The Path to the Dark Side
Author: LVB
Summary: The rage is inside him. He will avenge his mother's death, at any cost. (Ben Skywalker)
Disclaimer: I just worship at the temple of LucasFilm. If I owned anybody, I'd be in Hawaii on holidays: D
A/N: I haven't read The Joiner King yet so there shouldn't be any spoilers for that. If so, it's all coincidental. This little bunny had been annoying me for awhile but I managed to get it out. Oh, and one of the most exciting things that's happened to me: I got a lightsaber! It's a life-size replica and it lights up and everything. Now I just need to find someone to duel with ;)
She was too young to die. I know that much. And although she only died moments ago, I'm already afraid that the memory I have of her will fade. She's cold. I look down into her lifeless eyes. Green…jaded green. Her flame-red hair has barely been kissed by the signs of age. A few grey threads are weaved through her hair, but that is all.
The vision of my mother is blurred through my own tears. I can barely hear what is going on around me anyway; my heart is beating too hard. It's beating too fast. It hurts. The scene is iconic, universal, like the final act of a holodrama. My mother's life was always lively and passionate. She died the way she lived, blasted out in glory.
But that doesn't fix the problem. My mother is lying in my arms, dead. Cold. Hard. Dead. She hadn't died straight away. No, it had been a long road seemingly framed in frozen moments. Her blaster stuck out from where the monster had ripped her tunic. Her lightsaber was active in a moment and already she had charged in front of me.
She charged in front of my father, who was lying unconscious on the ground. He wasn't even hurt; just had the wind knocked out of him. But she didn't care. She moved her lightsaber with the graceful strokes and parries my father must have taught her. Before I could even react, in that moment I reached for my own weapon, the monster had struck.
I could taste the blood in my own mouth as my mother was impaled. Straight through her stomach, the long and rotting stick had implanted itself. She stumbled back, looking down at the crimson blood that began to pool around her tunic. With a flash of triumph in its eye, the monster fled.
Her eyes were wild with fury and grief. She looked at me straight in the eye and as my voice screamed "Mom" with a tinge of horror, she collapsed. I moved in slow motion and managed to catch her as she fell. The blood was already beginning to pool around her.
It was on my hands.
She looked at me with those fearless eyes. She knew she was dying. I stroked her hair and fiercely wiped the tears from my eyes. She stroked my cheek. She spoke to me.
"I love you, Ben. Tell your father that I…that I'll..."
With that, she was gone. Dead.
Stillness consumes me. She's still lying in my arms. I'm covered in my mother's blood. It shouldn't have been this way. He hadn't wanted her. He wanted him. She had just gotten in the way. With my blood-stained fingers I shut her eyes.
My head is bowed and I hear a moan coming from across the room. I probe him through the Force and find that he's awake. It's hard to navigate my way around the Force when there's the big, gaping hole where my mother used to be. But somehow I push on, feeling the strength running through my veins. I touch something I've never touched before.
It's strong and powerful. It's taunting. It's primitive. I'm drawn like a moth to flame.
"Ben? Mara?" I hear from behind me. I won't turn around. I'm not ready to face him yet. The monster wanted him. It is because of him that my mother is dead.
Mara? I hear through the Force. Silence. I can't help but smile when I feel the pain of realisation that courses through my father's body. It's the realisation that his wife is dead. Guilt and pain and anger and grief strike him all at once. Good. I want him to feel it.
He's making his way over here now. His disbelief is crashing like waves through the Force. He's the damn Jedi Master. He should know better. The Force never lies. Seeing her bloodied body won't make it any truer. It can't. She's dead anyway.
I can't stay here.
And before he knows it, I'm gone.
From the shadows I see her. Her body is burning. The flames lick around her, casually singing her until it gives in and engulfs her in the fiery red flame that symbolised her life. He's there, watching. I can see the flames dancing in the reflection of his eyes. He's thinking; contemplating. He's so torn by his feelings.
He wants to believe she's happy now. He needs to believe that she died for a noble cause. He needs to believe it wasn't his fault. He can convince himself because that's what he's always believed in. The good of the galaxy. He would have driven a lightsaber through her heart himself if he had believed it would solve all the problems in the galaxy.
He won't convince me. My memory tells me otherwise. I look at my Aunt as she wraps her arms around him. I faintly recall him doing the same thing when Anakin had died. Death has not been welcoming to my family.
I lean back into the shadows and think. What had I known of my mother? In the entire time I knew her, she gave me so much love. But she was so guarded. What was it, mother? What was it you felt you had to protect me from?
I shield myself using the Force. Dad is calling to me, begging me to stand beside him. He knows I'm here, just watching. But I won't go. He deserves to stand alone. Tomorrow morning, I'll be gone. I need to find the secrets that died with my mother, the secrets that tainted her. I need to touch the darkness again. I need to avenge my mother's death.
I've searched for many months. I've found it. Using inherited Jedi stealth, I take my stance. The distinct hum of my lightsaber lights up. The monster turns around and with a smirk on my face I reach around and grab hold of my mother's lightsaber, activating it. It has nowhere to run.
