Yay. Well, I can't update on my birthday, since it's a Sunday, so, instead, I'm uploading one day earlier. Let me tell YOU, that this chapter was a bitch and a half to write.
The Chapter Contains: Daisuke FINALLY getting drunk, one of those contraptions that involve string, chickens, an otter, bowling balls, race cars and other random objects just to open the screen door so that you don't have to, more cross dressing, Yaoi (making out) and three lines from the anime Excel Saga's beginning theme song, called Love (Loyalty).
Translation for these lines:
That isn't love Love isn't that I am in love, but I am not loved.Timeline: Muahaha! There is no timeline! This story is just my brain floundering in the gap between my imagination and reality.
Pairings: I'd rather not spoil it, but...
MAJOR DaixSato, DarkxKrad, Sekimoto hitting on Satoshi, Krad hitting on Satoshi, and Takeshi STILL WON'T STOP CHASING DAISUKE.
Anyway. Enjoy.
Getting Depressed, Getting Desperate, and Getting Drunk
Intoxication.
It really, really, really, couldn't get much worse. Daisuke thought to himself as he trudged up the stairs single-mindedly. He ignored anyone who passed by him on his way, his entire being focused on one goal – getting drunk. Shit faced drunk. To the point of being smashed so hard he couldn't count to one.
And Dark was in agreement with him. I didn't get to see any naked girlies...
You're disgusting, you know that?
Dark sniffed disdainfully. So I've been told – repeatedly.
Besides, you weren't the one who got alien abducted.
No, but I'm sure if you told the teacher, she'd sympathize with you – I have a notion she's been taken around the galaxy a wee too much.
Daisuke paused outside his door. How are we going to get drunk? The mini-bars have been emptied.
Check anyway, Dark offered. We may get lucky.
Daisuke sighed and entered, trekking to the small square object in the corner of the room, opening the fridge. Dark crowed. Ha ha ha! Idiots forgot a room!
It was like heaven – Daisuke was staring face to face with a temporary oblivion.
The mini-bar had, in fact, not been emptied. He smiled, almost cheerful. Any preferences?
Fruity stuff first! Dark said, caught up in a two-way happy mood. It tastes good and it gives you a little buzz. After that, we hit the hard stuff – vodka!!
Uh... Dark? Daisuke said, freezing as he reached into the array of alcoholic beverages. How do you distinguish one from another?
Dark thought for a moment, then smirked, all arrogance again. Just smell it – I'll tell you yes or no.
Obliging him, Daisuke grabbed the nearest, popped the top, and sniffed it. He made a face at the same time Dark exclaimed, Ugh, no way! Try another.
Daisuke replaced the lid, found another, and Dark rejected it as well. The third attempt was met with satisfaction. Yup. Smells yummy.
I hope it's not shampoo... Daisuke thought absentmindedly as he downed it, eyes watering at the sharp, almost fruity taste.
Ninety-nine bottles of alcohol on the wall! Ninety-nine bottles of alcohol... Dark sang as Daisuke reached for the next. Hey, Dai, just grab them all and get comfy! He said, realizing that they were just sitting in front of the mini-bar.
"Huh, oh yeah..." Daisuke grabbed as many of the small bottles as he could in both hands, after, of course, he downed the drink he had in his hand at the moment. Luckily, two drinks were not enough to get him drunk, so he plopped onto the bed, still in full female regalia, and scattered the bottles around him. He popped the lid off one, sniffed, and after Dark consented, downed those contents as well.
Hey, there's some cool throbbing lights up here, Dark commented, poking an aforementioned light, cursing, and nursing his burnt finger. Go figure. He muttered.
Good for you. Daisuke replied, discarding the empty bottle along with a full one that didn't meet the requirements. Daisuke paused with the third bottle to his lips. Dark... Why the hell do I have to turn into you to fall in love? Why can't I be normal and fall in love the old fashioned way? By cheating on three girls at the same time...?
What, don't like my company? Dark inquired, faking being injured while pouting. It's not like... Like I asked to have to be a servant to the Niwa's... Not to mention the fact that my life's on the line, what with Krad and all...
No, it's not that I don't like you, despite the fact that you're egotistical, perverted, and a kleptomaniac, it's just that turning into you whenever I'm horny gets kind of complicated.
Dark froze for a second. Horny??!!!
Well... Yeah... Daisuke downed the third bottle, tossed it, and picked up the next. He was finally starting to feel a little woozy, but ignored it. I mean... I always turn into you when I think of the twins... But I'm not thinking about how much I love them, I'm thinking of them... so, I don't think that that counts for love...
Y'know... Now that you say it out loud... Dark thought, or at least tried to think as he dodged random objects that were slowly popping up in Daisuke's head as the alcohol began to take effect. You might be right... He grinned. So that's why I'm such a horny bastard!!
