3. Chapter Three

The Long Goodbye

She ran as fast as she could, she had never felt happier in her whole life. She had finally reached the beach and saw him walking along the water's edge looking sad – disappointed even. She knew exactly how to cheer him up. She rushed over to him and flung her arms around him. "Yes!" she cried tears of happiness streaking down her cheeks. "Yes!"

She saw him take a few steps back. "What?"

This was strange; he didn't seem himself, what was going on? "Yes! I'll marry you!" She smiled at him. She couldn't wait to see his reaction; they'd finally be together – forever. She felt happiness swell up inside of her.

He stood there in silence. "Hayley I can't marry you."

She dropped the green, velvet box to the ground. The tears of happiness were changing to shock, confused and hurt ones. She didn't understand, the ring was hers wasn't it? "What? W-w-why? I d-d-don't understand..."

"I can't marry you because I'm not going to be here-"

She looked around, her surroundings had changed. She was at Leah's house. How did she get there so quickly? What was going on? Where was Noah? She stood up – where was everyone? The house was in darkness and everything seemed too quite – something was wrong. She was starting to feel scared; she closed her eyes hoping this was all a dream and she'd wake-up.

Slowly she opened them only to see a bunch of people sitting in front of her, including herself! How could this be happening? How could there be two of her? She saw everyone grouped together, terror planted on their faces. All of a sudden she knew what was going to happen – no she couldn't let it. She would stop it.

The events replayed in front of her all in slow motion, but no matter how much she shouted or cried no one even looked at her. She watched the terror unfolded and was powerless to do anything about it. She screamed as gun shots were fired and Noah rushed outside. "NO!" she screamed.

She raced past him, still no one paying any attention to her. She reached Noah and was standing directly behind him. She screamed out again, no she couldn't let this happen again! She had already experienced this pain and loss before she didn't need it to happen again. "NO! NOAH!"

She saw him fall to the ground; it was replayed over and over again in slow motion – slower each time. She saw her other self rush over to him and collapse to the ground next to him and cry hysterically. She saw everything take place, but she couldn't do anything, why couldn't she have done anything? Why! WHY! She burst into tears. "NO!" she cried.

All of a sudden her other-self turned on her. "This is your entire fault!"

Hayley stared, tears in her eyes. "I'm s-sorry – I tried to stop it – I couldn't."

"Well you didn't try hard enough!" her other-self said bitterly. "This is your entire fault! You just let this happen ... how can you live yourself? This all your fault that Noah's dead."

She fell down to her knees too, right next to her other self, it all felt so real and horrible. Why couldn't she have done anything? Her other-self was right, this was her fault. "Noah!" she sobbed. "Wake up ... please ... Just wake up ..."

"No ... Noah ..."

"NO ... NOAH!" She screamed and flung up in bed, she breathed in and out slowly before falling back down on the pillow. That dream was so horrible and realistic. That was the second night in a row she had it, but the first time her other-self had turned on her, and it had gotten worse. It was so hurtful having it. Knowing she couldn't do anything about, knowing that she was powerless against it ... why hadn't anyone listened to her? Why couldn't she have done anything to help him? All of them? She felt tears in her eyes. She pushed herself up again and got out of bed; she walked over to the window and opened it. She felt the cool sea breeze on her face and something touch her shoulder. She turned her head and smiled. "Thanks."

"It was just a dream Hayley."

"I could have stopped it from happening," she said, tears still in her eyes. "I could have stopped it."

"Shh," said Noah, putting a comforting arm around her shoulders. "It was not your fault."

"Y-y-yes it was," she sobbed, burying her head in her hands. "It was my fault. I could have stopped it from happening ... It shouldn't have been you ..."

"Hayls it was a dream," said Noah. "That's all it was. You need to stop worrying about it."

"It should have been me," she said tears in her eyes. "Not you ... me ..."

"Don't say that Hayley," said Noah. "You think I could have handled loosing you?"

Hayley broke down in sobs, "But I can't handle loosing you. I don't want you to go..."

"It's OK. I'm still here. I'll stay as long as you need me." said Noah. "You just have to stop blaming yourself."

Hayley wiped her eyes on the back of her hand. "I'll try... Though my life is pointless ..."

"Life goes on Hayley," said Noah.

"Not for me," she said sadly. She walked away from the window and sat down on the edge of her bed.

"I won't you to come with me Hayley," said Noah.

"Where?" she asked.

