Rain inside and out
A/N : hey all, I'm starting a mailing list which basically makes it that every time I update a chapter, I email you about it. This is for people who don't have accounts on or don't have me with "author alert" and want to be alerted when I update. If you want to be on the mailing list, please say so in your review.
Chapter 8 : Sceptical Disappearance
All last week Liz had been acting strangely but being bothered by my own troubles rather than hers, I asked no questions. On the concerned Tuesday of October I woke up in the early morning, the sun having not yet rose, the castle not yet alive with the usual clamour of students and portraits awaking from their reveries. Unable to fall back asleep I decided to come down to the common room, making sure I didn't wake anyone up in the process.
The sound of a quill frantically scribbling on a piece of parchment reached my ears as I stepped down the last steps of the staircase. That's when I realized I mustn't have been alone to wake up so early and the scribbling stopped as I set foot in the common room.
" Who's there ? " a harsh voice called. I recognized it instantly as Liz's, her dangerous and threatening yet calm and subtle tone of voice unmistakable among others. She was sitting around the main table by the fireplace, a black feathered quill in one hand, her wand in the other. Her long dark hair ran down her back like a cascade of black silk, her grey eyes shining with the reflection of the fire's dancing flames.
" It's just me, " I responded. " What are you doing so early ? "
" Oh, I'm just… " she stammered, seeming taken aback by my presence. " I'm just writing a letter to my grandma. "
She dropped her wand and raised the letter as if proving she wasn't lying, then turned suddenly uncomfortable and folded the piece of parchment once, twice before pulling it inside her school robes. I knew her as clever and always imagined her to be a good liar, very much unlike the tense girl she portrayed at this very moment. Therefore this conduct didn't resemble her at all and her accumulation of strange behaviours lately only made me more suspicious.
" Better be going back to sleep then, " she said giving me a nervous smile, a smile which betrayed her.
"You can tell me, you know, if anything's wrong, " I assured her as she passed by me, headed towards our dorms. She stopped walking and looked at me for a moment. The same look she had given me before telling me about the night of the Voldemort attack when she was five. She was determining whether she could trust me again.
" I know, " she merely answered. " Everything's fine. " The smile previously playing on her lips was gone, as though it had never been there in the first place. She wasn't cold, or annoyed I had pushed the subject further. She just sounded… remorseful. I knew everything wasn't fine but then again maybe she was trying to convince herself of it as she tried to convince me. I smiled in response, unsure of what to think. I knew she was hiding something, but what ? Did it involve her past ? Did it involve the note Black had sent her ?
A cloud of confusion settled into my mind as the sun made its first emergence into the dawn-tinted sky, its' bright beams of light exiling the moon and stars. Liz not acting like herself definitely wasn't a sign things were going ok, on the contrary, it gave the impression something really bad was about to happen. And that impression didn't stay an impression for long….
Narrator's POV :
" It's probably lying. "
" The map never lies ! You know it better than me ! "
" She ran off then, so what ? "
" She's your cousin for Merlin's sake ! "
" And I couldn't care less. She'll show up eventually and I don't want to know where she was, what she was doing, nor what happened. "
" What if she needs us ? "
An exasperated laugh was heard.
" Well that's her problem… "
The dream pursued in Lily's mind, but when she woke up the next day, she had no reminiscence of it whatsoever.
Lily's POV :
On Friday morning, I was sitting down for breakfast under an overcast sky, reminder of the gloomy atmosphere, the harshness of the cold, the dreaded events that occurred outside, in the real world.
The post arrived on time, not a second too soon, not a second late. A hoard of black, brown and white flew in, some carrying packages, others bringing Howlers and at least one was a letter from the Ministry, announcing among grave apologies, the death of a relative lost in the hands of the Dark Lord. Every Saturday it was the same routine, the plea you wouldn't be the one receiving a pale blue envelope distinctively marked with a Ministry emblem.
Ministry owls were easy to recognize, flying above all others, as if conscious of whom they belonged to. They travelled with distinctive elegance, pride gleaming in their eyes, and yet that same spark revealed a certain ignorance. I wondered if they knew what kind of letters they brought…
Dreadful weather and excess of anxiety in the hall should have been enough to start off this day badly. Unfortunately, I wasn't that lucky…
Liz was missing.
And strangely, it had for direct effect a rise of tension at the Gryffindor table where I reluctantly sat across from Roxy's fabulous boyfriend and the rest of the Marauder gang ( a first ). The only sounds were the ones of crunched toast and the loud banging of silverware on plates, material proof of the unusual anger at defeat reigning between Potter and I. Although to me it was thoroughly unclear at the time what exactly it was he had lost in all this, and it would remain this way for quite some time.
In fact I had refused to hear Potter out since what was officially known as " the Malfoy incident " which had the honour of being the latest scandal who's propagation around the school had been no slower than wildfire. As I had expected, Slytherins came up to me with mocking interpretations of the scene.
