Ranma: Protecter of Nerima
Three extremely inconspicuous men wearing pantihose over their heads and 80's style dayglow outfits, descreetly moved several boxes of jiggling glass, screeching monkeys, fat female opera singers, buzzsaws cutting sheet metal, those bloody singing fish on plaques that tend to come on at random moments even though nobody would admit to pressing that damnable button, and cottonballs, while trying to be unnoticable (that's why they were doing it descreetly).
They were bad guys, the filth of Nerima. Even from the masked figure's vantage point, he could smell them. They needed a bath, a long bath. They smelled like the filth of Nerima. The filth the masked man had vowed to clean up.
"Hey, yo, boss," one of the men with pantihose over their head started, "How much we gett'n for this heist?"
"Pratically nutt'n," a second man replied, "We're doing it so that any potential vigilante could make his appearance by doing away with low class filth, while showing his inexperience that he'll rectify later on in the future."
"I get it," the third man replied, "but ain't that kinda stupid?"
"That's why we're doing this *descreetly*!" The second man answered with a superior tone.
"Oh, can I have a candybar?" The first man asked.
Just then, a shadow flew overhead that landed on the truck.
"HALT! YOU ARE UNDER CITIZEN'S ARREST!" The masked male figure with a pigtail, wearing a red Chinese shirt with black pants demanded, "GIVE YOURSELVES UP!"
"Uh, why?" The first man asked.
"Okay, so you wanna do this the hard way?" The mysterious masked man replied, cracking his knuckles. He then blinked, as they each were wearing tanks of gas attached to home-made flame throwers, "What the...?"
"Hey, it's not like we can get guns around here, ya know?" The second man said, and then aimed his flame thrower at the masked vigilante.
::FWOOOSH!!!!!::
The masked crime fighter stared, as the man ran in circles, on fire.
"Told him he shoulda used the sealant," The third man wearing pantihose asked. The two remaining baddies
"HALT!!!!" The masked crusader commanded, and ran around in circles in front of the two dumbfounded men. "OKAY NOW! YOU MAY FIRE!" The two men shrugged, and fired. The pigtailed would-be heroe smiled.
"MIGHTY SPIRALLING UPPERCUT OF JUSTICE!"
Before the masked adventurer appeared a tornado that towered over him, "HA! YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING THAT, WERE YA?!?" he shouted into the tornado.
"No, can't say we were," one of them called out, from a distance that was slightly out of range of the cyclone. The slightly costumed defender of Justice went on his way, satisfied at a job well done.
_________________________________
"Ranma, where have you been?" Akane demanded, as the pigtailed boy walked into the house.
"I WAS ON AAAAAA..... CONSTITUTIONAL! YEAH, THAT'S IT!!!"
"Why in the hell are you shouting?" Akane asked, covering her ears.
"For no apparent reason, I imagine," Ranma replied.
"Whatever, where were you anyway? Kasumi was looking for you."
"I was.... nowhere important," Ranma replied, while acting innocent.
"Oh, so I suppose you had nothing to do with the tornado that appeared in an alley a few blocks from here?"
"Well, the weather has been unusual lately," Ranma mused, "Have you noticed it's two degrees hotter today than it was last year?"
"You're an idiot, you know that?" Akane replied, turning away to watch the TV.
"And you're an uncute Tomboy!" Ranma replied hotly.
"Jerk!"
"Sexless."
STUBBY!"
"FLATTY!"
"FRICTIONLESS!"
"MAXIMUM VELOCITY!"
"A..." Akane paused, "What was that supposed to mean?"
"SOMETHING REALLY REALLY BAD!"
"Oh," Akane replied, "SQUEEGY!!!"
"Now, now, you two," Kasumi replied, cutting their triad off, "I thought after I stole Ranma from you during a moment of his weakness, saving him from a loveless marriage that results from his almost overwhelming insecurity and your liquid nitrogen frigidness; you would get along much better now."
"You're right," Akane replied sheepishly, and then apologised in a timid and sisterly tone, "I'm sorry you Slutty man-stealing whore."
"That's alright, you Mannish bull-dyke wannabe Bitch," Kasumi replied sweetly. Boith girls stood up, and hugged each other.
Ranma smiled, there was true sororical love in those words. Just then, on the TV...
"Downtown Nerima is being attacked by an evil panda! Witnesses state that it has an insatiable hunger, and..."
"GOOD GOD!" Ranma shouted out, "I MUST TAKE MY LEAVE!!!!!"
"Ranma-kun, remember you have that Funeral your supposed to be performing for at eight tonight!" Kasumi shouted out at the departing young man that was now sporting a black mask.
