Chapter eighteen: Abnormalities Aside, Everything's Normal...

"You don't like pumpkin juice! What's wrong with you!" Lemo exclaimed, having only just found out that Barry doesn't like Pumpkin juice, that night at dinner, "Who doesn't like Pumpkin juice?"
"Well I don't, and most of the Slytherins don't," Malfoy drawled from behind them, "That's why we thought we should bring this over..." He said placing two Pumpkin juice pouring jugs, "Boyle and Cray are bringing the rest..." He turned on his heel then walked back to the Slytherin table.

"My god...He did something nice! And he's still alive!" Lemo said shocked, reaching for the jug, "Can't believe they don't like Pumpkin juice! Oh well all the more for me..."

"Lemo, you sure drinking it, is a good idea?" Mione cautiously sniffed the juice.

"C'mon, that would be low for even Malfoy...its fine!" Lemo said pouring herself a glass. Mione snatched it away from her then waved her wand,

"Reveal..." Nothing happened. Waving her wand again she said, "Reveal your secrets..." still nothing. So she gave up and passed it to Lemo, but before Lemo could grab it, Andrew who was also suspicious took it. He sniffed it,

"Smells normal..." he dipped his finger in, Lemo wrinkled her nose,

"Now that's just bad...putting your finger in my glass...I'm going to drink that..." Ignoring her Andrew licked his finger,

"Tastes normal..." he then rubbed his finger against his thumb,

"Feels normal..."

"Give me back my pumpkin juice!" Lemo cried impatiently.

"Yea I think its fine..." Andrew said giving Lemo her juice, he then poured himself a glass. As if it was confirmed everyone else poured themselves glasses. Boyle and Cray bought over the rest of the Slytherin juice and put it in other places down the table, swapping the jugs for the empty Gryffindor jugs.

"Well, Lemo, we best be off to detention!" Emo said finishing her glass.

"Yea..."

"Bye guys!" Emo said waving and walking off to the Entrance Hall, where they were supposed to wait for whoever was going to do their detention.

"Bye!" Lemo said, placing her empty glass on the table and giving Barry a kiss, before following Emo.

The next morning Barry woke to the strange sound of scraping.

"What the fuck?" he said looking around, then realised he didn't have his glasses on; he put them on and saw Nick on the floor.

"Nick, what are you doing?"

Nick looked up,

"What does it look like?"

"It looks like your bum shuffling..."

"Exactly, I'm going down to breakfast!"

"Bum shuffling to breakfast?"

"How else?"

"Ahh...walking maybe?"

Nick snorted then bum shuffled out of the dorm.

"O...K...that was odd..." Barry muttered to himself, then he noticed Andrew, he was sitting on his bed staring longingly at a photo, "What you got there Drew?"

"Ain't she beautiful?"

"Who? Andy?"

"Who?" Andrew's attention snapped away from the photo.

"Andy! You know the chick you've been dating for ages?"

"Chick? I don't date animals..."

"No, the girl you've been dating for ages!"

"But you said I was going out with a chick!"

Barry sighed, for some reason; Andrew was being deliberately strange,

"Never mind..."

"I won't," Andrew said simply.

"So who is the photo of?"

Andrew showed Barry the photo,

"Holy crap!" He exclaimed in horror, "Andrew! That's Professor McGonagall!"

"Yea..." Andrew said stroking the photo lovingly.

"Dude! She's..."

"Beautiful?"

"Old!"

"Now, now Barry, that's not a fair comment."

Barry shuddered,

"Drew, you have a great relationship with Andy! Are you really going to blow it on an old lady?"

"Who is this Andy person!"

Barry just looked at Andrew in disbelief,

"Drew...I think you're sleep deprived..."

"I'm not tired!"

'Did you hit your head, recently?"

"Nope."

"Feel ill?"

"Nope."

"Been smoking?"

"Nope."

"Drinking?"

"Nope."

Barry looked at Andrew, who was now talking quietly to the photo.

"Weird..." he muttered to himself, and then left the dorm. On his way down the stairs he ran into Don,

"Morning Don, have you seen Andrew? He's gone totally nutty over McGonagall..."

"Fluffnub," Don said.

"What?"

"Ranbozal cabowa loo."

"C'mon Don, this ain't funny..."

"Qual tawa teki TABAH!" Don said loudly waving his arms about.

Barry sighed impatiently,

"Don stop it."

"Yacku hablof abonag, floof tong. Yowlen gaho hubub glawo onhe ewuque getua tyroa. Juroa kaz-"

Barry interrupted him, "When you're finished being ridiculous, I'll talk to you..." Barry then pushed past him and walked into the common room. No one was there, except Andy and Pierce. Pierce who was usually covered in a large number of studs, (earrings) was looking rather odd, with the studs replaced by lots of dangly feather earrings. To top off his new 'look' he had a hot pink tutu on. As for Andy she looked as though she was going for a muggle goth look or something. She had ripped jeans, a ripped black t-shirt, her brown hair was died black and she had a nose piercing

'When did she get that?' Barry thought to himself.

What made this whole situation even weirder was Pierce was on one knee with an onion ring in his hand.

