(A/N) I am very very very very very exponentially to the tenth power sorry that it took so long for me to update this. Summer lethargy, I guess. Of course, now that school's started I have to deal with not having enough time. Really, there's no way to win.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Final Fantasy X. I also don't own a chinchilla.

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Seymour awoke slowly, squinting into the sunlight. He was not in the mood to get up. The previous day had tired him. He rolled over onto his side, away from the intruding sun, and found his face scant inches away from that of a sleeping Rikku.

"AUGH!"

Seymour's scream was sufficient to wake up everyone within a mile of him, including Rikku. Her eyes snapped open, settled on Seymour's for a split second, and widened to the size of saucers. Rikku's subsequent shriek was loud enough to awaken anything that had managed to remain asleep.

Seymour sat up and cast a terrified glance at himself and Rikku. To his immense relief, both of them still wore their pajamas. A few yellow feathers clung to his. A clucking sound behind him revealed the reason: they were in an occupied chocobo pasture.

"You had better have a good explanation for this!" he snapped, trying to glare at Rikku while keeping an eye on the nearest chocobo. The birds had always made him nervous.

"You think I did this?" Rikku asked. Seymour noticed that she also had inspected their state of undress. "Why would I stick you out in the middle of a chocobo pasture in your pajamas?"

Seymour gave her a look. "With you, I think a better question is, 'Why not?'"

"Okay, fine. Even if I did stick you out here, why would I stick around, too?"

"I don't know! Perhaps for the same nonexistent reason that you do everything else!"

"I doubt that Rikku is responsible for this." Seymour and Rikku turned and saw Lulu brushing grass off of her nightgown. "While I can see Rikku doing quite a few strange things, including keeping you company in a chocobo pasture, I can't see why she would include me in this impromptu pajama party."

"Ha! See?" Rikku stuck her tongue out at him.

"I suppose," Seymour agreed. "Then what are we doing out here? We're halfway to the Mi'hen Highroad. I do not walk in my sleep—and if I did, I doubt that I would walk this much."

"Even if we all were marathon sleepwalkers," Lulu said, "we wouldn't all walk to the exact same place. I think we were...helped."

"You mean a prank?" Rikku asked. "I don't know. This is way out of Wakka's league. And even if he did magically get a billion times craftier, we locked him on the hotel roof." She frowned. "That leaves Auron, but he never pranks anyone. He's too serious. Can you see him squirting shaving cream in my bra?"

"Until last night, I couldn't see Seymour squirting shaving cream into your bra, either," Lulu reminded her.

"Technically, I did nothing," Seymour said. "I observed that shaving cream in a bra could be done, and Wakka decided to try it. The actual doing was his, not mine."

Rikku grinned. "Personally, I still think it's funny just hearing you say 'bra.' Of course, I have to deduct points for blushing when you say it. At least you don't get a doofy grin and a glazed look when you say it. Tidus is such a dork. Wakka's fine, amazingly enough. And Auron—well, come to think of it, I've never heard Auron say 'bra,'" Rikku said thoughtfully. "I'll have to try that. I bet he'd say is all matter-of-factly like he says everything else. See? Auron's always matter-of-fact. Pranking, by definition, is not."

"Then why are we out here?" Seymour asked.

"I dunno. Maybe we were abducted by space aliens in our sleep."

Lulu raised an eyebrow. "Space aliens?"

"Something Tidus told me about," Rikku explained. "Or maybe..." She clasped her hands together and closed her eyes in mock piety. "Maybe we were brought here on a holy mission from Yevon."

"Why would Yevon bring us to a chocobo pasture?" Seymour asked.

"Yevon works in mysterious ways," Rikku said gravely. "These poor, unfortunate chocobos have lost their way. It is up to us to save them from eternal damnation and lead them down the path of righteousness once again!"

Lulu chuckled. Seymour, however, scowled. "Ahem. We are not all blasphemers here," he said stiffly. "I advise you not to mock Yevon."

"I'm not mocking Yevon!" Rikku continued in the same manic voice. "I'm praising him and doing his work! Come, Brother Seymour and Sister Lulu! We must save the chocobos!"

