Ranma; Protecter of Nerima
Episode 9
'Enter Chitlins'
Ranma quickly rushed to the phone, bodychecking Nabiki out of the way and into a wall, knocking out. By the second ring, Ranma answered the red phone with a flashing red light, but no dialpad or rotary, "Secret Dojo of Martial Master..."
Akane walked by, as Ranma's face grew grim. She stopped as his jaw set, and nodded a couple of times before speaking, "Yes... I see... I understand... yes, it did seem urgent..."
"What? What's happening? Something big?" Akane asked with no little exitement; she was rather beginning to enjoy her dual life, the exitement, the adventure, the pulse-pounding danger, and the reward of a job well done by the citizens of Nerima. Well, there wasn't really any rewards, but people were grateful, any...
"GOOD NEWS, KASUMI. THE DOCTOR SAYS IT'S NOT CLAMYDIA, BUT YOU'LL NEED TO START DRINKING MORE APPLE JUICE FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS AND YOU SHOULD BE OKAY..."
"Why, thank you, Ranma," Kasumi thanked, as she walked out of the kitchen, "Although, you didn't need to shout, I was right in the kitchen. Oh, and Akane, I do hope you are fixing that floorboard you just broke with your face..." After lightly chiding Akane for the damage, Kasumi walked back into the kitchen.
"Oh, may the Kami bless you with another four weeks of burning urination..." Akane grumbled from where her head was halfway purchased through the floor. After recovering from her faceplant, she turned an irritated glare towards Ranma, "Ranma, for crying out loud, why don't you just get a separate phone line?"
"Oh, like I have seperate phone line money..." Ranma replied with a half-lidded stare. About this time, Nabiki groaned, and started to sit up.
"Sorry, Nabiki, private conversation," Akane told her sister, as she retracted her foot from the once again unconcious Nabiki's forehead, "You know? Eventually, Dad, or Kasumi, or even Nabiki here will find out you're Martial Master if we don't redirect calls to somewhere else..."
Ranma had to admit, his secret sidekick did have a point. The mild-mannered pigtailed martial artist pondered the point for a bit, before having an epipheny, "I GOT IT!!!"
"Huh? What is it?"
"WE'LL GET CAPES!!!"
"WE ALREADY HAVE CAPES, YOU IDIOT!" Akane shouted, pushing herself up from the ground.
"Yeah, but these will be really cool!" Ranma retorted, "Mine will be all black on the outside, with dark red lining, and it will have a red and white Yin/Yang symbol on the back. And yours can be black too!"
"Yeah, whatever..." Akane retorted, "Look, I'm just gonna go get some asprin for Nabiki, you know how much of a pain she is when she wakes up with a headache, and I really don't feel like listening to her bitch again..."
"Are you implying something, Akane?" Ranma asked, narrowing his eyes.
"March twenty-fifth," Akane replied idly, walking to the bathroom to get to the medicine cabinet.
"Huh? What about... HEY! THAT WASN'T MY FAULT!!!"
Akane stopped at the medicine cabinet, and was about to retrieve the asprin for Nabiki, when she felt something soft poke up against her ankle, "Oh?" She blinked as she looked down, and squealed in delight.
_____________________________
"RANMA! LOOK WHO'S BACK!"
The pigtailed adventurer groaned, as he saw Akane walk out with a familiar bundle in her arms. His expression changed to curiosity, when he noticed the difference in P-chan's appearance.
"Yo, Akane, the bacon bit okay?" Ranma asked with some concern. P-Chan just flashed him a toothy smile, one that seemed a bit toothier... and sharper, than Ranma recalled it ever being, "I mean, his eyes seem bigger and distorted, and they lack pupils."
"Huh?" Akane turned P-chan towards her, and examined him, "Hmm, you're right? Should I take him to the vet?"
"How about a butcher shop?" Ranma leaned closer to P-chan, "Hey, Porker, it's the 'other' white meat..."
P-chan leaned closer to Ranma, "We want to eat your brain."
Ranma blinked, and then looked up at Akane, "You say something?"