"You'll see, come on," said Noah.

Hayley stood up and took his hand. She walked downstairs and saw Scott and Dani talking. When they caught her looking at them they immediately stopped. "If you guys are talking about your wedding, it's OK." She said softly. "I'm just going out for some fresh air."

Dani nodded. "OK, Hayls. We'll see you later."

Hayley walked out of the house. They walked in silence, even though she could see Noah no one else could. No one else would believe her either, if she told them about it. People would think she was crazy if she started going around talking to Noah. They reached the Caravan Park. She looked at him questioningly. "What?"

"You'll see go inside," said Noah.

Hayley walked towards the back door and knocked softly.

"Come in!" someone shouted.

Hayley walked slowly in. She saw that everyone was laughing and smiling, even Beth. She stopped when she saw Hayley.

"Hayley."

Hayley saw her walk over to her. "Hey."

"Can I help you with anything love?" asked Beth. "How are you feeling."

"You're so strong," said Hayley. "I wouldn't have been able to handle it."

Beth looked at her confused. "Sorry?"

"Your first husband died, didn't he? How did you handle that? Not to mention Rhys walking out on you and everything. How?" she asked.

"Life goes on," said Beth. "Of course you do get upset and everything, but then there are the people who really love and care for you. You concentrate on all the happy things in your life."

Hayley nodded, her face still pale, her eyes still red. "OK ... what are you doing at the moment?" She played with her hands as she saw everyone in the room look at her; she wondered how everyone could be so happy, how they could get over everything so quickly.

"We're getting ready for Max's farewell at the Diner, you're coming aren't you?" asked Beth.

Hayley looked around. "I don't know, I don't think I'm in the mood for celebrating..."

"Oh come on love," said Beth, putting a hand on her shoulder. "It may help."

"I don't know," said Hayley, still not looking at Beth. "I'll t-think about it."

"That's OK," said Beth. "I'm not going to push you."

Hayley found herself smiling. "Thanks Beth. I'll see you later." She quickly waved goodbye and walked out of the house. Once she was out, Noah had appeared by her side. She looked at him. "What was that all about?"

"You'll see," said Noah.

Hayley didn't question him anymore, she knew that he was doing everything for a reason and she'd just have to let time run its course and see what happened. She wasn't even paying attention to where she was going, but somehow she managed to end up on the beach. She turned to look at Noah, "It's always the beach – isn't it?"

"Hey, there' a perfect wave out there. Right swell and everything," said Noah.

Hayley smiled. "I thought we already discussed surfing?"

"There can never be enough discussion on surfing Hayls."

Hayley smiled again, as she sat down in the sand, next to Noah. She was actually begun to wonder why she could see Noah and talk to him, she knew that it wasn't a figment of her imagination and she wasn't crazy, but she was still curious. She sat their in silence, just staring out into the ocean, watching the surfer.

"Hayley?"

She looked up from where she was sitting and saw Flynn, standing in front of her. She managed a weak smile and stood up. "Hey."

"How are you feeling?"

"OK, I guess," said Hayley looking around. "Actually I was wondering if I can ask you something."

"Sure, go ahead."

"I know this is going to sound crazy, but I can see Noah," she paused to see the expression on his face, but then continued on. "Like really see him. I can talk to him and he talks back to me. Do you think that there is something out there – or that I'm – crazy?" She looked down at the ground.

"Hayley it's quite common to 'see' and 'talk' to people after they've passed on. Grief affects us in a way to make it seem possible, though it's all in our minds. Sometimes it can help us get through it, but then sometimes there's too much. As for something out there I don't think there is."

Hayley bit her lip. "So you think I'm crazy?" She could see Noah, she was sure of it.

"Of course not – its normal –"

"I'm not imaging it," said Hayley. "He's really there. The same thing happened to me on our Wedding Day, I saw my Dad."

"Hayley I –"

She sighed. "Don't worry; thanks anyway. I'll see you later." Hayley folded her arms across her chest and begin to walk away, her hair blowing in the wind. She knew she wasn't crazy, but then why did she have to ask someone to make sure. No, she could see Noah. "Noah." She turned around and saw that he wasn't anywhere in site. She sighed, and continued to walk.

"So then I thought that we could have the party here?" suggested Dani. "I mean I knew I was going to have it at Beth's, but then everything happened with mum and dad, so I don't want her to feel obliged to have the party there, you know? Plus she's organizing Max's farewell.

