Rain inside and out
A/N: I wrote half of this a year ago, and the other half this summer on a terrace in the beautiful yet barely inhabited mountains over Perpignan, in the south of France, where I had strictly nothing else to do than write. I loved it.
Chapter 10 : Falling from too high
Realization that I had once more been lied to was easier to accept than I would have thought. Maybe it was the influence of the events occurring in the wizarding world, where no one could trust his neighbor for fear of befriending the wrong people. Betrayal had become common, deaths a daily routine, war omniscient. Maybe it was the consequence of this feeling of drift from all things that comprised my social life. This seventh year was hell by the workload we were assigned, staying up until two o'clock to finish a damn essay, only to get up at seven the following morning. I found that night patrols three times a week didn't encourage decent amounts of sleep either. I felt this war was closing down on me as I began to block out others. Liz I was reluctant to trust, Roxy I could no longer understand, and Adriane… She was there, yet absent at the same time. She didn't want to take part in my conflict with Roxy, which was normal, but her neutrality became disturbing. I felt she was more of an intermediate person than a close friend. It seemed out of place to speak my mind with her now, because she had turned into the one in the middle that neither Roxy nor I were supposed to influence. No matter if it had nothing to do with our friend's relationship with Potter, there were obstacles to confiding myself with Adriane that hadn't existed before. This inability to rely on my friends both brought me to sink a little lower and motivate me to stay on the surface. The worse the situation was, the more adamant I was to fix it.
Maybe it was time I listened to Liz after all. I should stop getting involved in things that did, in fact, not concern me. I had learned not to underestimate the power of her magic and altering Ms. Pomfrey's memory mustn't have been that challenging for a witch like Liz. She had certainly lied about her whereabouts in mid October, yet as much as I was worried about her and her disturbing secrecy, there was nothing relative to the truth that she would tell me no matter how fiercely I urged her for it. I'd do her and myself a favor, I wouldn't ask questions. I'd let it slide since there was no point in confronting her, really.
My mind was elsewhere in any case. I hadn't talked to Potter for… had it already been three weeks ? This came as a surprise. Since our last encounter I felt as if I had lost something. I thought of what it'd be like if we never spoke again. Would I miss it ? I sat up straight on my bed.
No, don't be ridiculous. I wouldn't miss how we argued and how irresponsible he was. I wouldn't miss his infuriating arrogance and his ineffectively seductive smiles, nor how he shouted so vehemently at me and how I so strongly shouted back. It'd almost have been funny if I ever missed how he looked so deeply into my face, or how his eyes sometimes bore into mine. I surely wouldn't miss his fake and facetious gallantry, or his jokes in class or his laughter.
Indeed, I wouldn't give a damn if he were to never to speak to me again. Could it really be that simple? If it were, then…why did I feel uneasy at the thought of him disappearing from my life?
So what if there was something between me and the reflection-inducing boy that was James Potter? If it had taken a shape it would have one of electricity, formless and unseen, only felt. Something passed through us, like a bold of lightning.
I then realized that part of the reason why I had constantly argued with Potter in the past was because it was stress relieving. We had that current passing through us, a feeling I only had when we were yelling enraged at each other and I always left feeling enlivened and less tense. When it involved only us and revolved around hopeless arguments, that is… As inexplicable as it was, we had this fire about us, this fiery chemistry that had become part of everyday life to me.
I sat there, pondering… could that fire be burning out?
Shaking the thought off, I descended the staircase to the bustling common room. Emmeline Vance and Dorcas Meadows were placing bets with Dedalus Diggle on who would win the Quidditch game the next day, while second and third years played Exploding Snap in a corner. A couple of students were studying under the exasperated faces of their peers who wouldn't spent their Friday evening reading a book, thank you very much. Those same careless students would end up working late Sunday night though, after a well-spent afternoon in Hogsmeade, the first to have been organized this year. A group of fourth years were loudly arguing broomsticks and whichever one flew best. My eyes skimmed the room for a familiar face, noticing that the Marauders were nowhere to be found. I stopped searching when I saw someone looking at me. A boy whom I recognized as Stephen Fletcher, a sixth year, was smiling at me from behind his thick brown hair and silver-framed glasses. I blushed and scurried out the common room.
