Rain inside and out
A/N : Ok people, this is a very loooong chapter for x-mas. Longer than any other chapter, longer even than my oneshot. Hope you like your present ! I won't be updating for a while since I'm gonna spend x-mas at my grandma's who doesn't have internet. Hope everyone is enjoying vacation ( sorry if you don't have any )…
The anger the sorrow, it seeps on out.
The frustration the pain it plays about.
The joy the happiness it's all doubt,
Because the anger the sorrow seep on out.- Elizabeth Vornrock
Chapter 6 : Dangerous Defying
" Now I've left some notes in my office. If I hear as much as a whisper before I come back, you'll all be spending a month of detention with Mr. Pringle, is that clear ? " Barnes just couldn't help himself from tipping us off viciously. No one uttered a word… until we were sure he was well out of hearing distance.
" So Potter, got that gigantic head of yours deflated recently ? " Malfoy sneered. All the Slytherins laughed.
" Looking for trouble, are you Malfoy ? Thought you'd have enough taking care of your slimy friend Snivellus there. " Black shot back. In a matter of seconds, the four boys had taken out their wands and were pointing them straight to their own opponent. Black and Potter on one side of the room, a sly grin upon their faces, used to doing this about a million times and never losing. Malfoy and Snape on the other, seeking revenge with a sign of what-might-have-been desperation, the anger evident in their eyes.
Severus Snape was a tall boy with greasy black hair who always carried a threatening look about his face, cursing Potter whenever he passed him in the halls and usually getting send to the hospital wing for it. But Potter was no better, hexing Snape just because he felt like it, which only gave Snape more reasons to curse him in his talk. Malfoy on the other hand, came from a pureblood family and never seemed to get tired of mentioning it. Anyone could have told you Potter and Malfoy were absolute opposites but they resembled each other more than one might think. Both thought themselves superior, both figuratively imposed their point of view on the rest of the school. Both came from well-known families, both were constantly looking for trouble with the other. Not to mention they were both specialists in their own subject therefore favorites of the teachers under consideration ( Potter with Transfiguration, Malfoy with Defense Against the Dark Arts ). In any case, you did not want to be in the middle of them when they got to dueling each other, the very reason which should have gotten me not to interpose myself between them in the first place.
" You sit back down right now ! " I shouted to the four of them.
Malfoy snickered : " Get out of the way, mudblood. "
" Shut it, Malfoy. Keep your dirty mouth to yourself, " Potter retorted.
" Aw, need someone to back you up, Evans ? " Malfoy sneered.
" Potter drop it ! " I shouted.
" Wha - " Potter started indignant.
" You heard the piece of vermin, Potter, " Snape cut in deviously.
" WHAT did you call me ?! " I screamed, flashing my wand towards the Slytherin.
" Calamites ! "
" Expeliarmus ! "
" Venenium Sanguis ! "
" Silesco ! "
Everything happened in the blink of an eye, jets of light flying off in every direction. I send a disarming spell to Malfoy, whose wand went flying to the other side of the room but the Slytherin managed to send a hex to Black nonetheless who ducked. Potter threw a hex towards Snape, who now bore the resemblance of a huge green frog having cursed the Head Boy and missing his target deplorably.
" That the best you can do, Snivellus ? " Potter laughed.
" Roxy ! " I cried, seeing my friend's body dropping to the floor.
" What did you do, Snape, what the hell did you do ?! " Adriane cried furiously, approaching Roxy's body, unconscious on the cold ground.
" Not my problem, " Snape said implacably, a mysterious glint in his eye, the one thing that scared me the most about this boy. He was mystifying, in the worse of ways, and it brought shivers down my spine not to understand a mere speck of his intentions.
" Damn right it's your problem ! " Potter yelled, examining our friend's pulse at her wrist.
" James, don't touch her ! " Liz cried. Potter backed away uncertainly as the tall girl dropped to Roxy's side and pushed him aside rather aggressively.
" What ? What is it ? " he asked.
" This Snape guy is a Slytherin, right ? " she half-whispered.
" Of course he is, " he assured her, his voice low.
Liz ripped Roxy's sleeve up to her forearm, sighed in infuriation then delicately pulled our friend's hair back to examine the back of her neck. There she traced the thin, black line imprinted deep into her skin near her shoulder blade with the tip of her finger. I gasped in horror.
