Always There

Summary: "Why was it you? I don't understand?" Hayley sobbed. How was she supposed to deal with losing Noah? It was all too much? How could she ever think of not seeing him again?

Rating: T

Warning: Mentions of suicide.

Note: Finally, this is the last chapter. I want to thank all my reviews and everyone who encouraged me with this story, I love you all! A lot of this chapter is based on personal feelings of me… So I hope it seems realistic enough… Also, I apologize if it's too short or whatever… Enjoy )

4. Chapter Four
Life is Precious.

The cool, sharp blade touched her skin, she rested it there for a while looking at her reflection in the blade. A sunken-faced, pale girl stared back at her, with tangled hair, and black bags under her red, tear-stained eyes. Her appearance would be surprising to anyone who knew her… Normally she was such a bright happy person.

She was going to do it, she had to do it. She pressed the knife a bit harder onto her wrist so that it dug in a bit, not hard enough to cut though – just hard enough to leave a mark… She had to do this. She deserved to do this. She had ruined everyone's lives. It was her turn to pay.

She closed her eyes and remembered. Remembered how she got the knife in the first place…

Flashback:

She walked into the kitchen, and paused. She heard voices – Dani and Scott's voice to be exact and they were talking about someone – talking about her.

"I'm really worried Scott," said Dani. "She won't leave her room at all. I just don't know what to do… I just wish she'd let me help her."

"Dan," said Scott. "I'm sure she'll be fine. She'll let us help her when she's ready."

"But she's –" Dani stopped when she realized that Hayley had walked in on their conversation.

"You don't have to stop talking about me just because I'm here," she said coolly before walking over to the kitchen drawers. "Go right ahead."

"Hayley I understand how you must be feeling but –"

Hayley wasn't sure what it was, but something inside her just exploded and she just needed to yell – shout get everything off her chest. "YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA HOW I'M FEELING!" She shouted, her face turning red. "So don't you DARE say that you do!"

Dani looked on in shock. "Hayley I –"

"Shut-up! Just shut-up!" she shouted cutting her off. "I'm sick of everyone. Sick of conversations being stopped soon as I walk into a room. Sick of people asking me every twenty seconds how I am. Sick of being questioned. Sick of people saying they know how I feel. I'M SICK OF IT! I'M SICK OF IT ALL!" She took a few deep breaths before looking up into the shocked faces of Dani and Scott. She pulled the draw open roughly and scanned it for what she was looking for the.

The long blade of the carving knife caught her eye. She quickly picked it up. She turned around and began to walk back upstairs. It was then that Scott and Dani realized what she was about to do.

"Hayley!" screamed Dani. "No… you don't want to do this."

"You don't know what I want," snapped Hayley glaring at her. "You have no idea about me at all."

"You can't do this Hayley," said Scott. "We won't let you." He lunged for the knife, but Hayley backed away.

"You can't tell me what to do," she said tears cascading down her face. "I just want to be happy… Please… Please, let me be happy. I just want to be with Noah… please" she trailed off silently to herself.

Dani walked over to her friend and put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Hayley we're here for you. We want to help you."

"I don't deserve your help," said Hayley, clutching the knife so tightly her fingernails were digging into the palm of her hand. "I'm doing this… I'm sorry." With that she quickly rushed up the stairs, into her room, slammed the door and shut it.

End Flashback.

She heard Dani and Scott's shouts and thumps on the door, begging for her to open it. Begging for her to not do what she was about to do. She sighed and looked into the mirror. This would be the last time she looked into this mirror… the last time she sat on this bed… the last time she'd hear Dani and Scott's voice.

"I can't believe your doing this. After all you promised me."

Hayley turned her head and saw Noah standing behind her. "I want to be with you."

"No, you can't." said Noah firmly.

She stood up, still clutching the knife. "But why… Please Noah, please… I can't…."

"Hasn't what happened to me taught you anything Hayls?" questioned Noah, looking at her. "Hasn't what happened to me taught you that life is precious. You shouldn't waste a minute of it because you don't know when it's going to be your last. You should not be ending your life so soon Hayley. You have too much to live for."

"You were my life Noah," she said tears in her eyes. "You were everything I lived for."

"I know that I was important to you Hayls, but you have everything else too. What about your art? And your friends?" he questioned, as Dani screamed another 'Hayley open up!' through the closed door. "You can't say they'd want you to do this."

She stared straight at him, determination set fiercely in her eyes. There was no way Noah was going to stop her do this, she was stubborn – she'd admit that. It would be the only way she'd be truly happy.

"This isn't what you want Hayley," said Noah calmly. A clouded expression on his face, as he watched Hayley pace up and down the room. "I know it's not what you want."

She starred at him. Straight at him. Tears blurred her vision, but she could still see him clearly. He knew her. He knew her too well, and sometime she hated that – like now. But most of the times that's what she loved the most. She knew in her heart that what she was doing was unreasonable… and unnecessary, but too her at this moment it didn't matter. At this time all that mattered was Noah. No one had any idea what she was feeling – or that's what it felt like… To her right now the only thing that mattered was being able to be with Noah forever. It was weird… she knew that this wasn't the right way, but that didn't matter – it couldn't matter.

