Step down, back off
Chapter 4: Night Disturbance
AN: The fourth chapter's finally up. As you know, the fight continues. And for Xiao Qiao, I'm changing it to 'Xiao' for this whole fiction. It makes her sound cuter.
Disclaimer: I don't own Dynasty Warriors
Later that night,
Xiao Qiao: (Complains) Didn't we give him poison ivy? How come it didn't turn up right? How come nothing was wrong with him?
Sun Ce: I think his strategist must have told him. After all, he did pas by us when we were buying that poison ivy from one of the local store.
Da Qiao: Yeah, I heard a scream, "No my lord!" and things about poison ivy while I was passing by the guest room some time ago.
Xiao Qiao: Oh, ok. Thanks for your help, bye!
She runs off down the hallway as her sister and brother-in-law head for the meeting room.
…………….
The meeting,
The Wu generals assigned a meeting, on to discuss what their next move was. Only three of them are there. The others are on their way.
Da Qiao: What are you doing?
She asks as she saw Ling Tong putting a brick on top of the meeting room entrance.
Ling Tong: Oh, I'm trying out a new technique and I want to see who it gets.
Da Qiao: Oh, Ok… (She goes and sits next to Sun Ce who was also sitting in the meeting room)
Just then Liu Bei enters.
Liu Bei: Has anyone seen the princess?
The block falls and hit his head. But he did not seem to move, shout or anything. He just stands still. He didn't notice anything. How blur!
Everybody: What the? Hey, get out!
Once he was out of the room, he makes a dash for his life.
Liu Bei: (Thoughts) Hmmm, it its so hard to find her. Even if it's so simple.
He continues to search for her.
The rest of the council arrives and they take their places.
Sun Ce: Ok, this situation is way in danger!
Sun Quan: Totally, I mean Liu Bei's one stubborn idiot. It's so hard for him to let go, or do anything!"
Da Qiao: Yeah, duh! Totally! And there's Gan Ning who loves her as well-a love triangle.
Zhou Yu: Wait a minute; are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
Da Qiao: Yeah, we get her to go with Gan Ning and Liu Bei will get lost.
Sun Quan: Great idea! But does she like him?
Zhou Yu: I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. She's always calling him an 'empty-headed-maniac'. Right, Xiao? (He turns to Xiao who is sleeping)
Xiao Qiao doesn't respond. Instead, she has her face buried in her arms while sleeping on the desk.
Zhou Yu: XIAO!
Xiao Qiao: (Wakes up) Oh, Oh! Yeah right! You guys have got a good plan.
Just then, Taishi Ci enters the room with a goofy alien spaceship hat, an alien goofy outfit and a tape recorder that played that weird alien sound. In other words, it's known as the 'X-files' theme song.
Taishi Ci: (He lifts his hand up in a 'Hi' sign) Í come in peace. I come from…Mars. I lost my red rock, I came here to play rocks and I lost it and after that I went home one hour after that. I took one light year just to come here to play rocks. And I found out my red rock was missing, so I took another light year just to come back here.
Sun Quan: Get out of here, you're weird!
Others: YEAH!
Taishi Ci: Aww man, I can't play 'Alien' with the others…
He walks out of the room sadly.
Sun Ce: Alright, council dismissed.
Everyone begins to leave.
Xiao Qiao: Finally, I can get some sleep.
……………..
Romeo and Juliet…
Gan Ning: (Knocks on Shang Xiang's room door)
Shang Xiang: (Opens the door) what the? Weren't you supposed to be cleaning the toilets?
Gan Ning: I'm done, and I came to see you.
Shang Xiang: (Blushes) For what?
He actually has come to confess his true feelings for her.
Gan ning: Just to tell you that…
They are suddenly interrupted by a voice outside which talking in poetry style. Shang Xiang rushes to the balcony to see who it was. And guess who? Liu Bei. He is reciting the Romeo and Juliet lines.
The minute he sees her come out, he starts.
Liu Bei: What light through beyond the window breaks? It is the east and Juliet is the sun, arise fair sun and kill the envious moon, who is sick and pale with greed and that thou, her maid is more fairer then she is.
…………….
Lu Xun: What is going on? (Goes to the balcony to watch)
He sees Xiao Qiao at the balcony using a pair of binoculars to spy on Liu Bei.
Xiao Qiao: I don't know, but I think our famous dumb ass here is trying to do a Romeo and Juliet.
Lu Xun: Hey, I thought you were sleepy! (Points to her)
Xiao Qiao: Well, I thought of watching late night TV, 'The Romeo and Juliet fake version'. Oh look! Liu Bei is starting his lines!
Lu Xun: Really? Oh let me see. (Grabs the binoculars)
The both of them laugh like mad because Liu Bei's acting was terribly dorky.
Lu Xun: He makes a terrible Romeo…
………………...
Shang Xiang: (Stares at Liu Bei in horror) what is all these?
Gan Ning: Who's it?
Shang Xiang: Same old, same old.
Gan Ning: (Walks over to the balcony and looks) Hey, nobody plays 'Romeo and Juliet' with my woman!
Gan Ning stomps out of Shang Xiang's room in rage.
Shang Xiang: Hey, where are you going?
Before anything could happen, she hears a sound. Liu Bei is gone-it sounds like he was kidnapped. But actually he was pulled by Gan Ning into a near by bush.
Liu Bei was in shock, by the fact he was held tightly by the collar.
