Padawans and Problems
A/N: this was written a long long long time ago when I first discovered star wars. It is a large amount of imagination, original charactersand not much accuracy in it so feel free to flame about all the mistakes I made. I don't want to change it much though.
Chaos ruled in the Jedi Cafeteria.There were supposedto be two sides -Padawan groupsWan and Tou - but, well, you know padawans. You can't expect a hundred high-spirited 9-12 year olds, brimful of raw Force to be organized, can you?
The unappetising brown Jedi cereal was perfect ammunition, and it could easily be levitated. Unfortunately, it could not so easily be directed towards whomever you wanted it to hit. As a result, what started off as a perfectly controlled and organised sport ended up as an every padawan for his- or herself mad (but extremely enjoyable) scramble.
The air was thick with lumps of brown goo - the Temple kitchen staff had long since taken cover. Force food fights were a traditional aspect of life in the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, yet somehow an aspect that few of the more senior and disapproving Jedi Masters knew about. Sadly, that was all about to change.
Everyone - and I mean everyone, had forgotten the days when Yoda was young. This was partly because in a few weeks he would be celebrating his 950th birthday. And partly, I am sorry to say, because no one really wanted to remember.
To understand this last reason, you must realise that when Yoda was young - that is, 200 going on 250 years old - he used to carry out - by himself - a monthly inspection of the ENTIRE Jedi Temple. You know the kind of inspection I mean - prowling around, making sure everyone was keeping their sleeping quarters tidy, wearing the regulation colour (brown) - the kind of inspection that struck fear into the heart of the bravest Jedi Master. Of course, he was quite polite about it (knocking on doors before entering and so on) but he was thorough!
That morning, Yoda was feeling energetic. For once he was not buried under paperwork from every corner of the galaxy (literally) so he had plenty of time to do whatever he wanted. And, as an added bonus, his least favourite Jedi Master was away on sick leave.
In other words, Yoda felt young again.
For the first time in - well - seven hundred or so years, Yoda was inspecting. He had already done two storeys, and his next stop was the cafeteria. Being one of the more senior and disapproving Jedi Masters (as mentioned above) he did not know about the honourable tradition of Force food fighting. He was in for a nasty surprise.
The most powerful Jedi in the world strolled into the cafeteria, expecting a hundred padawans sitting docilely at the tables, perhaps to rise respectfully as he walked in. What he got was-
SPLAT! A glob of Jedi breakfast cereal hit Yoda squarely in the middle of his best Jedi robes (brown). The Force food fight was still in full swing.
SPLOSH! Another one hit him full in the face. PLOP! and SLOP! another and another. Soon Yoda looked just like one of the padawans - a ball of sticky brown cereal on legs.
A padawan, seeing him so weighed down with glop he could barely move, tried to levitate some of the cereal off him, but instead levitated Yoda himself - into a swirling mass of cereal blobs, high above the laughing, screaming padawans.
"Funny this is not!" shouted Yoda. It wasn't. Shocked and horrified at hearing Yoda's voice, the young padawan let her concentration slip. Yoda fell, and would have had a very hard landing had his fall not been broken by a large bowl of cereal.
It took rather a long time for the padawans to notice that the smallest of their number was upside-down in some glop, and shrieking unintelligibly, but as soon as he was hooked out, it took practically no time at all for them to realise whom he actually was. This was probably because he was shouting very loudly - backwards.
"FUNNY THIS IS NOT! ANGRY VERY I AM! NAUGHTY PADAWANS YOU ALL ARE!" A dead hush fell over the room, as all the padawans turned to stare wide-eyed at Yoda. Some looked anxious, some confused, some blatantly terrified - but they all knew they were in deep trouble.
Yoda switched on his green-bladed lightsabre, and swished it around at head height, cutting through the blobs of cereal that, now the padawans had stopped levitating them, fell like gentle rain. About half of clans Wan and Tou dived screaming under the tables.
"Force food fighting allowed is not!" proclaimed Yoda. "Punishment great you will all have."
"Oh dear. What do you think he'll do to us, Nabi-yin?" whispered a nervous looking padawan with wide brown eyes and blond hair. She was the unlucky padawan who had accidentally levitated Yoda.
"Don't worry Liesha," Nabi-yin whispered back. "I don't think he can kill us, or anything."
"Oh yeah?" muttered another padawan darkly, from under a table. Then Yoda spoke again.
"Padawans, lenient I have decided to be." A sigh of relief escaped the crowd. "Meditation lessons you will still have. But levitation with Mace Windu you will not have." The sigh was replaced by a groan. "Tomorrow, Mace Windu you would have, meditation to teach. Instead, Master Jinn you will have, as a supply." The groan got louder. Yoda ignored it. There were a few cheers, but these were soon quelled by looks from the older padawans, making it quite clear Master Jinn was not the kind of supply teacher you liked.
Master Qui-gon Jinn, Yoda's least favourite Jedi, and one of the worst supply teachers clans Wan and Tou could get, leaned back in his deckchair and sighed contentedly. Falling five storeys down the stairs and breaking his ankle was a small price to pay for a week away from the Jedi Temple. Of course, he hadn't fallen deliberately- it had just happened, but it was still a welcome break. And the sun, sea and sand of the small and luxurious planet Titai (official Jedi holiday home) was a perfect way to spend it.