"Hayley?" questioned Noah. "You're not going to do this are you?"

More tears were in her eyes as she couldn't take it anymore and collapsed to her knees. She blocked out Dani and Scott's screams, she blocked at Noah's shouts at her stop, she blocked out everything but the tears… This was the right thing to do. This was the only thing to do.

She was going to make things right.

She was going to make things right…

Forever.

Hayley opened her eyes, she was standing next to Noah. She looked at him confused. Dani and Scott were starring straight through her, like she was invisible.

"I guess this is goodbye then," said Dani as she picked up her bag and chucked her ring on the table. "For good."

Scott shook his head. "Don't bother saying goodbye.."

Dani rolled her eyes. "I don't know what I ever saw in you," spat Dani. "You're unbelievable… I wasted nearly two years of my life with you."

"You didn't waste your life Dani. I wasted mine."

Dani glared and stormed out of the door slamming the door so hard that on the cupboard near the door, a glass fell off a smashed into a thousand pieces, the pieces of glass flying everywhere.

That's how Hayley felt right now, like she was one of those pieces of glass… being smashed, breaking up into pieces. Breaking down. She managed to speak. "What's going on?"

"Dani and Scott are over," said Noah simply.

Hayley looked at him. "C'mon Noah, you can't believe me to believe that the only reason Dani and Scott are together is because of me.. That's just unbelievable!"

"Maybe," said Noah. "Or, maybe not. You never know how one action can lead into a huge consequence Hayley. Take for example me being shot."

"What?" questioned Hayley. "What's this got to do with anything? And what's going on?"

"Dani wrote an article Hayley.. she wrote one tiny article. And look were that lead." Noah explained as he continued to look straight ahead.

Hayley's eyes widened. "I never thought of it like that before…"

"You were always helping Dani and Scott sort their problems out," said Noah. "I guess with you not around they just couldn't take it anymore… Not with what happened with you…"

"Me?" Hayley looked at him. "What do you mean 'with what happened to me'?"

"Oh," said Noah casually. "Didn't I mention? You died Hayley."

Hayley's mouth opened. "I'm what?"

"Later," said Noah.

"What? Is this the beach-house? How did we get here?" Hayley surveyed the lounge room. To say that it was messy was an understatement. Clothes were all over the floor and the lounge. Dishes were piled up to the roof in the kitchen and empty bottles of beer lay on the table. She quickly looked at Noah. "Irene's drinking again?"

"Yes," said Noah. "With you not being around and Tasha running away, I guess she thought she had nothing anymore."

"Tasha ran away?" asked Hayley. "Why?"

"Well you really helped her when you talked to her that day in the diner. She finally realized it wasn't her fault, but then when she heard about you dieing, she blamed herself for that too… No one could tell her otherwise. She ran away. No one's heard from her since."

Hayley put her hands to her head trying to contemplate it all… She was supposed to make things better not worse… What had she done? More tears were in her eyes. "Oh my god Noah! What have I done? What have I done?" she started crying hysterically.

"Shh," said Noah pulling her too him and hugging her. "It's OK Hayley. Everything will be OK."

"How can you say that?" questioned Hayley. "Look what I've done! Everything is always my fault! I'm causing problems even after I'm dead."

"Well that's the good thing Hayley," said Noah simply.

Hayley looked at him puzzled. "Good? What?"

"You're not."

Before Hayley had the chance to ask what she left really light-headed and then everything went black.

"Oh Hayley! Hayley! Thank god! You gave us such a fright girly!"

Hayley turned her head to see Irene sitting beside her. She looked around the room and she that she was in the hospital. She looked down at the bandage around her wrist. She turned her head. "Sorry."

"Hayley!" shouted another voice. "Oh my god! You're awake!"

Hayley managed to smile at Dani. "I'm sorry…"

"Don't apologize love," said Irene taking her hand. "It's not your fault. You were going through grief. You weren't accepting Noah's death, that's why I think it's best if you see a councilor… I made you an appointment in the city."

Hayley nodded, she wasn't thrilled about the idea, but new it was for the best. "Thanks Irene.. Dani."

Dani smiled at her. "Hayley you scared me.. I thought I was going to lose my best friend.. Please know that I'm here for you."

Hayley sat up and nodded. "Yeah I know… I know that my life is great. Not perfect, but great. I have friends and family who love me… and life is precious. Noah taught me that…" And for a second she thought she saw him standing in front of her bed, a smile on his face starring down at her. And from that moment, whether she saw him or not, she knew things were going to be OK.. She knew that they'd take time, everything did. But she knew that eventually she'd get there and that's all that mattered at the moment. She'd never tell anyone about what happened of course, but she knew that it had taught her the greatest lesson ever. With her friends and family around life is too precious to just throw away.

The End!

Author's Note: I was so nervous about posting this chapter! It's so personal to me… I really want you guys to like it. I hope it doesn't seem unreal.. or whatever. I've had so much fun writing this story. It's defiantly one of my best. And I hope you've enjoyed reading it. Review and let me know what you think :)

Lozzyxx