A/N: Here is the second chapter in our literary masterpiece (or at least we think so). Enjoy more bungles from our new favourite characters, Andréa and Milena and see what other mischief and trouble they stir up in this next instalment.

Disclaimer: All of the Harry Potter references belong to the master, J.K. Rowling, but Milena and Andréa belong to KK and me. We are not responsible for anything our characters willingly do, so thbbbbbbb :P

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Chapter 2: Lost…Again

In just a few short seconds, Milena and Andréa were Apparated into the middle of a street in Hogsmeade. Nearby stood two people, an old witch and her husband.

"Looks like two students have gone and splinched themselves," said the witch.

"That it does," said her husband. "And from the looks of it," he added, looking down at the half witches in front of them, "these two are about 17 or 18, so they should have their license. Obviously they need more practice."

"I wonder where the other half of them is?" said the witch…

Elsewhere, a tour group was passing through a castle, when suddenly an American woman caught sight of something in the display case near her. Two things in fact…

"Vern, Vern, do you see those two girls," she asked her husband, who was standing beside her. "They're legless, and they don't look like part of the display"

"It's not p.c. (politically correct) to call them legless, dear," said her husband. "Just like it's not p.c. to call American Indians American Indians. They're Native Americans."

He turned around to look at what his wife was ranting about and froze

"I think we can call them legless."

"Milena," came a voice from inside the display cabinet. "Milena, my nose itches."

"Don't move," whispered Milena. 

"But it itches!" whined Andréa.

"Fine then, scratch it," she said. "We'll be leaving soon. But you can do the memory charms."

"Vern, Vern, now they're talking!" said the American woman.

"Ladies and gentlemen," said Andréa, addressing the tour group. "If you'd all please look at this."

She held her wand out in front of her and smiled pleasantly at the people.

"Oh no," said a snotty-nosed little boy from the crowd. "I've seen Men in Black. I'm not looking."

"Well it makes no goddamn difference whether you look or not," said Andréa impatiently.

"When I cast the spell, we Apparate to our legs," she muttered quietly to Milena, who nodded.

Andréa raised her wand a little higher and cleared her throat.

"Obliviate!" she cried.

A blinding light flashed around the room as both Andréa and Milena closed their eyes tightly, murmuring a dark magic spell to Apparate themselves out of the display case and back to their legs.

            They succeeded in reattaching themselves, however, not in arriving to the place they desired. Opening their eyes, the found themselves in yet another fix.

"Vell, ve are at least in vun piece again," said Andréa.

"And vunce more, ve have no idea vhere ve are," said Milena. "Ve're in de meedle of novhere again!"

"Vell, it's a different meedle of novhere, dis time," said Andréa. "Change of scenery."

"Give me your phone," demanded Milena. "I vant to use de GPS on it."

"It has GPS?" asked Andréa. "You could have told me."

"Vell, vidout reception it doesn't vork," she said. "I vant to check it."

Andréa handed the mobile to Milena reluctantly. Milena looked at it carefully.

"Ve are in Germany," said Milena. "But vhere, I am not sure. I teenk ve should keep valking. Ve might actually find somevhere dat ve can get back to Eengland."

"I can speak Yiddish now," said Andréa enthusiastically. "Finally, a use for it."

"Dis should be goot," muttered Milena.

The girls walked along a fair way until they found a road, following it for a while to see where it led. They walked, and walked, and walked. Hours slipped by. By now, the two girls were getting very tired. The road came to an end and Andréa and Milena were forced to venture into the forest. Further walking brought them into a clearing, and, in the distance, they saw. It was a large stone castle about four floors high. They were surrounded by mountains, forest and lakes.

"Vhere are ve?" asked Milena.

Andréa took out her phone and stared at it. She shrugged.

"Don't know," she said. "No reception."

"I'll make GPS spell," said Milena.

They stood staring at the map for some time, trying to work out where they were. There was no light on the page, but a detailed map was drawn up of the area, from where they had come along the road to where they stood.

"Vell, I teenk ve are here," said Milena, pointing to where the forest ended on the map. "But I don't know vhere dat is. I'll keep de map so ve can find our vay out. In de meantime, should ve knock?"

"It's a castle, isn't it," said Andréa. "Ve see if anyvun is home."

The girls walked towards the castle in the distance and within half an hour, they had reached the front doors. Tentatively, Milena knocked on the doors. They opened slowly, leading into a large, dull hall. Several people turned to stare at them, all looked astonished.

"Milena, deese strange pale people are staring at us," said Andréa. "Vhy are dey staring at us? Has my cleavage come out?"

"No," said Milena. "I teenk it's your hat."

She pointed to the large furry Cossack hat that sat atop Andréa's head.