Moving a rather excessively bandaged ankle, he winced. Obi-wan had much to learn in healing with the Force, and Qui-gon really should have let a trained healer deal with it, but he knew Obi-wan needed to practise first aid, so ...
Idly he wondered how the young Jedi-in-training was getting on, back at the temple. Probably having a great time with all his friends. At least, Qui-gon hoped Obi-wan was having a great time with all his friends.
BEEP-beep-beep-beep-BEEP-beep-beep-BEEP! the Comlink was ringing. I should have turned it off, thought Qui-gon, then they wouldn't have been able to get me to come back before scheduled. He picked it up anyway.
"Qui-gon, it's Obi-wan," a worried voice said. "I'm in trouble. Please come back-" click... bzzz... click... went the Comlink, switching to a different speaker. It only did that if someone more important than the person on at the time was trying to get through.
"Qui-gon Jinn, wanted back at the Jedi Temple you are," it was Yoda. Oh Sith, Qui-gon thought. What have I done to deserve this?
"Um, excuse me Yoda, but I was just talking to my padawan when you interu-" began Qui-gon.
"Your padawan wait can!" Yoda cut him short. "Other padawans you must teach."
"WHAT?" yelled Qui-gon. "Wait a minute Yoda. I'm on sick leave. You can't take me off sick leave. I hate teaching - you know I do. You can't do this to me! Yoda ..."
Half an hour of backwards orders and fruitless arguing later, Qui-gon sat down in a starship bound for the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, still fuming silently at Yoda. This isn't fair. I'm taking this up with the council this time. Bringing a Jedi off sick leave to supply teach - there must have been hundreds of others available, but no, he had to pick ME ... and so on.
Supply teaching was not Qui-gon's favourite occupation. It was just so boring. You see, he was one of those Temple supply teachers who weren't very good at getting on with very young padawans. Oh, he was fine with older ones - most of them anyway - and lots of the apprentices, but young padawans - no. He couldn't have long discussions with them, or debates, and they just didn't seem to want to listen. So he gave them copying out work to do. They thought he was the most boring teacher on the planet.
Oh well, he thought. At least I'll be seeing Obi-wan again. I hope his problem isn't too serious. Qui-gon missed his enthusiastic young padawan apprentice. Obi-wan was very good at talking and listening, as well as having long debates and discussions.
At first Qui-gon hadn't really wanted to take on a padawan. He would worry that the apprentice wouldn't accept his ideas of the Living Force, and fret about having to be responsible for a padawan who would probably be at least as reckless as himself. But Padawan Obi-wan Kenobi wasn't like that at all - well, he was a bit high-spirited with his friends, but nothing ever happened that couldn't be sorted out with only minor difficulties.
Sometimes the Jedi Master worried that his padawan didn't spend enough time with others of his own age, but Obi-wan always assured him that this was not the case. They mostly got on very well together.
Now this teaching thing ... Yoda had said Qui-gon had padawan clans Wan and Tou for the whole day. I can't have them copying out this time, thought Qui-gon. Maybe Obi-wan will have some ideas...
"Ow! These Sith-cursed doorways!" This happens every time I leave the Temple! I always forget how low the stupid arches are, Qui-gon thought. His own door and the door to the Council chambers had been extended upwards, but the council had flatly refused to damage the temple anymore. As a result, Qui-gon had to duck every time he went through his padawan's sleeping quarters – and he usually forgot to.
"Master!" Obi-wan glanced up apprehensively as Qui-gon entered the room. His padawan haircut looked even more tousled than usual.
"So, what's the problem," queried Qui-gon as he sat down on the bed beside Obi-wan. "I've got problems enough of my own."
"I know. You should have seen Yoda this morning before he had washed it all off. But this supply teaching's a punishment for you too!"
"Mmm ... but it was really unfair. I mean, I was on sick leave!"
"But it was you who introduced Force food fighting to the padawans - remember?"
"Yoda can't know that! Sometimes I really think certain members of the Council have got it in for me!"
"You know what, you have a problem with authority."
"And low doorways." They both laughed
"Now," said Qui-gon, serious again. "What is the problem? I won't be cross." Obi-wan shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and avoided the Jedi Master's look.
"Um, well, it's like this..."
"Like WHAT?" Qui-gon questioned impatiently. "Hurry up, padawan."
"Well, erm, er...me and some of the older apprentices...Janin and Aki-nan...we..we..we sort of had this game. And it was a kind of thing with the Force where we flipped up a ball, and whoever it landed nearest had to - the others had to dare them to do something."
"Don't tell me," the Jedi Master groaned. "It landed nearest you, right? Honestly Obi-wan, you and your dares..."
"...sorry..."
"Tell me, what was it this time? Last time it was walking on the cafeteria roof with a switched on lightsabre balanced on your nose, the time before it was eating a pot of chilli peppers, the time before that, I'll never forget it, it was-"
"It's worse this time," interrupted Obi-wan glumly.
"WORSE? Impossible. You always say that. What about when-"
"This time - do you know Tatooine?"
"Of course I know Tatooine. Dump of a planet."
"We-ell ... I gotta get a thousand Kachi fruits from there by the day after tomorrow." blurted out Obi-wan.
"You're kidding," stated Qui-gon flatly. "No-one could-"
"Or, um, they'll beat me up. With the Force."
Qui-gon drew breath sharply.