_________________________________
The masked crusador arrived at the scene, to find a fiendish panda eating whatever got in its path, "HALT, EVIL PANDA! YOUR DAYS OF GLUTTENY HAVE COME TO AN END!"
Evil Panda stopped, and turned to look at its defier with sinister eyes. "GWORF!" it replied menacingly, and took up an aggressive stance.
"My name? The masked crusader replied with a haughty tone, "Why, I am...."
"[Well?]" Rean Evil Panda's sign.
"Uh, I've never considered that before," The pigtailed vigilante mused.
"[We're burning daylight, here!]"
"Hey! Don't Rush me! This is an important event, you know?"
"[How about Masked Pansy?]"
"WHAT?"
"[Well, you do have a sissy pigtail,]" read the sign, while the fiendish panda snickered.
"How about the 'Martial Artist'?"
"[What are you? Some kinda weirdo?]"
"Hmm, then how about... 'AWESOME TAROU'?"
"[....]" read Evil Panda's sign, before he flipped it over, "[You don't look like any sort of freak of nature to me...]" The panda flipped his sign over again, "[Just a freak pansy with a pigtail.]"
The pigtailed pansy.... the pigtailed poser... the pigtailed protector of justice growled under his breath, "Oh yeah, well, I, MARTIAL MASTER, shall defeat you! And beat the crap outta ya while I'm at it!"
"[Bout time, start'n to fade away from hunger here.]" Before Evil Panda could make his move, a mighty fist of ritiousness smashed into his jaw, sending him into a wall.
"HA! GIVE UP NOW! YOU CAN'T BEAT ME!" Martial Master replied, striking an awe inspiring pose with his finger pointed at his advisary.
"[Curse you, pigtailed pansy,]" Evil Panda snarled, and charged at its nemesis. The large devious animal met Martial Master, and attacked with a furious vigor. This time, the panda was met with the foot of divine justice.
The Martial Master paused for a sec to consider something, "Hmm, something seems to be missing..." With a snap of his fingers, he came to a realization, and this time went on the offensive.
"[BAM]" Evil Panda went flying in a different direction.
"[POW]" Evil Panda doubled over from a heavy gut punch
"[WHAP]" Evil Panda flipped backwards from the heavy kick.
"Hmm, doesn't seem to match kicks well," Martial Master mused, while reading the sign in his hand with the word 'whap' on it in capital and bold letters, "Give up, you can't possibly win!"
"[Oh yeah?]"
"Yeah!"
"[We'll see about that, pigtailed pansy!]"
"WOULD YOU QUIT CALLING ME THAT?!?" The Martial Master shouted indignatly. Suddenly, the massive panda blurred before his sight, and our non-caped crusader found himself in the throes of...
"THE HELL CRADLE," Martial Master cried out, as he attempted to struggle from the insidious attack, "What.... a.... sinister... move!!! Must... resist... earily comforting.... sensation...."
Our heroe fought valiantly against overwhelming odds, but he felt his conciousness slipping from the insistant secure feeling that was smothering him.
"[Now I have you, pigtailed pansy!]"
"I shall... not... fall...so peaceful... sleepy..." Evil Panda grinned in sinister triumph, as his advisary fell into unconciousness....
_________________________________
Martial master awoke, and found himself bound and helpless, "Wha?"
Nobody answered.
"Where am I?" our heroe enquired, looking around.
Nobody answered.
"That was rude, leaving me here tied up and alone," The pigtailed crusader grumbled, before he was kicked in the head.
"[OVER HERE, STUPID!]" Evil Panda's sign read, while the panda had an irritated expression on its face, "[Now, as I was saying, I have an evil and devious plan to get rid of you, do-gooder.]"
"And what... sinister plot do you have in store for me?"
"[See that pit over there? --- ]"
Our Heroe followed the arrow on the sign, where he saw a pit with a trap door, his eyes went wide, "You wouldn't?!?"
The panda chuckled sinisterly, "[Oh yes. That pit is filled with starving squirrels who will swarm over you, looking for the acorn I have hidden on your person. Soon you will fall victim of a terrible phobia that will cause you to act as timid and fearful as a squirrel! Do you understand?]"
"Not really, I'm having trouble reading your small handwriting," Martial Master stated with a frown.
"[Oh, my apologies, take your time.]"
The masked adventurer read the sign carefully, before his eyes went wide, "You devious villian, you!!!" Martial Master exclaimed, struggling in his restraints.
"[Oh yes. Now, IN YOU GO!]" Evil Panda tossed our heroe into the pit, and shut the trap door....
What will our heroe do? Will he succomb to mind numbing fear brought out of him by hundreds of hungry squirrels? Or will he survive the sinister plot and bring Evil Panda to justice?
Tune in at some eventual pigtailed time, same pigtailed channel!"
