Thank You For Your Lovely Reviews.
Mara: Wow, such compliments blushes Thanks a lot!
Emerald Amber: blushes again Thank you so much.
LVingPhai: Yes, they are getting close but there are still hurdles that need jumping. Their friendship is indeed growing. Thank you.
XZanayu: cheers alongside you Yay Alexander! Thanks For Reviewing!
VaniaHepskins: I always liked this part of the movie as well, that's one of the reasons I decided to put it in. As for Peritas, you'll just have to wait and see ;)
sesshoumaru890: Thank you so much. I'll try the best I can.
I dedicate this chapter to Shioban who helped me with a certain scene, taken from the movie, and helped me incorporate it in the story. I hope you like it.
Ooh, music is playing in the darkness
And a lantern goes swinging by
Shadows flickering
My heart's jittering
Just you and I.
You and I by Queen.
Chapter 5: Opening Up
Alexander and Hephaistion rode on for about 20 minutes, making Hephaistion wonder where they were going but also hoping the ride would never end. Sitting here behind Alexander, his arms wrapped around his waist, Hephaistion felt safe. Somehow he felt like he belonged, a feeling he didn't have since leaving his parents home.
Somewhere during the ride, Hephaistion wasn't sure when, he laid his head down on Alexander shoulder, only becoming aware of this when Alexander stopped.
Hephaistion quickly lifted his head, feeling embarrassed and unwrapped his arms before dismounting. Trying to hide his red face, he walked a little further looking around, hearing Alexander dismount as well and whispering something to his horse. Hephaistion turned and asked,
"What will you call him?" Alexander smiled and replied,
"Bucephalus." Hephaistion frowned slightly but before he could ask he was motioned closer by Alexander who lifted the horses mane to reveal a white spot on the horses' forehead, which, remarkably, was shaped like an ox head. Suddenly Hephaistion nodded smiling, only Alexander would have noticed that. Alexander patted Bucephalus backside and let him graze, then shared a quick look with Hephaistion before walking of.
Hephaistion stared after him for a couple of minutes before running to catch up with him. Together they walked for a little while until they stood on a little cliff, below them the vast Macedonian countryside cast in an orange glow due to the sunset. Alexander lowered himself to the ground sitting down and staring of into the distance, following his example Hephaistion did the same.
Alexander felt more relaxed after his horse ride and now enjoyed the sunset with Hephaistion. He was sure surprised when Hephaistion excepted his invitation and was more surprised when Hephaistion laid his head on his shoulder during the ride here. Alexander didn't speak up when it happened because he suddenly felt like he belonged, that he mattered and it warmed him. He never wanted the feeling to end and when it did, if left him cold and alone. He felt confused when Hephaistion didn't want to look at him but also why he seemed to care so much about what Hephaistion thought. He couldn't even figure out why he wanted Hephaistion to come in the first place. He sighed again, noticing Hephaistion repeatedly cast quick glances in his direction, chewing on his bottom lip. When he turned his head, Hephaistion pretended to watch the sunset and Alexander looked at Hephaistion's face cast in an orange and red glow making his blue eyes stand out.
'Beautiful' whispered Alexander mentally and he frowned before turning his head forward again, looking down feeling his face flush, he realised he actually meant it. The long silence between them was broken when Hephaistion spoke up,
"Why did you invite me?" Alexander thought about that answer and none of the answers he came up with were sufficient so he said,
"Because you were the only one who didn't ask me." Hephaistion somehow understood what he meant and nodded watching Alexander lay his head on his drawn up knees.
"You look tired…." When Alexander didn't reply he added, "…what happened this afternoon?" still Alexander did nothing to confirm he heard what Hephaistion said merely kept his eyes closed.
"It's your parents isn't it?" This got Alexander's attention and he looked up, anger in his eyes but when he looked into Hephaistion's eyes, he saw nothing but genuine concern and he sighed whispering,
"Yes…"
"Tell me?" asked Hephaistion as he scooted closer to Alexander and sat down next to him, shoulders touching lightly.
