Secrets of my Heart

by Juujin Bunshen

Sora finds out a terrible secret about himself, will it hinder him in such a way he can't go on with his quest? Will the love of a best friend be enough to break him out of his depression?

Okay I know another fic right? Well this one is more of a one shot that I thought I would test out. Anyway it is another Kingdom Hearts fic since lately my ideas seemed to fit it more than anything else. Also this takes place before "Chain of Memories" since I haven't played the game yet. So this takes place as if the game never existed, basically it has been two years since the first game, and Riku and King Mickey have been let out from the door. A cute little oneshot I thought I would put up. Also I've done every couple choice except this one.

Summery: Sora finds out a terrible secret about himself, will it hinder him in such a way he can't go on with his quest? Will the love of a best friend be enough to break him out of his depression?

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts, but I really wish I could buy "Chain of Memories" so I can play it.

Warning: Mild swearing, and slash meaning boy/boy relationships don't like then hit the back button.

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Home sweet home, or is it?

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Pain

Sorrow

Shock

All these emotions were running through the boy, but could he really feel?

That was a question that ran rampant in his mind every moment of everyday that he did anything from destroying a Heartless to simple tasks like chores.

Was it all worth it, after what he discovered about himself?

He wasn't sure

He was sure he was the Keybearer, sure he had friends, sure about feelings he had for a certain friend, sure he had stopped the darkness for at least a time

What he wasn't sure about was himself, his feelings, and his purpose

What would happen to him when his task was finally completed?

Would it be an end for his life, his existence...

Or something else...

Which is why he had to quit, had to stop before it was too late

Then again, he had to know for sure if the secret that he knew about himself was true, if it was, though why would the keyblade lie, it had no reason too...

Still he had to go back, back to those that he cared for, if only to tell them the truth...

It had taken him a year to find his way to Destiny Islands, to home, if he was allowed to consider it that. The answer he received to his question was silence then a soft click of a door opening captured his thoughts...

He had made it at long last as the door swung fully open; he walked out a bright light spinning behind him until the door slid shut once more. Glancing over his shoulder he saw the same wooden door, but knew the keyhole was resting inside of it as music surrounded him, caressing his inner senses to the area surrounding him. The planet was welcoming back its own with a joyful chorus of sounds.

As much as he wanted to feel welcome by the planet, he couldn't, not when he knew the truth, it was impossible. Shaking his head free of the sound he moved through the cave towards the tunnel that led to the outside. If he had once stopped to look at the drawings on the walls, he would loose his nerve and jump back through that door. He would end up keeping the horrible truth hidden, but either way he knew he couldn't continue, but at least he would be somewhere he felt safe.

As he walked down the tunnel his fingers traced the hard walls absently, what would he see when he walked through that entrance. Who would he see first? Riku? Kairi? Anybody? Would it be night or day?

Pushing the thoughts aside he blinked a few times to notice he reached the leafy entrance. He started to bend down to crawl through when he saw the plants moving, he was stuck, someone was coming through. He still had time though, he could turn, go through the door, never come back, but his heart ignored his body and mind. His friends had a right to know the truth, no matter what the consequences were.

So he stood his body tense and his fingers aching to draw the keyblade in a moments flash as his heart started pounding...

His heart then stopped for several seconds before pounding even harder as he saw who came through the entrance. A teen older than himself, wearing blue jeans, a white tank top showing his muscled frame, tan skin, a head of long shaggy silver hair. Sensing he wasn't alone the older teen looked up and the younger teen was met with a startled pair of sea green eyes. The two studied each other for the longest time taking the other in with their eyes, one pair sapphire the other aquamarine. After the longest moments the silver haired teen was able to talk. "Sora? Is it really you?"

The spiky, brown haired teen nodded a small smile coming to his face. "Yes Riku it's me, and I'm home..." He didn't get to say any more as his best friend pulled him into a bone-crushing hug...

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Two Days Later

A light friendly breeze flowed across the island as the sun shined brightly down on the sugar white sands of Destiny Islands. Even the ocean itself was calm and the waves were soft and small, brushing against the beach playfully and the rows of boats that lined a side dock.