Three extremely inconspicuous men wearing pantihose over their heads and 80's style dayglow outfits, descreetly moved several boxes of jiggling glass, screeching monkeys, fat female opera singers, buzzsaws cutting sheet metal, those bloody singing fish on plaques that tend to come on at random moments even though nobody would admit to pressing that damnable button, and cottonballs, while trying to be unnoticable (that's why they were doing it descreetly).
They were bad guys, the filth of Nerima. Even from the masked figure's vantage point, he could smell them. They needed a bath, a long bath. They smelled like the filth of Nerima. The filth the masked man had vowed to clean up.
"Hey, yo, boss," one of the men with pantihose over their head started, "How much we gett'n for this heist?"
"Pratically nutt'n," a second man replied, "We're doing it so that any potential vigilante could make his appearance by doing away with low class filth, while showing his inexperience that he'll rectify later on in the future."
"I get it," the third man replied, "but ain't that kinda stupid?"
"That's why we're doing this *descreetly*!" The second man answered with a superior tone.
"Oh, can I have a candybar?" The first man asked.
Just then, a shadow flew overhead that landed on the truck.
"HALT! YOU ARE UNDER CITIZEN'S ARREST!" The masked male figure with a pigtail, wearing a red Chinese shirt with black pants demanded, "GIVE YOURSELVES UP!"
"Uh, why?" The first man asked.
"Okay, so you wanna do this the hard way?" The mysterious masked man replied, cracking his knuckles. He then blinked, as they each were wearing tanks of gas attached to home-made flame throwers, "What the...?"
"Hey, it's not like we can get guns around here, ya know?" The second man said, and then aimed his flame thrower at the masked vigilante.
::FWOOOSH!!!!!::
The masked crime fighter stared, as the man ran in circles, on fire.
"Told him he shoulda used the sealant," The third man wearing pantihose asked. The two remaining baddies
"HALT!!!!" The masked crusader commanded, and ran around in circles in front of the two dumbfounded men. "OKAY NOW! YOU MAY FIRE!" The two men shrugged, and fired. The pigtailed would-be heroe smiled.
"MIGHTY SPIRALLING UPPERCUT OF JUSTICE!"
Before the masked adventurer appeared a tornado that towered over him, "HA! YOU WEREN'T EXPECTING THAT, WERE YA?!?" he shouted into the tornado.
"No, can't say we were," one of them called out, from a distance that was slightly out of range of the cyclone. The slightly costumed defender of Justice went on his way, satisfied at a job well done.
_________________________________
"Ranma, where have you been?" Akane demanded, as the pigtailed boy walked into the house.
"I WAS ON AAAAAA..... CONSTITUTIONAL! YEAH, THAT'S IT!!!"
"Why in the hell are you shouting?" Akane asked, covering her ears.
"For no apparent reason, I imagine," Ranma replied.
"Whatever, where were you anyway? Kasumi was looking for you."
"I was.... nowhere important," Ranma replied, while acting innocent.
"Oh, so I suppose you had nothing to do with the tornado that appeared in an alley a few blocks from here?"
"Well, the weather has been unusual lately," Ranma mused, "Have you noticed it's two degrees hotter today than it was last year?"
"You're an idiot, you know that?" Akane replied, turning away to watch the TV.
"And you're an uncute Tomboy!" Ranma replied hotly.
"Jerk!"
"Sexless."
STUBBY!"
"FLATTY!"
"FRICTIONLESS!"
"MAXIMUM VELOCITY!"
"A..." Akane paused, "What was that supposed to mean?"
"SOMETHING REALLY REALLY BAD!"
"Oh," Akane replied, "SQUEEGY!!!"
"Now, now, you two," Kasumi replied, cutting their triad off, "I thought after I stole Ranma from you during a moment of his weakness, saving him from a loveless marriage that results from his almost overwhelming insecurity and your liquid nitrogen frigidness; you would get along much better now."
"You're right," Akane replied sheepishly, and then apologised in a timid and sisterly tone, "I'm sorry you Slutty man-stealing whore."
"That's alright, you Mannish bull-dyke wannabe Bitch," Kasumi replied sweetly. Boith girls stood up, and hugged each other.
Ranma smiled, there was true sororical love in those words. Just then, on the TV...
"Downtown Nerima is being attacked by an evil panda! Witnesses state that it has an insatiable hunger, and..."
"GOOD GOD!" Ranma shouted out, "I MUST TAKE MY LEAVE!!!!!"
"Ranma-kun, remember you have that Funeral your supposed to be performing for at eight tonight!" Kasumi shouted out at the departing young man that was now sporting a black mask.