She ran over to a sleeping chocobo and knelt by it. "Oh, poor chocobo. The forces of evil have made you tired. But never fear, for Yevon shall heal you, and you shall WALK!"

At this she put her hands on the chocobo's back. With a startled "Wark!" it jolted to its feet and ran off. "Hallelujah! Praise be to Yevon! He has healed that stricken yellow bird! Can I get an amen?"

Lulu laughed again. "Amen!"

"Thank you, Sister Lulu!" Rikku turned. "What about you, Brother Seymour? Do you feel the power of Yevon?"

Seymour was insulted. "I feel it more than either of you do, I am sure. Stop this nonsense."

"How is this any sillier than what you Yevonites actually do?" Rikku wanted to know.

"What we do is not silly," said Seymour angrily. "Not that you would know that, as an Al Bhed, a heathen, and a traitor."

"Ouch," Rikku said, obviously sarcastic. "I'm so very sad now that I am not welcome by your silly dork religion. Which is wrong, by the way, so I can rag on it all I want to."

"It is not!" Seymour shot back. "And no, you can't!"

"Yevon ec y culg samuh! Yevon ec y culg samuh!" Rikku shouted.

"Stop that!" Seymour snapped. "What are you saying, anyway?"

"You'll have to learn Al Bhed to find out!" she told him. She then continued chanting "Yevon ec y culg samuh" at the top of her lungs.

"You stop that right now or I'll—"

"You'll what?"

Good point

"Both of you cut it out!" Lulu yelled. "You're both tired and cranky from being up so late and sleeping in a strange place."

"Are not!" they protested in unison.

"All the same, both of you need to apologize. Rikku, apologize to Seymour for insulting his religious practices, however false they may be."

Rikku obediently looked at Seymour. "I'm sorry for making fun of your crackhead deity with the stupid name."

"Close enough," Lulu said, accepting this as adequate. "Now Seymour, apologize to Rikku for—"

"For what? I really didn't do anything wrong this time."

"No, I don't suppose you did... Here, apologize to Rikku for being a stick in the mud," Lulu said.

In the interest of conflict resolution, Seymour turned to Rikku. "I am sorry for not being as strange, hyperactive and childish as you are."

"That will have to do." Lulu sighed. "Now for the real fun of walking back to our hotel in Luca."

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The walk took less than an hour. They had run into relatively little trouble, though their route was littered with the twitching, unconscious bodies of men who were stupid enough to whistle or catcall at the nightgown-wearing Lulu, who had promptly cast Firaga in their general direction. Luckily the concierge at the hotel did not ask questions about their appearance and courteously unlocked their rooms for them.

To Seymour's surprise, everything in his room was gone with the exception of his clothes. Auron and Wakka's things, toiletries included, were now missing.

"Hey, Seymour!" Rikku called. "Is any of our stuff in your room?"

"No," Seymour called back. "Is any of mine in yours?"

"Nuh-uh." Rikku entered Seymour's room. "This is weird. All our stuff is gone except our clothes, my pocket commsphere, and Calhoun."

"And money." Lulu followed Rikku. "Do you have any? What little we carried with us is gone. Auron always handled most of our finances."

Seymour shook his head. "I have none. All I can find are my clothes." He happened to glance at the mirror and noticed a piece of paper stuck to it. He pointed. "And whatever that piece of paper is."

Lulu went over and took the paper down. "It's from Auron."

"What's it say?" Rikku asked.

"'To all,'" Lulu read. "'I hope you enjoyed your stay in the chocobo pasture. I am informing you that I have chosen to continue onward to Besaid on my own aboard a ferry. It promises to be a relaxing time. Also, as you may have noticed, I have taken the liberty of bringing most of our provisions with me. Be glad I left you your clothes. Enjoy your day! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Sincerely, Auron, the new pranking master.'"

"So Sir Auron put us out in the chocobo pasture?" Seymour asked incredulously.

"I told you so," said Lulu. "Wait, there's more to the letter. 'PS: Seymour has night terrors about chocobos. PPS: Bright blue is a poor choice of eyeshadow for me, as it fails to bring out the green highlights in my eyes.'" Lulu paused. "Well, this is certainly out of character."