Though one lone figure wasn't paying attention to the beautiful day, instead he sat on the branch of a familiar tree with his head in his hands. The breeze tugged playfully at his hair, but he ignored it, was he really there to the outside world...

"Hey Sora are you going to stay up there again, all day?" Came a friendly shout.

Pulling his face from his hands his head turned as sapphire eyes met green ones. He sighed as he rubbed his eyes; he had spent two days so far on Destiny Islands and still couldn't find the courage to tell anyone the truth. He had found out from Riku that during the years he was gone Kairi had moved to one of the more populated islands and the silver haired teen had been working on a way for Sora to see his other best friend. But he had done other things as well, like not leaving the younger teen alone for long periods of time. While he had talked friendly and told Sora all that had happened up to how he had gotten home with help from King Mickey his eyes kept telling the keybearer that they needed to talk, soon.

Not receiving an answer from the Keyblade Master Riku jumped up onto the tree branch before sitting himself next to Sora. He watched the other's blank stare as his sea green eyes narrowed thoughtfully; he knew something was wrong with his best friend. King Mickey had told him when he saw Sora again, there would be a difference, but what was it? The younger teen seemed to be struggling with some inner knowing, some sense that scared him half to death, it was seen in those sapphire eyes. Riku sighed and ran one hand through his silver hair that was partly tangled. How he wished he could pull the other into his arms and hold him tight, protecting him from the darkness. But how would Sora react if he knew how strong the silvered haired teens feelings were.

Riku sighed as he kept staring at Sora as the keyblade master shifted his gaze to stare out at the ocean, his eyes looked so distant. It was as if they were on separate worlds from each other as the elder teen closed his eyes before he was caught staring too long. When he had first seen the keybearer he was completely caught off guard at the sudden appearance, Sora had grown, changed, over the years. He had to calm down the sudden urge to kiss him right then and there, and instead chose to hug him tightly. It was then he knew his feelings for the other was beyond friendship, to stretch as far as love. The emotion had scared him at first, when he was behind the door with no weapon, and the king for company he thought it didn't exist anymore. After all he had picked darkness over the light, he let Ansem gain control over his body, he thought his punishment for it all was to stay behind the door. Locked away forever never able to feel anything good again, he was evil he didn't deserve it.

Then it had come down to the sealing of the door and he met Sora's eyes head on and knew what his heart had been trying to tell him for so long, but he ignored it. He was in love with Sora, but it was too late to tell him. The door was sealed before he knew it, and he was locked in the darkness. The emotion was left to pester him for a long period of time, confusing him, mixing in with his guilt and sorrow. King Mickey seemed to know, but stayed silent until Riku was ready to talk about it. When the teen had finally spilled his guts out about everything the mouse listened carefully and confirmed the emotion in Riku's heart to be love. He had explained his own love for Minnie in turn, and told the silver haired teen that when Sora found them again, he should reveal his feelings, but to be prepared for a difference in the keybearer that would change both their lives.

He had been left to ponder that question for a long time, until the door had been opened. Riku had run out with King Mickey looking around everywhere for a sign of the keyblade master, but there was none. He sensed that Sora had been there, but that was it, not too long afterwards he had been automatically transported back to his home in a flash of light.

Waiting, forever waiting for the keyblade master to show up and now here he was, Riku could reach out and touch him, but that was what he was limited too. His heart was pounding in his ears; the emotion was so strong it was burning. Which was why he couldn't stop his hands from reaching out and taking Sora's startling the keybearer. Sapphire eyes turned in his direction and he held that gaze that was when he leaned closer getting Sora's eyebrows to raise as those eyes reflected confusion. The younger teens lips parting saying something, but Riku didn't hear, he had waited for so long and he moved his head closer.

Sora had been staring off into space the entire time trying to think of a way to tell Riku his secret. So he didn't notice the silver haired teen staring at him a soft look on his features and had only snapped back to reality when the elder teen took his hands into his own. Turning he had met the gaze head on as his heart started pounding, when Riku leaned in closer. What was the silver haired teen doing, maybe trying to make him talk, well it was now or never, he had to tell him. "Riku there's..."

