Step down, back off
Chapter 3: Banquet wars
AN: The third chapter's finally up. Incase you we're wondering, here is the love triangle (GNxSSXxLB). It will surely take place here. And this chapter is all about a food fight.
Disclaimer: I don't own Dynasty Warriors
Zhuge Liang: "MY LORD!" screamed Zhuge Liang as he ran over to Liu Bei to grab the wrapped up flowers from Liu Bei.
"What are you doing?" asked Liu Bei. "The Kingdom of Wu gave that to me! That younger Qiao did,"
Zhuge Liang cleared his throat. "Well, it's poison ivy! I saw her getting it from someone. Luckily I'm here; we don't want to loose you! And that idiotic girl, she should know better than to pick poison ivy!"
"That little devil, I bet she didn't know," Liu Bei clenched his fist. He stopped and looked at a note on his bed that was written 'SUCKER!' He started whining because someone called him a sucker. Zhuge Liang just starred at him. Actually that note came along with the poison Ivy.
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Shang Xiang Pov
I really hate this! I have to marry a rotten old man like Liu Bei! I mean hello! I'm only eighteen years of age and he is over thirty. What a creep! I might even have to live with his dead body for his stupid sake!
Oh my gawd! If I ever married him, I'll be the one to slid his throat and make all the blood spill out like a waterfall. And I'll be known as the Shu emperor slayer! Mua ha ha ha ha ha!
Out of Pov
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The banquet was set. Everything looked so neat; too bad it won't be later! The servants were busy going in and out of the kitchen just to serve two people.
"Yeah, I want more wine!" Zhang Fei shouted.
"Shaddup! You're so noisy!" Guan Yu scolded as he hit his sworn brother on the head.
The servants were speechless.
"?"
"……………"
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At Wu's side of the table, the fellow Wu generals were getting really pissed off.
"Look at how those pigs eat," Zhou Yu slammed his fist on the table as he looked across the table at they was Liu Bei's sworn brothers were eating. Just then, Taishi Ci walked into the room.
"Where were you all this while?" asked Zhou Yu who turned to look at him.
Taishi Ci replied happily, "Oh I saw this movie where aliens from Mars attacked China! And I was reading my alien comic book, ain't that cool?"
Most of the generals at the table growled silently in frustration and the others smacked their foreheads in disbelief.
"I wonder how the poison Ivy is working out…" Xiao Qiao wondered out loud.
Lu Xun blinked. "Oh sorry, what was that again? Taishi Ci's aliens were distracting me,"
Xiao Qiao got frustrated. "How many times have I told him not to talk about aliens?"
"Aliens, where?" Taishi Ci went chasing after something random.
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"You are ok sitting next to that idiot?" Gan Ning asked. He is one of Shang Xiang's good friends. He seems to be always there for her and always care for her. Besides Liu Bei, He seemed to be following her around all day like a pet. He has a secret crush on her but he doesn't dare tell. But Ling Tong found out during an interview.
"Err…yeah," answered Shang Xiang. She was concerned. Why was he caring so much for her?
"Call me," he smiled and walked away.
"Err, incase you didn't notice or incase you haven't heard, there are no cell phones in the dining hall!" she called over to him. She almost added the word 'stupid'. Shang Xiang starred at Liu Bei and his generals and thought for a while 'Damn his sworn brothers are pigs! They're all pigs!' as she watched them eat.
She was hesitant to sit next to Liu Bei. She reminded herself that it's only for dinner. She gathered her courage and walked up to the empty chair next to him. She hopes the others did something to sabotage his chair, like put some super glue on it.
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Shang Xiang Pov…
GET ME OUTTA HERE!
End of Pov
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"Any news yet?" Zhou Tai asked Sun Quan who was spying on Liu Bei from a far was using a pair binocular.
"No," Sun Quan replied.
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"Okay, let's all eat!" Liu Bei pigged on his food like how a swine does. Most of the Shu generals began to eat, but not the generals from Wu.
"Hey, since when does he give the message?" Sun Ce was on rage. "Am I supposed to?"
"I think he might try to overrule us. I don't like the idea of that parasite being our leader," said Da Qiao.
Xiao Qiao stood up from her chair. "Ok guys, I'm gonna annoy them for real right now"
She pointed at Huang Zhong who sat across the table and screamed, "Oh my, gosh! That old man's pregnant!"
Lu Xun played alone. "But he is a man!"
This made Huang Zhong very pissed off. "Shut up you 'chibi' monkeys! Just because you're young, small, cute and innocent doesn't mean you can be so rude!"
Xiao Qiao and Lu Xun got really mad. They couldn't stop sulking because some old guy whom they didn't even know scolded them as if he was their mother. The rest of the generals from Wu began eating.
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Shang Xiang's Pov
Ok, GET ME OUTTA HERE! I can't eat! I don't feel like! I can only watch him eat like a neat freak while his sworn brothers pig on the food! You won't wanna' know what he's doing!
He takes spoon and scoops a spoonful of rice out from his rice bowl. He puts it on his plate, separates a GRAIN of rice from the others and tries to cut the grain of rice into half using a chopstick. At first he was pigging on his food, but now he's a neat freak….how weird!
I feel like melting…
Just then my mom (Lady Wu) comes from the kitchen. "Is everything alright?"
"Yup," I lie.
I hate this. My dad's in a conference now and my mom's in charge just for this few days until my dad gets home.
She starts skipping away like a little kid saying, "I'm gonna' get the camera," loud enough for everyone to hear. I know what she's thinking 'Her only daughter's first engagement banquet'.
I can hear Ling Tong saying, "There are already C.C.T.V in this area,"
End of Pov
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After Liu Bei finished doing his 'neat freak' stuff, he moved on to flirt with Shang Xiang. First, he moved nearer o her and then, he said, "Hey beautiful….makes me wanna make you feel better," he finished off with a cat growl.