"Now padawan, this is serious! We can't have apprentices doing that. It's a violation of the Force!"
"So is Force food fighting," Obi-wan reminded him.
"Force food fighting is an honourable tradition!"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah,"
"Obi-wan, we can't have this going on. This time, I'm going to Yoda and-,"
"Master-,"
"Don't try to stop me! Seriously, if those older padawans go around beating people up, they'll turn to the Dark side and then-,"
"Master," Obi-wan interrupted again, more firmly this time. "Qui-gon, I think you're over-reacting. We managed ok last time, didn't we?"
"Just," muttered Qui-gon. "When you slipped, I thought-,"
"There must be some way. I'll do it on my own if I have to." He sounded desperate. "All you have to do is give me a pass out. I'll-,"
I can't let him do this on his own, thought Qui-gon.
"No, Obi-wan. We'll manage this together." Obi-wan's face lit up.
"Really? You mean it? Great! Now, what we really need is a team of pickers. Maybe I could hire some slaves..."
"And first, I must find something for Wan and Tou to do."
Like all great ideas, this one came along suddenly, fitting the requirements perfectly. And it was brilliantly simple.
"Yes!"
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Obi-wan?"
"It's perfect!" Obi-wan replied enthusiastically.
"I don't know ... how would we explain it?"
"Field work. Practical. Getting to know the galaxy. We don't need to tell them exactly what we'll do on Tatooine, do we?"
"You're right!" Jumping up excitedly, Qui-gon simultaneously hit his head on the low ceiling, and landed on a still painfully swollen ankle. Obi-wan stood up, looking concerned.
"I thought I'd fixed that for you!"
"Um ... maybe I need a trained healer. No offence meant, it's just-,"
"I understand. I'm not exactly brilliant at healing."
"No need to worry about it, Obi-wan. You're not planning to be a healer or anything, are you?" Phew, thought Qui-gon. Glad I got that over with.
"No way!" said Obi-wan, with feeling. "I'm going to be a Jedi Knight, and travel the galaxy, and get to meet people, and-," he stopped, suddenly aware his Jedi Master was watching him with amusement.
"Steady on, Obi-wan. You have to complete your training first." Qui-gon tried to hide a smile.
"No worries!"
"Remember, you've still got to get through tomorrow."
"Simple!"
But though the next day would be many things for both master and apprentice, "simple" was not one of them.
Tatooine, as Qui-gon had pointed out, was indeed a dump of a planet. Most of it was desert, or dodgy mountain ranges, where the sandmen and other renegades, bounty hunters, and general down-and-outs of the galaxy hung out. Occasionally they hung their enemies out there too – nice and high, with bits removed.
The common jobs there were: moisture farming, master-of-a-thousand-slaves, slave number 999 or Kachi fruit farmer. I've already mentioned bounty hunters and renegades. Oh – and smugglers, engineers and water-diviners were popular too.
Kachi fruits, as you probably don't know, are not actually fruits. The Kachi is a type of desert cactus, and its "fruits" are little round spheres where it stores liquid – in this case a sweet, syrupy substance much prized by the locals.
You may wonder why there were any Kachi fruits left at all on Tatooine. There are two possible reasons for this:
They grow in the middle of the desert The main crop grows near the base of the fiercest, most territorial sandmen on the planet. Of course, this wouldn't be a problem for two Jedi – ok, one Jedi, one Jedi-in-training, and a hundred padawans. Would it?
Padawan clans Wan and Tou were ecstatic. If you had been caught Force food fighting by Yoda, and threatened with dire punishments, but instead you got a break in Tatooine picking Kachi fruits – you wouldn't be unhappy.
Their teachers were less optimistic.
"I'm really not too sure about this, Obi-wan," Qui-gon confided, as the Jedi Padawan Transport starship touched (or rather clanked: it was an old model) down on the Tatooine desert sand. "I mean, how are we supposed to keep a hundred padawans in order."
"Don't ask me, you're the teacher!" answered Obi-wan, who was also having serious doubts about the expedition. "And, um, Master, this probably isn't the best time to mention it, but – I've just discovered where we are."
"In the middle of the desert?"
"Yes, but – you come and take a look." Qui-gon walked round to peer at the ship's computer screen.
"I see a few mountains, that's all. What's so special about the scenery?"
"Read underneath."
It said:
WARNING-
BASE OF FIERCEST AND MOST TERRITORIAL SANDMEN ON THE PLANET
YOU ARE STRONGLY ADVISED TO RUN AWAY!
THE JEDI COUNCIL
They both stared silently at the notice for a moment, each with different thoughts. Obi-wan was thinking of what the older padawans had done to him last time he had lost a dare – it wasn't nice. Qui-gon was thinking of what fierce sandmen would do to a hundred padawans.
"Right, that's IT! Turn the ship around Obi-wan. I am NOT going to be responsible for a hundred padawans in sandman territory."
"But, Master-,"
"No buts!"
"But – Qui-gon, you know what happened last time!"
"Yes, and as soon as we get back to the Temple I'm gonna-,"
"PLEASE! My reputation is at stake!"
"Your reputation as what?"
"Someone who hangs around with the right people."
"Mindless bullies, more like!"
"PLEEEEEEEEEASE!" Obi-wan put on his desperate, most pleading look. A look that would melt the heart of the hardest Jedi. Qui-gon was easy prey to such a look.