Gan Ning: Listen, punk! You'd better stop flirting with my woman or else I'll kick your…
Liu Bei: What? Kick what? Oh just go back to cleaning the toilet, toilet boy. Shang Xiang's a princess and I'm a king and you're a pirate. Shouldn't the princess go with a king and not a low down pirate like you?
Before you knew it, a catfight starts. Leaves are flown out of the bush as they are punching, biting, kicking each other and even pulling each others hair.
Lu Xun: Wow! Cat fight between boys, this is so damn rare!
Xiao Qiao: Bring on the dogs!
Shang Xiang: What the hell's going on?
Everyone is awakened by this.
Just then, Lady Wu arrives.
Lady Wu: What the hell is goin' on here?
She sees Liu Bei lying on the ground, all beaten up.
Lady Wu: LIU BEI, WHO DID THIS TO YOU?
He just moans in pain. Lady Wu sees the ex-pirate standing next to the Shu ruler.
Lady Wu: YOU! (Points at Gan Ning) YOU DID THIS TO HIM! (Points to Liu Bei)
Gan Ning: (Speechless)…
Lady Wu: You ugly slut! You'd better go back to cleaning the toilets right now or I'll kick you in the weak!
The ex-pirate has no choice. He sadly walks towards the toilets.
Lady Wu: Are you ok Liu Bei? Did the bad man beat you?"
Liu Bei: (Wails) I'm not fine! (Begins to cry on Lady Wu's shoulder like a little kid)
Lady Wu: Aww, that's ok, I'm sure Shang Xiang will kick his ass when she finds out. (Comforts Liu Bei)
Shang Xiang overhears the conversation form the balcony.
…………………
Shang Xiang Pov
"Damn mom, why are you acting like this?. Don't you ever know that I hate Liu Bei? It's so easy to tell. I'd rather prefer Gan Ning that way. Or any crap. You name it!
End of POV
………………….
Sometime later on,
Liu Bei: (Knocks on the bathroom door) get out of there, I need to use!
Gan Ning opens the door. He is still cleaning the bathroom.
Gan Ning: Go get it!
He yells at Liu Bei as he runs all the way to Shang Xiang's room since he is done.
Gan Ning: (Thoughts) I really need to tell her how I feel. (Knocks on Shang Xiang's door)
Shang Xiang: (Answers the door) Oh, hi.
It is midnight and she still isn't sleeping yet because of the whole 'Romeo and Juliet thing'. Lady Wu has been unfair to punish Gan Ning. Liu Bei has been harassing her first.
Gan Ning: Shang Xiang, I…
Just then, they are interrupted by some sounds-a chorus of farts coming form the toilet that Liu Bei was in that makes out the 'Old McDonald 'song tune.
The others wake up and complain, "What's this harassment sound in the middle of the night?"
"Can't I ever get some sleep?"
"Who's doing that?"
"Where's it coming form?"
And so on.
Everyone knows where the sound was coming from. They trace it and it leads to the bathroom. They already knew who's making those awful sounds; Liu Bei.
……………….
In the bathroom,
Liu Bei sings along happily as the 'fart music' plays.
Liu Bei: (Sings) Old McDonald had a farm e-i-e-i-o, and on his farm he had some cows, e-i-e-i-o …
"Liu Bei!" he can here someone shouting.
A mans voice and knocks on the door, "Stop this harassment now! Or Else!"
Shang Xiang: I need to faint. I need to die, that toilet freak is gonna' be my husband! (Faints)
Gan Ning: My woman, wake up! (Rushes to her) This calls for one thing…C.P.R!
Ling Tong: Ooh, how romantic!
Xiao: O.M.G…..you haven't even confessed that you love her.
Gan ning: So? What you're gonna' do about it?
Moments later, he finds himself been kicked in the ass.
Xiao Qiao is fanning Shang Xiang with a paper fan.
Xiao Qiao: Come on, wake up!
Gan Ning: (Grumbles) Stupid younger Qiao and her friend. I was this close to kissing my woman!
Xiao Qiao: And don't even think about it! You confess to her first!
………………
Sun Quan: Liu Bei, get your frickin' ass out here! (Pounds on the bathroom door) This is rude!
Zhou Yu: Yeah, you can't just butt in people's toilets like this!
Just then, Liu Bei has finish. He wants to flush the toilet but it's stuck.
Liu Bei: We've got a problem, the toilet's stuck!
Sun Ce: Oh no…
Da Qiao: I wonder if he ate anything funny dish during the banquet. If he did, we would be eating the same thing and…oh no!
Just then, he steps out.
Liu Bei: All done!
He walks away leaving everybody to stare and complain.
Comments come shooting out like a machine gun.
"WHAT THE HELL?"
"How rude!"
"Let's get outta' here!"
They all run away.
…………….
When dreams come true,
While Shang Xiang has fainted,
Xiao Qiao: Well, who's gonna carry her back?
Lu Xun: Don't look at me. I don't have enough strength.
Xiao Qiao: Me either.
Gan Ning: What about me?
Lu Xun: You haven't even confessed yet.
Ling Tong: Yeah right, everybody knows but her.
Gan Ning: Yeah, I know but…
The three others: What?
Gan Ning: Can I just…
The three others: No, so what are you gonna' do about it?
Gan Ning: YOU THREE BETTER LET ME CARRY HER BEFORE YOU END UP CLEANING LIU BEI'S BUISNESS IN THE TOILET!
The three others: Ok, ok!
Gan Ning: YAY, score! (Picks Shang Xiang up and carries her back to her room)
The others head back to their rooms.
AN: Well, that's the end of my chapter. Hope you like it.