Akane was busy twitching from Ranma's remark about eating her beloved pet, so she couldn't have commented for at least six more seconds. If Akane didn't say anything, that left...
"YOW!!!" Ranma pulled his head back in time, before a massive set of jaws clamped down on his face, "WHAT THE HELL?!?"
"WE WANT TO DRINK YOUR BLOOD!!!" P-Chan shouted, leaping out of Akane's arms, and towards Ranma.
About this time, Akane snapped out of her festering anger mode to notice P-chan now attacking a screaming Ranma, "See what you did? Now you made P-Chan upset!"
"GET THIS DAMN THING AWAY FROM ME!!!" Ranma shouted, once again screaming like a little girl, as the pig chomped through the living room sofa in one bite.
"Honestly," Akane said with a resigned tone, "I don't know why you insist on picking on poor P-Chan. It would be nice if the two of you could get along..."
Ranma was too busy to respond, as he wa currently attempting to thrash 'Poor P-Chan' with the Tendou's family naginata. The piglet's skin sprouted tendrils that batted the halberd aside, as he would then launch to snap at Ranma for a counter attack. Ranma would in turn evade while emitting a high pitched shrill, and begin to attempt to beat the demon pig down.
Akane tilted her head, watching events, "You know? P-Chan seems to be acting funny..."
"YOU THINK?" Ranma shouted, as he kicked the dining room table onto the piglet, "I DON'T RECALL RYO-P-CHAN BEING ABLE TO BE MUNCH THROUGH A BUICK!!!"
"We are no longer 'P-Chan'," the former P-Chan retorted, as he tried to chomp a hunk out of Ranma's torso, "for now and forever, WE ARE CHITLINS!!!"
Ranma brought the weapon high above his head for a vicious strike, right before he froze. His fave cracked a crooked smile, as it attempted furiously to withold the laughter insisting on coming to the fore, "Ch-Chitlins?"
"Ranma, did P-Chan just speak?" Akane enquired, now surprised by how smart her pet pig was.
"Y-you..." Ranma took a deep breath to keep from laughing, "You... are a freaking demon thing capable of biting through a bus... and you name yourself... Ch-Chitlins?" Ranma was fighting a losing battle internally, now. Your easily exiteable narrator would like to mention that 'chitlins' is an abbreviation of the name 'chitterlings," which happens to be a Southern American delicacy; consisting of pig intestines soaked in vinager for at least a day or so to rid it of bacteria, and then boiled for consumation. It is one of the hallmarks of Southern cooking,, along with crawfish brains, pig feet, and the testies of a bull!
"YES! WE ARE CHITLINS, AND WE WANT TO NIBBLE YOUR SPLEEN!!!" The piglet braced itself for another leap. It stopped, glaring balefully at his shivering pigtailed nemesis, as said nemesis trembled from his barely contained laughter.
"Ranma, how many times have I told you, this is not a toy?" Soun scolded, as he walked by, and retrieved his family's naginata from his future son-in-law. Ranma stopped cold; suddenly, it wasn't as funny as it was when he was armed.
Ranma ran, and almost instantly, was hopping from roof to roof in his attempts to get away from the mutant demon piglet. Unfortunately, said piglet was easily gaining on him, moving on ten foot long spiderlegs that potruded from its inky-black flesh. "WE WANT TO SUCK ON YOUR SPINE!!!"
"Ranma! Quit picking on P-Chan!" Akane shouted from below.
"AKANE! MAKE IT GO AWAY!!!!"
"WE WANT TO NAW ON YOUR LEFT EAR!!!"
"I wonder who taught P-chan to talk? I know I didn't..." Akane stopped and mused at the question.
One of Chitlin's tendrils shot out, and wrapped around Ranma's ankles. The pigtailed young man slammed face-first onto the roof, and was lifted easily into the air.