He's just a padawan, thought Qui-gon. He'll learn. Learn that there's more to life than reputations. I can't ruin his for him, not now.
"We-ell," he said aloud. "OK. But you have to help me look after them." You're gonna regret this! said a nasty little voice in his head. Qui-gon ignored it.
"Yeah, whatever! I'll look after everyone for you!"
"I'm sure you will." Obi-wan was right: Qui-gon was just being pessimistic. Which isn't like me at all, he said to himself. Maybe I'm getting old.
"After all, it could be worse!" Obi-wan was saying. "It could be a camp of Sith lords."
"Sith lords. Yeah, right."
Yoda had a problem. He had just discovered the location of a camp of Sith lords.
Sith lords, as everybody in the galaxy knew, were extinct. But Yoda (and some of the other sneakier members of the Council) had lately been getting some surprising, alarming and very unwelcome reports from various secret bases around the galaxy, hinting that the Jedi's ancient enemy was once again in action.
Though his good mood from the previous day had dissolved almost completely, the energy remained. This time, thought Yoda, conduct a personal investigation I will. Dispel false rumours I must!
Carrying out the investigation with him were fifty trained Jedi. Of course, it was just a rumour, and Yoda had every faith in being able to defeat most Sith lords on his own, but you could never be too careful in these matters.
In the late morning, Yoda set off for the supposed Sith lord base. As the starship left the port, he wondered how Qui-gon and the padawans were getting on. Yoda was not a nasty Jedi, but his pride (and there was a lot of it!) had been badly wounded – half the Council had seen him walking out of the cafeteria – so you can hardly blame him for wishing the padawans every available boredom and minor injury.
Liesha, Nabi-yin and Astoni were all intelligent, sensible, sensitive padawans. That's how their parents would have described them. However, their regular Jedi teachers, the Temple cafeteria staff, Obi-wan Kenobi and the Jedi laundry service knew they were the most mischievous padawans since – well, ever since Mace Windu had completed his training. This doesn't mean they weren't intelligent, etc... they were just a bit – impulsive. Reckless. Clever.
They made a great team, though. Nabi-yin, being twelve and the eldest, was of course in charge of actually carrying out the mischief. Liesha, age eleven, dreamed up the wildly fantastic schemes, and level-headed Astoni, her younger sister, carefully worked out how to put them into action.
Being sensitive, intelligent, and all that, Nabi-yin soon tired of the monotonous task of picking (and eating, naturally) Kachi fruits. He beckoned Liesha and Astoni over.
"Let's go explore!" he hissed at them.
"Where?" Astoni inquired, gazing dubiously around at the arid landscape. Nabi-yin pointed to the mountains.
"There, stupid!"
"I'm not stupid!" protested Astoni.
"Ok, you're not." Nabi-yin was quick to agree – he didn't fancy exploring those caves on his own. "Come on, Liesha."
"Not coming," Liesha replied stubbornly. I'm not going to get into trouble again so quick, she thought to herself. Anyway, I'm scared. There's something wrong in the air – I can feel it.
"Please don't go!" she said aloud. Nabi-yin and Astoni both stared at her in disbelief. Liesha never said stuff like that. "Look, I mean it! This place is dangerous! I can sense it."
"Yeah, right Liesha," said Astoni, not renowned for her compassion and sisterly love. "You're just scared!"
"Come on," repeated Nabi-yin, coaxingly. "They'll be caves!"
"That's what I'm afraid of," muttered Liesha, but she let them go.
"We'll be back for lunch!" shouted Nabi-yin over his shoulder. "Don't worry!"
Liesha said nothing, but the feeling had just got worse. Pale-faced, she picked Kachi fruits furiously, attempting to take her mind off the it. Trying to stop worrying.
Not so far away, Obi-wan and Qui-gon weren't feeling too good either.
"I've got a splitting headache!" Qui-gon informed his padawan, fanning himself grimly with his hand.
"Me too!" stated Obi-wan, who had grabbed the sunshade and the electric fan.
"Must be the heat."
"No, it's more than that." Obi-wan glanced suspiciously at the mountains, which somehow contrived to look even more ominous.
"The padawans must've picked enough by now. How about we let them rest, have lunch here, then head back."
"Good idea." For once Obi-wan didn't question his Master's judgement.
"Come and see what I found!" yelled Astoni, her voice echoing loudly in the large cavern. The two padawans had been exploring for over an hour and she had enjoyed almost all of it. This was mainly because Astoni was blessed with no imagination at all.
"Sssh. Not so loud," whispered Nabi-yin. Unlike Astoni, he had lots of imagination, and had spent the last hour or so imagining things that lurked in dark caves, to feed on unwary padawans.
These large, echoing caverns with dancing shadows freaked him out. Every wall was coated with slime, every roof had cracks spreading across it like huge spider's webs, and every time he turned a corner – Nabi-yin shuddered. It didn't help that Astoni had the torch, so he had to stumble blindly behind her, tripping over rocks – well, he hoped they were rocks.
"Don't be so jumpy," said Astoni scornfully. It was all right for her. Lately, Nabi-yin had been seeing things – hearing things too. Noises. Bumps. Shadows, flitting and ducking. "And come and see what I've found!" Astoni was getting impatient, so he stepped gingerly cross the cave, each footstep deafening in his ears.
