Rain inside and out
Do you know what it's like to wake up dead
To wake up and see that everything has fled
To wake up and see you're only in a dream
To wake up and bleed and then begin to scream
To look around and see the world is grey
To look around and see you're in a play
To look around and not be understood
To look around and see you should
Should die, should scream, should yell,
Be killed, be burn alive and go to hell
For what you've done, you know it was wrong
You should stop living the lie you've lived forever long
- Elizabeth Vornbrock
A/N : Sorry I took longer than usual to update this. Hope you're all doing good.
Chapter 5 : Mysteriously Lost
History of Magic, my least favorite subject EVER, except maybe for Divination, droned on forever, Binns blabbing on and on about giant conflicts in northern Australia since the XVIth century ( even Dumbledore would have slept through his lecture ). I made tremendous efforts to work my quill on a spare piece of parchment in order to take notes. Needless to say, I failed miserably and gave up five minutes into class. Adriane was into History ( the reason she took Advanced History and not me ), I could copy notes from her in exchange for my Charms notes. I looked around to see if anyone was paying the slightest attention and found my first intuition confirmed : boredom had its' dictatorship established.
Fortunately, before Binns' soporific voice took the best of me, a sealed piece of parchment magically appeared on my desk. I unrolled it.
Thanks for listening last night and not telling anything to Roxy and Adriane. I'd rather this be kept between us. Is class always this boring ? Liz
I turned the paper over and wrote on the back before sending it back to her with a flick of my wand.
No problem. History of Magic always works like a sleeping pill with Binns around.
We kept sending notes until the end of class, completely overlooking Binns.
" Would you mind telling the class what's so funny, Ms Desner ? " Binns asked reproachfully, only a minute before the bell would ring. Surely even he had some idea of the lifelessness of his class.
" Nothing at all, " Liz replied, hiding a laugh.
" Then I'm sure you wouldn't mind repeating what I've just said since you were obviously paying attention, " he said smoothly. Shit. Just what she needed on a first day of school. Why didn't I just daydream like everybody else and not get her in trouble ?
" Well M. Binns, you were just dully commenting the arguments defended by each of the giant tribes installed in Australia and how neither of them made sense, while the Australian Ministry of Magic took the whole thing as if it were a joke until the real conflicts began in 1578 and they hardly knew how to deal with the situation, since they were barely aware of the cause of it anyway, " Liz recited sarcastically as if reading the plot to an adventurous and fascinating movie.
The entire room gaped at her, stunned. Even Professor Binns couldn't believe it. But how could she have been sending me notes for the past two hours and still have paid attention to every word Binns had said ?
" Well… I suppose that's… what I said, " the Professor said sheepishly. Liz gave him a horribly sweet smile as the bell rung and we all stepped of the room.
" Binns even forgot to give us homework ! " Roxy cheered once we were out in the corridor.
" Were you really listening to whatever he was saying ? " I asked, still amazed.
" If there are two things worthwhile I learned in Durmstrang, it's being able to do two things at once and having a good memory, " she replied.
" So Sirius wasn't lying ? " Roxy said indelicately. Liz looked at her carefully, stared for a while then raised an eyebrow. " I mean - you did go to Durmstrang ? " Roxy tried to fix her mistake.
" Yeah, it was all about the dark arts over there though. So, Sirius told you to stay away from me, right ? " she asked me, quickly changing the subject.
" Well, yeah but it's not like I believe any of what he said, " I clarified.
" There's only one thing Sirius doesn't get : the fact that I've changed. Last time we had met was some… nine years ago and back then, let's just say I was pretty damn ignorant on what concerned muggle borns," Liz explained.
" Everyone makes mistakes, " Adriane said.
" So Durmstrang worked out real well for you, didn't it ? Can't say it's surprising, " Black called sourly as he passed us with his friends. Liz took her wand out and pointed it at her cousin's back.
" Do repeat that, cousin, " she dared him, once again displaying that grace and close-to-perfection posture she dangerously possessed. He spun around and barely had the time to take his wand out when a spell she had send him seconds before hit his face, yet nothing happened. I looked at Liz, who was grinning nonetheless. Just then, a piece of parchment flew in the corridor by the window and made it's way to Black. He took it and read.