" How do you know… ? " he asked slowly.
" You know how I know, " Liz whispered darkly under her breath before setting her gaze imperatively on Potter, " is she a muggle born ? "
Potter turned to look at me. " No, she's half. " I said. Liz sighed.
" Take her to the hospital wing, now. "
" Is she going to be alright ? " he inquired.
" She'll be ok, but you're wasting time, go. " Her face was suddenly pale.
" I'll get you back for this, mark my words. " Potter said to Snape in the darkest tone of voice I've ever heard him use as he picked up Roxy.
" I'll come with you, " I said immediately.
" Look I… I got it under control… " he stammered in saying.
" I'm coming with you, " I repeated forcefully.
" Ms Pomfrey'll tell you to leave anyway. Stay in class, Lily, she'll be fine. " And as he gave me that look of sheer determination, I couldn't help but believe him. And before I could protest he carried her out of the room, under Barnes' skeptical glare, who rolled his eyes as though it were a mere typical sight and flamboyantly reentered his classroom, already calling out to us in a speech involving courtesy and respect which he had without a doubt recited to his mirror ( poor mirror, I thought ) a million times until it was perfect. Perfect wasn't the best word to describe the scruffy, dark haired, sharp faced professor that was Barnes for this sudden declaration. Some more appropriate adjective would have been hopeless case of absurdity wasting breath.And so the class droned on, my only thought being how Roxy was.
Of course I questioned Liz ( who had regained color ) about it, but she gave me the same answer : " she'll be fine as long as she's taken care of, don't worry bla bla bla. " Though she refused to tell me exactly what it was Roxy had. For some strange reason she didn't want to discuss it, and stared out the window, avoiding my gaze. Maybe it brought up her past, therefore I didn't push it any further. Later I saw her staring hard at a piece of black-tainted parchment, then glaring at Black himself before crumbling the note and throwing it out the window in frustration…
By the end of the lesson, Potter still wasn't back. I went to Herbology with Adriane and Liz, and after two hours of studying Magmatarians ( some bizarre, iridescent, black, leafy shrub whose only goal in life is to set itself on fire repeatedly ), he still hadn't returned, and neither had she.
The tension started building up inside of me as air forced into a balloon : eventually… it blows up. While hoping for the best, I started imagining the worst. I kept thinking Snape wasn't that good at hexing in the first place so he couldn't have hurt Roxy that badly. But then again he was a Slytherin, and who knew what was behind his dirty little mind ? The enigmatic, intent look he had given me earlier seemed to follow me everywhere. Fiddling with my fingers, chewing on my fingernails, curling loose streaks of hair, biting my bottom lip, when I get nervous : I. Really. Get. Nervous.
" Lily, she's going to be fine, I assure you. Would you please calm down ? " Adriane said.
" How do you expect me to- " Adriane gave me a look as mere minutes of class remained before lunch. " Ok, she's fine, she's gonna be fine, " I told myself though I couldn't exactly bring myself to believe it.
Narrator' POV :
Roxy stirred in the bed closest the window giving view directly on the Quidditch pitch in the hospital wing of Hogwarts. First thing she felt as she woke up was a sting in the back of her neck, like the rest of a fire slowly dying, burning her skin. First thing she saw was the blur of a face inches from hers, concern written all over it. She screamed in shock.
" Shut up ! Calm down ! Jesus ! " the person whispered urgently. Roxy shut up but didn't relax.
" You scared the hell out of me ! Never do that again, you hear me ? Never, " she warned, leaning against the pillow, chest heaving in unsteady breaths.
Footsteps, quick and sudden…
" Damn it… "
" Who's there ? " Ms Pompfrey cried, hurriedly entering the hospital wing.
Roxy looked around confusingly, still shaken from her sudden visitor, but saw nothing, no one besides the young nurse in her uniform.
" Oh you're up, dear. Must have had a bad dream, that's all. Nothing to worry about. Drink up, dear. " Ms Pomfrey said warmly as she brought a cup to Roxy's lips before leaving the room, advising the girl to get some rest.
" Ok, don't freak out, " a voice said softly, " I'm under an invisibility cloak. "
" Who… what- "
The figure appeared out of thin air beside her bed.