It was just another pretty gemstone – a red one. They had found quite a few in this particular cave. Weird.
"Look, I really think we should go back now. Liesha worries, you know," he began.
"Stupid," said Astoni.
Then Nabi-yin heard a spine-chilling noise, and felt the darkness move behind him. He thought about turning round, but his legs had turned to jelly. There's something in here with us, thought. What should I do?
"ASTONI-," his voice stopped suddenly. She whirled around. There was nothing there, just blackness.
"Nabi-yin," she squeaked. All her former confidence ran away, leaving her alone – a small padawan, all on her own in a dark cave. Not alone, said a voice inside her. There's something in here with you. "Um, Nabi-yin, where are you?"
There was a low hiss behind her, and she jumped around again, this time landing on what felt like someone's toe.
"Ow!" hissed the somebody, and Astoni looked up and saw – something horrible. It was too much to cope with – she gasped, and fell backwards, hitting her head on a sharp rock, and sinking into blackness.
Liesha couldn't remember a time when she had felt worse. This can't be right, she thought to herself. I must be ill, or something. Mum said if I ever felt ill I should tell someone. But who? she wondered. Because she was part of a trio who tried to annoy teachers, she didn't fancy telling Qui-gon. Obi-wan however ... she would feel better if she told him.
"Padawan, you look troubled," said someone behind her. "Is something wrong?" She turned, and saw Master Jinn towering above her.
"Um," said Liesha, and stopped. Qui-gon wasn't to know he appeared threatening and scary to the padawan, who was small for her age, and tended to be timid around teachers.
Obi-wan, however, had long ago realised Qui-gon had a rather awe-inspiring effect on most of the padawans. Recognising the warning signs, he rushed over. He bent down until he was level with the pale-faced Liesha, and smiled reassuringly.
"What's the matter, Liesha?" he asked. "Is it too hot? You can take a break if you like."
Liesha was relieved. Most of the padawans had met Obi-wan at some time or other, and she knew him better than most - they had both been involved in that regrettable incident with the Jedi laundry service.
Noticing Qui-gon's helpless gesture, he decided to take charge of the situation.
"No need to worry about him – he wouldn't hurt a fly!" Obi-wan assured her. Liesha was not so sure about that, but she felt a bit more at ease.
"Um. I don't think it's the heat, exactly," she began. Obi-wan nodded encouragingly. It's more – feeling wrong. I can't explain it. Lots of angry feelings. Something bad."
Qui-gon and Obi-wan exchanged looks. This was just what they'd been feeling, but it was unusual for a young padawan to have this much sensitivity. Lots of Force, not much control, Liesha's annual report had said – absolutely accurately.
"Shall we ask her?" said Obi-wan. Qui-gon nodded, so Obi-wan went on.
"It's like this. Two padawans are missing. We plan to leave after lunch, so we need to find them. Do you have any idea where they are?"
"This is important," added Qui-gon. "You see, we've been getting the same feelings as you, and we think they're caused by – something bad. Coming from the mountains." Liesha's look of horror confirmed what they had suspected.
"You DO know something." It was a statement, not a question. "They went that way? Alone? How long have they been gone?" Obi-wan quizzed her.
"Three hours, a bit more," she mumbled.
"Do you know what they were doing?"
"Exploring. Nabi – they said something about caves."
"Nabi-yin and Astoni was it? Right." Obi-wan straightened up. "Don't worry. They'll be fine."
"Excuse me," this was Qui-gon. "My padawan and me just need to go and talk about this."
They walked off, and Liesha heard them arguing. Something nasty, she thought. If anything happened to them – and the Jedi had looked really worried. But Obi-wan had said they would be fine, and she could trust him.
Ever since the Jedi Laundry incident, Liesha had had a secret hope. A hope, that when Obi-wan had passed the Jedi tests and completed his training, he would take her on as his padawan. It wasn't entirely impossible, she reasoned, and so she hadn't yet given up on it. But that was a secret between Liesha and Liesha.
"Padawan, can't you make this easy for both of us?" cried and exasperated Qui-gon. "I go and find them, you stay and look after the others."
"No." Obi-wan wasn't going to give in so easily. "I go, you stay."
"Obi-wan," Qui-gon began grimly. "I'm not in the mood for arguing."
"But, Master, it's not fair! You always get to go off and do exciting stuff, while I have to mind the kids!"
"You're good with children. And I always go because I'm older, more
experienced-,"
"I don't know how you expect me to get ANY experience at all! And you have a broken ankle. You can't go exploring caves with a broken ankle!" Obi-wan carried on recklessly, ignoring the warning signs.
"And WHOSE fault was it that the ankle wasn't mended by now?"
"Yours, for falling down those stairs in the first place!" they were both yelling now.
"Oh yeah? Padawan, you just listen to me-," bellowed Qui-gon, then suddenly came to his senses, and stopped, shocked. He had his hand on the end of his lightsabre, and his finger on the switch. Obi-wan had stopped too, and was gazing at him, horrified. The Jedi Master had been just about to fight his padawan.
"There's something here making us say stuff we don't mean!" gasped Obi-wan.
"Yeah." Qui-gon put his lightsabre back in his belt. "I'm really sorry I shouted at you, Obi-wan. I didn't mean anything I said."
"Me neither. Please let me go, Qui-gon."