"It can't be," she said. "Dey're vearing de same vuns. But mines better. Designer."

She fondly stroked the hat.

Milena rolled her eyes and looked around at the sea of faces assembled in the hall. They were tall, with dark hair, dressed in heavy furs, and had vacant or confused expressions on their faces.

"Dey seem surprised to see us," she said. "Like ve're not supposed to be here."

"That vould be because you're not," said a girl near them. "This school is supposed to be hidden."

"It is," said Andréa. "Have you any idea how long it take for us to find a vay out of dat goddamn forest. Hours!"

"You're not supposed to be able to get through that forest!" exclaimed the girl, her hazel eyes wide with astonishment.

"Vell, ve did," said Milena. "And who are you to tell us ve can't do it anyvay?"

"I'm the Head Girl," she said, flicking her long brown hair back over one shoulder. "Leah Harrison."

"Okee," said Andréa.

The girls stared around the hall once more, catching a few rather bewildered, odd and confused glances and faces.

"Milena," whispered Andréa. "Deese people still looking at my cleavage. Are you sure dat dey can't see anyteenk?"

"Vell, your outfit would draw some attention here," said Milena. "If you vill observe vhat deese other people are vearink."

"Ja, dey're vearink really ugly brown robes," she said, making a face. "Dey look like shit."

Suddenly, a tall man came hurrying down the stairs and pushed his way through the crowd of students. He was dressed in black robes with a thick cloak around his shoulders. His face was ugly and pale; with a thin twitching mouth and cold grey eyes, glaring angrily at the two girls. He advanced on them hastily.

"What are you doing here?" demanded the man. "How did you get here?"

"Ve got lost," explained Andréa. "I teenk ve took a wrong turn, or somevun gave us bad directions." 

"Maybe it vas dat strange man with de turban and really feral beard who sent us in wrong direction," said Milena. "Vhat vas his name?"

Andréa thought for a minute.

"Osca, no, no, Sam, no, Oscana, no…Osama, dat's it!"

"Vhere vas dat?" asked Milena. "Iraq? Iran? Or vas it somevhere else?"

"Porhaps dat Afghanistan place!" suggested Andrea "…He had very same look on his face…"

"I don't teenk ve should have trusted him, after those machine guns being pointed at our heads," said Milena.

"But he seemed so nice after dat," pleaded Andréa.

"Dat vas because ve had our vands pointed at his head," replied Milena.

"Oh, yeah," said Andréa.

"Enough!" shouted the man impatiently.

"Calm down," said Andréa. "Don't get your robes in a tvist."

"How did you find this place?" he demanded.

"I don't know," said Andréa, shrugging her shoulders. "Ve don't even know vhere ve are."

"You are in Durmstrang castle," said the man.

"Vhich vould be… vhere?" asked Andréa.

"It's a secret!" he shouted the man. "No one is supposed to be able to find it!"

Andréa scoffed.

"Vell somevun screwed up dere, deedn't dey," she said.

The man's face went a deep shade of magenta as he glared at her.

"It is no one's fault but yours!" he shouted.

"How is it our fault?" asked Andréa. "Ve got lost."

"Vell, dat vas your fault," said Milena.

"I know, but he don't know dat," she said.

"Now he does," said Milena.

Andréa turned to the man, who was looking as furious as ever.

"You did not hear anyteenk, got it," she said, before turning away quickly. But she stopped and turned around slowly again.

"Who are you, anyvay?" she asked.

"I am Karkaroff, the Head of Durmstrang," he said pompously.

"Dat's nice," said Andréa dismissively, turning back to Milena.

"You still haven't answered my question," said Karkaroff urgently. "How did you get here?"

"Vell…" said Andréa. "Ve walked down dis long road just south of Berlin for hours, and wandered into a forest…"

"Enough!" screamed Karkaroff.

"Vill you qvit doink dat!" shouted Andréa. "God, dis guy have a short fuse."

"Have you any idea how annoyink dat is," said Milena, addressing the man, a glaring look on her face. She turned back to Andréa. "I teenk he need chocolate."

She pulled a bar of chocolate from her robes and dusted it off a little.

"You stole my farking chocolate!" cried Andréa, staring at the bar.

"You go hyper vhen you eat it," said Milena. "It's not goot for you to do dat."

"Gimme de farking chocolate!" screeched Andréa.

"He need it more dan you do," reasoned Milena.

"I VANT DE CHOCOLATE!" screamed Andréa. "GIMME DE FARKING CHOCOLATE!"

"SILENCE!" he boomed. His face had gone a deep shade of magenta.

Milena shoved the chocolate bar forcefully into his mouth.

"Eat," she said angrily. "Den maybe you'll shut up and stop interruptink us. Oy."

