Ranma: Protecter of Nerima
WHEN WE LAST LEFT OUR HERO...
___________________________
Ranma scrambled to his feet, and tumbled backwards over Ukyo's counter. He quickly moved behind the chef, who now found herself staring directly into the maw lined with rows and rows of razor-sharp teeth.
Chitlins seethed, widening his gruesome mawl just enough to allow tendrils of saliva to drip from the top rows of his teeth. Ukyo remained frozen at the sight, staring at the miniscule beast that seemed to originate from the very depths of the most stringent of Hells. Her mouth opened, but she found herself stricken speechless.
"Um, could you move out of the way, please?" Chitlins asked politely. before resuming his menacing and heavy breathing.
"Oh, sure!" Ukyo chirped before she moved to the side, presenting a cowering pigtailed martial artist.
"TRAITOR!" Ranma shouted, earning Ukyo's dispassionate shrug.
"You know? It would be nice to hear your voice every so often. I mean, even Akane calls more often than you."
"I've been busy, alright?" Ranma almost shouted, before turning to find himself staring down an impossibly deep throat of a tiny demon pig, "hey, cool! Is this like some sort of optical illusion?"
Chitlins's teeth framed Ranma's face, ready to encircle and enclose like a guillotine. Ranma studied Chitlins's throat, attempting to disover if this was done by mirrors or some sort of light display, while his potential executioner savored his upcoming victory. Ranma continued to stare down the creature's throat, rubbing his chin in dumbfoundment, as Chitlins chuckled, allowing the drool coating his top row of razor sharp teeth to drip onto Ranma's scalp.
"Um..." Ukyo began to enquire, "As much as I'm enjoying this rather Fruedian and highly erotic scene..." Ukyo rubbed her thighs together slightly, "Aren't you going to... you know...?" Ukyo gestured to the teeth threatening to rip the pigtailed boy's face off.
Ranma turned to Ukyo, right when Chitlin's mouth shut like a steel trap. "Huh?" They both enquired, not sure what Ukyo was referring to.
Ukyo shook her head, pried open Chitlins's mouth, turned Ranma's head back into position, and stepped back, "TAKE TWO!"
"Hey! There it is again!" Ranma proclaimed excitedly, "Yo, Ucchan, you have to check this out!"
"DAMN IT! PAY ATTENTION WHEN I'M ABOUT TO EAT YOU!" Demanded Chitlins, amazingly without closing his mouth.
Ranma blinked, and sneezed, before looking up to find pepper being sprinkled onto his head, followed by parmasean cheese. Ukyo idly continued to rain down ingredients onto Ranma's head, every so often musing over which would work best.
"Mediteranian?" Chitlins enquired, gathering the scents being intermingled upon his meal.
"Yup!" Ukyo chirped, "Can't have anyone leaving my restuarant dissatisfied!"
"Try a little olive oil, and some fresh tangerine juice," the devil-pig offered, as Ranma began to sweat nervously.
"Hmm, never thought about tangerine juice," Ukyo mused, as she looked under her ingredient counter, "That actually sounds pretty good! Where did you learn about that?"
"Well, I've done a little traveling, and you pick up a few things to liven up campfire meals," Chitlins replied, casually.
"You know? Why don't we spice it up with some saffron and surmac instead?" Ukyo suggested.
"Oh? Sounds more Persian."
"You got it, sugar!"
"YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE GIVING HIM IDEAS!!!" Ranma shouted down the pig's throat.
"Hee hee, that tickles!" Chitlin giggled.
"Oh, darn," Ukyo sighed, "I think I have some surmac in the supply cabinet... does anyone smell bacon?"
Chitlins blinked, and sniffed the air, "As a matter of fact, I do, isn't your pork okonomiyaki night ThursdaYYYOOWWWCCCCHHHHH!!!!!"
Ranma looked up through the hole in the roof of Ucchans, and decided it was best to skedadle while his luck was still good. Ukyo stared at the pigtailed boy retreating, and sighed, before pulling out a bag of Beggan Strips (TM).
"Note, add roof repair bill to Ranma's running tab..." With that, Ukyo began chewing on one of her snacks, while cleaning the grill she had turned off a good while ago to begin cleaning...