" Damn it, " he muttered.
" What ? " Potter asked.
" Dumbledore wants to see us, " Liz answered for him, " and if we attack each other, we'll be risking expulsion. "
" How the hell do you know that ?! " Black exclaimed, outraged.
" It's written all over your forehead, " Liz laughed. And she wasn't kidding, it was written all over his forehead in shiny red letters, which disappeared seconds later. So her hex had worked. Adriane, Roxy and I burst out laughing.
" Whatever you read in the next two hours will be displayed on your beautiful forehead, dear. As you said, you do learn some nice little tricks in Durmstrang, " she informed Black, pleased with his horrorstruck expression. She walked away grinning, headed towards Dumbledore's office.
" She will not get away with that, no way in hell, " Black made known as he hurried after her. Yet she had beyond doubt managed to hex Sirius Black without getting send to the hospital wing… yet.
" And we're not gonna get away with the fact that we're ten minutes late for Transfiguration ! " Roxy cried out, after having taken a glance at her watch. So we literally ran for our lives to McGonagall's classroom on the third floor. Once arrived, we caught our breath and entered.
" So you actually planned on coming ? " a 30-year-old, tall woman with long, black hair asked scathingly.
" Sorry for the lateness, " Potter answered politely, trying his casual/smooth approach with the professor.
" You're twenty minutes late, M. Potter ! Would you care to explain yourself ? " she demanded, not at all falling for his gallant allure, which for once, I would have hoped could have worked miracles, like it usually always did.
" We were… " he started uncertainly, a first. He was never uncertain. That's when brilliant me reluctantly yet determinedly jumped in to save the day :
" - helping Sirius get rid of some hex I had thrown him accidentally but neither one of us knew the counter curse so we brought him to the hospital wing. But then, we ran into Peeves in the corridors who dumped a bucket of paint on Liz - I mean Kathryn - so obviously she had to get cleaned up. And then we found out that paint was somehow permanent and wouldn't get off; I think I saw some at that new joke shop Zonko's last year. So anyway we had to get her to the hospital wing as well and by the time we arrived here… we were late, " I said in the most serious voice I could muster. I also added a touch of annoyance and astonishment to make it sound a bit more realistic. McGonagall looked at me surprised, then unbelieving, then uncertain. I kept my face as straight as I could : getting on this professor's wrong side on the first day of the last year of school was definitely one hell of a bad idea.
" You're meaning to tell me, " Professor McGonagall said very slowly, " that you hexed Mr. Black ? "
" It was accidental of course, " I assured her. I said it with such certainty, such seriousness, the look on her face was closer to doubt than anything else.
This is probably the only time she hadn't seen through me, for she nodded, told us to sit down and went back to telling the class about NEWTS. I sighed a deep sigh of relief.
" Couldn't have done it better myself, " Potter whispered into my ear, whose voice once again sent shivers down my spine. I hated it when he did that. It made me so weak, so powerless, so vulnerable. Damn him.
§§§§§§§§
The next two weeks passed quite uneventfully, essays and tests to study for piling up on everyone's desk, especially the seventh years'. The Quidditch season had started and I hardly saw Roxy outside of classes anymore, what with all the extra practice Potter had established. She had been a chaser on the Gryffindor team since third year, along with another girl in fifth year and Potter who was also captain and a pretty good one too. Gryffindor had never lost a game since he got the position two years ago and he was determined to keep it that way until his very last day at Hogwarts.
Potter and I had decided on a first Prefect Meeting sometime in late September and I was honestly more looking forward to being exiled to Antarctica than I was to going to it. Potter was going to mess up, being the prankster that he is, I knew he would. How could it possibly be avoidable ? I could talk to him… but he'd just take me for an idiot at any rate. And even if I did, what would it matter ? It was in his nature to act like and be an overconfident, exasperating, not-a-care-in-the-world bloke. So with all the reluctance possessing me, I headed down the endless cold corridors of the castle, straight to the library ( although the idea of taking the longest detour by the Astronomy Tower did cross my mind ), straight to the inevitable humiliation I was to undergo, which I hoped would not be particularly memorable for these new prefects.