Rikku shrugged one shoulder. "I guess he was bound to crack sometime. Hey, Seymour, what's with the chocobo night terrors?"

"I wasn't aware that I had them," Seymour lied.

"It isn't important," Lulu interrupted. "What is important is calling Cid so we can leave Luca. We don't have the money for another night in a hotel."

"Don't worry. Dad'll come get us," said Rikku. Just then the commsphere crackled from the girls' room. "Speak of the devil..." Rikku ran back to retrieve it. "Hi, Dad!" she greeted the small image of Cid on the sphere screen once she had returned.

"Hi, sweetie." Cid saw Seymour. "Oh," he said, face darkening. "You. I've been meaning to have a word with you. My son said he saw you kissing my daughter. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE—"

"Dad!" Rikku interrupted. "You can yell at Seymour later! Right now, you have to pick us up in Luca."

"I'm sorry, sweetie, I can't."

"What do you mean, 'can't'"

"That's what I called to tell you about," Cid said. "Two of the turbines are busted because your brother decided it would be fun to drag race against some of Yuna's aeons. It's goin' to take a good couple of days to fix them—the turbines, that is. You're better off taking the ferry."

"But Dad!" Rikku protested. "We can't take the ferry! Auron left with all our money!"

"Auron left you?" Cid narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "What did you do?"

"Nothing! We just wandered off without him for a bit yesterday."

"And that's all?"

"...Well, we also kinda put makeup on him while he was asleep..."

Cid sighed. "Rikku, sometimes I wonder what I'm going to do with you."

"My thoughts exactly," Seymour cut in.

"You don't talk!" Cid ordered. He turned back to Rikku. "I'm sorry, but there's nothing I can do. We're stuck in Kilika. You'll either have to earn money to pay for a ferry ticket or camp out till the airship's fixed. I'll see you in a few days."

"Bye." Rikku sullenly clicked the commsphere off. "Now what do we do?"

"Get dressed, to start with," Lulu said. "We ought to take showers, too. There's no telling what we might have accidentally rolled in overnight. And we may well be camping out tonight if we can't pull together enough money."

Once they had all showered, dressed, and pocketed the complimentary hotel soaps and shampoos, the trio checked out of the hotel and began to brainstorm ways to earn money. Seymour was now a bit grouchy, as he discovered during his shower that Rikku had decorated his face tattoos overnight. The lines on his cheeks were adorned with pretty flowers. The design on his forehead had been turned into a large, geometric butterfly.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself," Rikku said. "It was too tempting."

Seymour rubbed furiously at his face. "What did you use?" he demanded. "It won't come off, even with soap."

"It's a special kind of eye makeup," she explained. "Very waterproof. You need makeup remover to get it off."

"Then give me some makeup remover."

"I can't. Auron took all the makeup, too," she said. "Rubbing's not going to get it off, so you oughta stop before you give yourself a rash or something."

"If Auron took all the makeup, then what is Lulu wearing?" he asked.

"I'm not wearing anything," said Lulu. "My eyes are naturally like this."

Seymour raised an eyebrow. "And your lips are naturally purple?"

"Yes. If your hair can defy gravity, then my lips can be purple," she replied. "Now back to the subject at hand. What can we do to earn some money?"

"There's always fiends," Rikku suggested.

"Yes, but they aren't worth much in this area," said Lulu. "We would have to fight nonstop all day. The payoff isn't worth the energy."

"We could defeat more fiends and earn more gil if I could fight," said Seymour.

"Not a chance," said Rikku.

"He could earn money from blitzball," said Lulu. "The Aurochs wanted to sign him. They'll happily take him back for another game. One game's salary pays for one ferry ticket. Here, let me see if..." Lulu opened the complimentary hotel newspaper's Sports section. Her face fell. "Blast. The Aurochs aren't playing today."

"Is anyone else looking for a goalkeeper?" Rikku asked.

Lulu shook her head. "No. Other teams may well want him, because he is very good—"

"Thank you," Seymour said.

"You're welcome. But be that as it may, no one else could sign you even if they wanted to, because they have full rosters and none of the players' contracts are close to terminating."