"I'm a tool…" muttered Alexander, who found himself opening up, and Hephaistion nodded motioning for him to continue, "… just a tool to use against each other…" Hephaistion didn't have to ask who he meant. "… I love my parents very much and want to make them proud but anything I do to make one of them happy, causes the other jealousy and fear that they might lose me. They have been fighting over my love since I was born, saying and doing awful things to each other. Why can't they understand I love them both. I will never chose between them, I cannot…." Shouted Alexander and Hephaistion noticed he was trying to keep his tears at bay, even now, with no one around, he doesn't allow them to fall. Alexander rubbed at his face angrily and sighed before turning to Hephaistion who kept a close eye on him.
Alexander sighed and laid his head down on Hephaistion's shoulder as he recounted what happened that afternoon.
/ After Alexander rode Bucephalus, Philip was so proud he decided to show his son the small caves his father once showed him and told him the myths carved on the walls. It was a lesson he never forgot.
"You remember Achilles?" asked Philip holding a torch.
"He's my favourite" replied Alexander while he nodded his head smiling,
"Why?" asked Philip staring at his son,
"Because he loved Patroclus and avenged his death…" replied Alexander with a far away look on his face, as If thinking about someone,
"And his fate?" added Philip,
" That He must die young, but with glory…" muttered Alexander awed,
"Did he have a choice?" asked Philip while they continued walking,
"Oh yes, He could live a long life, but there would be no glory." Again Alexander was in awe thinking about the glory deeds of Achilles.
"You dream of glory Alexander and your mother encourages you. There is no glory without suffering and this she would not allow." Stated Philip turning on his son, Alexander simply stared at him well aware of this little fact,
"One day I'll be on walls like these" stated Alexander motioning to the pictures on the cave walls, Philip just sighed and held the torch near the wall illuminating a drawing,
"Prometheus who knew the secret of fire and gave it to man, made Zeus so angry he chained Prometheus to a rock in the great Caucasus and each day an eagle would peck out the poor man's liver and each night it grew back again so that it could be eaten the next day." Explained Philip and added, "A miserable fate." While shaking his head and continued walking stopping at a drawing now and then,
"Why?" asked Alexander as he caught up with his father,
"Who knows these things…" muttered Philip and shrugged his shoulders illuminating another drawing, "….Anyway Oedipus tore out his eyes after he learned he killed his father and married his mother. Knowledge that came too late.." he quickly showed another drawing, "Medea, slaughtered her two children after Jason left her for a younger wife…"
Alexander knew his father regularly married new and younger women and swallowed hard thinking about his mother, Queen Olympias, and whispered uncertain,
" My mother would never hurt me…"
"Never easy to escape our mothers Alexander…." Stated Philip like he was talking about himself and continued, "All your life...beware of women. They're far more dangerous than men…" Alexander looked around and noticed a snake slithering by and nodded while his father showed another drawing telling a new tale,
"…Heracles. even after he accomplishes his twelve labours he is punished with madness & slaughtered his children…." Muttered Philip shaking his head sadly, "…Poor Heracles, great Heracles. But all greatness comes from ... suffering…" then he pointed to Alexander, "…Even you the gods will one day judge harshly."
"When I'm king like you one day, father?" asked Alexander, hoping it will be so one day,
"Don't rush the day, boy. We risk all…." Said Philip harshly and sat down, " …My father threw me into battle before I knew how to fight. When I killed my first man he said: 'now you know'… " explained Philip with a look on his face that chilled Alexander making him shiver, "A king isn't born Alexander…." Continued Philip, "…He is made...by steel and by suffering. A king must know how to hurt those he loves…" Alexander raised an eyebrow, finally understanding as he watched his father take a long gulp of wine,
"It's lonely. Ask any of them…." Said Philip pointing to all the drawings they had passed, "…Fate is cruel. No man or woman can be too powerful or too beautiful without disaster befalling them…." Muttered Philip like all life was just drained out of him,
"They laugh when you rise too high and they crush everything you've built... In the end the glory they gave you they take away. They make of us slaves." Ended Philip, Alexander stared at his father, reaching a new level of understanding to how his father thinks and acts. He slowly stepped closer and takes one of his father's hand in his, squeezing it in encouragement. Philip looked in his son's eyes in wonder but sighed in relief none the less. /
"I was glad my father took me to those caves…" said Alexander as he ended his story, "… I think that was the first moment, I finally understood my father but word had reached my mother and soon I found myself in her private chambers."