It simply slides to the floor.
"Get up," I hiss. "Get up and fight. Don't make me kill you like you kill innocents."
Nothing.
I kick it.
"Get UP!" I scream, feeling that darkness running through me. It's like my eyes have opened for the first time. I can see light. And fire. I can feel the heat. He gets to his feet and begins to fight. He's skilled for battle with a lightsaber. But he cannot win, not when I have justice on my side.
I can hear my father's voice. The Jedi are guardians of the peace and justice. Feel the Force, Ben. Don't let it consume you.
But then, my father's voice is replaced by another. This one is more menacing and harsh. But it speaks words I need to hear.
Without mercy, I destroy it. Even after its dead, I still go on. All I can hear is that voice in my head.
It cackles. It whispers.
You've got Vader's blood in your veins…you have his weapon. You have your mother's drive. You're not done, yet, young Skywalker.
It's clear. Only after I avenge my mother's death will I be free. Only then, will I understand what haunted my mother.
It's been a while. I raise the glass to my lips and let the stinging alcohol slide down my throat. My eyes are blurry. I'm pretty much unrecognisable, here in the shady bars on Coruscant. My hair has grown and I've got days worth of growth adorning my face. If she saw me like this, she would have been so angry. At least she would have been here. That thought sits with me as I take another hard drink and demand another. A slew of memories attack me as I gaze into the bar.
I remember the day my parents told me the Family Secret. They wanted it to be quick and painless. But how painless can it be when you're told that you're the grandson of the greatest monster the galaxy has even seen?
Darth Vader was my paternal grandfather. Oh, sorry, Anakin Skywalker was my paternal grandfather. Why my father still insists we acknowledge him as the man he died I don't know. He was Darth Vader, a Sith Lord.
They both warned me about the lure of the Dark Side. They told me that it slowly seduces you, strips you of your soul. The darkness can consume you, they said.
I'm seduced.
He's been calling out to me, though I don't know if it's been on purpose. I can feel his despair. Being the son of two of the most powerful Jedi has its perks, after all. My shielding techniques are stronger than theirs. So while my father frantically searches for my presence in the Force, I'm sitting back noting all the terrible emotions he's feeling. I can feel my Aunt consoling him. She's searching for me too.
They'll find me soon.
With a quick flick of my wrist, I've ignited my saber. Instinctively, his is up as well. The reflection of the crystals in the weapon is gleaming in his eyes. Blue and green clash and we move and fight like never before. I'm using all the movies he taught me against him. All I can see is red, all I can feel is my anger.
"You KILLED HER!" I scream at him, feeling the tears well in my eyes. In that moment of accusation, it's like a light has gone off in his head. He can see what her death has done to me.
More strikes and blows and misses. The anger is fuelling my arm as I fight with my own flesh and blood. The description my father gave to me about his fight with Vader replays in my mind as I notice the same moves replay. Father versus son.
I'm wearing the darkness this time; I'm here instead of Vader. For the first time since she died, I stop shielding myself from the Force. He can feel it now, the darkness and the anger surrounding me. He can tell that I'm falling.
Stepping back, I look at him with horror. His face is twisted in pain and despair. For the first time in years I really look at him and see how old he's become; how much the years of fighting and rescuing the galaxy have taken its toll on him. Suddenly, I can't feel my legs anymore. I can't breathe.
I slump to the floor and within seconds he's next to me, holding my shoulders. I look up at him, at the man I blame for my mother's death. I take hold of his shoulders.
"Why did you let her die?" I ask, my voice quivering and betraying my sense of control. He won't answer.
I pull my face closer, and scream this time. "WHY DID YOU LET HER DIE?"
He still won't answer. But I know he's listening, I can feel him trying to reach out to me through the Force. "Oh, Ben…" he moans and he pushes us into a hug. I'm suffocating; I can't do it.
"Let me GO!" I scream, and like a child, I beat his arms and chest. When he doesn't budge, it's like a moment of clarity. Dad wasn't the enemy. He hadn't delivered the final blow that killed her. He too had danced around the darkness. He too had screamed and cried in anguish, when I was off slaying the beast that killed her in cold blood.
"The darkness won't bring her back, Ben. The last thing Mara would have wanted was to see you fall. Fight it Ben, please," he begs. I don't think I've ever seen him beg.
And then, the voice sounds in my mind. Kill him, it urges. Destroy him, do what your mother could not.
And finally, I understand. It was this voice, this constant taunt of the darkness that plagued my mother's life. Where my grandfather had fallen to the Dark Side, she had fought so hard to not cross that line again, to not submit to the evil. The voice that screams at me to kill my own father was the same voice that screamed at her. She died with her Master's voice still whispering for her to fall to the darkness; to kill my father.
Dad is looking at me, expecting to see something to indicate whether I had chosen my path or not. He had never known her torment; he believed it had ended. I don't want to betray her secret. I want to keep Mara Jade Skywalker alive, just as my father remembered her.
With that simple realisation, the whispering stops. The anger slowly melts away and finally my mother can rest in peace.