"Phooey." Rikku picked up the Help Wanted section of the paper. "Let's see if there are any good jobs open. Umm...we could be waitresses."

"Ahem."

"And waiters," she corrected herself. "Sorry, Seymour."

"I don't think we can take any real jobs just for one day," said Lulu. "The only exception I can think of is working concessions at a concert, but there aren't any bands in town today."

"Hookers can work just for a day," said Rikku. "I think strippers can, too."

Seymour smirked. "Considering the response generated during our walk to the hotel, Lulu, you might want to consider—"

Lulu gathered a small but potent Flare spell at her fingertip and held it between Seymour's eyes. "You don't want to finish that sentence."

"Bad Guado! Bad!" Rikku took out Calhoun and gave the shock button a tap.

Seymour winced at the slight shock. "Apologies. Does anyone have any better ideas? I assume that both of you are adverse to thievery."

"Yeah, unless we're stealing from fiends," said Rikku. Her eyes lit up. "Hey, that's what we can do! We can steal stuff and resell it! The fiends here don't pay much, but they've got items on them. We can sell them at shops, easy!" She looked at Lulu. "You know how to Steal, right?"

"Yes; but remember, I can't move very well in this skirt," Lulu replied.

Rikku looked at Seymour. "That leaves you. You can run, right?" Seymour nodded. "Then you have nothing to worry about," she said. "I can teach you!"

They walked back up the winding streets of Luca to the Mi'hen Highroad. Seymour ignored the stares of passers-by who noticed the rather interesting patterns on his face. If anyone asks, he thought to himself, I shall blame it on a drinking binge. A bad one.

Seymour also began wondering how it was that Rikku—and anyone else with the Steal ability—managed to extract the item from the fiend. Rikku had stolen from his Guado henchmen during their first battle, he remembered, but the henchmen had carried Hi-Potions with them. Rikku had simply picked their pockets. Fiends did not somehow contain conveniently packaged bottles and gems. Did they? Come to think of it, Seymour also was not sure how it was that one obtained gil from a destroyed fiend. Did the fiend leave its wallet behind when it died? Was some ethereal force rewarding the slayer of the fiend for a job well done? He would find out today, he supposed.

Just then, a Mi'hen Fang leapt snarling into their path. Rikku grinned. "Perfect place to start!" she said. "These guys are a piece of cake. Watch me!"

Quick as lightning, Rikku darted over to the red wolf-like creature. She shot a hand out and touched the Fang for a split second. Then she was back at Seymour's side.

"Got it!" She held up a small vial of Potion.

Seymour blinked. "How did you do that?"

"Easy. You run over and grab the item."

"It comes in bottles?" Seymour asked. He hadn't expected his hypothesis to be correct.

"Uh-huh. Here, why don't you try? This one had another Potion with it," she said. "Just so you know, fiends like this usually have them by their necks. Now go on!"

She gave him a small shove towards the Fang. The creature noticed and turned towards him. "It's looking at me," Seymour said.

"Then go around it!" Rikku called.

Seymour crept to the left, keeping his eye on the Fang. Unfortunately, the Fang also kept an eye on him. "It isn't working..."

"You have to move faster than that," Rikku said, and Seymour could tell by the sound of her voice that she was rolling her eyes. "Run!"

Seymour ran. The Fang lost track of him for a moment. Hearing Rikku yell at him, Seymour took that opportunity to run at the fiend. As he neared it, he saw a bottle of Potion suspended by its neck. He reached out and grabbed it. He wasn't quite fast enough. The Fang whirled and chomped down on his retreating hand.

"Ow! Damn it!" The bite wasn't serious, but it still hurt. Seymour made his other hand into a fist and punched the Fang as payback. With a yelp, it dissolved into pyreflies.

"Wow. The fiends here really are crappy," said Rikku. "Did you get the Potion?"

"Yes," said Seymour, examining his injured hand.

"How much gil did you get?" asked Lulu.

Seymour looked at the spot where the fiend had been a moment ago and saw a small pile of gil on the ground. He picked it up and counted it. "Sixty," he replied.

