DISCLAIMER: The following characters all appear in Final Fantasy X and are owned by Squaresoft. Not me. Thankfully. I also do not own the song Afternoon Delight by the Starland Vocal Band.

Also, vielen dank to everyone who's reviewed this. Yay!

And extra special bonus points to aliedcam1 for knowing what Calhoun is named after. Mr. Calhoun popped up in quite a few essays I had to write this past year. Ah, AP US History. Thanks to it, I am tainted with random historical facts that I will never need.

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Blitzball was attempted again after Seymour awoke from his nap and Rikku had bandaged his nose. She had offered to attempt a healing on it, as Yuna and Lulu had begun teaching her some basic magic, but Seymour had vehemently declined due to nightmarish visions of his nose exploding, mutating, or otherwise becoming in even worse condition than it currently was. Wakka had made some progress in teaching Seymour some blitzball fundamentals, and it had almost seemed that Seymour was—well, not exactly enjoying himself, but not being miserable. Maybe he liked being able to hit something, even if it was just a ball. At any rate, the game had been cut short when Seymour had attempted to head the ball and accidentally skewered it with his bangs. It had popped instantly. Since it was the only non-upgraded ball he had, Wakka had taken it for repair. He now sat on a rock stitching up the hole. He caught a shadow moving out of the corner of his eye. "Hey, Lu."

"Wakka," the black mage greeted him. "I see you had fun with Seymour."

"Yeah," Wakka nodded. "He's not really that bad a blitzer, once I taught him how to catch. He'd be good in goal. Good hands, ya?"

Lulu looked over at the half-Guado, who was seated cross-legged in the grass looking annoyed as Rikku piloted a small model airship around his head. "Do you really think it's wise to take him so lightly?"

"I'll take him lightly so long as he has that machina on him." At that moment Seymour reached out and grabbed the airship. Rikku pointed Calhoun at him threateningly. He scowled and released the toy. Wakka laughed. "If I still was nervous about machina being unholy, I'm definitely not now. That thing is too much fun to be bad."

"I don't know," Lulu frowned. "Auron and I have been talking. Seymour is very powerful. He should be taken more seriously. What if he gets that controller away from Rikku, or finds some other way to remove the nullifier before Yuna returns?"

Wakka shrugged. "Then we'll fight him again."

"And we will probably lose. And then he will annihilate us."

"Yeah, probably," said Wakka. "But look, Lu, he'd do that no matter how we treated him. We're not being as mean to him as we could be, you know."

"I suppose not," Lulu said reluctantly. "But don't become too friendly with him."

"Oh, don't worry about that," said Wakka. "He's a blaspheming creep. But there's no harm in having some fun with him. You know, you oughta try it sometime."

Lulu was not a joking person, so this was not up her alley. "I don't know..."

"Come on," Wakka urged. "You'll like it! Just think of something interesting."

Lulu sighed. "All right. I'll try it once."

"Good!" Wakka grinned at her. "Any ideas?"

Lulu smiled back slightly. "I think I have one..."

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Seymour was surprised when Lulu approached him later. The black mage with the very distracting cleavage had not so much as glanced at him since the battle.

"What do you want?" He remained on his guard, though he doubted that Lulu was going to throw a ball at him or attempt to dress him in something.

"I am going to give Rikku her magic lesson," Lulu said.

Wonderful, thought Seymour. Give the brat even more power that she should not have.

"I need someone to watch my dolls for me while I am gone," Lulu continued. "They make Wakka nervous, and they do not care for Auron. That leaves you. It's a relatively simple task. So?"

"I do not have any real choice in the matter, do I?"

"Not really." Lulu gave a low whistle. A mob of dolls—moogles, cait siths, moombas, cactuars, and a few that Seymour didn't readily recognize—hopped towards them. They gathered around Lulu's skirt, their shiny eyes gazing up ay her. "They occasionally grow restless. If that is the case, there are many ways to soothe them. Singing, petting them, amusing them...they're like small children. I will be back in a couple of hours. Come on, Rikku."

"Coming!" Rikku ran haphazardly after Lulu, nearly tripping over the pants. "Have fun, Seymour!" As she waved to him, she accidentally pressed the shock button on Calhoun. "Whoopsie! Sorry about that!"