"CRAAACK THE RAAAAANNNNMA, CRAAAACK THE RAAAAAANNNNMA. OPEN HIM UUUUUP AND PEAK INSIDE. IF IT'S TANGY, WE'LL DRINK THE RED WINE, IF IT'S GAMEY, WHITE WILL BE FINE..." Chitlins sung, as he leapt from the roof, Ranma in tow, and then slammed his captive onto the street below, leaving a deep impact crater. Ranma groaned, as he picked himself out of the hole, only to have a tendril slam him in the jaw, and through a building wall.
"Oh, hey, Ran-chan, long time no see!" Ukyo exclaimed, "Want your usual gluttonous servings I am finding slightly harder and harder each day to grace you with, since you only seem to take me for granted as a friend? You know? You could at least call sometimes, you jerk!"
Ranma wasn't paying attention to Ukyo, as he was busy scrambling back from the grinning pig whose very shadow seemed alive.
"You will never defeat us, Ranma! We're stronger and faster than you!" Chitlins then allowed several tendrils to wave around him menacingly, "And we have this nifty symbiotic costume, too!"
"Ranma? Is P-chan talking?" Ukyo asked, "that's some pet pig Akane got there. I couldn't even get my parakeet to say my full name!"
Chitlins flashed his pointy rows of teeth, savoring the fear radiating from Ranma. P-chan was enjoying it imensely; his life's bane would soon meet his end. Oh, how he longed for this day with a fervor he had never felt before, Ranma was the cause of all his problems, Ranma treated Akane horribly, Ranma must pay. The symbiote also hated Ranma with an intense vengence, but only for the reason that the pigtailed martial artist provided a convenient scapegoat.
Ranma scrambled to his feet, and tumbled backwards over Ukyo's counter. He quickly moved behind the chef, who now found herself staring directly into the maw lined with rows and rows of razor-sharp teeth...
_______________
WILL OUR HERO IN DISGUISE MEET HIS FATE WITHIN THE BELLY OF A LITTLE PIGGY? WILL UKYO BECOME THE APPETIZER? WILL SOMEBODY TELL ME WHY I'M TYPING IN CAPS? TUNE IN SOME PIGTAILED TIME, SAME PIGTAILED CHANNEL!!!
Episode 9
'Enter Chitlins'
Ranma quickly rushed to the phone, bodychecking Nabiki out of the way and into a wall, knocking out. By the second ring, Ranma answered the red phone with a flashing red light, but no dialpad or rotary, "Secret Dojo of Martial Master..."
Akane walked by, as Ranma's face grew grim. She stopped as his jaw set, and nodded a couple of times before speaking, "Yes... I see... I understand... yes, it did seem urgent..."
"What? What's happening? Something big?" Akane asked with no little exitement; she was rather beginning to enjoy her dual life, the exitement, the adventure, the pulse-pounding danger, and the reward of a job well done by the citizens of Nerima. Well, there wasn't really any rewards, but people were grateful, any...
"GOOD NEWS, KASUMI. THE DOCTOR SAYS IT'S NOT CLAMYDIA, BUT YOU'LL NEED TO START DRINKING MORE APPLE JUICE FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS AND YOU SHOULD BE OKAY..."
"Why, thank you, Ranma," Kasumi thanked, as she walked out of the kitchen, "Although, you didn't need to shout, I was right in the kitchen. Oh, and Akane, I do hope you are fixing that floorboard you just broke with your face..." After lightly chiding Akane for the damage, Kasumi walked back into the kitchen.
"Oh, may the Kami bless you with another four weeks of burning urination..." Akane grumbled from where her head was halfway purchased through the floor. After recovering from her faceplant, she turned an irritated glare towards Ranma, "Ranma, for crying out loud, why don't you just get a separate phone line?"
"Oh, like I have seperate phone line money..." Ranma replied with a half-lidded stare. About this time, Nabiki groaned, and started to sit up.
"Sorry, Nabiki, private conversation," Akane told her sister, as she retracted her foot from the once again unconcious Nabiki's forehead, "You know? Eventually, Dad, or Kasumi, or even Nabiki here will find out you're Martial Master if we don't redirect calls to somewhere else..."
