Journal of the Genius's Daughter

Stargate Atlantis

By Teenangel

Summary: The words of a certain scientist's daughter about her life on Atlantis.

Note: This is assuming they're never able to contact Earth. Don't expect a concrete plot or explanations; this is a journal so the character wouldn't assume she'd have to put in the duh stuff. Being that I am not a doctor or a medical persons or a mechanic some things may be incorrect, forgive me.

I only mention the year once, unless it changes.

Disclaimer: Me poor college student using time poorly, me broke ug. Don't sue me, waste of time.

October 13st 12:04

I should've expected it, that he would come looking for me.

Beckett took me for a walk this morning, before nine o'clock. He found me in my lab and realized I had worked through the night; he threatened to tell Carson unless I took a break. How could I say no to those eyes and that smile? (And the threat of having a needle jabbed in my arm?) They were angelic.

It was a quiet promenade through the sleeping city. We reached the east balcony and watched the sun rise over the ocean's horizon as the morning haze dissipated. For a moment the ocean and sky were one and I forgot about the wraith.

I wondered if Beckett did this every morning for that reason, so he could forget the wraith and forget his mother. She was the only one that called him Kevin, and suddenly I realized why he'd looked so shocked when I'd called him by it in the 'basement'. He had been caught in one of his dreams and for a moment had thought I was his mother.

"I'm sorry," I muttered.

"Why should you be sorry?" he said gently.

"It's my fault. My fault, if I hadn't—" his fingers were on my lips and he gave a knowing smirk. How could he be so calm?

"If you hadn't been down there, if she hadn't gone looking for you," he continued, "But what about Shemp? If he hadn't disappeared you might've found him and returned sooner. If the wraith hadn't come she would've simply found you, because she didn't know they were there either. There are strings of causation we could create, leading to the blame of Rodney and Elizabeth deciding to fall in love. It doesn't help anything."

"But, I, I feel guilty."

"As did I," he whispered.

"You were only three, you didn't have anything to do with it."

He turned his face away, "But I'm the one that noticed you were gone. I sent my mother to look for you."

Dear god, why must the universe make everything so complicate that we can't even find where to put blame. But I got what he meant. Blame is useless. It doesn't fix the past, nor heal the present. It is just like finding that damn reminder you hid to forget, and realizing you're over due.

It became very quiet and I found my mind for once filled with silence. I was drawn to him. The past cannot be repaired, but the future…what of that? I gently wrapped my elbow around his. He acknowledged it by lacing his fingers between mine. It was a soft moment as if it would be bruised by wind or sound. He smirked at me and I knew there was something he had to say, but his lips never opened.