/ "Where have you been?" asked Olympias. Alexander who was sitting down across his mother sighed and contemplated what to say, not wanting to upset his mother.
"Riding with…" started Alexander but didn't have the change to finish because his mother suddenly shouted,
"Do not lie! I know you were with him." Olympias spat out the last word in anger, "What have you been doing?"
"Father showed the caves… You know with all the great myths on the walls." Said Alexander carefully weighing his words. Olympias nodded, still angry,
"I know what you speak of, he showed me those blasted caves once. Which ones do you remember?" asked Olympias watching Alexander liked a hawk. Alexander watched her eyes and was suddenly remembered of 'Medea' and he shivered but before he could say anything his mother started shouting.
"Medea? I knew Philip took you there to set you up against me." Alexander realised he must have said the name out loud without meaning to and sent his mother into a fit. Soon, his high spirits were dampened and he suddenly felt tired,
"Can't you see Alexander, he only took you there to learn you a lesson and keep you away from me. I knew that big sack of wine was up to something when he bought you that horse…" soon Alexander tuned out, nodding now and then wishing he were of somewhere else. Suddenly blue eyes popped into his head and he felt calmer. He sighed as his mother ranted and raved for several minutes. When she suddenly hugged him, crying, he did his best to comfort her.
"I love you mother. I will never leave you."
"Not even for Philip?." Asked Olympias,
"Not even for father." Replied Alexander and added silently in his head, 'nor will I leave father for you my dear, sweet mother.' Olympias was comforted by her son's words and sat back in her seat with a smile that made Alexander shiver again.
Soon after Alexander was allowed to leave and immediately rode of on Bucephalus, riding hard until his school came into view and slowed down, noticing a lone figure under a tree while the other were grouped together. He entered he gates but before he could act, he was surrounded by his classmates all demanding something. Alexander sighed feeling tired and worn out, casting a glance and Hephaistion under the tree and steering around his classmates, excusing himself before riding toward Hephaistion. When Hephaistion didn't look up when he stopped, he made Bucephalus stomp with his foot. When Hephaistion looked up and came into contact with those blue eyes he suddenly extended his hand in silent invitation. Alexander felt grateful when Hephaistion excepted, helped him up and together they rode off. /
"I guess it's stupid huh? I think many children would dream about such a love. But it is such a burden." muttered Alexander embarrassed looking down again, waiting for Hephaistion to start laughing at his foolishness. He felt a hand touch his chin, after awhile, lifting his face slowly to look in Hephaistion eyes who smiled sweetly,
"That is not so stupid Alexander."
Alexander bit his lip, to keep from crying as he stared in Hephaistion honest and caring eyes. He took Hephaistion by the shoulders and hugged him close feeling grateful for his presence. He felt arms circle his waist and he sighed. After awhile they both parted smiling at each other, their eyes connected and suddenly everything else seemed to disappear, slowly they moved closer as they moistened their lips. Just before their lips touched Bucephalus neighed loudly galloping towards them making them jump up and away from each other. They shared a shy look before realising it was dark out and were supposed to be back hours ago. Afraid they might get in trouble they both mounted Bucephalus, who took of at high speed.