Lulu sighed. "This really will take forever. I suppose it's a good thing, in a way. With all your items gone, Rikku, you'll have to rely on magic or physical attacks, and you haven't learned the higher level spells yet."

"I'll be fine," said Rikku. "You can go fiend-busting on your own if you want, Lulu. I still have to teach Seymour."

"All right," Lulu nodded. "Call me if you need any help."

"Will do." The black mage went off in search of fiends. Rikku turned to Seymour. "How's your hand?"

"Fine. The bite barely broke the skin," Seymour said. "It hurts a bit, though."

"Want me to heal it for you?"

He politely declined. Seymour had little faith in Rikku's capacity as a healer. Besides, a healing really wasn't necessary. "How did I do?"

"You're kinda slow," Rikku said. "You have to be less timid."

"I? Timid?" Seymour hadn't expected to hear that. "I doubt that."

"You're hesitating too much," Rikku told him. "You have to take action faster. Ooo! Look!" She pointed at a lumbering Raldo. "Those things are slow. It'll be good practice for you."

Seymour easily stole the Raldo's Potion. However, the Raldo made up in strength what it lacked in speed. Seymour's punch didn't do the job this time; in fact, all it really did was hurt his hand on the fiend's armored plates. The Raldo barreled into Seymour, knocking him down and giving him a nasty bruise on his shin. Rikku killed the fiend with two blasts of Blizzard.

"You want me to heal you now?" she asked.

"No, thank you." Seymour hobbled to his feet.

In the next battle, he somehow became poisoned.

"I know Esuna," Rikku said helpfully.

"I will be fine," said Seymour, ignoring the stinging wave of nausea that now swept over him.

Next he was paralyzed.

"Really!" he grumbled. "How can a person be paralyzed by a White Element?"

Rikku shrugged. "Beats me. Want me to fix you?"

"I shall manage," he told her. He moved slowly off to the next battle, though he seemed to have lost the use of his joints.

Then came the Darkness.

"I really think I ought to take a look at that," Rikku said.

"It isn't necessary," said Seymour. "Now please move out of my way."

"I'm not in you're way," Rikku said. "That's a Floating Eye. I'm about twenty feet to your left."

"Oh."

The next thing Seymour knew, he lay on the ground looking up at Rikku. "What happened?"

"First tell me how many eyes I have."

"Two," he said. "And they are both very wide and very green."

"Good!" she said approvingly. "You fainted while you were fighting that Floating Eye. It confused you."

"So I punched myself into unconsciousness?"

"No. You had Darkness on you, remember? You tried to punch yourself, but you couldn't see, so you just kinda flailed around until the Poison finished you off." She giggled. "It was really funny. You kept trying to hit yourself in the head and missing. And the Paralysis made you move like a machina drone so you were like..." Rikku staggered stiffly backwards, eyes unfocused, batting blindly at the air. This continued for a few moments, until she fell laughing to the ground.

"Ha ha," Seymour said sarcastically. "I am glad you still find my misfortune amusing."

"Well, it's your own darn fault for not letting me cure you earlier," she admonished him. "You're lucky I know Life. Otherwise, you'd still be KO'd, because Auron took all the Phoenix Downs, too."

Seymour regarded the Al Bhed girl. "You know Life?"

She nodded. "Yunie taught me. Why?"

"I did not expect you to know such advanced healing magic," Seymour said. Noticing her offended scowl, he added, "I always found black magic easier to learn than white. You are only on the first stages of black magic spells, so I just assumed you were a novice healer. I have never been very good at healing," he reflected. "I knew Ultima before I mastered Life."

"Yeah, well, Yunie's been teaching me white magic since I joined her party. She says everybody ought to know at least some healing magic. So I know Life, and that's the only time I'll ever use it on you without using Zombiestrike first."

Seymour smirked. "How are you to use Zombiestrike on someone who is already undead?"

She stuck her tongue out at him. "I'll find a way. Oh, by the way..." She held up a vial of putrid-looking smoke. "I Mugged that Floating Eye. Wanna sniff the Musk?"

He wrinkled his nose. "I will pass."