"I asked Scott and he said that it would be fine, but I should check with you that it would be alright. You don't mind do you Hayls? I mean I'll cancel if you do."

Hayley sighed and looked up, she had been listening to Dani go on and on about her and Scott's engagement party for a good fifteen minutes. She hadn't had the energy to say that she wasn't up to discussing engagements parties, so she just decided that she'd just go along with whatever Dani had to say. "Yeah sure, that's fine."

Dani smiled. "Thanks Hayls, now everything's going to be perfect."

Hayley nodded. "Hmm, that's good..."

"Are you OK Hayley?" asked Dani, sitting next to her friend.

"Fine..." said Hayley. She looked everywhere but at Dani.

"Oh OK," said Dani. "Well it's nearly time for Max's farewell, are you coming?"

Hayley shook her head. "Don't feel like it."

Dani nodded. "Well OK, if you're sure ... Scott's meeting me there. We'll see you when we get back."

Hayley watched Dani grab her phone and bag and walk out the door, with a quick goodbye. Hayley sighed and fell back on the lounge. It had hurt her so much when Dani was talking about engagement parties ... she remembered organizing her and Noah's ... She looked around and suddenly something caught her eye. She quickly sat up and saw Noah in front of her. She gasped, "What are you trying to do? Give me a heart attack?"

"No, but let's go."

"Go?" asked Hayley confused. "Go where?"

"To Max's farewell of course," said Noah. "It's just started – people won't mind if you're late."

"But I don't feel like going," Hayley said stubbornly. "Everyone will be happy and I'll be all miserable..."

"Didn't going to Beth teach you anything?" he asked a smile on her face. "I took you there for a reason..."

Hayley shrugged. "I don't know ... Fine let's go..."

Noah smiled. "Good, not that you had a choice."

She felt another smile on her face. "You always make me happy, you know that?"

"Oh Hayley you made it! It's good to see you love!"

Hayley looked up and saw Irene. "Oh hi ... sorry I haven't seen you for a while."

"No problem love," said Irene. "Just as long as you're not blaming yourself."

Hayley bit her lip, "Well I was – but well I –"

"Spit it out," said Irene.

"It will sound too crazy for words," said Hayley. "No one will believe me."

"Try me."

"I can see Noah," she said quickly, she looked around and saw that he was standing by the door of the diner smiling at her. "I mean really see him. I can talk to him ... I spoke to Flynn about it and he said that it was normal for the grieving process, but its more Irene – it really is." Hayley watched Irene's expression. "It's OK; you don't have to believe me..."

"Of course I do love," said Irene, though she didn't sound very sure. "If you can see Noah then you can."

Hayley smiled, "Thanks. Um ... how's Tasha?" She asked trying to make conversation, she wasn't sure what else to talk about.

"Not that good actually," said Irene.

Hayley looked over at the table Tasha was sitting at. She was resting her head on her hand and twirling a straw around her milkshake with the other. "What's wrong with her?"

"Blaming herself for what happened to Noah."

"What?" Hayley questioned. "How can it be her fault? She wasn't even there!"

"That's what I've tried to tell her love, but she won't listen to me. Maybe you could talk to her for me?"

Hayley bit her lip; she didn't really feel like talking that much, but then she didn't want Tasha to blame herself over Noah's death, when it wasn't her fault at all. Hayley walked over and sat opposite of Tasha. "Hey? Irene told me you weren't feeling that good. How are you?"

Tasha looked up at Hayley, she then quickly looked down again and began to swirl the straw around once more. "How come you're talking to me?"

"What? Tash why wouldn't I be talking to you?" Hayley asked looking at; she was confused as to why Tasha would think something like that. "Tasha?"

"Because it's my fault," said Tasha silently. "It really is. I mean if I let Rene get rid of that gun like I said she could then Sarah couldn't have got in a-and –" Tasha's voice began to break. "N-Noah would still be here ..."

Hayley looked at Tasha and she suddenly couldn't believe that she was blaming herself for this, all that motivation she had lost came tumbling back to her and she found herself saying, "Tasha don't you dare say it's your fault. So it may have been your gun that doesn't mean anything at all. I mean did any of us know that Sarah was going to break into the house? Did anyone know that Sarah was going to escape? That was not your fault Tasha. It wasn't your fault at all. No one could have stopped it from happening – we all may wish that we could have, but we can't. Blaming ourselves for it isn't going to help either. No one knew what was going to happen that night – each one of us can say 'if only we did that' or 'it's my fault if I did this –' but it's not going to bring Noah back. Do you think he'd want us to be sitting around blaming ourselves?"