She put a hand on her head, shaking it, and then pulled out another chocolate bar from her robes, handing it to Andréa.

"Dat vun is yours," she said. "Now, please, no more screaming."

Andréa happily munched away at the chocolate bar, while the angry man took it out of his mouth and nibbled at it slowly.

"Now, vill you agree to behave?" asked Milena, frowning sternly at Karkaroff.

He looked at her in silence and quietly continued to eat the chocolate.

"I'll take dat as a yes," she said. "Now, vhere vere ve? Oh yes, I remember now. Ve vere talkink about how ve got here in de first place."

"Da, dat vash it," said Andréa, her mouth still full of chocolate.

"Do you mind?" asked Milena. "Close your mouth. I don't vant to see vhat you're eatink."

"Sorry," she said.

Andréa covered her mouth as Milena glared at her again.

"Ok, now, I continue," said Milena. "Ve got lost a few hours south of Berlin, I teenk…"

"But how did you find this place?!" demanded the man. "No one can find this castle!"

"Ve did," said Andréa.

"YES! I KNOW!" he yelled.

Milena glared at him and pulled out another chocolate bar threateningly. The man looked at it and calmed down. Andréa, meanwhile, was drooling and trying to grab at the chocolate.

"But how did you get here?" asked the man calmly.

"Ve don't know," said Andréa shrugging. "Ve just found it. Ve still got map of area, but ve didn't have dat until after ve found dees place."

"YOU HAVE A MAP!?!" bellowed Karkaroff.

Milena began to unwrap the chocolate bar and held it close to his face, glaring fiercely.

"I choke you vid dis if you keep yellink," she growled. "Don't tempt me."

"Ja (say 'da'), ve have a map," said Andréa. "Maybe ve sell it to get a bit of money."

Karkaroff lunged forward as if to strangle her, but Milena pulled him back violently.

"She vas jokink," she said.

"No, I vas serious," said Andréa. "Sell it to a paper, ve can make a bundle and piss him off at de same time." "Sound goot," said Milena. "But dees vun's mad enough already. He kill us before ve leave."

"True," said Andréa, contemplating for a second.

"Ve should be goink now," said Milena. "Ve need to get back to Eengland."

"You are not going anywhere," he said angrily. "Not until you tell me your names and where you live or came from."

"Do you really teenk ve're goink to tell you," said Milena. "Ve not stupid."

"I'm Andréa and I live in Romania, about vun hour, forty-five meenutes south-vest of –"

Milena clapped a hand over her mouth.

"Vhat are you doink?" she demanded. "You are goink to get us both killed."

"He say ve couldn't go anyvhere until ve tell him –"

"I heard vhat he say," said Milena. "He vant to kill us, dat's vhy he ask vhere ve live, you eediot."

"Oh," said Andréa. "I get it now. He vant to kill us because ve know vhere deir secret castle is and ve are goink to sell de map here to a huge newspaper so dat everyvun can find it."

"Yeeees," said Milena. "Dat's it. But dere is only vun teeng to do now."

"Vhat's dat?"

"RUN!!!" shouted Milena.

Both girls dashed towards the open door and outside, heading for the forest, as fast as they could. The rest of the Durmstrang students followed them, Karkaroff included.

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A/N: Vell, vhat did you teenk of dat? Ve demand reviews to let us know vhat you teenk. Dat is an order! Or I'll shove dis chocolate bar down you throat! Got it? Next chapter, I think we actually make it to Hogwarts. Let the games and fun begin!

Now, thanks to our reviewers:

The crazy ladies – My brilliant partner in crime… I meant writing… I did, I swear. Here you go, darlink, de next chapter of our brilliant masterpiece. Hope you're not still talking in your Romani accent. I keep getting requests to do it now. Ve should do a recordink of it for all deese people. But it's too much vork, unless ve post it on your vebsite.

ME!!!!!!!! – You retart, Ween. Quit sending me crappy reviews. By now, everyone should know that you're my sister. And if keep sending them, I will pair you up with Ron, or worse, Crabbe and Goyle!

Mia-xx – Hey Mia. Hope you liked your little cameo as Leah Harrison, your character from 'Melting the Ice'. I'll see you at school. Any suggestions for the next chapter?

Eowyn – Sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter up. So much work. I'll have Chapter 5 of 'Hope in Minas Tirith' up as soon as I can find the notes for the Houses of Healing sequence. It's really good, and I'm so pissed off about loosing them. Keep an eye out though. I'm going to find them, I'm sure.

REVIEW! PLEASE! VE NEED REVIEWS TO KEEP WRITING!!! Or ve use our dark magic to curse you all into OBLIVION!!! Ve know who you are! YOU CANNOT HIDE!!! REVIEW!!!

Thanks,

KK and Lisa