On the morning of the first Quidditch game, Roxy wouldn't eat a thing. She got up at six thirty, an all time record for her and just sat by the edge of the window until eight, looking out at the Quidditch pitch and the sun lazily rising in a nearly cloudless sky. I, for one, was too tired to tell her to get back to sleep.
" Roxy you have to eat something, anything, " Adriane said to her during breakfast. She had never been this stressed out before a match. It was starting to worry me. Her dark circles showed she hadn't slept much last night either.
" Not hungry, " she grumbled childishly. To say that this same girl ate twice as much as me on normal days was laughable. Laughable, but true.
" Roxy, as your Quidditch captain, I order you to eat some toast. This is the first game of the season sure, but it's Slytherin we're talking about ! We're gonna send them into next century, brighten up ! " Potter said encouragingly, and for once, I wasn't completely ungrateful of his presence.
" All right, this is just bloody Slytherin, " she replied, trying to convince herself more than anybody else. By the time she left the Great Hall with the rest of the team, she had eaten two strips of bacon and half an egg. Talk about a healthy breakfast.
I smiled. A Quidditch game was exactly what I needed to take my mind off things. It was the excitement that overtook you as players soared through the air, scored outstanding goals while Bludgers chased them wildly across the pitch. It was the erupting cheers and groans of the crowd, the incredible suspense as the Snitch was spotted and the Seekers flew after it faster than you could register what was happening. I always awaited these events at Hogwarts in eager anticipation, for the whole action of the game literally took my breath away. I always wanted to fly but shyness and self-consciousness kept me from trying out every year, as did the price of brooms stop me from buying one in the first place.
I climbed the stairs up the stadium with Adriane and Liz, while Remus and Black followed from behind. Long breakfasts on Quidditch mornings usually lead to having a hard time finding decent seats, therefore we had to settle for seats up front, near a giggly group of Gryffindor third years while the two guys took seats a bit further up.
" Have you seen James lately ? " one of the girls in front of us squealed.
Adriane snickered loudly, which made me smile. Thank Merlin Frank started the commentary for the match, for I don't think I could have lived through it without a couple of spells coincidentally flying in the direction of the thirteen-year-olds.
" Witches and Wizards, welcome to the first Quidditch match of the season opposing two very good teams who are bound to make this game very exciting : Gryffindor… " cheering was heard from the Gryffindor stands, " and Slytherin, " Frank added rather… less enthusiastically. A loud round of applause was heard nonetheless from the Slytherin stands.
" Here comes out the Gryffindor team lead by captain James Potter, " Frank informed as the team made its way onto the field. A loud " ooooh " was instantly heard from in front of me followed by another round of giggling.
Meanwhile, Frank finished presenting in a rather bored voice the Slytherin team with its Keeper, Ben Vallington. Madam Hooch, serving as referee for the game, blew the whistle and the fourteen players rose up into the air. Frank's voice boomed into the air :
" And they're off ! Slytherin chaser Hoover in possession, passes to Grumsfield, who ducks from a Bludger send by Jones. He's making his way towards the goal posts... but no, he's stopped by Potter who brilliantly passes the Quaffle to Chaser Roxanne Strider - look at her fly ! She zooms ahead, ducking from a Slytherin chaser on the way and passes back to Potter who's in perfection position to… he scores ! " Cheering and applause accompanied the goal as Gryffindor now led 10-0.
" And Slytherin is back in possession as Joe Cane passes the Quaffle to Grumsfield, who drops it - what a shame - "
" LONGBOTTOM ! " McGonagall barked.
" Sorry professor - Quaffle taken by Gryffindor Chaser Stadick who dives under Hoover and - ouch ! Bludger hit her right arm but Potter catches the dropped Quaffle and speeds forward, closely followed by Cane - Potter passes to Stadick - back to Strider, come on Roxy - she shoots - Vallington dives for it, misses - Gryffindor scores again ! " Roars of applause erupted from the stadium, as moans escaped the Slytherin stands. I clapped harder than anyone else, shouting " Go Roxy ! " along with Adriane, which got us stares from a couple people whom we completely ignored.