Tasha slowly shook her head. "No, but –"

"There's not 'buts' about it Tasha, it's not your fault. You had nothing to do with it. Please stop blaming yourself. Believe me, Noah doesn't want that. It is not your fault. It never has and never will be."

Tasha's face broke into a huge grin. "Really?"

Hayley nodded. "Really." That's when she suddenly realized that it wasn't her fault either. How could she have been in control of the events that happened that night? Now she could see what Noah was trying to get at. As she watched the people around her chatter and smile and Tasha walk off happily to Irene she realized that as terrible as events may be in life and as much as you think it's terrible life goes on. She realized that there was no point sitting around blaming yourself and not doing anything about it for the rest of your life. It wasn't going to help anything – or anyone. She suddenly let a smile on her face and realized it was the first time she done it on account of Noah not being there. She looked around and saw that he was walking out of the diner.

She suddenly rushed out after him, ignoring Irene's questions. She called out to him. "NOAH! Wait! Where are you going?" She felt tears in her eyes.

"I'm going Hayls."

Sadness filled her eyes as more tears began to flow – and to think she was happy moments ago. "No ... Noah please don't go. Please I don't want you to go..."

Noah looked at her. "Hayls you've answered all these questions before – you were just thinking about them. That's why I took you to Beth and brought you to the Dinner. It's time for me to go Hayls." He began to walk again.

Hayley rushed after him again, she realized that she was where she scattered the ashes at the funeral. The sky was bright blue and the water was calm, it wasn't contemplating her mood at all. "I know, but I'm still not ready for you to go."

"Yes you are Hayls," he said taking her hands. "I have to go."

She collapsed into his arms. "No Noah ... please ... just a little longer."

"I can't Hayls. I promised that I'd stay until you needed me, and you don't anymore. You'll get through this – you have friends here who love you just as much as I do. I can't stay here forever either, I have to move on also."

"Why was it you? I don't understand?" Hayley sobbed as she stepped back though in her heart she knew Noah was right.

"No one will Hayls, it's just the way things turn out," Noah answered. "No one knows how these things work, but we just have to put up with them no matter what the consequences are."

Hayley nodded. "I'll miss you..."

"I'll miss you too."

"Goodbye," she said sadly. "I wish it wasn't though ... wait maybe it doesn't have to be."

"Hayls I –"

"No," she said quickly. "Can't I come with you?"

"Don't you even think about it Hayley Lawson," Noah replied quickly. "There are too many people here who care about you. So don't you even think about it for one minute."

Hayley nodded. "OK, you're right."

"And it doesn't have to be goodbye Hayls, I'll always be there for you. Always."

Hayley nodded. "You're right." She gave him one last lingering hug and a quick kiss and then he was gone.

Her whole body shook with sobs, as she fell to her knees on began crying hysterically. Nothing she realized before seemed to matter any more – she didn't care that she had realized that life went on or that it wasn't her fault, when she had thought of those things it didn't occur to her that Noah would be leaving her – she didn't think that he wouldn't be staying with her forever. She couldn't work out how quickly her mood had changed, but she didn't really care. All she knew is that she'd never bee seeing Noah again and that she didn't know if she'd ever be able to handle that. It was seeing him that got her through the last couple of days – it was him that made her realize things and now he was gone...

The goodbye she had just shared was too long ... it was the longest goodbye she had ever said to anyone and she didn't know if she'd be able to make it through.

Author's Note: Done! It took me about a week to write this, and I'm still not happy with it. I wrote this during a time I didn't have internet access or available lyrics to: 'Always There', so I'm going to put this up for now, but I'm considering changing this, as I want more lyrical input of 'Always There' to be in this chapter. It was very important and I think I didn't cut it – I'm trying to get the goodbye more emotional. However I still liked this chapter, especially the dream and how Hayley realized that wasn't her fault. Hope people didn't think it was too unrealistic how Hayley went from all happy to all sad and depressed. And yes I stole the chapter name from the HA Book, but what ya gonna do about it (lol :P). Next chapter will be called: 'Life is Precious' and will be the final one! Word Count: 3, 525 I don't think it's long enough – although it is a record for my writing! Anyway hope you liked it!

Love and Light Lozzyxx

P.S. Finally! I haven't been able to log on - or access for ages!