"I'm sorry Obi-wan, but I can't. I'll be fine, don't worry."
"Bye then," Obi-wan sounded resigned.
"And if I'm not back in two hours, then-,"
"Then I'll send for Yoda and a hundred trained Jedi!"
"Ok. See you later!" Qui-gon started off towards the mountains. Obi-wan watched him go, then shouted as an afterthought.
"Be careful, Qui-gon!"
"Yeah, ok padawan," the already distant figure turned round to wave, and fell headfirst into a hole in the sand. Obi-wan winced in sympathy, as Qui-gon stumbled out, dusted himself off, and continued.
"Good riddance," murmured someone behind Obi-wan. Obi-wan turned and glared at the unfortunate padawan.
The starship Yoda had hired to transport himself and the escort had almost reached its destination. Yoda was glad – he felt a bit spacesick, and the pilot was driving him bonkers.
"Um, Most Powerful Jedi Master, erm," the pilot called out. He was very conscious of being in the same place as Yoda.
"What?" asked Yoda, feeling irritable.
"I think you should see this. It looks like another starship." Yoda walked over.
"A Jedi starship that is!" Yoda couldn't hide his surprise and shock. He peered closer. "A Padawan Transport ship that is!"
"Um – is that bad?" questioned the pilot nervously. He didn't know much about Jedi – he had just been the nearest available hiring service. And he found Yoda's speech hard to understand.
"Bad it may be. Very unusual it is. Why would a Padawan Transport starship there land?"
"Erm, there's a good crop of Kachi fruits there – but it's right beside a camp of sandmen," offered the pilot.
"Sandmen they may be, but Sith they also may be," replied Yoda grimly.
"Sith!" quavered the pilot, turning pale, whose name, incidentally, was Hanakin Solo. "Shall I turn the ship round?"
"Go on we must!" ordered Yoda, and the starship continued.
It was dark in the caves, and Qui-gon had forgotten to bring a torch, so he switched on his lightsabre. It wasn't much help, but it made him feel a bit better.
So far there had been no sign of the padawans – just huge, echoing blackness, and the occasional drip of water or underground rumble.
When he had been a young padawan, Qui-gon had played a handset game called The Tomb of Sith. This place reminded him of that same Tomb, which meant that any minute now a Darth would jump out from behind a rock. Like Nabi-yin, Qui-gon had a vivid imagination. Unlike Nabi-yin, he was a Jedi Master who carried a lightsabre, so he wasn't as worried.
Stubbing his boot on something that tinkled, Qui-gon bent down to see what it was. It was another of those strange, clean-cut crimson jewels. He dropped it hurriedly: it gave off a strong impression of evil. The sandmen used weird stuff in their ancient rites (which largely consisted of taking druids to pieces and putting them back together again) but these precious stones were the strangest things he had come across so far.
The trickle of water was getting louder, and Qui-gon hoped there wasn't a vast underground lake that the padawans had fallen into and drowned. He crept warily round the next bend, holding his lightsabre in front, and listening carefully for unusual noises.
A chink of red light was glinting at the end of the next tunnel – a long, vertical one, that looked like a slightly open door. Before it was a solid sheet of water disappearing through a crack in the floor, and lit an eerie scarlet by the red light that came from the chamber beyond. Qui-gon shuddered: the water looked just like blood. He switched his sabre off, but kept it to hand.
This was obviously the entrance to the sandmen's base. The Jedi Master took a deep breath, and walked through the blood-red waterfall, and sideways through the opening, and into the cavern beyond.
Obi-wan was handling the padawans well. None of them objected to him taking charge, or asked him questions about where Qui-gon had gone. In fact, he was getting along just fine.
"Obi-wan, Obi-wan, a starship's landing!" exclaimed a padawan.
"WHAT?" Obi-wan jumped up, and scanned the horizon. "Where?"
"Over there," the padawan pointed to a long silvery shape, descending slowly. "I think it's gonna land by our spaceship.
"Quiet please a moment, I need to think!" said Obi-wan. Why would a starship land here? Who's in it? Where did it come from? questions tumbled around and chased each other's tails in his head. Then it touched down, and out slid a long, sleek gangway.
Along the gangway walked a small, familiar looking, green figure in brown Jedi robes. As it saw Obi-wan, it broke into a shuffling run.
Oh Sith, thought the unlucky Obi-wan. Now I'm for it. Two padawans and Qui-gon missing – how will I ever explain?
As Yoda reached Obi-wan, he exploded.
"And the meaning of this is WHAT? Qui-gon, where is he? Here he should be! And you are doing what?"
"I, er," answered Obi-wan, in a very small voice. He felt like he was six years old again, and Yoda had caught him stealing googleberries, only a lot worse.
"TELL ME!" demanded Yoda.
Obi-wan told him, keeping it short, and leaving out the dare part.
"He did WHAT! Why did you not stop him?"
"I, um, tried to," replied Obi-wan, and curiousity overcame fear. "But, Yoda, what are you doing here?"
"On very important business we are!" proclaimed Yoda. "Investigating a camp of Sith lords we are."
A chill ran down Obi-wan's spine. Sith lords!
"Um, where is the camp?" he croaked, his throat suddenly dry.
"In the mountains, of course," replied Yoda.
"A camp of – oh, Sith!" moaned Obi-wan, as realisation finally struck him. "Qui-gon!"