"Where are your manners?" the princess was disgusted.
"Err…I went to toilet…."
"And let me guess, you flushed it down?"
"Exactly…"
"EWWW…"
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Xiao Qiao's mouth dropped open. She didn't like what Liu Bei was doing.
"Mei-mei, are you OK?" Da Qiao asked as she waved a hand in front of her sister's face. Even Shang Xiang's brothers couldn't believe what was happening.
"Damn that pig! He's flirting with my woman!" Gan Ning was in rage.
Everyone at the Wu side of the table went, "Ooh, crushing on her are you?"
Gan Ning blushed. "Shaddup you!" He picked up a pie and threw it at Liu Bei's face.
"No, Gan Ning! Don't! You'll be in big trouble by…." Ling Tong tried to stop him but it was too late.
SPLAT!
The pie landed on Liu Bei's face. He slowly wiped it off
'Phew! Thanks for saving my life!' Shang Xiang thought a she wiped the sweat off her forehead. She couldn't thank Gan Ning enough.
Before you knew it, both of Liu Bei's sworn brothers yelled, "FOOD FIGHT!"
The Shu generals threw some food towards the Wu generals.
"TAKE COVER!" Sun Quan yelled as he quickly hid under the table. The Wu side of the table quickly hid under the table or behind the chairs.
Xiao Qiao handed Sun Ce a plate. Sun Ce grabbed the plate and threw it at Huang Zhong. The plate hit Huang Zhong right in the head. He fell to the ground with 'X-eyes'. (That means he is dead)
"YES, SCORE!" Sun Ce cheered as he pumped his fist in the air.
"My lord, Huang Zhong just died!" Zhuge Liang came reporting what had just happened to Liu Bei.
Liu Bei thought for a while. "Leave his dead body. You must all sacrifice your life for me! You shall be rewarded in heaven!"
Zhuge Liang's mouth dropped open. Liu Bei pulled out a pair of handcuffs and handcuffed his right hand to Shang Xiang's left hand.
"You idiot! Where did you get that?" Shang Xiang's face went red in anger.
"I broke in a local police station," said Liu Bei.
"YOU WHAT?"
He tried to drag her out of the hall; they were sitting near the door. She pulled out a sign 'HELLP'. She held it up high enough for the others to see. The Shu emperor tried to grab it. She grabbed it back and this caused a 'tuck-o-war' out of the paper. At last, she manages to tear the 'P' out.
"Hell?" Liu Bei asked as he looked at the torn piece of paper that he was holding. Shang Xiang quickly grabed it and stuffed it in his mouth. He almost died because he chocked on the paper.
"I'll teach you a lesson! Don't mess with the princess!" Shang Xiang said proudly. A second after that, Liu Bei managed to cough out the paper and drag her away as she struggled.
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On the other hand, Xiao Qiao, Lu Xun and Gan Ning were also watching the 'HELL' incident.
"Over my dead body!" Xiao Qiao yelled as she quickly dove under the table, making a beeline towards the incident. The only safest way was from under the table. Lu Xun noticed her going under the table and followed.
"Hey Xiao, wait! You don't have proper strategy!" Lu Xun called over to her.
Gan Ning also noticed this.
"MY WOMAN!" he yelled as he followed Xiao Qiao and Lu Xun.
When they were all under the table, Lu Xun couldn't help but ask Gan Ning why was he following them.
"To save my woman!" the ex-pirate answered proudly. (When he means 'my woman', means you know who.)
Lu Xun teased him, "Ooh, crush,"
"SHADDUP YOU!" Gan Ning yelled.
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Zhang Fei went around hitting people with a wine bottle while saying, "Die! Ha ha ha! Die!"
"Ahhhh! Aliens are invading!" Taishi Ci screamed as he ran around with his hands up in the air.
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"We've gotta' win this thing!" Sun Ce yelled as he threw more and more food)
"I'm afraid we can't…" said Taishi Ci very sadly.
Zhou Tai grabbed Taishi Ci by the collar. "Space aliens you believe, why can't you believe in this simple thing like winning?"
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Xiao Qiao and the others kept on crawling until they reached their destination. . The scene out there was like a battlefield. Plates were thrown everywhere and food was wasted.
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Shang Xiang kept pulling at the handcuffs. "Stop! Let go of me!"
Liu Bei refused to let her go. "NEVER, you are my bride!"
Shang Xiang kicked him in the crotch and draged him across the floor)
A second later, Xiao Qiao and the guys arrive.
"Help!" Shang Xiang screamed.
Xiao Qiao handed her a hairpin to pick the lock. She, Xiao Qiao and Lu Xun manage to take cover under the table before Gan Ning could. Just as he was about to, Lady Wu entered and caught him red handed.
"OH MY GOSH!" she screamed.
Everybody froze. Suddenly Liu Bei snapped out of his pain in the 'weak'. He stood up slowly and walked over to Lady Wu.
"He started this," he pointed to Gan Ning.
Before you knew it, Lady Wu became plain demonic. Gan Ning had to clean up the entire dining room while wearing a dress and a shawl. Not only that. He had to clean up the toilets like a janitor and dance ballet in front of the village kids in a ballet tutu.
"I hate life!" he grumbled.
At night after the banquet, Shang Xiang stood alone on her balcony.
"Liu Bei's so evil!" she sighed.
All she could do in the dining hall just now was give Gan Ning an 'I'm sorry' look. It was very funny to see him in a dress and a shawl.
TO BE CONTINUED.
To be continued in the next chapter. Ps. Sorry if Gan Ning's punishment was bad. But don't worry, he'll get back at Liu Bei soon enough.