" Damn, you sure know how to wake someone up, " Roxy said, the pain not leaving her neck, which she rubbed distractively with her left hand.
" Sorry, " he replied, getting up from the chair he had been sitting on. " And don't touch it, more warmth will make it worse. "
" Wait a minute, this isn't right. What's up with my head ? Why am I here ? And why are you here, James ? "
" Snape tried to hex me in Defense Against the Dark Arts but he missed his target and got you instead. I don't know what it is, but by the look Liz gave me, it sounded bad. You just fell unconscious in the middle of the classroom so I thought I should get you to the hospital wing since I did have something to do with you ending up here, " he explained.
" Ooook. But that doesn't make sense, why didn't you just get back to class ? "
" Because I had other options, " he said with a grin, pointing to his cloak. " Don't tell anyone about that, by the way. "
" James, you hate catching stuff up, " she noticed. He sighed.
" All right, it's not the only reason I'm here, " he admitted, sitting back onto the chair.
" Oh let me guess… Lily ? "
" Yes. "
" You still like her ? "
" Like her ? I'm crazy about the girl ! " James exclaimed.
" I see… " Roxy said slowly.
" Can you just tell me one thing ? What the hell is up with her ? " he questioned, terribly intrigued.
" She likes you that's what's up with her, " Roxy replied simply.
" Please. If she likes me, why does she act like she hates my guts ? "
" She does hate your guts, James. But that doesn't mean she can't like you all the same. I'm guessing she doesn't want to admit it. Going out with you would be admitting she was wrong. It'd be giving in to you, making you triumphant. And Merlin knows she just can't do that so she's denying it all she can, " she speculated.
" She takes some interest in me, then. So what I should do is… ? "
" Make her think you don't care about her. Stop asking her out and… " Roxy replied, thoughtful.
" And what ? " James asked.
" Make her jealous, " the girl answered, smiling mischievously.
" I've tried that already, " he sighed.
" No you haven't. I mean sure, you've gone out with dozens of girls but you always dumped them after a week so why would she be jealous of girls with who you messed ? "
" Good point. This would mean getting in a real relationship with a girl, " he sighed uncertainly. " I don't know if I can do that. "
" Come on, it's just another bit of acting, " she concluded.
" But who knows how long it could take ? Months, for all we know ! I'm not going to stand going out with the some girl I don't have feelings for for months. "
" Well… " she pondered. She looked at him thoughtfully and he understood.
" You mean you, don't you ? " he raised an eyebrow.
" It could work, " she said determinedly, " say you got tired of chasing Lily and found your Quidditch partner suddenly especially attractive. "
" Yeah, sure, " he laughed, " But… I can't lie to her, Roxy. It'd mean lying to her face every single minute of the day. I can't do that. "
" Think of it as… you're lying to her, but she's lying to you all the same. Denial is a form of lying… technically… well you get my point ! And you'd be doing it for her, too. She hates you because of what you make her feel. You'd be… freeing her basically. That's my view on it in any case, " Roxy said.
" Allright, I guess if you look at it that way, " he admitted, " but… why do this for me ? "
" For one, I'm sick and tired of hearing Lily bitch and complain about you every single hour of my life when even though you sometimes really are one hell of an asshole, you're a good guy. Second, it'd be fun. Third it'd piss all those Hufflepuff bimbos off. Fourth - "
" Ok, I get it ! But let's make one thing clear, I do not have feelings for you. "
" Don't make me laugh. I've had my eye on Sirius for - "
Roxy brought her hand on her mouth, regretting having ever mentioned her best friend's enemy's best friend. James just smiled.
" They're all crazy about him anyway, " he said.
" I am not ! " she cried.
" If you say so, " he replied, dismissing the subject…
Lily's POV :
I strode straight to the hospital wing over lunch. I walked so fast, I scared myself. But Adriane and Liz had no problem keeping up. I broke into the hospital wing rather… informally, which had for direct effect every person there looking up as the door swung open. It's not like I cared, I was here for Roxy and – wait, don't tell me…
" Potter ? " I inquired. Surely he'd been gone hours ago.
" Oh hi, Lily. I was just leaving. I'll come see you later ok ? " he said softly to Roxy before – no… kissing her forehead and smiling kindly ? I gave him a cold glare as he got up from the chair, although he didn't even notice, smiling like an idiot as he left the hospital wing.