Ranma had to admit, his secret sidekick did have a point. The mild-mannered pigtailed martial artist pondered the point for a bit, before having an epipheny, "I GOT IT!!!"
"Huh? What is it?"
"WE'LL GET CAPES!!!"
"WE ALREADY HAVE CAPES, YOU IDIOT!" Akane shouted, pushing herself up from the ground.
"Yeah, but these will be really cool!" Ranma retorted, "Mine will be all black on the outside, with dark red lining, and it will have a red and white Yin/Yang symbol on the back. And yours can be black too!"
"Yeah, whatever..." Akane retorted, "Look, I'm just gonna go get some asprin for Nabiki, you know how much of a pain she is when she wakes up with a headache, and I really don't feel like listening to her bitch again..."
"Are you implying something, Akane?" Ranma asked, narrowing his eyes.
"March twenty-fifth," Akane replied idly, walking to the bathroom to get to the medicine cabinet.
"Huh? What about... HEY! THAT WASN'T MY FAULT!!!"
Akane stopped at the medicine cabinet, and was about to retrieve the asprin for Nabiki, when she felt something soft poke up against her ankle, "Oh?" She blinked as she looked down, and squealed in delight.
_____________________________
"RANMA! LOOK WHO'S BACK!"
The pigtailed adventurer groaned, as he saw Akane walk out with a familiar bundle in her arms. His expression changed to curiosity, when he noticed the difference in P-chan's appearance.
"Yo, Akane, the bacon bit okay?" Ranma asked with some concern. P-Chan just flashed him a toothy smile, one that seemed a bit toothier... and sharper, than Ranma recalled it ever being, "I mean, his eyes seem bigger and distorted, and they lack pupils."
"Huh?" Akane turned P-chan towards her, and examined him, "Hmm, you're right? Should I take him to the vet?"
"How about a butcher shop?" Ranma leaned closer to P-chan, "Hey, Porker, it's the 'other' white meat..."
P-chan leaned closer to Ranma, "We want to eat your brain."
Ranma blinked, and then looked up at Akane, "You say something?"
Akane was busy twitching from Ranma's remark about eating her beloved pet, so she couldn't have commented for at least six more seconds. If Akane didn't say anything, that left...
"YOW!!!" Ranma pulled his head back in time, before a massive set of jaws clamped down on his face, "WHAT THE HELL?!?"
"WE WANT TO DRINK YOUR BLOOD!!!" P-Chan shouted, leaping out of Akane's arms, and towards Ranma.
About this time, Akane snapped out of her festering anger mode to notice P-chan now attacking a screaming Ranma, "See what you did? Now you made P-Chan upset!"
"GET THIS DAMN THING AWAY FROM ME!!!" Ranma shouted, once again screaming like a little girl, as the pig chomped through the living room sofa in one bite.
"Honestly," Akane said with a resigned tone, "I don't know why you insist on picking on poor P-Chan. It would be nice if the two of you could get along..."
Ranma was too busy to respond, as he wa currently attempting to thrash 'Poor P-Chan' with the Tendou's family naginata. The piglet's skin sprouted tendrils that batted the halberd aside, as he would then launch to snap at Ranma for a counter attack. Ranma would in turn evade while emitting a high pitched shrill, and begin to attempt to beat the demon pig down.
Akane tilted her head, watching events, "You know? P-Chan seems to be acting funny..."
"YOU THINK?" Ranma shouted, as he kicked the dining room table onto the piglet, "I DON'T RECALL RYO-P-CHAN BEING ABLE TO BE MUNCH THROUGH A BUICK!!!"
"We are no longer 'P-Chan'," the former P-Chan retorted, as he tried to chomp a hunk out of Ranma's torso, "for now and forever, WE ARE CHITLINS!!!"
Ranma brought the weapon high above his head for a vicious strike, right before he froze. His fave cracked a crooked smile, as it attempted furiously to withold the laughter insisting on coming to the fore, "Ch-Chitlins?"
"Ranma, did P-Chan just speak?" Akane enquired, now surprised by how smart her pet pig was.