___________________________
::A NAKED RON JEREMY STRIDES ACROSS THE SCREEN HOLDING A MARTIAL MASTER LOGO OVER HIS HEAD TO SIGNIFY SCENE CHANGE::
___________________________
The pigtailed boy raced across the Nerima rooftops, with a vengeful piggy on his tail. Never had the hero in disguise ever met with a foe so tenatious, so vindictive, so sinister, so devious, so... so...
"WE WANT TO SLURP YOUR BILE!
Elliquent.
Ranma dodged another flailed tentacle, once again thanking the Kami for not making it rain, turning her into a girl, and changing this into a truely twisted (yet sexually gratifying in some primal manner) ordeal. Yup Mutant pigs with symbiotes attached to them capable of chomping through concrete was as twisted as things need to be.
Once again, he was forced to evade an overhead swipe by lunging to the side, only to have a tendril poke through the rooftop in front of his face with a needle fine tip. Without pause, Ranma scrambled to his feet, and leapt down to ground level.
"NOTHING TO SEE HERE, FOLKS! GO ON ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS," Chitlins stated to the disturbed couple, in which the husband found the tentacle that had been plunged through the ground from behind the house, up through the bed... between his legs, and up through the roof to where Ranma's head had been guestimated to land.
"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, I'LL GET THE VASECTEMY!" The woman next to him seemed rather happy at the announcement.
___________________________
Ranma slammed the metal door tight, and ran behind several slabs of beef to hide; maybe if he stayed inconspicuous, and pretended to be a frozen slab of beef, Chitlins would go away.
"WE KNOW YOU'RE HERE, RANMA, WE WANT TO LICK YOUR BALLS!"
"Ew..."
"HA! WE COULD SENSE YOU!" Chitlins cried out, flailing a tendril into the closest slab of beef, causing it to collide with the next one, and so forth, until the one Ranma was behind knocked him through the wall.
Ranma found himself on his back, after being knocked from the scene that was shamelessly ripped off from Todd McFarline, as the demon pig strided out of the hole in the brick wall, "WE SHALL USE THE TOP OF YOUR SKULL FOR A PUDDING BOWL!"
"Ah," was all Ranma could say, not finding a way out of his fate.
"Son, what are you doing back so soon?"
Both Chitlins and Ranma blinked, and looked up to find Soun sitting at the tearoom table, reading the evening paper.
"Uh..." was all Ranma could say, as he pointed back to the massive meat locker that was apparently adjacent to the kitchen and tearoom.
Soun shrugged, before returning to read his paper, "You know Kasumi, she likes to keep well stocked. Plus that meat locker's rather convenient to have in case of a tornado!"
"Ah, that's really interesting, Mr. Tendou," Ranma replied, "Now, maybe you can give me some assistance FOR THIS THING KNAWING ON MY LEG?!??!"
The Tendou patriarch looked down at Ranma's right thigh, finding a little black piglet biting onto it with a titanium grip. "WHAAAAAAAAA!!!!! RANMA SHOUTED AT ME!!!"
"Oh, gods, will you just grow up?" Ranma dry-toned, before blinking, and finding Chitlins writhing in agony. Just then, as a matter of quick contrivement because the narrator wants to wrap this up and go play some more Soul Calibur 2, Ranma came to a realization.
"THAT'S IT! Sonics are Chitlin's weakness!"
"WILL YOU SHUT UP?" Chitlins demanded, forming one tendril into a mallet, and pummeling Soun nearly to oblivion, which was ajascent to Elm St.
Utilizing the uncanny intellect of his alter-ego, Ranma quickly pulled out a foghorn, and aimed it at the deadly porcine.
"AAAAHHHHH!!!! STOP IT!" Flailing wildly, Chitlins managed to knock away the noisemaker, earning temporary respite.
Ranma would not let go of his newfound advantage, as he quickly pulled out a wailing infant.
"NO MORE! WE CAN'T TAKE IT!" Chitlins quickly nailed the infant with the mallet, sending it giggling and flying through the roof.