" Help me, Potter, help ! " they would cry tauntingly with fake terrified looks before running around a corner, laughing hysterically. Every time I took my wand out I'd get a "careful with that, mudblood, you might hex yourself " and there was nothing to stop them. No matter how many detentions I handed out, no matter how many points I took off, there seemed to be no end to the consequences of this past lamentable Saturday evening. In fact, every punishment I gave only increased the infuriating remarks.
Nevertheless, I acted as though they meant nothing for after all, for who listened to Slytherins ? Well on the inside I happened to. I seemed confident at daybreak, somewhat assured that this new day couldn't be as bad as the last, calmed down after a night's rest. Yet every sunset I'd be proven wrong, breaking into silent tears, tears I hid from the rest of the world.
I refused to give the impression I was hurt, that I cared about their recurrent mockeries; it would have only further entertained them.
Moreover I found myself unable to tell my friends about it either. I hadn't even told them about the incident itself, and they seemed to think these words were nothing out of the ordinary, considering I was a muggle born. And since I gave such a strong impression of indifference, they thought I didn't need their support. If they had paid more attention they would have noticed I was lying through my teeth when I said I was fine, they knew me well after all. But I couldn't blame them for being preoccupied by their own troubles and worries rather than my own, which I made no effort to explain in the first place.
Adriane was busy with school work, those Advanced History classes were really getting to her, and her focus was on her two history essays a week, not on friends. Roxy was rarely there either, what with all her Quidditch practice : the first game of the season, Gryffindor versus Slytherin, was in two weeks, and Potter had his players on the pitch every night. Even when she returned soaked from the endlessly pouring rain I avoided her, her relationship with Potter more than ever unaccepted.
The only person I felt I could have maybe trusted was Eliza. But she was always spacing out, never quite with us and this only made me suspicious of her. The fact she was be not present at the breakfast table made it all only worse. She was hiding things, things I could not be trusted with. She seemed gone.
The clanging of silverware hit a maximum as I realized this with incredible frustration and put my glass down so hard it shattered to pieces. Potter's gaze met mine, a gaze which seemed to ask " damn Lily, what is it ? ". His eyes were questioning, yet cold. They were dying to know, yet wishing they had never known anything. He opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off.
" Anyone seen Liz ? " I asked the question which had been on my mind all morning, while I muttered a spell to clean up the mess.
" She wasn't in her bed when I got up, " Adriane said.
I sighed. Why did that girl always seem to vanish into thin air ? I turned to look at Black, who hadn't said anything all morning. What a surprising sight it was since he hardly seemed to shut up.
" Don't bother asking me, Evans, I don't know where she is, " he said airily.
I could feel Potter's eyes on me as I rolled my own, as I pushed my chair back, as I headed out the Great Hall mumbling something along the lines of " I'm going to find her "… I never did.
In truth she found me. She showed up at lunch time, having missed all the morning's classes with apathy and simply asked if she could borrow my notes to catch up the lessons she'd been absent for.
" Oh I was just in the hospital wing, " she replied when asked about her whereabouts, the cheery tone of voice she used not going unnoticed.
" Why, what happened ? " I inquired.
" Well, aren't you curious ? " she laughed, stifling a yawn. She saw the confused look in my eye and was reminded of the last time we had this sort of conversation : in the early morning just two days ago. She turned serious again :
" I woke up early, came down to have breakfast, missed a step and sprained my ankle. I just went to see Ms Pompfrey so she could get it fixed and it took all morning for the potion to take effect. That's all, I assure you. "
She smiled once more, which turned out to be contagious. I laughed, just plain relieved nothing had happened to her, that she hadn't gotten into trouble, and most of all that really, not everything was turning out wrong this week. And suddenly, even after two straight hours of Transfiguration, I felt… revived.
Until I went to Potions, a class we spent with the Ravenclaws. Adriane and I were brewing a Strengthening Draught, meant to give sudden force to anyone who happens to drink it. I was shredding tea tree leaves while Adriane went to fetch dragon blood when I overheard the conversation taking place behind me.
" What do you mean, he can't play ? " a boy with short brown hair and askew glasses exclaimed.
" Keep your voice down ! " his friend whispered tightly. " Jason's had a nasty fight with that Hufflepuff again, broken nose you should have seen it ! "
" Are you kidding me ? All this because of a broken nose ? "
" Listen, he was in the hospital wing all morning anyway, and even if he could manage to play Quidditch, he'd have trouble getting out of Pringle's claws, he's got detention everyday for a month ! "
" WHAT ? " the boy yelled so loudly, Professor McKay, a cranky short tempered woman on the edge of retirement, finally took notice of their group and their discussions which didn't have anything to do with the Strengthening Draughts whatsoever.