" Roxy, would you explain what the - "
" Lily, don't give me that look ! " Roxy laughed, " it's alright, I swear. "
" Are you two going out ? " Adriane asked.
" Um… yes ? " Roxy answered sheepishly.
The words struck me like a thousand knives. I wanted to throw up, I really did.
" But Roxy ! How can you even – I mean, come on ! Its…" I was struggling to get the words out, getting angrier by the second. I was mad, I was confused, I didn't understand, I…
" Look Lily, please don't take it badly ! I know what you're going to say. That he's going to play with me, that he'll mess me up like every other girl he's ever gone out with- "
" Then why did say yes ?! " I exclaimed, unbelieving and fuming with rage.
" He's changed ! And if you can't understand that then… just listen to me. He and I got closer during all that Quidditch practice, and I've gotten to know that other side of him, the sweet, kind, smart side and I want to be with him. I want to share more than just Quidditch with him and - " she was looking into space, smiling.
" Ok, but since when did you give up on Sirius ? " Adriane questioned, not exactly agreeing or disagreeing with me. Roxy sighed dramatically.
" Aah the feelings I had for him started to fade since the beginning of this year. I just couldn't picture myself with him anymore. I can't explain it, it's just… whatever part of him was in me left. He's immature, he's not serious- "
" Neither is Potter ! " I interjected.
" Lily, please ! Let her explain ! " Adriane cried.
" Well I'm sorry if I just don't understand this ! I don't see what you could possibly want with Potter ! He is nothing more than- "
" Lily, I don't want to hear it ! " Roxy said. " You don't know him, alright ? You've seen one side of him, you've never bothered trying to get to know him. And don't get me wrong, I admit he really didn't deserve your friendship sometimes in the past, but he's changed, Lily. He's grown up, and I like the new him. "
I shook my head in frustration, unable to believe the situation. How could it be possible ? I was dreaming, this wasn't real, it couldn't be…
" I…Potter can't change, " I said softly.
" He can and he has, " was Roxy's reply.
" I mean, he's not as bad as before. He doesn't hex the Slytherins as constantly anymore and he's not asking you out all the time either, Lily, " Adriane brought this evidence into light. For once why couldn't she agree with me on this one ? This was our friend we were talking about ! Not some bimbo with no brain !
" I'm just worried for you, " I said calmly, fear and incomprehension replacing anger.
" I know you are darling, but please try to understand me. He's not going to mess with me and I know he has feelings for me because... "
I stood there, not quite understanding at all, not quite believing what was happening in the first place. Potter… and Roxy ? It was unlike anything I'd ever have expected.
" How do you know he's not going out with you to get me jealous ? " I shot.
" Would you stop thinking the world revolves around you ? " Roxy spat. " Why can't you just accept the fact that he might have feelings for me for once ? "
" How do you know he does ? " I snapped.
" He told me to my face ! " Roxy shouted. " He stayed by my bedside for the past three hours instead of going to class, just so he could talk to me ! "
" I… " my breath was cut short.
" Look, if this is going to ruin our friendship then… I just won't bother with him, I don't have to go out with James, " Roxy said.
" No, I'm not going to- "
" It's alright Lily, I know you hate him so if you can't stand me going out with him, then... "
" Roxy listen to me. Go out with him if you want, I won't ruin this for you. It's just I can't believe he could change just like that and I'm… I'm just worried you'll end up hurt, " I told her honestly.
" Ok, I guess I can understand that... "
" Um… I don't mean to interrupt anything but if we don't go have some lunch, we're not going to have time to eat anything before afternoon classes start, " Liz told us.
" Right ! I um… are you feeling ok ? " I asked Roxy.
" I'm fine, the hex wasn't that bad at all, " she assured me.
" Ok, that's good. How long do you think you'll be in here for ? " Adriane asked.
" I should be out tomorrow, " Roxy replied.
" We'll come check up on you later then, " I told her as we left the hospital wing, " do get some rest, ok ? "
" Not that bad a hex, my ass, " Liz muttered under her breath, her voice barely audible.
" What do you mean ? " I asked her, feeling my stomach clench.