"NOW THAT'S JUST WRONG!!!" Ranma shouted, pulling out another infant, "hit it square in the chest, that way the force is distributed enough so that it gains an even trajectory!" Ranma demonstrated the proper technique for baby-malleting.
"Ah, I think I understand," Chitlins replied, forming another mallet.
"Good!" Ranma set a row of babies out for the demon pig, "Remember, practice may not make perfect, but it does make permenant!"
"I'll remember that!" Chitlins positioned himself next to the first smiling baby, taking slow practice swings, before winding up, and...
"Hey... wait a minute..."
Chitlins took off after the pigtailed martial artist, who had a sound lead on him all two meters to the back yard. The demon pig came to a stop, as he found himself confronted by not Ranma, but Martial Master, and a bitch'n sound system.
"Your evil plague shall end now," Martial Master declared, before pressing the button that would unleash Chitlin's perishment.
Under the onslaught of American Idol contestants that even Paula Abdul had to admit were God awfully horrendous, Chitlins fell, as the symbiote melted from P-Chan...
___________________________
"Once again, the district of Nerima thanks you for your efforts, Martial Master," The emperor of Japan, formerly the Mayor of Nerima, congradulated, before walking off.
"It's best for him, Tomboy," Martial master declared, staring at the zoo-cage.
"I guess," Tomboy said in a resigned tone, "I can't have P-Chan running around if he's biting people. At least we didn't have to put him to sleep."
"That's the spirit, old chum!" Martial Master consoled, "Come on, I'll buy you a hero's sundae!"
At that, Tom Boy perked up, before considering something, "Do you think this is the last we'll ever see of P-Chan?"
Martial Master's eyes narrowed, "I don't think so, Tom Boy..." The superheroe then turned to point to the zoo-cage, "We can come see him whenever we want, see... where'd he go?"
On the other side of the cage, several school boys were laughing and pointing at the animal in the cage, before receiving a facefull of defeication.
The Emperor of Nerima sighed in satisfaction, as he used his hankercheif to wipe his hands clean, while walking back out of the bent bars that Chitlins left in the wake of his escape.
___________________________
___________________________
Next: The Hentai
WHEN WE LAST LEFT OUR HERO...
___________________________
Ranma scrambled to his feet, and tumbled backwards over Ukyo's counter. He quickly moved behind the chef, who now found herself staring directly into the maw lined with rows and rows of razor-sharp teeth.
Chitlins seethed, widening his gruesome mawl just enough to allow tendrils of saliva to drip from the top rows of his teeth. Ukyo remained frozen at the sight, staring at the miniscule beast that seemed to originate from the very depths of the most stringent of Hells. Her mouth opened, but she found herself stricken speechless.
"Um, could you move out of the way, please?" Chitlins asked politely. before resuming his menacing and heavy breathing.
"Oh, sure!" Ukyo chirped before she moved to the side, presenting a cowering pigtailed martial artist.
"TRAITOR!" Ranma shouted, earning Ukyo's dispassionate shrug.
"You know? It would be nice to hear your voice every so often. I mean, even Akane calls more often than you."
"I've been busy, alright?" Ranma almost shouted, before turning to find himself staring down an impossibly deep throat of a tiny demon pig, "hey, cool! Is this like some sort of optical illusion?"
Chitlins's teeth framed Ranma's face, ready to encircle and enclose like a guillotine. Ranma studied Chitlins's throat, attempting to disover if this was done by mirrors or some sort of light display, while his potential executioner savored his upcoming victory. Ranma continued to stare down the creature's throat, rubbing his chin in dumbfoundment, as Chitlins chuckled, allowing the drool coating his top row of razor sharp teeth to drip onto Ranma's scalp.
"Um..." Ukyo began to enquire, "As much as I'm enjoying this rather Fruedian and highly erotic scene..." Ukyo rubbed her thighs together slightly, "Aren't you going to... you know...?" Ukyo gestured to the teeth threatening to rip the pigtailed boy's face off.
Ranma turned to Ukyo, right when Chitlin's mouth shut like a steel trap. "Huh?" They both enquired, not sure what Ukyo was referring to.
Ukyo shook her head, pried open Chitlins's mouth, turned Ranma's head back into position, and stepped back, "TAKE TWO!"