He never got to finish his sentence as Riku's lips pressing against his in an overwhelming kiss cut him off. Surprised Sora tried to break away, but found he couldn't, a well-placed hand was behind his head, while the other was snaked around his waist holding him tight. That was when something exploded inside of him, waves of emotions, things he had never quite felt before consumed him. He knew he always had strong feelings for his best friend, but he never thought it would be this way. His thoughts were scattered as Riku brought him so close he could feel the others body against his. Too drained with everything that was happening he kissed back shocking himself as he did so.

After a long time Riku broke the kiss staring deeply into Sora's eyes as soon as the other opened them. He still held the younger teen in his grasp tightly, he couldn't get over the soft touch of Sora's lips on his own, it was amazing, electrifying, too much to comprehend. So he leaned down and captured them again for a soft, gentle kiss, before pulling back. "Sora...for a long time I've been wanting to tell you this." He watched as the other's eyes widened a little. "I love you, always have, and I've been wanting to tell you for so long." He whispered, but the reaction he saw in those sapphire orbs surprised him. First it was shock, panic, love, then pain, a deep pain, to something unreadable, stunned by the other's reaction Riku let Sora slip out of his arms as the younger teen began talking.

"Riku...I...I can't, we can't." He whispered pained.

"But why, I love you and I know you feel the same." Riku muttered as he tried to look into Sora's eyes but the keybearer wouldn't meet his gaze.

"Because I don't want to hurt you." Was the answer, but the elder teen sensed more so he took Sora's hands into his own. The younger teen didn't pull away, but still kept his eyes averted.

"You could never hurt me Sora, whatever the problem is we can get through it together." He pleaded as he desperately tried to lock gazes with the keyblade master, the one he loved with all his heart and soul.

After avoiding the piercing gaze for so long the brown haired teen met those aquamarine eyes, but his own were filled with the inner pain, the inner knowing of the truth that would keep them apart forever. "I will hurt you Riku, because this problem can't be solved, and it is something beyond your understanding." He murmured.

"Then help me understand." The silver haired teen pleaded, he couldn't lose Sora. He never could loose him again to anything, as he pulled the other closer to him capturing his lips once more in a deep kiss. The other melted into it for the shortest time, before he pulled away shaking his head. "Sora..." Riku whispered longing etched in his voice, and tried to lean in again, but was stopped as the other teens fingers were placed firmly on his lips.

Sora sighed, he had to do this, and now before their relationship could start, he couldn't hurt Riku, never could hurt him. Even when he was taken over by Ansem, he still couldn't kill him, it had always been too much. This truth was hard to say, but he could never lead the elder teen on to where one day the journey could end and that was it. Taking a deep breath he stared deep into Riku's green eyes intently. "Riku..." He whispered the name with a deep sense of longing etched in his voice as well. "The reason why we can't be together is..." He trailed off and couldn't keep looking into those eyes so he stared instead at the secret passage and continued his voice barely audible. "Is...because...because...I'm not real."

"What?"

"I told you, you wouldn't understand." Sora muttered his voice shaky, then continued his tone sounded weary, pained. "I'm not real...the woman you know as my mom isn't really my mom...she found me one day when I was very small on the beach. Mentioning something about how I looked like I was birthed out of the island itself. Which is true in many ways, because the planet did dream me up...it created me to wield the keyblade and in many ways to carry it's heart when it was destroyed..." He trailed off as his eyes became hard, cold, but he started shaking as the pain took over. "I'm not real Riku, you can't love something that isn't real, I'm a dream that will fade away when my time has ended." He finished coldly as he tried to blink back the sudden onslaught of tears, but couldn't as they trailed down his face. Suddenly he jerked his hands out of Riku's jumped off the tree and started a stumbling run as he crossed the bridge and disappeared...