"If you sniff the Musk, I'll get some makeup remover for you," she tempted him.

A few seconds of odor was worth removing the ridiculous designs from his face. "Fine," he said.

Rikku handed him the vial. Seymour raised it to his face and removed the cork from the top. Instantly a putrid stench hit his nostrils. "Feah!" he coughed. He corked the vial as quickly as he could. Tears streamed from his eyes. "That would bring anyone hack to their senses."

Rikku laughed. "Oh man, your face! That stuff must really be bad. Let me see it."

Seymour happily handed her the vial. She opened it and took a whiff. Her face contorted into the perfect picture of disgust. "Hooey!" she exclaimed. "That stuff's awful!"

"What are you doing?" asked Lulu, who walked towards them carrying a bundle of items.

"Sniffing strange substances," Rikku replied. "Wanna try?"

"No thanks," Lulu said. "How much did you two get?"

"About 700 gil altogether," said Rikku. "Plus nine Potions, five Antarctic Winds, three Softs, and six Musks."

"I have a little over 500 gil, and all of this." Lulu nodded towards the pile of items. "Once we sell these, we should have enough for three ferry tickets."

"And if not," said Rikku, "we could always stowaway."

They trooped back to Luca and found the nearest item shop. After much pouting from Rikku, an icy glare from Lulu, general imperiousness from Seymour, and haggling from all three, they sold their newfound items for 1500 gil, enough to secure them all cabins on the overnight ferry to Besaid.

"I can't believe that guy actually thought we'd give him Potions at 12 gil apiece," Rikku grumbled as they boarded the ferry. "That's robbery!"

"I agree," said Seymour. "The standard retail price is 50 gil. They are in better condition when we give them to him than when he sells them to the public."

"That is why it pays to know how to haggle," Lulu said. She smiled wryly. "I find it interesting that you helped us get a good price, Seymour."

"Of course I did," he said. "I worked for those items. I expect to be fairly rewarded for my effort."

"But your reward is a trip to Besaid," Lulu reminded him. "I would think you would want to avoid your sending."

Seymour paused. In all that had happened, he had honestly forgotten why they wanted to go to Besaid in the first place. "Well," he said evenly, not wanting to admit that the sending had slipped his mind, "it isn't as though I could do much to hinder your progress with this thing." He tapped Calhoun.

"Let's forget it," said Rikku swiftly. She ran up onto the deck of the ferry. "Come on! I want to see our rooms."

Seymour followed her, wondering why she had wanted to change the subject. He was glad, though. If he were to escape, he had to do so tonight, and he had no plans in already in mind.

Lulu was the last one to step onto the deck. She paused indecisively.

"What's wrong, Lulu?" Rikku asked.

"I don't know." Lulu frowned. "I feel as though we're forgetting something, but I don't know what."

"I can't think of anything," said Rikku. "I mean, Auron took everything but our PJ's, and those are in here." She held up a laundry bag she'd brought from the hotel.

"I guess it just feels strange not having any luggage to be responsible for," said Lulu. She looked at their tickets. "Our rooms are on the first level below deck, it looks like. Let's go. We can all rest before dinner."

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On the roof of a nice hotel in Luca, a vertical-haired man in Kabuki makeup waved at pedestrians, trying to get their attention. They took no heed. He sighed and sat down against the locked stairwell door.

"Man," Wakka said, "where'd everybody go off to?"

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(A/N) Yeah, I sort of ditched Wakka for the remainder of the fic. I apologize to any Wakka fans. I think he's funny, but I don't have anything for him to do. They'll miss him eventually; don't worry.

Oh! For those of you who don't have an Al Bhed translator handy, Rikku was saying, "Yevon is a sock melon!" Which makes absolutely no sense, but it doesn't have to if Seymour doesn't know what she's saying.

Thank you, as always, to all reviewers. Geez, I can't believe I've actually gotten over 80 reviews. You are all very benevolent souls. Thank you again, and I promise to update faster!

Having recently viewed Wayne's World, I'm toying with the idea of having multiple endings for this thing, thereby hopefully suiting all tastes. Does this sound like a good idea, or should I stick to one real ending? Multiple outcomes will make it longer...