"Hey! There it is again!" Ranma proclaimed excitedly, "Yo, Ucchan, you have to check this out!"
"DAMN IT! PAY ATTENTION WHEN I'M ABOUT TO EAT YOU!" Demanded Chitlins, amazingly without closing his mouth.
Ranma blinked, and sneezed, before looking up to find pepper being sprinkled onto his head, followed by parmasean cheese. Ukyo idly continued to rain down ingredients onto Ranma's head, every so often musing over which would work best.
"Mediteranian?" Chitlins enquired, gathering the scents being intermingled upon his meal.
"Yup!" Ukyo chirped, "Can't have anyone leaving my restuarant dissatisfied!"
"Try a little olive oil, and some fresh tangerine juice," the devil-pig offered, as Ranma began to sweat nervously.
"Hmm, never thought about tangerine juice," Ukyo mused, as she looked under her ingredient counter, "That actually sounds pretty good! Where did you learn about that?"
"Well, I've done a little traveling, and you pick up a few things to liven up campfire meals," Chitlins replied, casually.
"You know? Why don't we spice it up with some saffron and surmac instead?" Ukyo suggested.
"Oh? Sounds more Persian."
"You got it, sugar!"
"YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE GIVING HIM IDEAS!!!" Ranma shouted down the pig's throat.
"Hee hee, that tickles!" Chitlin giggled.
"Oh, darn," Ukyo sighed, "I think I have some surmac in the supply cabinet... does anyone smell bacon?"
Chitlins blinked, and sniffed the air, "As a matter of fact, I do, isn't your pork okonomiyaki night ThursdaYYYOOWWWCCCCHHHHH!!!!!"
Ranma looked up through the hole in the roof of Ucchans, and decided it was best to skedadle while his luck was still good. Ukyo stared at the pigtailed boy retreating, and sighed, before pulling out a bag of Beggan Strips (TM).
"Note, add roof repair bill to Ranma's running tab..." With that, Ukyo began chewing on one of her snacks, while cleaning the grill she had turned off a good while ago to begin cleaning...
___________________________
::A NAKED RON JEREMY STRIDES ACROSS THE SCREEN HOLDING A MARTIAL MASTER LOGO OVER HIS HEAD TO SIGNIFY SCENE CHANGE::
___________________________
The pigtailed boy raced across the Nerima rooftops, with a vengeful piggy on his tail. Never had the hero in disguise ever met with a foe so tenatious, so vindictive, so sinister, so devious, so... so...
"WE WANT TO SLURP YOUR BILE!
Elliquent.
Ranma dodged another flailed tentacle, once again thanking the Kami for not making it rain, turning her into a girl, and changing this into a truely twisted (yet sexually gratifying in some primal manner) ordeal. Yup Mutant pigs with symbiotes attached to them capable of chomping through concrete was as twisted as things need to be.
Once again, he was forced to evade an overhead swipe by lunging to the side, only to have a tendril poke through the rooftop in front of his face with a needle fine tip. Without pause, Ranma scrambled to his feet, and leapt down to ground level.
"NOTHING TO SEE HERE, FOLKS! GO ON ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS," Chitlins stated to the disturbed couple, in which the husband found the tentacle that had been plunged through the ground from behind the house, up through the bed... between his legs, and up through the roof to where Ranma's head had been guestimated to land.
"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, I'LL GET THE VASECTEMY!" The woman next to him seemed rather happy at the announcement.
___________________________
Ranma slammed the metal door tight, and ran behind several slabs of beef to hide; maybe if he stayed inconspicuous, and pretended to be a frozen slab of beef, Chitlins would go away.
"WE KNOW YOU'RE HERE, RANMA, WE WANT TO LICK YOUR BALLS!"
"Ew..."
"HA! WE COULD SENSE YOU!" Chitlins cried out, flailing a tendril into the closest slab of beef, causing it to collide with the next one, and so forth, until the one Ranma was behind knocked him through the wall.
Ranma found himself on his back, after being knocked from the scene that was shamelessly ripped off from Todd McFarline, as the demon pig strided out of the hole in the brick wall, "WE SHALL USE THE TOP OF YOUR SKULL FOR A PUDDING BOWL!"