Seymour watched them go, rubbing his neck. Then he turned to the dolls, which were staring up at him with blank misgiving. Lulu certainly had a lot of them. Seymour could identify each of their attributes: Silencestrike, Icetouch, more defense, more health, Alchemy, more... His lips curled into a smile. More magic. He didn't know how much power Calhoun had to exert to keep his magic under control. Perhaps a tiny bit more would be enough to push it over its limit. 5% more—or better, 10%. He leaned down to pick up a Magical Mog that offered a 10% magic increase. It hopped away from him. Seymour reached again. Still the moogle avoided him.

"Get back here," he ordered it. It shook its head. "Now." A Raging Cactuar hopped in front of the Magical Mog. "Not you. Out of the way."

With a high-pitched battle cry, the cactuar launched itself at Seymour, bouncing off his chest. Seymour backed up in surprise. The Raging Cactuar was quickly followed by a Water Moomba, which left a spot of dampness where it hit with its Waterstrike. Then came a cait sith, which apparently had Poisontouch since Seymour felt a sting on his arm. Soon there came an onslaught of moogles, one after the other, hurling themselves at him en masse. Seymour was knocked over. The dolls increased their attack with little squeaks of anger. He could not get up. They piled upon him, covering him, keeping him down, blocking out the light...

Wakka wandered by and saw a tall pile of dolls with two spears of blue hair sticking out. He paused questioningly. "Seymour?"

As if in answer a quivering hand burst through the pile, grasping at the air. Wakka went over and grabbed it. Seymour emerged gasping from the pile, pulling himself out so he was free from the chest up.

Wakka guffawed long and hard at the sight of the former maester submerged beneath the innocent-looking dolls. Seymour glowered at him "Sorry," Wakka apologized, clutching his sides. "Whoa, she got you good! I almost feel bad for you. I had to watch those things once. How long you in for?"

"She said a couple of hours," Seymour replied.

"Good luck," said Wakka. "Just don't make 'em mad, ya?"

"I shall try," Seymour said with disdain as Wakka left. Bracing his arms, he dislodged himself from the mass of dolls one leg at a time. He regarded them with cold apprehension. They stared unblinkingly back.

This staring contest continued for nearly half an hour, at which point it was interrupted by a Wicked Cait Sith whacking one of the strength- increasing moogles. A tussle ensued.

"Stop that." Seymour reached down to break them up, but by this point the moogle had accidentally whacked a cactuar. It set off a domino effect. Now there was a massive, old-time-hockey brawl going between all the dolls. Seymour separated one dueling pair only to find a new one forming. "Cease this!" he commanded them. They didn't listen. Seymour was reaching the end of his short fuse. He took a deep breath and snarled, "STOP IT!"

His tone startled the dolls into stopping. There was silence for a moment. Then, in unison, the dolls burst out crying. It was easily the most annoying cacophony Seymour had ever heard. High, squeaky wailing... It was painful to listen to. He covered his ears. "Be quiet, be quiet. Please." They showed no sign of stopping. What had Lulu said to do? Amuse them. This was not something Seymour was accustomed to doing. But if it would make them stop, he was going to try.

Funny faces. Simple-minded things were supposed to enjoy that. Seymour contorted his face. "Look! Look at me!" he yelled at the dolls around his protruding tongue.

The dolls took one look at him and began to cry even harder.

Seymour groaned. The whining, the hideous whining! How could he make it stop? Had Lulu said anything else? He remembered her mentioning singing. This was also not a normal activity for him. But anything would be better than an hour and a half of this torture. What could he sing? He first thought of the Hymn of the Fayth. But that may be unwise, seeing as he was an unsent. So he opened his mouth and sang the second thing that came to mind:

"Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight
Gonna grab some afternoon delight..."

Seymour had no idea where this hideous song came from. The far recesses of his mind, he hoped. But it had the desired effect: the dolls all stopped crying and listened to him. The only problem was that now he had to sing the rest of the song. Well, he supposed it was better than hearing them whine. He put some gusto into it and continued on. The dolls clustered around him and began swaying in rhythm.

After he finished the song, he stopped. The dolls instantly began crying again. He tried singing another song—any other song—but they would only stop for Afternoon Delight. And so he sang it six and a half times. Gradually the dolls fell asleep leaning on him. Once the last one was out, Seymour realized he was very tired himself. He dropped his head and fell asleep without Calhoun's help.