Riku sat in silence as Sora's words went through his mind, now what King Mickey said was true, the difference that would change their lives. Sora...his Sora, wasn't real, he was the islands dream. But if he wasn't real how would the keyblade master be able to feel, get hurt, even bleed...unless he was created to be as real as humanly possible yet not be.

Shaking his head he turned and in the distance saw that Sora had stumbled onto the beach and was lying there. Even from where he sat he could sense the deep pain from the other boy, as his sea green eyes then turned up the tree to see the familiar yellow fruit hanging there. He instantly knew what he had to do; if Sora was a dream that would eventually fade away he would join him. Pulling out a knife he walked along the branch and reached for a fruit and cut the stem with his blade. Carefully pulling out a white cloth he wrapped it and jumped down his feet hitting the sand hard. He began jogging and crossed the bridge in no time and hurried down the stairs of the shack and once there opened the door. Not too far away was the keyblade master sitting on the ground with such a broken look in his eyes and face it shattered Riku's heart.

Keeping a steady pace he walked over to the keybearer and setting the fruit aside pulled Sora into his arms. He felt the younger teen struggle against his embrace, but he only held on tighter as he smoothed his back with one hand to try to calm him. Eventually the fighting ceased to be replaced with a tense silence. That was when Riku made his move; he would have to prove his love to the teen. Still holding him with one arm, he used his fingers to tilt the chin up so they met eye to eye. Ignoring the broken look he pressed his lips against the others in an intense, but intoxicating kiss.

He felt the keybearer protest, but he put his hand directly behind the others head holding him there. Then the kiss hardened as Riku's emotions took over and he pulled Sora closer to him so their bodies were pressed tightly together. His heart was pounding hard as he felt the keybearer stop resisting and felt him kiss back, though air became a major issue as his lungs started burning so he pulled back, but only a little bit so he kept his gaze locked with Sora's, as he held him. "Sora, there is something I want you to have." He whispered breathlessly, as he reached beside him for the cloth covered fruit and unwrapped it.

The keybearer stared with stunned eyes at the fruit before looking back up at Riku, the best friend he was in love with. "Riku, you can't, you have a life to live, and if we share this you could..." He didn't get to finish his sentence as Riku's lips pressed over his own again.

After a long time the silver haired teen pulled away, and unwrapped his arm from around the keybearer's waist, already knowing that the younger teen wouldn't run away. "Don't you see yet Sora, without you I'm nothing, if you do fade away, then I do too. At least then we would be together, or even better you could become real, and stay. I love you and I would be happy anywhere as long as you were by my side." Riku said with conviction and pulling out his knife sliced the paupou fruit in half, before handing part of it to Sora.

"Riku..." Sora whispered and trailed off staring at the bright half of yellow fruit he now held in one hand.

The elder teen place his hand under Sora's chin and lifted the younger teens face up so they met eye to eye. "Open your mouth." He said gently a strange look coming into his eyes. He smiled as the other did as he asked, and he slid part of the fruit into Sora's mouth as the teen took a bite. "How does it taste?" He asked.

Sora's eyes lit up, as he tasted the fruit, something he hadn't felt for so long was coming back. His love was coming back, as a gentle smile came to his features, but he didn't see Riku melt at the sight of his smile, he was still too lost in the taste. Riku loved him; so much he was willing to stay by him no matter what. Even if it meant fading away once the keybearer's tasks were over with. Turning his attention back to the elder teen his smile became bigger. "Why don't you try it yourself." He whispered and as the mouth opened the keybearer put part of the piece he was holding into that mouth.

Riku's eyes also came to life as he kissed the keybearer again the juice still on their lips mixed together, but the silver haired teen wanted to go deeper so he moved his tongue out from his lips demanding entrance, Sora seemed to comply as Riku slipped his tongue into the hot opening enjoying what the keybearer tasted like.

After a long time they broke the kiss as the keyblade master snuggled into the silver haired teen's arms. That was when they both turned their attention to the sun setting across the island, and as sunset met moonlight the couple shared another kiss under the stars, in that moment and time all that mattered were each other, they would face the future together.

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Okay that's it I hope you enjoyed it! Read and Review!