"Ah," was all Ranma could say, not finding a way out of his fate.
"Son, what are you doing back so soon?"
Both Chitlins and Ranma blinked, and looked up to find Soun sitting at the tearoom table, reading the evening paper.
"Uh..." was all Ranma could say, as he pointed back to the massive meat locker that was apparently adjacent to the kitchen and tearoom.
Soun shrugged, before returning to read his paper, "You know Kasumi, she likes to keep well stocked. Plus that meat locker's rather convenient to have in case of a tornado!"
"Ah, that's really interesting, Mr. Tendou," Ranma replied, "Now, maybe you can give me some assistance FOR THIS THING KNAWING ON MY LEG?!??!"
The Tendou patriarch looked down at Ranma's right thigh, finding a little black piglet biting onto it with a titanium grip. "WHAAAAAAAAA!!!!! RANMA SHOUTED AT ME!!!"
"Oh, gods, will you just grow up?" Ranma dry-toned, before blinking, and finding Chitlins writhing in agony. Just then, as a matter of quick contrivement because the narrator wants to wrap this up and go play some more Soul Calibur 2, Ranma came to a realization.
"THAT'S IT! Sonics are Chitlin's weakness!"
"WILL YOU SHUT UP?" Chitlins demanded, forming one tendril into a mallet, and pummeling Soun nearly to oblivion, which was ajascent to Elm St.
Utilizing the uncanny intellect of his alter-ego, Ranma quickly pulled out a foghorn, and aimed it at the deadly porcine.
"AAAAHHHHH!!!! STOP IT!" Flailing wildly, Chitlins managed to knock away the noisemaker, earning temporary respite.
Ranma would not let go of his newfound advantage, as he quickly pulled out a wailing infant.
"NO MORE! WE CAN'T TAKE IT!" Chitlins quickly nailed the infant with the mallet, sending it giggling and flying through the roof.
"NOW THAT'S JUST WRONG!!!" Ranma shouted, pulling out another infant, "hit it square in the chest, that way the force is distributed enough so that it gains an even trajectory!" Ranma demonstrated the proper technique for baby-malleting.
"Ah, I think I understand," Chitlins replied, forming another mallet.
"Good!" Ranma set a row of babies out for the demon pig, "Remember, practice may not make perfect, but it does make permenant!"
"I'll remember that!" Chitlins positioned himself next to the first smiling baby, taking slow practice swings, before winding up, and...
"Hey... wait a minute..."
Chitlins took off after the pigtailed martial artist, who had a sound lead on him all two meters to the back yard. The demon pig came to a stop, as he found himself confronted by not Ranma, but Martial Master, and a bitch'n sound system.
"Your evil plague shall end now," Martial Master declared, before pressing the button that would unleash Chitlin's perishment.
Under the onslaught of American Idol contestants that even Paula Abdul had to admit were God awfully horrendous, Chitlins fell, as the symbiote melted from P-Chan...
___________________________
"Once again, the district of Nerima thanks you for your efforts, Martial Master," The emperor of Japan, formerly the Mayor of Nerima, congradulated, before walking off.
"It's best for him, Tomboy," Martial master declared, staring at the zoo-cage.
"I guess," Tomboy said in a resigned tone, "I can't have P-Chan running around if he's biting people. At least we didn't have to put him to sleep."
"That's the spirit, old chum!" Martial Master consoled, "Come on, I'll buy you a hero's sundae!"
At that, Tom Boy perked up, before considering something, "Do you think this is the last we'll ever see of P-Chan?"
Martial Master's eyes narrowed, "I don't think so, Tom Boy..." The superheroe then turned to point to the zoo-cage, "We can come see him whenever we want, see... where'd he go?"
On the other side of the cage, several school boys were laughing and pointing at the animal in the cage, before receiving a facefull of defeication.
The Emperor of Nerima sighed in satisfaction, as he used his hankercheif to wipe his hands clean, while walking back out of the bent bars that Chitlins left in the wake of his escape.
___________________________
___________________________
Next: The Hentai