They looked alright… at first sight. In reality they were vicious. They were fifteen, for Merlin's sake, the age where boys and girls alike are carefree as the wind, live on a day-to-day basis, center of their little world (excepting exceptions of course); the age where guys have this grand illumination about the opposite sex. And before you know it, hormones raving, they're chasing girls like it's all that matters and the corrupted victims of this chase love the praise, act all giddy and incorporate this system of what they're supposed to look like and how they're supposed to act. Sad… and Potter is a living proof of that system, the system I've always refused to abide to. That was one of the major differences between him and me and why we lived in worlds so different and therefore so far apart. He acted fifteen. How could I possibly get my message through with him as Head Boy ?
I stopped dead in my tracks. Wait… where was I ? I'd been so deep in thought, I hadn't even realized where I was going… I got lost. Fabulous. Absolutely fabulous. Six years in this bloody castle and yet so many mysteries still uncovered. I saw this reality with frustration… and a strange feeling of regret. In any case, I was going to be late now, if I ever found my way back that is…
A single portrait, fast asleep, dim light, spider webs in ever corner, view on the Forbidden Forest, a faint smell of filth and badly brewed potions; the slightest step echoing around the corridor, an ice-cold breeze blowing. This place had a bad feeling to it, and it sure wasn't reassuring. I had never stepped here, that was certain. How was I supposed to find my way back ?
All of a sudden, footsteps. Coming unequivocally my way. Closer and closer by the second. Rooted to the spot with cold fear and uncertainty as to what to do, I finally decided to move against the wall in a shaded corner, hidden by a large pillar of ancient stone. Through the darkness I distinguished an emblem : a symbol of two jade green snakes intertwined around the silver outline of a… a wand with fumes coming out of the end of it. Whatever it meant, it was no good idea to be discovered in such an unsettling place, especially if you were Head Girl. Voices arose, the foot steps became louder and the words easier to understand. I held my breath, preventing air from escaping my mouth under the cold air. I stood as still as a statue, hoping, praying not to be seen.
" I just can't believe him ! Two rolls of parchment ! " the voice of a girl said as she passed feet away from me, utterly unaware of my presence.
" It's just plain evil, " the boy accompanying her agreed, " Immixta Sanguis."
" I'm getting sick and tired of this "pureblood" crap, gives us one hell of a bad reputation, " the first girl sighed in exasperation.
The boy replied some answer inaudible to me, the sound of a door opening shook the dead atmosphere of the corridor and only when the door closed did I breathe again. All I wanted was to get out of here, but before I could take a step forward, more footsteps were heard. I groaned, and hid behind the pillar once more. The footsteps were quick and rough on the paved floor, and their echo somehow carried a sense of worry. The fear of being discovered was much more intense now than it had been before. The footsteps stopped, dread swarmed over me. I felt… watched.
" Mischief managed, " a voice whispered to the wind, the words barely audible to me at all.
" Lily, get out of there, " the same voice called much louder in full exasperation but relief. I recognized that someone instantly. I had spent half my life hating that voice. And he was just about the last ( yet also probably the first ) person I wanted to see. I stepped forward, and in the dim light, cold and obscuring, discovered the handsome face of James Potter, his imperious eyes, whose spark gave away a sign close to desperation, glaring at me from behind those black glasses of his. Alright, I was facing James Potter. Facing James Potter was never a pretty sight. So I took matters into my own hands before he took them into his by asking the first and very random question that popped into my head :
" What are you doing here ? "
Lame, very lame, I know…
He gave an irritable and excessively sarcastic laugh : " What am I doing here ? I came to get you that's what ! The Prefect meeting started ten minutes ago, why are you here and not there ? " he inquired compellingly.
" That's none of your business, " I answered sharply. What right did he have to ask questions ? And I didn't need him to come get me, thank you very much.
" Well excuse me for wondering what the muggle born Head Girl is doing in front of the Slytherin common room entrance, " he replied self-righteously.
My mouth went dry, I couldn't think of what to answer. The symbol in the stone, the students speaking of purebloods, the smell of potions, it finally clicked. How could I not have noticed…
" I… how did you know I'd be here ? " I inquired, unwilling to admit I had gotten lost.