She told them off for a good five minutes, which got the entire class laughing, everyone except for me that is. Hell, I was not paying the slightest bit of attention. All I could think about was this Jason. I knew I had met him somewhere, but couldn't remember his face exactly. Surely he knew if… wait, why was I doubting ? I mean, why would Liz lie to me ? And strangely I found a whole lot of reasons : she hadn't exactly acted normally since the beginning of the week, she'd been distant for sure, then again her parents have just died maybe it involves them and she doesn't terribly want to discuss it… Maybe she just didn't trust me, which seemed convincing enough. But… no, it didn't make sense because she had trusted me before.
Then again, why was I not trusting her ? If she just couldn't tell me things, why didn't I accept it ? It wasn't really my business was it ? But what if she ended up doing something bad, that she couldn't go back on, something she did because she had no one to confide into, because she felt I wasn't there for her ?
These questions kept racing through my mind on an endless circular track, ending only with a definite answer. And finally, there was no other way for it, I found myself heading towards the hospital wing fainting a headache in order to find this guy as soon as classes were over.
The hospital wing was empty when I arrived. I must have missed him, but my entrance having made quite some noise, Ms Pompfrey's footsteps came unequivocally and I couldn't just run off.
" Hello dear, " she greeted me merrily. " What's the matter ? "
" Oh um… nothing at all. I was just wondering whether Kathryn had been here this morning. "
" Why of course ! She had a badly sprained ankle, I took all morning to get it fixed ! " she replied.
Her reply took me aback. For some reason I had expected her to give me a puzzling look along with the proclamation of a long and emphatic "no".
" Are you sure you're alright, dear ? You look a bit pale, " she turned from cheerfulness to worry and instantly brought her hand to my forehead.
" No, I'm fine, just fine. " I said quickly as I backed away. " Thanks for the information, I'll just be going now. "
I left the hospital wing somewhat amazed and definitely more carefree. Liz hadn't lied. This was turning out much better than I expected.
When I crept into bed later that evening, much later than anyone else in my dorm, sleep just didn't come. It was only after turning countless times trying to get some rest that I realized my mind was much too puzzled to willingly let itself be affected by unconsciousness. I opened the curtains to my bed and just sat there for a minute, wondering why I stayed awake when I felt so exhausted.
I hadn't gotten over Potter, and every attempt I had taken at ignoring him only made me more ignorant myself; disregarding his confusion enlarged the depth of my own. People tend to grow distant of others when they get in a relationship. My constant rejection of Potter's relationship with Roxy only increased the distance between my best friend and me, which was really not what I needed under these circumstances. I had turned to Liz, who past her inborn mystery and secrets, turned out to be truthful, when I had suspected her of lying. All these thoughts seemed to clog my way to sleep on this night of mid-October, so I finally let my feet guide me across the room, where I dropped by the windowsill.
The sky was tainted a bluish-black colour, a serene ocean of seemingly everlasting beauty as though black rose petals had been spread out all across the sky. Speckles of light shone through the darkness, allowing this night a sense of liberty and unfathomable purity. A mysterious, full moon bestowed light of such radiant splendour that no sun could have matched it. It gleamed with mischief, dim enough to hide strangers, yet bright enough to light their way. The window quietly opened by my instinctive hands welcomed a soothing wind inside the room.
This fresh breeze outlined a series of waves through my ginger hair, as the world seemed to hold its breath, unconditionally still, silence having long claimed the night.
And the only thing to perturb this harmony, the one sound to defy the silence's possession of night was a rustling a leaves far below. Somewhere upon the grounds, someone was out during the long hours of darkness.
My eyes landed near the lake, where it seemed, a large black creature had come across an ashen animal, a deer maybe, its white fur in contrast with the shadows. Their forms were blurred and indistinct, but even from the top of the Gryffindor Tower, it appeared these creatures had a common understanding while they walked side by side under the moonlight. Then suddenly, the white deer stopped in its tracks. It looked around, as if suspecting someone's presence. His lustrous deep brown eyes gazed into the night, taking in all the beauty in the world, and as he looked up, I could have sworn he looked straight at me…
A/N : You know what to do.
Thanks to :
Amalynne O'Hara : yeah they all are pretty sad, hun ? well I'm sorry to say it's not gonna get any better. Well it might, but just for a little while, then everything comes crashing down again. Thanks for reviewing !
Gwen : Roxy being bitchy ? I guess, but let's put it this way, they're desperate. James certainly is, and Roxy is tired of leaving Lily in her denial.
Flora : James not in love with Lily ? Well of course he's not, he said so himself. Why would he love the girl after all ? I mean, she's only gorgeous, feisty, caring and smart as hell ? Why would he love her ? lol, just kidding.
A : I'm just in need of inspiration and motivation to update, lol. I'm not asking for the moon, am I ? Thanks for reviewing !
The Big Dance : hey, sorry you don't get to see how the "I hate you" part affected James in this chapter. Next chapter though… thanks for reviewing !