At no time they were back at their school complex, noticing every light was extinguished expect the light in Aristotle's study, who they could see pacing up and down trough the window. Alexander muttered something to Bucephalus, Hephaistion didn't quite catch, but he took of towards the stables making a lot of noise. They watched as Aristotle noticed and quickly left his study to disappear in the direction Bucephalus took of. Alexander muttered,
"Now!" before they both ran inside as fast as they could. Once inside they slowed down again and slowly crept through the corridors towards the dormitories. Seeing light coming their way Hephaistion took Alexander's arm and pulled him in a dark corner, pulling his dark cape around the two of them, making them blend in. Due to the lack of space Hephaistion had to lean partially on Alexander, whose breath tickled his skin, making his hairs stand up end. Alexander tried to look trough a little piece of Hephaistion's cloak to see if the coast was clear but still saw a light, he felt Hephaistion shift and felt him stand on his foot.
"You're standing on my foot" whispered Alexander harshly, Hephaistion looked down and removed his foot whispering,
"Sorry…" but because of the little shift in their positions, Hephaistion lost his balance and was about to fall flat on his back making his presence known if Alexander didn't circle his waist, yanking Hephaistion to his chest. When their chests connected, Hephaistion gasped out loud before he could stop it. Alexander covered his mouth and Hephaistion noticed the light had changed in direction coming their way. Alexander removed his hand motioning to Hephaistion to be silent. They both held their breath as the light simply passed and disappeared all together. They both sighed in relief.
"That was close…" whispered Alexander turning to look at Hephaistion who was staring at him with a strange look in his eyes. Alexander swallowed hard but couldn't tare his eyes away, suddenly feeling breathless.
Hephaistion, felt lost in those eyes, wanting to be closer still, even with their body's pressed together. He moved closer, eyes switching between Alexander's lips and eyes, seeing no objection, he moved his head closer until their lips touched in the lightest way. He could hear Alexander's quick intake of breath and pressed down until their lips fully connected.
Alexander couldn't believe this was happening, his heart was beating so loud he was sure it echoed through the corridors making their positions known, he pressed himself closer as Hephaistion's lips kissed him completely.
Their kiss was very short because soon they could hear Aristotle's voice echoing from the entry way and they both sprang apart, not daring to look at each other in fear of the other ones reaction. Hephaistion especially was afraid he ruined their fragile friendship by being unable to control his urges. He felt a hand slip into his and a voice whispering harshly,
"Come one." They both took of running as fast as they could, when they saw their rooms they slowed down, sighing in relief. They turned to each other not knowing what to say, just as Alexander tried to say something, the hallway filled with light. They both entered their rooms quickly before disrobing and jumping into their beds pretending to be asleep just as their doors opened, Aristotle's head poking in to see if they were there.
Alexander smirked as Aristotle left but it quickly disappeared again when he thought about what just happened in the hall way. He couldn't believe Hephaistion kissed him, his fingers touched his lips and he smiled, feeling happier then he had in a long time.
He still didn't fully understand his feelings concerning Hephaistion, but he knew he felt a deep affection for the boy. He always knew he was drawn to the boy for a reason but thought it was his honesty, his refusal to let him win or agree with anything he was saying just because he was a prince. He was also the only one who ever asked about how he was truly feeling and knew some of his weaknesses, like his inability to swim. Tomorrow he would talk to Hephaistion but tonight Alexander smiled and slowly drifted of, dreams of Hephaistion filling his head.
Meanwhile Hephaistion had more trouble sleeping, he couldn't believe he kissed Alexander, no, he kissed Prince Alexander. He was going to be in so much trouble when anyone found out but somehow he could care less. During that brief moment their lips touched, he felt more happy then ever before and he smiled. He knew Alexander was still trying to figure out his feelings but Hephaistion could not deny that those lips kissed him back, brief as it may be.
After tonight, Hephaistion finally realised he cared more about Alexander then was allowed and it saddened him knowing this could never happen.
Not wanting to set himself up to get hurt or wanting to hurt Alexander in the long run, he devised a plan. 'Tomorrow' he muttered and drifted of in a light slumber.