Daisuke hiccupped, laughed, and fell off the bed.
Giggling, he got onto his hands and knees, then an idea formed in his head, rolling Dark into a nearby ditch, and painting him bright pink with green stripes.
Hey, Dark...
*
An hour, some string, numerous amounts of paperclips, some cackling and giggling, and a makeshift catapult later, Daisuke was back on the bed, staring at the mess of string and paperclips that stretched the entirety of the room, downing his seventh bottle, still managing to hold the alcohol, even though the drinks were getting a little bitter.
Think ish gonna work? Daisuke asked Dark, who was wondering the same thing.
Never know until it's tripped. He replied, and they admired their handiwork.
What really surprised the more sober Dark was that, in the entire hour that it took for them to work the entire plan out, demon boy had yet to appear.
The knob turned and the string tensed, as if it were sensing that, soon, its evil intent would be unleashed.
The door swung open, and demon boy stood, looking almost surprised at the state of the room, in the doorway, reacting almost too late as the catapult was launched, pail and water being tossed through the air with an almost poetic grace towards Satoshi's head, his eyes widening as Daisuke looked on, grinning with pride. (wow! What a long sentence..) It had worked!
Satoshi got drenched, true, however he ducked in time for the bucket to miss him and slam into Takeshi, who was standing behind him, looking a bit like hell. The bucket dropped, and the druggy reporter with it.
Satoshi straightened and looked at Daisuke, who had fallen off the bed, hiccupping loudly while giggling almost dementedly. "It worked, it worked!!" He said, clawing his way onto the bed, then managing to fall back down on the floor, then try to crawl onto the bed again.
"Of courshe I wash confident that it would work! We're gene-u- er.. Ganiua --.. Er, we're brilliant!"
Satoshi, being Satoshi, realized immediately that, in fact, Daisuke Niwa was very, very drunk, and he was definitely responsible for this mess, and he was most likely talking to Dark. That being apprehended, he walked calmly into the room, stepping over a complex network of string and paperclips, a catapult, and one of Niwa's legs as he moved to sit on his bed. He stared at Niwa... who was still a girl, a girl who looked very drunk. Niwa smiled at him, finally on the bed with his head hanging off, completely upside down with his hair hanging towards the ground.
He smiled ingeniously, and lifted a bottle towards him, giggling. "Wanna drink?"
Satoshi looked at him, wondering if he should answer. Well, he did anyway. "No."
Daisuke's face fell and tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. "You... you think I'm impious, don't you? I'm not good enough, huh? With your perfect hair an' yer... per-perfect face and perfect manners..." Still upside down, Daisuke's tears began falling down his temples, running into his vibrant, soft hair. "You think I'm stupid, don't you? I'm worthless an' drunk, an' not worth your time, huh?!"
As Daisuke's voice began to hitch higher, Satoshi began to feel a little uncomfortable.
"I'm a human being! I make mistakes, and so do you! You seem perfect, but yer jes' as human as I am!" More tears joined the original as Satoshi jumped up hastily, but inside of exiting the room as he had intended, he reached for the still, unconsciously, proffered drink, popped the lid, and downed it.
"Happy?" He asked, watching as Daisuke smiled drunkenly and slid off the bed, sorting out with end was the top and which was the bottom before scooting over to Satoshi's feet, giggling. He latched onto the blue-haired boy's legs, purring.
"Yeah..." He sighed.
Satoshi twitched and tried to nudge Daisuke off his leg, stood still for moment, took another bottle Daisuke had lifted towards him, downed it, then sat abruptly, heavily, on the floor, staring at nothing in particular. Daisuke took the opportunity to crawl, unsteadily, into his lap and curl into a content ball with his arms around Satoshi's waist, purring like a happy kitten. He brought with him a large assortment of bottles, a few empty, but most full and at their dispense.
Neither said a thing as Daisuke cuddled to him, drinking alcohol liberally, and the blue eyed boy twitched, almost as if he were having an internal monologue.
*
I don't know whether I should seek divine retribution against Niwa-boy, or thank him profusely. Krad said, watching as Daisuke urged a few more drinks on Satoshi, still seated rather suggestively in his lap. Maybe a little of both.
*
By the time Riku found them, Satoshi was on his fifth bottle, and Daisuke was trying to find his way out of Satoshi's shirt, never-minding how he got there in the first place, seeing as how Satoshi was not topless.
What she saw first, however, was a knocked out cold Takeshi with a lump on his forehead and a bucket laying harmlessly next to him, followed closely by a strange mess of string and paperclips, then the two incoherent boys.
" Daisuke!? Satoshi!?" She said, incredulously. Daisuke tried to pop out of Satoshi's shirt, but made do by waving one of his hands (if one followed that hand up that arm, one would find that that arm was poking out of Satoshi's sleeve, along with his own arm, thankyouverymuch! ^^) and saying 'hi', or something rather close to it.