" Let's just say I'd watch out for this Snape guy if I were you. That hex could have done a lot more damage if… "
" If what ? " I insisted.
" Nothing, forget it. The only thing that matters is that she's ok, right ? " Liz said, suddenly pasting a look of relief and happiness on her face. It looked real, full of honesty, though I could tell it was nothing of the sort. I remembered her pale face, her thin lips, her frustration when ripping Roxy's sleeve. This wasn't just some random hex, and she knew it. She'd experienced it…
But as we walked down the corridors of the castle, passing by unnamable portraits and uncountable secret passageways we'd never know the existence of, I really hadn't felt less hungry in my life.
" Look, why don't you go to lunch ? I'm… I think I need some fresh air, I'm not that hungry after all, " I said, already walking the other way and waving so they couldn't protest me leaving alone.
I greeted the cold autumn air with thankfulness and relief. I felt the harsh, yet calming wind brush across my face, as though knowing, conscious of my emotions inside. It transported me to the grounds, where I was left to think in peace. In all honesty I didn't want to think about it. And what could I possibly think ? What was worth being thought ? That I'd kill Potter the first chance I got ? Sure, that'd help a lot of things. I sighed. My eyes slipped closed. I don't know how long I stayed like this, but I knew by the time my eyes found sight again and the harsh reality that lay ahead, I'd have better been back to the castle.
I got up and headed back, crossing my arms over my chest when… I noticed a glint of black in the green grass. Realization sinking in, I picked up Liz's note…
It was the very next day that I was reminded just how much chaos and horrifying states of mind Voldemort had established. As I was walking hurriedly back from the library after two long and tiring hours working almost pointlessly on Barnes' particularly complex essay on the use of Dragon Skin, I happened to bump into someone, who not only knocked me off my feet, but had the audacity to laugh.
" Don't bother getting up, mudblood, " the cold, sly voice of Lucius Malfoy scorned. " You're no better than dirt. " He started walking away.
" If I'm no better than dirt, you're no better than a pile of rotten dung bombs, " I called back, gathering my books and notes spread across the floor. He stopped in his tracks, hesitantly at first, then spun around.
" What right do you have to be studying here anyway ? Can you tell me that, mudblood ? " he asked viciously. I was back on my feet now, feeling strangely… rebellious. The mere sight of Malfoy should have scared me after what happened yesterday, but no particle of fright composed my body at that moment. I was hungry… hungry for vengeance on what it was I was constantly seen as.
" You been having fun killing people lately, Malfoy ? Can't see what even Voldemort could possibly see in scum like you in the first place, " I spat back.
" How dare you speak his name ! " he roared, his temper rising in revulsion.
" Who ? Voldemort ? " Malfoy flinched at the name yet again. " Oh I have no trouble speaking his despicable name, don't worry about that ! "
" I'll teach you some manners, " the Slytherin muttered infuriately under his breath, taking out his wand and getting into dueling position.
" Oh I think you need a taste of your own medicine Malfoy, " I shot, taking out my own wand, the maddening eagerness of finally facing the very people who participated in making me feel inferior and unimportant in this school taking me over. The fury was overpowering, the temptation of dueling Lucius Malfoy alone with no one to help him being an exciting dream become reality. Through my veins flowed the greatest satisfaction, the settling of scores was my oxygen, the need to prove myself that I endured would be satisfied at last. I was ready as I would ever be and today would be the day I would finally -
" What the hell do you think you're doing Malfoy ? " another voice, this one brave and defiant, interfered. Nooo. Not here. Not now.
" Leave Potter, I can take care of this ! " I shouted across the hall. He ignored me.
" Ten points from Slytherin for misconduct towards the Head Girl ! " he said, thinking it highly amusing.
" Ten points to Slytherin for arrogance on the Head Boy's part ! " I cried.
" Lily ! " Potter exclaimed.
" I said LEAVE ! "
" But he's - "
" ARE YOU DEAF ?! GO ! "
" You heard the mudblood Potter, she doesn't need help from an arrogant jerk like you ! " Malfoy sneered.
" You keep your mouth shut - " Potter started.
" POTTER LEAVE US THE FUCK ALONE ! " I screamed.