" I don't need to answer that. You should be thankful I found you ! When exactly did you plan on getting back ? "
" I don't need help from you ! " I snarled heatedly.
" It's not the time to discuss that issue, " he said crossly, clearly making an effort to calm down. Our arguments always started like this and now, he was trying to avoid one. Well let him try.
" Well you've always refused to discuss the matter, why should I be surprised ? " I questioned rhetorically. Oh how his eyes betrayed him ! He was dying to have a row at me, to yell, to shout, to express exactly what was on his mind. All his self control was demanded to keep himself from erupting in fury.
" What were you doing here ? " he repeated, this time less forcefully, his eyes nevertheless glittering daggers.
" You don't answer my question, I don't answer yours, " I suggested quickly, although I wasn't sure that was fair on me. I got lost, so what ? Well too late now, Potter was thinking it over, hazel and emerald in inflexible and obstinate connection. I could have stared into his eyes forever.
" Fine, we have a Prefect meeting to preside, you know, " he said casually losing all anger entirely, his eyes still boring into mine.
" Yeah, " I said, not understanding his words at all and sincerely not caring in the slightest. His eyes were… so…
He blinked, I blinked…
" We got a PREFECT MEETING ! " I shouted, absolutely mortified, realization finally sinking in.
" Oh already figured THAT one out, did you ? " Potter asked smartly, his voice thick with exasperation and sarcasm.
" We got to go, we got to get there, my god this is so bad, " I shrieked.
" Lily, it's the other way ! "
" Right… I knew that… "
" Merlin and Agrippa… " Potter rolled his eyes.
Surprisingly, we arrived in the library to find our dear Prefects still there, even though we were half an hour late. Stress was the wall so high I couldn't see the top to go over, shyness had rivers I couldn't imagine I could cross and humiliation suddenly had the clearest connection to my name. How could I possibly destroy the wall, cross the river and break the connection ? Only one answer came to my mind, and even though it was the craziest idea I'd ever thought of, I knew it'd be the only way to gain respect from these maddening fifteen year olds. The one solution… was to be Potter. And if you couldn't be Potter, you had to act like it. And after spending six years with the guy, let's just say I had some experience on the matter.
" Sorry to keep you waiting, the Head Girl and I were just - "
" - Patrolling the halls for evidence on the theft of a wand stolen yesterday, " I interrupted casually, putting my plan into action. " You understand it had to be done, and if you must know, the one responsible for this lack of common sense will be severely punished. So if you know anything about it, it's greatly recommended to speak before evidence is oh-so-sadly found against you. Right, Potter ? "
" Absolutely, " he played along instantly and faked seriousness, displaying an advising look on his face : the very much expected response. And before I could stop myself, I found that I was smiling a horribly sweet smile, enjoying my threat towards these poor Prefects who certainly didn't want to defy a Quidditch captain and the best student in the school.
" Right, so let's get started, shall we ? " was my deduction. Taking this game even further, Potter stepped back and pulled out a chair for me to sit in. That was annoying, annoying as hell. But he wouldn't win, certainly not this time when I had thought of this in the first place. I took the seat and let him push it closer to the table.
" Damn you're getting good at this, " he whispered into my ear.
Losing, I am losing at my own game…
" I've always been this good Potter, you've just been too much into yourself to realize it, " I snarled.
Winning…
" No, I've been too much into you. "
Losing, losing… lost. I sighed, he smirked. What chance did I have ? This wasn't just anyone, it was Potter. Surely the mistake was to think I could win in enemy territory. This was his game, not mine. But no matter how much expertise he had in this dimension, I'd beat him to it and revenge was on its way.
" Dumbledore has kindly asked us to organize a sort of entertainment, in other words, a general school party. And we're counting on you guys to help us make this the greatest thing this school has ever seen, " Potter began. The Prefects had relaxed a bit after that nice little Potter-and-me display.
By the end of it all, we had decided on a couple things :
1) Third years and over ( just in case some ignorant second year Slytherin wanted to pull off some big joke that'd accidentally set something on fire, who knows ? )
2) Just before Christmas time ( that way those who go home for vacation can also go to the party and it gives us time to get everything ready ).