Satoshi looked as calm as ever, though he spoiled his stoicism by giggling after he said her name, elongating one of the vowels. "Hello, Rikuuuuuu."
The lump that was Daisuke's head dipped a little, and Satoshi paled, then blushed, peeking down his shirt. "I'm up here." He whispered loudly, and Daisuke's head squirmed upwards, emerging nose to nose with Satoshi.
"Hi!" He said brightly, smiling as his eyes crossed, and he was unable to consciously uncross them. "What was that?"
Satoshi blushed again, in answer, and Daisuke grinned. "Ooh! Look what I can do!"
Leaning forward, Daisuke planted a firm kiss on Satoshi's lips.
Riku squeaked, frozen. Daisuke turned to her, not really noticing how Satoshi was too stunned to breath, and smiled. "I'm talented!" He chirped. "Watch!" He disappeared back in Satoshi's shirt, and the boy soon gasped, un-shocked, and arched his back as he blushed again.
Daisuke then said something, still lost within Satoshi's shirt, that sounded a little like, "See!?"
Riku choked, fell backwards as blood rushed like football players to her brain, and managed to gasp out, "Yes. Very. Talented."
The blue haired boy, recovering from whatever Daisuke had done, though only slightly, looked at Riku, picked up a full bottle, and chucked it at her. "You should get drunk."
Not knowing what else to do, as nothing quite made sense at that moment, she nodded, sat up, and downed the bottle. She blinked a few times.
"Wait... I thought that the teacher said the mini-bars had been emptied?"
Satoshi nodded, squeaked as Daisuke moved in his shirt, then replied, "Yes, they were. However, it appears that the alcohol had to be stored somewhere... so... It looks like all of the alcohol was put in this room."
"Well, that makes sense..." She muttered as she grabbed a second bottle.
*
When Risa found them, her sister was more then a little drunk, Satoshi and Daisuke were making out in a corner, and Takeshi was still out cold.
"What is going on, here!?" She cried, staring at the two boys. Satoshi pulled away, smiling rather happily, and chucked a bottle at her.
"Get drunk."
"No way!"
"Do it."
"No!"
"Your sister's drunk."
"Oh. No!"
"Dark's drunk."
"He is!?" Risa stared at him, then her gaze darted around the room. "You're lying! Dark isn't even here."
"Um.." Satoshi smiled again, and motioned for her to turn around. "Hold on a second."
Frowning, she turned around, glaring at a wall and tapping her foot in annoyance.
"Okay, okay, you can look now."
She turned – she squealed. "DARK!"
Dark looked like a very drunk deer caught in the headlights as he stared at her, wide eyed. Risa didn't even notice that the thief was sitting in the lap of a very drunk, very hot looking blond. Right then, though, someone caught her ankle as she launched herself forward, intent on raping the dark haired man. She crashed to the floor.
"What the hell was tha--" She roared, then turned to see her sister grinning at her.
"Hey, Risa. You remember how mom told us never to get drunk?"
"Yes."
"Oh. I was just wondering. Wanna get drunk?"
"I..." She blinked nervously, then heard Dark's giggle behind her, though something kept her from looking back and seeing what exactly was making the thief giggle (most likely it had something to do with the blond she hadn't noticed). "Okay," She said, abruptly, and snatched a bottle from Riku.
*
Eventually, Risa wondered what the catapult looking thingy was for, or why there was a mess of string and paperclips strewn about the room, but it doesn't matter right now, so whatever.
*
And, eventually, Dark and Krad turned back into Satoshi and Daisuke, who got it into their heads to drag a large amount of the alcohol into the elevator and sit on the floor, handing it out to anyone who wanted it.
*
"Say, what's that on your hand?" Satoshi asked calmly, curiously, and if anyone hadn't seen his smile, they wouldn't have known he was drunk.
Daisuke glanced down and saw the stamp. "Oh, I forgot about thaaaat.... I was abducted by aliens a few hours ago, I think."
"Oh. That's nice."
"Mmm... Yeah..."
They sat against an elevator wall, almost depleted of their alcohol. And it wasn't them who had been drinking it. By Satoshi's (rather drunk) estimate, over half of the class should be drunk at that precise moment.
"Did you know that you're still dressed up as a girl?"
"Oh... no, I didn't..." Daisuke glanced down his shirt and giggled, an idea suddenly popping into his head, courtesy of a rather giddy Dark. "Wanna play dress up?"
"Dress up?"
Daisuke nodded, suddenly on his hands and knees next to Satoshi, their faces mere inches away. "Yeah...." He kissed the boy, then grinned. "Wanna dress up as a girl?"
"... Is it fun?"
Daisuke nodded vigorously.
"... Okay."