" And Slytherin is back in possession with Robert Cane and Benjamin Grumsfield attacking from both sides of the field ! Cane dives, Grumsfield goes for the goal posts, he's - no, he passes to Hoover who's just behind him ! Hoover shoots ! And… Slytherin scores ! " The Slytherin stands exploded as scarves of green and white were waved around.
" And it's back to Grumsfield, who's coming on from the left side, flying high - he passes to Cane who's right ahead of him, the Quaffle goes to Hoover - back to Grumsfield… Bludgers are flying everywhere, one nearly hitting the Gryffindor Seeker but Marks sends it back towards the other team… Wait now… Grumsfield passes to Cane who's way below, he makes his way back up - passes to Hoover - no the pass is intercepted by Strider ! Strider who's now flying wildly across the pitch, there's no one defending ! She passes to Potter, Potter with the Quaffle ! " Frank shouted the news with such thrill that the whole stadium held its' breath. Just then, a huge mass came from out of nowhere and smashed into Potter, sending him flying completely off course and causing him to drop the Quaffle.
" Foul ! " the three-quarters of the stadium shouted as one voice. I looked at Potter, who looked positively furious. He had a hand on his right shoulder and a facial expression indicating he was injured. Hooch, who was too busy shouting fiercely at the violent Slytherin Chaser, failed to notice and blew her whistle insinuating a penalty for Gryffindor. Stadick took it and scored without difficulty. I saw Roxy flying over to Potter, making sure he was all right, which seemed to be the case although I wasn't so sure. He should have gone to Hooch if he was hurt. Then again, he'd never lose that showoff attitude. He probably thought it was cool not to say anything, what an idiot. But what did you want, it was Potter after all.
The game continued for another half-hour, Slytherin scoring twice, which brought the score to a tie. After Grumsfield had scored once more, to the Slytherin's most ecstatic delight, Roxy motioned to Potter to call for a time out. Moments later he did, and the Gryffindor team flew to the ground to meet. I saw Roxy shouting at Potter, although I couldn't tell what she was saying. She was gesturing to his arm while he seemed to argue that it was perfectly fine. The other members of the team didn't appear to want to take sides : they knew all too well their captain's temper and didn't feel like getting on the wrong side of an aggravated Roxy at the moment. After two minutes or so, Roxy, although frustrated, gave up and the seven players soared into the air. The game carried on and it looked as though the Gryffindors were playing worse and worse. Well, Potter was. He dropped the Quaffle three times and missed twice while shooting at the goal posts. It wasn't until the Slytherins lead 60-30 twenty minutes later that Roxy reacted once more. She wanted another time out but Potter didn't call for one. When the Slytherin Chaser had spotted the Snitch and was about to catch it but only failed because of a brilliant move by Marks who sent a Bludger his way, Potter finally did, not being able to manage Roxy's persistence any longer. The team came down and Roxy started harassing Potter again, this time being close enough for me to hear, not that she noticed I could :
" Just tell Hooch you can't play ! " she shouted.
" I can too, " he replied stubbornly.
" James, you've never flown worse and don't pretend your arm is doing just fine. Your sleeve is soaked with blood for Merlin's sake ! You're gonna get yourself killed ! One Bludger could do it and I have a feeling the Slytherins aren't ignoring that, " she cried in a half concerned, half irritated voice.
" Strider I'm telling you, I'm OK, " he insisted, his anger rising. He wasn't one to be bossed around but why was he calling her by her last name ? Maybe this was more serious than a simple Quidditch disagreement. Roxy on the other side, would not give up so easily and barely seemed to notice the change in how he had addressed himself to her :
" If you don't do it for yourself, at least do it for the team because honestly we're sure to lose the game if you continue playing and I'm not going to stand the Slytherins bragging over the fact that they beat us when they shouldn't have ! If it weren't for Charlie, we'd probably have lost the game already. Just have Vincent or whatever the kid with the blue hair's name is play instead of you ! " she suggested.
