn't sure if he could let it. The irrational, overpowering protectiveness that he felt for her came rushing back, and all he wanted was for her to be able to walk out of the infirmary with a clean bill of health.

Sheppard slid off of his own bed and quietly walked to the foot of hers. He watched her eyes flick up to his and was thankful that he couldn't find any more traces of fear hidden there, only a tired, weary concern. "Colonel Sheppard. How are you feeling?"

"I should be asking you that question," he said softly. "How much did Dr. Beckett tell you?"

"Enough. He told me that…that you might not live for very much longer. It is…difficult for me to accept that." She was clearly having trouble, and his heart ached at the forlorn sound in her voice.

"Listen, Teyla, about what happened earlier –" her head lifted quickly. "No, we don't have to talk about it yet. It's just…Dr. Beckett isn't sure what's going to happen, and if anything happened to you because of what I did...you know I'd never want to hurt you, right?"

She nodded, and her eyes were filled with a hurt and agony that he had never seen before. "I know. And whatever happens, I need you to know that it is not your fault." She carefully put out her shaking hands and rested them on his shoulders, bowing her head to him in the traditional Athosian manner. He gently touched his forehead to hers and stayed there for a moment breathing in her scent and feeling her hands squeeze his shoulders before pulling back.

"I'm going to go talk to Carson. You going to be okay here by yourself?" he asked. Her silent nod was far from convincing, but he understood that she probably wanted nothing more than to be alone.

The lab where Beckett had taken the blood sample was located just off the main infirmary bay, and Sheppard walked in without so much as a knock. Beckett was cleaning several pipets and looking nervously toward the machine performing the analysis. He glanced up when Sheppard entered. "How much longer until that thing is done?" he asked.

"Just a few more minutes. Did you talk to Teyla?"

"Yeah, a little bit. I just don't know what I'm supposed to say is all."

"I'm sure that she understands what you did was a result of the retrovirus," Beckett said sympathetically.

John sighed. "You weren't there, Doc. If it was me, I wouldn't be able to forgive and forget, and I don't expect her to either – it wouldn't be fair. She deserves to get some time to figure this out for herself, and if she doesn't want to talk about it, I can't ask her to."

Beckett started the second filtration cycle on the machine and glanced up at Sheppard innocently. "Are you sure that's the reason?"

"What?" Sheppard was sure he had a goofy, bewildered expression on his face at that point.

"Well, I only meant that maybe you don't want to talk about it – you don't want to say it was a mistake…am I making any sense, Colonel?"

"None at all. Must be the Scottish in you," Sheppard said, neatly evading what Beckett had said. Of course, he knew exactly what he had meant, and it bothered him how close to the truth he may have actually come. He decided it was time to actually get to what he had been meaning to ask. "Doc, what happens if Teyla's infected too? Is there anything that you'll be able to do for her?"

Beckett sighed wearily. "To be honest, she'll be in the same boat you are. We're trying to work on a way to help you, but if she's got it too, she'll only be a couple of hours behind your progression. And since we're working blind…I can't say it looks good for either of you."

Sheppard nodded slowly. He understood the implications and he understood what he had to do. "Doctor…if Teyla does show up positive for the retrovirus, I want you to use me to figure out a way to help her."

"I can't use you as a test subject, Colonel. That'd hardly be ethical –"

"Yeah, and it wasn't ethical for me to do what I did either. Look, I'm serious about this. If she's got it too, I want you to do anything you need to in order to make sure she's going to pull through – and if that means testing out one of your retro-retroviruses on me, I want you to do that."

Carson's face set determinedly. "I know what you're trying to do, Colonel, and it's very noble of you to want to help Teyla. But as a doctor, I can't do what you're asking me to do."

"I'm not asking you to do this as a doctor. I'm asking you as a friend to make sure she's okay!" Sheppard said desperately. "It's bad enough having to deal with this myself, but if I have to watch Teyla go through the same thing, when I was the one who gave it to her in the first place—"

"I understand what you're going through," Beckett interjected. "I know you feel guilty about the whole thing, but what makes you think that I'm going to be able to convince Dr. Weir? And Teyla – do you think she'll even accept whatever treatment I come up with if she knows it came from experimenting on you?"

"She doesn't have to know. Carson, I'm begging you as my friend to consider this. As a doctor aren't you obligated to help a patient no matter what? Isn't it worse to have two people die instead of just one?" Sheppard asked with quiet intensity.

The small alarm from the filtration machine saved him from answering the colonel's question. Both men glanced over at it with wide, understanding eyes. Sheppard found that he couldn't sit still as Beckett carefully removed the printout and went over the results, double and triple checking his progress as he did so. Finally, after what seemed like ages, he looked up at John and gave a little smile of relief.

She was clean.

Sheppard suddenly felt all of the muscles go out of his legs, and he abruptly sat down in the other office chair. He buried his head in his hands, forcing himself to take slow deep breaths in order to hold back the stinging tears of thankfulness that were pricking his eyes. It was the first piece of truly good news he had had all day.

"Are you going to be okay?" Beckett asked softly, fixing Sheppard with a knowing smile.

"Yeah…just give me a minute." He breathed a heavy sigh of relief and met the doctor's gaze, returning his smile with one of his own.

Carson made his way back out to the infirmary with Sheppard a step behind. Teyla looked up at them as they approached her bed, eyes flicking between the two men, hoping to pick up on their moods.

Beckett gave her a sweet smile and a little hug. "You're going to be fine, love. You're tests came out negative."

She nodded, expelling a shaky sigh as she did so. "Thank you, doctor. Do I need to stay here any longer?"

"No, you're free to go. Do you want someone to walk you home?" She smiled and shook her head at his kind offer. He gave her an affectionate caress on the cheek and went back to finish up in the lab, casting a subtle prodding expression at Sheppard as he left them alone.

"Do you have to remain in the infirmary, Colonel Sheppard?" she asked.

"No. Doc says that I can stay at home until things…well, until they get worse." He saw her face fall again in sadness and tried again in a lighter tone. "Actually, do you think you'd mind walking me home? It's getting close to sunset, and I think I'd like to take the long way back so I can see it from the balcony. Are you up for it?"

Teyla gave him a smile, though he noticed that her eyes remained as dark and troubled as before. "I believe I would enjoy that." She slid off the bed and walked beside him out the door of the infirmary.

They walked in silence along the edge of the city until reaching his favorite spot on the balcony, where it was quiet except for the low rolling noises of the waves. They stood looking out at the horizon, which was a brilliant, rapidly changing spectacle of yellows, oranges, pinks, and purples. As they watched the sky change to dusk, there didn't have to be any words. Sheppard glanced over at Teyla and saw a single tear streak down her cheek. He didn't say anything – he knew her well enough to understand that she wouldn't want it mentioned. It was enough for him to be able to share this moment with her – 'it could be the last,' he thought – and he didn't want to mess it up. As the stars came out, they stood in silence, neither of them alone and neither of them wanting to speak for fear of losing the time they had together.

THE END!

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Hope that you liked it. I told you I'd get around to finishing this eventually! Please leave me a review – because it's the best part of sharing these stories with you of course!