" Excetradentio! "
For a moment, my vision was reduced to a mere blur, a flash of blue, white and green like an impressionist painting. My head could have burst with the intensity of the pain, and the voices faded and echoed incomprehensively in my ears. Then just as suddenly as the experience had come, it left, leaving me feeling perfectly normal except for….
" AAH ! " I shrieked as thin and scaly red snakes hissed on top of my head, replacing my hair. Malfoy was laughing his head off, hysterically amused by the wonders of the hex that caused my embarrassment.
" THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT POTTER ! " I shouted at the very top of my lungs, fuming with rage and feeling horribly dejected with humiliation. Potter started mumbling something that sounded like an apology but I didn't care. I couldn't have cared less about anything in the whole world than Potter stupidly making up excuses for making me look exactly like what I seemed to be. I couldn't stand it, I couldn't stand him. Just my chance and he had to ruin it ! My blood was boiling, my fury as uncontrollable as a herd of wild boars.
How could he, how dare he ?!
I punched Potter. Hard. His nose started bleeding and I was expecting a broken or sprained wrist on my part. Malfoy only laughed harder.
" This is – ha ha ha– priceless ! " he said in frenzied laughter.
" SHUT UP ! " Potter and I chorused. Malfoy didn't have the time to stop laughing before he was hit by both our hexes. The whole scene resembled nothing more than an unconscious, huge red canary with pus-filled warts and cow spots in the middle of a corridor with the reincarnation of a mythological creature and a ring fighter who got badly hit.
" Say, we got him pretty well, " Potter had the audacity to remark.
" Potter, I don't want you to ever talk to me again ! Is that clear ?! " I shouted, eyes glittering with rage. " And if you mess with my best friend, if you play her like you played all the others, you're going to wish you were never born. Because I swear I will murder you, Potter. I will murder you if that's the last thing I do. " The last words were spoken low, almost a whisper, my voice ice cold and aggressive. He didn't respond ( from shock in all probability ) and just looked dumbfounded. It was better that way. I wasn't expecting an answer, I wasn't expecting excuses, and yet as I walked straight to the Hospital Wing for " a new haircut " and perhaps something for my throbbing wrist, I wasn't expecting him to abide to my demand to be left alone either.
A/N : Sorry for the cliffhanger about Lily finding the note ! Do forgive me, I couldn't stop myself. You'll find out about that next chapter. Merry Christmas ! Hope 2005 is full of love, happiness and laughs for you all !
Thanks to :
Amalynne O'Hara : hey girl, thanks so much for the grammar lesson ! I needed that, I had no idea it had to do with singular/plural, whoo english grammar is too much for me, lol. Masked ball…. hum… let's just say you're gonna get some surprises wink wink. In any case, you're mom speaks French ? Canada ? France ? Oh tell me all about it.
Raven : You don't know Elizabeth Vornbrock ???? Are you crazy ??? No I'm just kidding, I'm the crazy one, don't mind me. Liz is my very good friend living in Iowa who writes poetry damn well, the reason each of my chapters start with a poem ( concerning the story ) written by her. Thanks so much for reviewing, I really appreciate it !
Lea-hail Mary, I've sinned : hey little sis. Yes remember in some HP book, Ron and Harry found the Slytherin common room by accident ( well not really, I think they followed Draco in it or something ). She calls James "James" because she doesn't want to be a bitch, it's that easy to understand. But she's not gonna keep at it, don't worry. It was just a one-time thing, lol cause he was being nice and all.
Nat the termite : thanx for reviewing my cherie, and telling me what you liked.
Gotha-gurl : I'm happy you like my fic, keep reviewing and I'll keep updating…
Jess : hey, cliffhangers are fun, trust me they are… for me anyway, lol. Chapter 5 didn't finish on a cliff hanger. Ok so the 6th one kinda did, And don't bother asking lea any questions about Liz, she doesn't know a thing, haha. I hope you like chapter 6, I had fun writing it. About Liz… she's going to lead the others into trouble in later chapters and it's gonna mess shit up. Ok great, I've said too much. Keep reviewing dear !
Amanda : I'm glad you like it, thanx for your review !
Cachou : haha, let me laugh. Don't harass me too much though otherwise I'll be so stressed I don't write anything anymore. Thanx for reviewing deary.
FlOrA : hey thanx for reviewing, keep at it ! I love to hear from you, hope you like this chapter !