3) Costumes : but not the Halloween kind. Something rather… formal, but if you want to come as James Bond, then go ahead. Extravagant dresses more than welcome. And masks. Can't come without a mask.
4) No one except the six of us should know from now on. We all signed a piece of parchment saying we wouldn't tell anyone else. If we do… let's just say I had the supreme pleasure of jinxing the list.
" Nice work Lils, " Potter told me as the Prefects exited the library pretty thrilled about being the ones to organize this event, leaving us alone with the dozens of notes we had made together. I gave an exasperated sigh and rolled my eyes as way of response.
" No I'm serious, we got a whole lot done, " he insisted.
" Well… " I hesitated. Oh what was the point ? I didn't get through with this alone did I ? " Couldn't have done it without you. " My mouth twitched in a half-smile.
" Lily ? "
" Yes, Potter ? "
It was his turn to roll his eyes. Ok, he'd been nice, right ? We had gotten quite a lot done, and that was partly thanks to him.
" James then, " I sighed.
" Would you take a walk around the lake with me ? "
The words took me by surprise. He'd been nice… but not that nice.
" I don't think so. Sorry, " was my response. I tried to be as warm as possible, but how warm do you get when you reject someone ? It was Potter anyway, as in the guy who you had already rejected twenty billion times.
" Would you join me in a tour of the castle of places I'm sure you've never seen ? " he pursued, a glint of mischief in his eyes. I was tempted, very tempted indeed but kept control.
" Sorry I… I have loads of homework to finish, maybe some other time ? "
" You've done all your homework for the next month, " he grinned persuasively.
" That's not true, " I said defensively.
" Here, I bet you're starving. How about a stroll to the kitchens ? " he suggested.
I was starving. And I wanted to go. And I loved the mischievous look he was giving me, because I wanted that mischief. But I couldn't, of course I couldn't.
" I have to study James, " I told him frankly. I could sense the disappointment he was feeling, although you couldn't have told by looking into his eyes, which was what I had been trying to do without success.
" Right, " he looked away. " It's cool, I'll… I'll see you later then. "
" Bye. "
James' POV :
Damn, what had I been thinking ? Asking her for a walk outside ? I had aimed too high. Of course. Why didn't I just think it over before ? Too obsessed with how marvelous she is and how perfect the moment was maybe ? Yeah that was it. Yet I was slowly… but securely getting there…
A/N : Lily having a thing against fifteen year olds is her opinion, not mine ( in fact, I'm fifteen myself, lol ). The reason she feels that way is that as you can probably guess, James was a real jerk in his fifth year ( pensieve book 5 ) and he's just a constant reminder of what he stood for then ( messing with girls, being stupid ) and how some fifteen year old girls reacted absurdly to his charm. Please review !
Thanks to :
Amalynne O'Hara : Thanks so much for pointing "gonna" out. I usually put "going to" but sometimes I just forget. I'm glad some people say what they didn't like. I appreciate your reviews girl, you're one of the few who reviewed each chapter ! could you tell me if you know ( this is a basic grammar question i've never understood since i'm french ), you say "the man's house" but you say "binns' class" ? could you please tell me the rule for the apostrophes, it'd get me to stop writing bad grammar !
Lea Meow My Love : overly-excited, yes. About the Liz thing, she had other things on her mind than telling the others to call her Kathryn. And why would the others listen to her in the first place ? She's lied to them and they've known Sirius since forever. Why would the others trust Liz when Sirius was against her ? Matthew ? I wrote about a guy named Matthew ? Oh HIM. Ok yeh. I think he's just a random unimportant character for now. Thanx for reviewing darling !
The-Lone-Lemon : Thanx for reviewing, I do try with description.
Evil Gwen : The R.M. has had several meetings about you. They doubt you can be trusted since I used your floppy to transfer info from one comp to the other. I'd be careful if I were you. I'm not sure I can help much. Oh well, I promise to come to your funeral… lol, thanx for reviewing darling.
Jesssss : hey darling. About Liz, she's definitely got a dark past behind her. She isn't 100 percent bad, and she definitely isn't 100 percent good either but… let's just say she's not telling the whole truth. That's all I can say !