"Y-you..." Ranma took a deep breath to keep from laughing, "You... are a freaking demon thing capable of biting through a bus... and you name yourself... Ch-Chitlins?" Ranma was fighting a losing battle internally, now. Your easily exiteable narrator would like to mention that 'chitlins' is an abbreviation of the name 'chitterlings," which happens to be a Southern American delicacy; consisting of pig intestines soaked in vinager for at least a day or so to rid it of bacteria, and then boiled for consumation. It is one of the hallmarks of Southern cooking,, along with crawfish brains, pig feet, and the testies of a bull!
"YES! WE ARE CHITLINS, AND WE WANT TO NIBBLE YOUR SPLEEN!!!" The piglet braced itself for another leap. It stopped, glaring balefully at his shivering pigtailed nemesis, as said nemesis trembled from his barely contained laughter.
"Ranma, how many times have I told you, this is not a toy?" Soun scolded, as he walked by, and retrieved his family's naginata from his future son-in-law. Ranma stopped cold; suddenly, it wasn't as funny as it was when he was armed.
Ranma ran, and almost instantly, was hopping from roof to roof in his attempts to get away from the mutant demon piglet. Unfortunately, said piglet was easily gaining on him, moving on ten foot long spiderlegs that potruded from its inky-black flesh. "WE WANT TO SUCK ON YOUR SPINE!!!"
"Ranma! Quit picking on P-Chan!" Akane shouted from below.
"AKANE! MAKE IT GO AWAY!!!!"
"WE WANT TO NAW ON YOUR LEFT EAR!!!"
"I wonder who taught P-chan to talk? I know I didn't..." Akane stopped and mused at the question.
One of Chitlin's tendrils shot out, and wrapped around Ranma's ankles. The pigtailed young man slammed face-first onto the roof, and was lifted easily into the air.
"CRAAACK THE RAAAAANNNNMA, CRAAAACK THE RAAAAAANNNNMA. OPEN HIM UUUUUP AND PEAK INSIDE. IF IT'S TANGY, WE'LL DRINK THE RED WINE, IF IT'S GAMEY, WHITE WILL BE FINE..." Chitlins sung, as he leapt from the roof, Ranma in tow, and then slammed his captive onto the street below, leaving a deep impact crater. Ranma groaned, as he picked himself out of the hole, only to have a tendril slam him in the jaw, and through a building wall.
"Oh, hey, Ran-chan, long time no see!" Ukyo exclaimed, "Want your usual gluttonous servings I am finding slightly harder and harder each day to grace you with, since you only seem to take me for granted as a friend? You know? You could at least call sometimes, you jerk!"
Ranma wasn't paying attention to Ukyo, as he was busy scrambling back from the grinning pig whose very shadow seemed alive.
"You will never defeat us, Ranma! We're stronger and faster than you!" Chitlins then allowed several tendrils to wave around him menacingly, "And we have this nifty symbiotic costume, too!"
"Ranma? Is P-chan talking?" Ukyo asked, "that's some pet pig Akane got there. I couldn't even get my parakeet to say my full name!"
Chitlins flashed his pointy rows of teeth, savoring the fear radiating from Ranma. P-chan was enjoying it imensely; his life's bane would soon meet his end. Oh, how he longed for this day with a fervor he had never felt before, Ranma was the cause of all his problems, Ranma treated Akane horribly, Ranma must pay. The symbiote also hated Ranma with an intense vengence, but only for the reason that the pigtailed martial artist provided a convenient scapegoat.
Ranma scrambled to his feet, and tumbled backwards over Ukyo's counter. He quickly moved behind the chef, who now found herself staring directly into the maw lined with rows and rows of razor-sharp teeth...
_______________
WILL OUR HERO IN DISGUISE MEET HIS FATE WITHIN THE BELLY OF A LITTLE PIGGY? WILL UKYO BECOME THE APPETIZER? WILL SOMEBODY TELL ME WHY I'M TYPING IN CAPS? TUNE IN SOME PIGTAILED TIME, SAME PIGTAILED CHANNEL!!!