"Your Jedi Master very naughty is! Serve him right it would if killed he got!"
"You can't say that! It was, um, my idea!"
"YOUR idea?" Oops, thought Obi-wan. "Naughty padawan you are!"
"... sorry ..." mumbled Obi-wan.
"VERY BAD!"
"... very sorry ..." Then Yoda seemed to pull himself together, and spoke normally.
"The time for anger this is not! Warn Qui-gon you must!"
"Warn him? How?"
"Padawan Kenobi, an idiot you are if the Comlink you cannot use!"
"Oh yeah." Hurriedly Obi-wan pulled the Comlink from his belt and dialled the code.
As soon as Qui-gon had stepped inside the chamber, he ducked behind the first thing he could find (a rock) and inspected his surroundings from there.
It was large cavern, with a very high ceiling, lit by a red glow from gemstones set into the walls. The shiny black walls were covered with – nothing, except a few pegs, from which hung some black robes. Fierce sandmen usually covered their cave walls with crude tribal paintings depicting what they had done (or were planning to do) to their enemies. There was another stone archway, leading into a dark corridor. Weird sandmen, thought Qui-gon. They seem to have a fixation on red and black.
There should have been bones on the floor, weapons and krayt dragon skins piled against the wall. Instead, there was a rather tidy sand floor, bare except for a few rocks, and, more importantly, two padawans.
Qui-gon crawled over to them. They were both unconscious – the smaller padawan had a large lump on the back of her head. The sandmen had obviously not expected either to recover for some time, as they hadn't been tied up, just dumped in the cave and left.
Or maybe the sandmen are close enough to hear if they wake up, said the nasty little voice in Qui-gon's head. He hoped it wasn't right.
Now, I can just wake these padawans up, and then we can make a dash for it without the sandmen even noticing, thought Qui-gon hopefully. He dripped water on the padawans heads – they surfaced quickly, gazed around them in shock and disbelief.. Astoni looked as if she was about to say something.
"Shhh!" Qui-gon whispered quickly. "And listen carefully. We're all going to try and creep out, very quietly, without disturbing anyone. Ok?" Nabi-yin nodded, but Astoni tried to speak again.
"SHH!" Qui-gon hissed again. "Come on!" I don't believe it – with a bit of luck we might just manage this! he thought, amazed at his own good luck.
BEEP-beep-beep-beep-BEEP-beep-beep-BEEP! the silence was shattered.
"Oh SITH!" swore Qui-gon. The Comlink had never chosen to go off at a more unfortunate time. He fumbled in his belt-bag, found the offending article, and put it to his ear.
"Qui-gon!" Obi-wan's voice was urgent. "Qui-gon, Yoda says – come back, now!"
"YODA! What's he doing here?"
"Tell you later. Please, come back Qui-gon!" Footsteps resounded through the cavern.
"I'm not sure I've got much choice at the moment. I'm in a bit of trouble here."
"We're coming! But you're in a camp full of-," the connection faltered, and broke. Stuffing the Comlink back, Qui-gon switched on his lightsabre. The footsteps were getting closer.
"Padawans, get behind me!" he ordered. Astoni scurried behind him – she had seen what was about to step through the doorway.
"But-" began Nabi-yin.
"GET BEHIND ME!" yelled Qui-gon, in his best Jedi supply teacher voice. Nabi-yin obeyed, just as the first – thing came through the doorway. It wasn't a sandman.
"Hurry up!" Obi-wan urged Yoda.
"Impudent padawan you are! Hurry up I shall not!" retorted Yoda, shuffling along at a reasonable pace behind everyone else.
"PLEASE!" pleaded Obi-wan. Yoda increased his pace a fraction.
"No faster will I go!" he declared. "If Master Jinn sensible had been, in a mess he would not be."
Obi-wan bit back a sharp retort. I don't have time to argue with ancient relics, he thought, so instead he hurried forward to try and increase the pace of the thirty Jedi that hadn't been left behind to look after the padawans. Most of them felt much like Yoda, that Master Jinn should be able to get himself out of any trouble he got into, and who was Padawan Kenobi to try and order them about? The whole party carried on at a leisurely lope.
Hissing something, the Thing in the doorway took a metal object out of its belt. It pressed a button – the red blade flicked out. Nabi-yin and Qui-gon both gasped in surprise and shock, but Astoni didn't seem unduly disturbed.
"I did keep trying to tell you – it's a Sith lord."
"Really?" replied Qui-gon sarcastically. They've been extinct for centuries! he thought.
"So why don't you fight it?" asked Nabi-yin. "I thought Sith lords and Jedi were ancient enemies."
"I never attack things that don't attack me first – it's paranoid."
"It's carrying a red lightsabre," Astoni pointed out.
"That doesn't mean it's going to fight."
"Put it this way," said Nabi-yin. "Have you ever seen a non-violent Sith lord?"
"No, put it this way," Qui-gon replied. "Have you seen any kind of Sith lord at all?"
"I've seen pictures-," began Nabi-yin defensively.
Then the Sith lord attacked. Both padawans flattened themselves against the wall, occasionally calling out encouragement to the green-and-red whirlwind in the centre of the room.
"Told you so!"
"A non-violent Sith lord, honestly!"