" No way ! " James responded as if the idea was absurd.
" Well if you're not quitting, I am ! " she declared.
" What ! " he exclaimed.
" Potter, replace me by that kid otherwise the game's over and I'd much rather lose 60-30 than 200-30. If you don't have the courage to give up for once, then I'll have to do it. You can sink as low as you want, but you're not taking the whole team down with you, " she affirmed decisively.
" Potter, you done with that time out ? " Madam Hooch called.
" You know she's right, James, " the Keeper cut in.
" Just a minute, " the captain shouted to the referee, " look, this is what we're gonna do… " I didn't hear the rest for he was whispering it to the others but I could tell it by the look on Roxy's face after she had heard him, that it wasn't the best of ideas. She didn't oppose to it however but looked anxious. The Gryffindors joined the Slytherins into the air once more and took their positions. Frank continued the commentary as the game carried on.
" It's Slytherin back in possession with Hoover, he passes to Cane… Cane edging towards the goal posts… he shoots- but the Keeper catches it and throws back to Potter - no wait, it's Cortez ! What the hell ! That's the Gryffindor Seeker going to the goal posts with the Quaffle ! Now I doubt that's ever happened in Hogwarts history. Looks like a Chaser is searching for the Snitch too ! Anyway, Cortez isn't doing all that bad, he's getting ahead - passes to Strider, who's gonna shoot… no, it's back to Cortez - who scores ! The Gryffindor Seeker SCORES ! This is amazing ! " Frank exclaimed as cheers exploded throughout the stadium ( not counting the Slytherin stands of course ). I applauded like everyone else but I couldn't help wondering what the hell Potter had gotten himself into. Sure, he'd always been showing off with that Snitch he nicked a couple years back and he did have excellent reflexes. But surely he'd never practiced playing as Seeker with a Snitch that could be just about anywhere instead of one that was merely a foot or two in front of him. Although the Slytherins were still winning 60 to 40, the Gryffindors seemed to have regained confidence and therefor kept the Quaffle on the " good side " of their goal posts. Roxy seemed to have relaxed. She wasn't used to playing with Christopher Cortez and seemed relieved he played all right as Chaser. He was nothing compared to a normal-playing Potter, that was obvious, but it was better than nothing and even Potter was probably worse than nothing at that time while playing Chaser. The game proceeded rather well, Roxy and Christopher Cortez each scored again, which brought the score to a tie and the Bludgers mostly attacked Slytherins. After over a hour of playing, Potter who had been circling the pitch for any sign of the Snitch, caught a hint of gold light on the opposite side of the field and even thought his arm seemed to throb worse than ever, he launched himself after it.
" Potter's flying like mad - he's seen the Snitch ! Slytherin Seeker Margaret Roberts is after him, and I'm not just talking Quidditch, but he's ahead nonetheless ! He's gaining on the Snitch, he's going to… " Just then, the little golden ball zoomed to the ground and Potter dived after it. Roberts pulled back upwards but the Gryffindor Chaser was determined. Inevitably, he was going to crash. Crash he did, but the second before, he did the one thing he needed to do.
" Potter's got the Snitch ! It doesn't look like he's doing too good though… " Frank announced. The yells of triumph that should have surrounded me were absent as Potter lay motionless on the ground, the Snitch still struggling to break free from his fist. Before I could stop myself, I descended the few steps to the pitch and ran to him. Why ? I didn't bother asking myself the question but this feeling as if my heart were filled with stone-cold ashes was enough to terrify me. I reached him and fell to his side. He moved slightly and took notice of my presence. My figure must have been just a blur to him.
" What the hell's your problem, James ! You're fucking crazy, you know that ? " I shouted at him. He smiled weakly.
" About you, " he whispered before falling unconscious.
A/N : I'm pretty sure replying to reviews is now forbidden on this site, which I find to be absurd (what about the exchange, the communication between writers?) But I'll abide to those ridiculous rules anyway… for just a little while longer. This is the last chapter posted on this site. I will soon be officially leaving fanfictiondotnet. Next chapter will be posted on a new archive. Please go to my profile for information.
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