Disclaimer: I have a picture in my head. It says…it says…it say…I don't own DBZ. Huh, what a lousy picture.
Sayain Song 7:
Always Humming
It was so empty. And he was so cold, so very cold. Goku felt the tears pooling in his eyes yet he could do noting to stop them from pouring out like small rivers onto his face. It didn't make sense. He couldn't find Vegeta. He had looked so hard- he couldn't sense him anywhere. Why? Why couldn't he?
But even more confusing was why he cared so much. Why was he so torn up inside because he couldn't see Vegeta today…why?
Then it happened. It was one more thing Goku couldn't explain- but suddenly this irrepressible anger took hold of him and where he had once stood numbly in the middle of the floor, he screamed. He screamed and he began to rampage, grabbing hold of everything he could, tearing things down, smashing things onto the floor, against the wall.
If he could just ruin things enough, if he could just make the pain seem more real, if he could just…
An hour later Chi Chi came home to find him sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor, sitting in a pool of his own blood as he looked blankly down at his wrists, the crimson liquid dripping out of them.
Llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll
B snored, but then Vegeta had half expected it. He wondered what higher power had decided to take the time to fuck with his life so precisely, but for once he didn't care. And then it hit him- it didn't seem so much as fucking with it anymore, but it almost seemed as though this higher power that had hunted him all his life was helping him. It was a truly shocking concept, but that's what it seemed like. A second chance. That's what he had always prayed for, wasn't it? And it was here.
He didn't share a room with be, but their rooms shared a wall, a very flimsy wall. As of right now, his room had nothing but a bed in it, but that would change soon enough if his new groups of friends had anything to say about it. B had a very distinctive snore. In, wheeze, rumble out, in, wheeze, rumble out.
He smiled slightly to himself. The darkness wasn't so lonely anymore. He could grow to like it again. Perhaps he could even grow to like himself again. If he took enough time he could forget…and he could truly move on.
But nagging in the back of his mind were three not so foggy figures. Trunks, Goten, and Gohan. He had abandoned them. He had abandoned his sons. After he had swore to never do what his parents had done to him. And he wasn't even dead. He had no excuse.
No matter how much he hated the rest of that lot, he couldn't believe he had just walked out on the boys. They were the only part of his life that he had enjoyed, that he had loved. And he had left them.
Trunks…Trunks had been crying when he left. Hadn't he? He could faintly hear the sounds of a person trying to hold back tears as he replayed the scene in which he told Bulma he was leaving. Trunks had been there. He had seen.
God, he hadn't even said goodbye.
And Trunks would tell Goten, and then Gohan would find out. Then he would be no better a man then when he had come to earth for the first time.
He struggled to push those thoughts away. Later, he would think about them later. For now he wanted to pretend that part of his life hadn't happened at all. Just for one night, pretend.
But someone kept popping up in his mind. It wasn't Trunks. It wasn't Goten or Gohan. No, it was the one person who truly made him want to rip his own head off if it would give him half a minute of relief.
Damn that Kakkarot for never leaving him alone!
Aiyu had been half humming, half singing a song to herself as she had left to go to her apartment with Sakura. How had it gone?
"Always in my mind
Hm, hm,
A thought that won't stop thinking
A picture that won't stop playing
A tune I can't stop humming
Hm, hm
And I'd cut off my own head
If I thought it'd stop
But it's my own little insanity
And nothing will make it go away
Hm, hm
Have you ever had a friend
That lived only in your head
Cause in reality
He wasn't what he said
Hm, hm
It's my head that's hurting
In that round about not my fault
Sort of way
All those thoughts screaming
Hm, hm
Over, and over, and over
Like my dead gerbil on its eternal wheel
Bad taste perhaps
But better than my eternal godlfish
In the everlasting toilet
Hm, hm,
See what it makes me say
This damn thought that should disappear
I think what keeps it sticking
Is that fact that it's you and
Hm, hm
I can't seem to find you here
Just in my head
Which by the way you shouldn't be
Cause since I'm the one who left
Just, dammit, leave me be!"
It was really eerie how close that song was to how he was feeling. Kakkarot was that thought. That damn thought.
Fuck you Kakkarot! Get the hell out of my head! Vegeta mentally screamed.
So it was back to square one then. Sleep, it seemed, would continue to elude him.
A/N: I know, bad, bad author. I'm sorry, I just got swamped with homework last week and had a few issues that I might have created myself. I know, you're a bitch right? Occasionally. I am trying to work out my problems….so I hope you all don't mind having to be a tad patient with me. I should have another update tomorrow and every day this week, but I now realize that this might be impossible, so at the very least know there will be an update at least once a week, all right? I'll try to make it more. Honest.
Replies:
QuaxoReally? I've been here for a couple years but HP was already way under way when I arrived. Glad to hear, nothing worse than boredom, except, perhaps, annoyingnexx which apparently I dole out by the bale full… I don't know about you, but I never really find any really good Gohan fanfiction. Or Vegeta fanfiction (and this is exactly the kind of fic I'd stay away from because after over reading DBZ I find I can't stand reading OOC Vegeta, which makes me a hyporcrite with this story…pathetic, yes) for that matter. I'm glad to hear you're enjoying my fanfic though and hope this wait wasn't too bad.
Opium: -grins- thanks. You read my Charmed fic? Thanks. Now review it please –laughs at self because she had no other defense mechanism for pathetic tendencies-
Kit-kit: Goku's got a few issues, I think. Personally I'm going for the whole "he can and will have psychotic breakdowns" angle as of now…
AnjankaWeird? Perhaps. And right, now use. But I like it when people guess. Its really not so hard, but perhaps the details are since I haven't really given anything concrete yet…I rather like Goku. Especially in the Buu saga, the last few episodes were just one cry for him and Vegeta to get together after another. Or at least that's what I thought, so it was like Goku vs. Bulma- fun!
Well, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. See you all next time! Remo