"Shut-up," replied Qui-gon, gritting his teeth and trying to parry the ferocious slashes of the red blade humming through the air. "I'm trying to concentrate."
The padawans shut up, and gazed, mesmerised by the lightsabres, which twirled and swooped in huge arcs through the air, reflecting of the polished black walls. They forgot it was a fight, forgot about everything except the sparkling, flashing blades, ruby and emerald, shining, whirling and clashing together in a deadly dance.
"How do you do all those backflips?" Nabi-yin spoke again.
"The - Force, stupid!"
"I was asking the Sith actually."
"Don't-just-stand-there, go-get-help!"gasped Qui-gon.
"Help?" Nabi-yin was confused. "You're doing fine on your own!"
"Just go, Nabi-yin," Astoni told him – because she had just some more Sith lords, crowded in the shadow, at least thirty. Waiting. One-to-one odds were all very well, but thirty-to-one was a bit unfair.
Astoni's eyes were not clouded by imagination, as Nabi-yin's were – he thought everything would be alright, of course it would. But Astoni was a down-to-earth sort of nine-year old – a face-the-facts, both-feet-firmly-on-the-ground padawan. And right now she was facing the facts, and they weren't good.
Qui-gon was not doing fine on his own. Most of his moves were defensive, and he was tiring quickly. The Sith lord seemed to be possessed by an insane energy that kept it going, and going. Qui-gon was getting slower. Each blow the Sith lord delivered seemed to be even harder to parry.
I can't keep this up for much longer, thought Qui-gon desperately, sweat pouring down his face. He glanced at the wall – the padawan was still standing there, frozen, unmoving. No help there. The Sith lord was tireless, face showing no emotions.
Astoni was feeling more helpless than she had ever felt before in her short padawan life. If only I was bigger, older, stronger, maybe I could do something, she thought. But she was just a little padawan, she couldn't do a thing except stand there and watch.
Then the inevitable happened. Qui-gon stumbled, caught off balance on his bad ankle. This is the end, he thought, stangely calm, and saw a flash of red, sweeping through the air towards him.
Astoni watched Qui-gon crumple to the floor. The Sith lord, still expressionless, emotionless, swept up its lightsabre to finish the fallen Jedi off.
If he dies, what will it do to me? thought Astoni, terrified. But she was angry too, and deep inside her, the fear and anger swelled, built up a force. The lightsabre was coming down when the huge force spilled out of the padawan, levitating the Sith lord and smashing it against the wall. Astoni sank to her knees, grey-faced, exhausted. The Sith lord was getting unsteadily to its feet.
"NO!" cried someone behind her.
Obi-wan, with his lightsabre drawn, sprang through the chamber entrance, and towards the dazed Sith lord, with thirty Jedi close behind him. The dazed Sith made a speedy recovery, and fled.
There followed a short skirmish, where no one was badly hurt except a Sith apprentice, who tripped and fell on his lightsabre. All that really happened was the thirty or so Sith lords and apprentices rushed out of the back exit, jumped on their Sith-scooters and zoomed away to their spaceship, while the thirty Jedi chased them on foot. As it soon became apparent that this was hopeless, they turned back to investigate the caves, and check up on Astoni and Qui-gon.
Running back to where his Jedi Master lay unmoving on the ground, Obi-wan shook Qui-gon's shoulders vigorously.
"Master – Qui-gon – speak to me!" And Qui-gon opened his eyes.
"-too late-," he murmured, and sank back down. Obi-wan looked tragic. Qui-gon opened his eyes and grinned. "Just kidding!" he said. Obi-wan smiled, relieved. "Are we in big trouble?" asked the Jedi Master.
"You bet!" replied Obi-wan. "Sith, I can't believe I let you dash off into a camp full of Sith! Are you ok?"
"We-ell ... I think the Sith lord's lightsabre pierced my leg. Phew! Fighting Sith lords really takes it out of you!"
"Oh dear ... let me see if I can fix it!"
"No way!" said Qui-gon firmly. "This time I'm seeing a proper Jedi healer."
Before they left Tatooine, Yoda had a quiet word with Astoni.
"Dark Force that was! Dark Force you must not use!"
"Sorry Yoda – but it helped, didn't it?" Astoni was worried, and impatient. She had missed lunch, and the amount of the Force she had used had made her ravenous. I'm not in the mood for long lectures, she thought crossly.
"Dark Force use you must not!" repeated Yoda severely, then spoilt the effect by smiling. "Padawan, worry do not! Jedi great you will be – if your temper you can control!"
Astoni felt happier. I'm going to be a great Jedi Knight! she thought excitedly. And then I'll never be helpless, never, and I'll always be able to help people when they need it!
"Liesha!" she shouted, dashing off to the Padawan Transport starship. "You'll never guess what Yoda just said!"
There's not really much more to say in this story. Qui-gon went back on sick leave, this time taking his padawan with him. They both thought it a good idea to stay away from the Temple until Yoda had cooled down a bit, and anyway, they deserved a break..
And the padawans, who started this story off? Well, the honourable sport of Force food fighting continued, but this time with chocolate fudge pudding, which caused the game to become stickier, tastier, and more fun than ever before. I am pleased to say that Yoda never ventured into the cafeteria again, and the whole incident was forgiven, if not forgotten. With all their problems solved, (except for Yoda, who still had to investigate Sith lords,) the characters were happy – for the time being, anyway. ;)