_________________________________
The masked crusador arrived at the scene, to find a fiendish panda eating whatever got in its path, "HALT, EVIL PANDA! YOUR DAYS OF GLUTTENY HAVE COME TO AN END!"
Evil Panda stopped, and turned to look at its defier with sinister eyes. "GWORF!" it replied menacingly, and took up an aggressive stance.
"My name? The masked crusader replied with a haughty tone, "Why, I am...."
"[Well?]" Rean Evil Panda's sign.
"Uh, I've never considered that before," The pigtailed vigilante mused.
"[We're burning daylight, here!]"
"Hey! Don't Rush me! This is an important event, you know?"
"[How about Masked Pansy?]"
"WHAT?"
"[Well, you do have a sissy pigtail,]" read the sign, while the fiendish panda snickered.
"How about the 'Martial Artist'?"
"[What are you? Some kinda weirdo?]"
"Hmm, then how about... 'AWESOME TAROU'?"
"[....]" read Evil Panda's sign, before he flipped it over, "[You don't look like any sort of freak of nature to me...]" The panda flipped his sign over again, "[Just a freak pansy with a pigtail.]"
The pigtailed pansy.... the pigtailed poser... the pigtailed protector of justice growled under his breath, "Oh yeah, well, I, MARTIAL MASTER, shall defeat you! And beat the crap outta ya while I'm at it!"
"[Bout time, start'n to fade away from hunger here.]" Before Evil Panda could make his move, a mighty fist of ritiousness smashed into his jaw, sending him into a wall.
"HA! GIVE UP NOW! YOU CAN'T BEAT ME!" Martial Master replied, striking an awe inspiring pose with his finger pointed at his advisary.
"[Curse you, pigtailed pansy,]" Evil Panda snarled, and charged at its nemesis. The large devious animal met Martial Master, and attacked with a furious vigor. This time, the panda was met with the foot of divine justice.
The Martial Master paused for a sec to consider something, "Hmm, something seems to be missing..." With a snap of his fingers, he came to a realization, and this time went on the offensive.
"[BAM]" Evil Panda went flying in a different direction.
"[POW]" Evil Panda doubled over from a heavy gut punch
"[WHAP]" Evil Panda flipped backwards from the heavy kick.
"Hmm, doesn't seem to match kicks well," Martial Master mused, while reading the sign in his hand with the word 'whap' on it in capital and bold letters, "Give up, you can't possibly win!"
"[Oh yeah?]"
"Yeah!"
"[We'll see about that, pigtailed pansy!]"
"WOULD YOU QUIT CALLING ME THAT?!?" The Martial Master shouted indignatly. Suddenly, the massive panda blurred before his sight, and our non-caped crusader found himself in the throes of...
"THE HELL CRADLE," Martial Master cried out, as he attempted to struggle from the insidious attack, "What.... a.... sinister... move!!! Must... resist... earily comforting.... sensation...."
Our heroe fought valiantly against overwhelming odds, but he felt his conciousness slipping from the insistant secure feeling that was smothering him.
"[Now I have you, pigtailed pansy!]"
"I shall... not... fall...so peaceful... sleepy..." Evil Panda grinned in sinister triumph, as his advisary fell into unconciousness....
_________________________________
Martial master awoke, and found himself bound and helpless, "Wha?"
Nobody answered.
"Where am I?" our heroe enquired, looking around.
Nobody answered.
"That was rude, leaving me here tied up and alone," The pigtailed crusader grumbled, before he was kicked in the head.
"[OVER HERE, STUPID!]" Evil Panda's sign read, while the panda had an irritated expression on its face, "[Now, as I was saying, I have an evil and devious plan to get rid of you, do-gooder.]"
"And what... sinister plot do you have in store for me?"
"[See that pit over there? --- ]"
Our Heroe followed the arrow on the sign, where he saw a pit with a trap door, his eyes went wide, "You wouldn't?!?"
The panda chuckled sinisterly, "[Oh yes. That pit is filled with starving squirrels who will swarm over you, looking for the acorn I have hidden on your person. Soon you will fall victim of a terrible phobia that will cause you to act as timid and fearful as a squirrel! Do you understand?]"
"Not really, I'm having trouble reading your small handwriting," Martial Master stated with a frown.
"[Oh, my apologies, take your time.]"
The masked adventurer read the sign carefully, before his eyes went wide, "You devious villian, you!!!" Martial Master exclaimed, struggling in his restraints.
"[Oh yes. Now, IN YOU GO!]" Evil Panda tossed our heroe into the pit, and shut the trap door....
What will our heroe do? Will he succomb to mind numbing fear brought out of him by hundreds of hungry squirrels? Or will he survive the sinister plot and bring Evil Panda to justice?
Tune in at some eventual pigtailed time, same pigtailed channel!"