*
I have two things I want to wonder about right now. Krad muttered to himself, also affected by the large amount of alcohol his other half had consumed. Why hasn't either of these kids passed out, and why the hell did I start making out with Dark?
*
Satoshi, as a girl, looked really, really...
"Hot." Sekimoto said. (The boy had run across the two in the elevators and, after finding out that most of the alcohol was in their room, had dashed upstairs as quick as possible.)
"Really? You think so?" Satoshi asked, looking at himself in the mirror.
"Oh yeah."
Daisuke wasn't in the bathroom at that moment.
Daisuke wasn't in the room at that moment.
Daisuke... was... probably not on that floor at that moment.
Takeshi had woken up, somehow recognizing the red head, and the chase had continued.
So now Satoshi was in the bathroom, wearing a short slinky dress, a wig (where they found the wig is beyond the reasoning of this author, who is starting to panic, thinking she might not make her own deadline...) of long, pale hair (the exact blue of his own hair, again, against all of this author's demented reasoning) fastened by barrettes, a few slim bracelets, a padded bra (which could be seen because of the thin straps of the dress) and high heels (again, no idea how they found the high heels. Maybe the teacher.)
Satoshi, drunkenly, analyzed his appearance. But he decided that it was true, that he really did look sexy, when Krad commented, I'd screw you, and I'm gay.
"Are you really?"
No.
"Oh."
"You know, it's a sign of insanity when the voices in your head start disagreeing." Sekimoto commented sagely as he chugged another bottle.
"It's also a sign of insanity if you're in a room with padded walls." Satoshi answered offhandedly.
Sekimoto snorted and passed out, half in the bathroom, half in the bedroom.
"So, why did you start making out with Dark, then, if you're not gay?"
I've been thinking of that myself.
"So you must be gay."
Oh yeah? How about you and Daisuke?
"I know I'm gay."
Krad was miffed. And how did you know, but I didn't?
"You're a blond."
Two words for you, gay-boy. Divine retribution.
"Know what words mean before you use them."
Damn.
*
Daisuke had gotten lost in the hotel. This wasn't good, seeing as how he was drunk, which meant that his inhibitions were hindered, he thought a little less slowly, and a little more chaotically, and Dark was intoxicated as well. Which meant that Dark was singing off key.
Sore wa ai ja nai.... Ai wa sore ja nai...
And, not to mention, Takeshi was just behind, him, crying and calling out his name.
"Daisuke! Daisuke.... Daisuke, my lobster! My lobster, come back to me! We belong together!"
=Takeshi's Drug Deprived Imagination=
"Come and catch me, my love!" Daisuke laughed to him, taunting him with his teasing scarlet eyes, his delicate face joyfully tantalizing as it was just out of reach. His heart sang as he gave chase, ignoring his body's protests.
=Back to Reality=
Aishite iru kedo aisarete wa inai.... Dark crooned drunkenly in his mind.
=Daisuke's Drunk, Overactive Imagination=
"Come back here!" Takeshi screamed behind him, tearing apart the resort as they ran. "Let me avail myself to your young body!"
=Back to Reality=
Daisuke collided with someone, and they tumbled to a halt on the floor, dazed for a moment.
The red head jumped up, spotted the exit, which meant that he was on the first floor, and made a mad dash to the doors, which shone with a golden glow of hope and freedom.
He pushed through, crashed into someone else, and after a momentary scuffle, found himself being stuffed into the back of a van.
"What the hell??"
Three men looked him over coolly.
"We didn't catch your name, Mrs...?"
"Er.. Niwa....?" He said, eyeing them warily. "Look, if it's about the alcohol, you try being abducted by aliens and not want to get drunk."
They looked at each other, confused, then returned their attention to him.
"Mrs. Niwa, we regret to inform you that you have been taken hostage."
Daisuke relaxed. "Oh, that's all?"
The men gave him a look. "What do you mean?"
"Well, for all I know, you could have been the circus or something."
Daisuke, finally, from exhaustion, mental and emotional stress, and being abducted by aliens, not to mention all the alcohol he'd downed, passed out cold.
*
Back in the lobby of the resort, Takeshi Saehara helped his teacher, who was wearing a t-shirt that said 'We Came, We Saw, We Abducted,' stand up while he cried his eyes out.
This had been one hell of a field trip, as far as anyone was concerned.
The End.
::Dodges potentially lethal objects:: ::grins::
Look for the sequel – I dunno what it'll be called, but it'll most likely be complete gibberish.
And what's going to be in that sequel, per se? I dunno – the after effects of alcohol on half of the class, Daisuke's adventures around town, being kidnapped and all... and maybe Satoshi to the rescue (dressed in spandex???) – I know, I know, 'WHAT THE HELL IS SHE THINKING??' but if you ask that, you've got to wonder... was I supposed to be?