"Yea, suppose..." Andy said looking bored and grumpy.

"You have just made me the happiest man in the world!" Pierce exclaimed, putting the onion ring on Andy's finger.

"Uh...guys?" Barry asked.

"Good fucking morning to you," Andy said gloomily.

"Barry! Guess what! Andy and I are getting married!"

"What!" Barry asked totally surprised...this morning was getting weirder and weirder...

"Yep! Next week on Saturday!" Pierce said jumping up and down in his tutu.

"Andy, is this true?"

"Yep."

"Okay...You know marriage is a big deal, don't you?"

"Woopee fucking doo..." Andy said, still looking bored.

"Good Morning to all of you," Lemo said coming from the portrait hole, "I have just had my breakfast, it was absolutely splendid, a nutritious and hardy meal."

"Lemo?" Barry asked unsure, her black hair was now blonde and cut into a shorter style, and then she had pulled it back into a perfect French twist. She was dressed in a conservative, pink ironed suit and matching pink high-ish heels.

"May I ask whom you're addressing?" Lemo asked curiously.

Barry stared at her.

"I'd appreciate it, if you would please turn your attention away from me."

"Lemo...?"

"Whom are you addressing!"

"I think he's talking to you dumbarse!" Andy said.

"Now, that insult wasn't appropriate. May I point out to you madam, that you can't have an arse that is smart nor dumb," Lemo told Andy, who shrugged,

"Whatever. Lets leave this hell hole Pierce," Andy said walking out the portrait, followed by a love sick Pierce,
"Coming Mrs.-Soon-To-Be-Weasel!"

"Is it true, young man? Was the madams' accusation correct?"

"Huh?" Barry said confused.

"You were referring to me as 'Lemo' before?"

"Yea bec-"

"I believe the word is 'yes'. 'Yea' is disrespectful. Continue..."

"Um..."

"Try and refrain yourself from saying 'um'."

"Okay..."

Lemo sighed impatiently,

"Where were you taught your manners and grammatical skills?"

"My who-what now?"

"Perhaps later, we could continue this worthy discussion of manners. Unfortunately at present I would like to focus on this title 'Lemo'," Lemo wrinkled her nose in disgust, "I would prefer it if we stepped away from this 'Lemo' nonsense and you call me, perhaps by my real name?"

Barry's mouth dropped open,

"Please don't do that dear, you look ridiculous, like a fish," Lemo said gently tapping Barry's bottom jaw.

"But..."

"Never begin a sentence with 'but'"

"Lemo?"

"Leah or if you prefer Miss. Roberts, they are only what you may refer to me as." And with that Lemo - I mean Leah - turned on her heel and went up to the girls' dorm.

"Pardon Monsieur?"

Barry jumped a mile out of shock, and then turned to face Emo,

"Emo, since when did you speak French?"

"Parlez vous français?"

"Huh? Speak English god damn it!" Barry exclaimed this morning was really starting to become frustrating…

Emo's head hung in disapointment,

"Merdi..."She muttered before going up to the girls' dorms as well.

Barry just stood there, totally shocked and confused,

"What, the bloody hell is going on here!" Barry yelled to no one in particular.

"Gohob nafular talboo fublah goggey," Don said sympathetically from behind him, Barry jumped, yet again.

"Oh my fucking god! Of course! Why didn't I think of that before?" Barry exclaimed, something suddenly clicking in his mind. He turned and bolted up the stairs to the first year boys dorm, he burst into the room, Andrew was still sitting on his bed admiring the photo of McGonagall muttering about how 'sophisticated' and 'elegant' she was, Seamus in the middle of shaving his head, while Thomas was dancing with an invisible female.

'This is crazy..." Barry said shaking his head, just then, the bum shuffling Nick, entered the dorm,

"Hi again Barry!" Nick said happily, and then he frowned, "My butt hurts..."

"Larry? Morning Larry!" Seamus said, temporily stopped shaving.

"What's that got to do with the price of fish?" Thomas said seriously.

"Seamus, his name is Barry,"

"No thanks."

"What?" Nick said confused.

"Pot? No I don't need a pot..." Seamus said.

"Huh? I never said anything about a pot!"

"You never think a lot about what?" Seamus said looking at Nick with a look of question on his face.

"I think he's deaf..." Nick whispered to Barry.

"Beth? Sorry, I don't know a Beth..."

"What's that got to do with the price of fish?" Thomas said innocently.

Barry rolled his eyes then started rummaging around in his trunk for the pants he wore at Christmas.

"Yes!" he exclaimed finding the pants, he shoved his hand in the pockets, sure enough in a back pocket his fingers closed in on a piece of paper; he pulled it out and unfolded it.

"What's that got to do with the price of fish?" Thomas questioned.

"What have you got there Larry?" Seamus said watching him.

"Potion thing," Barry replied distractedly.

Seamus started looking around,

"Nope, I don't hear a ring...Rick, how about you?"

"What!" Nick said.

"How many times do I have to tell you? I DON'T WANT A POT!" Seamus yelled, before stomping out of the dorm.

"What's that got to do with the price of fish?" Thomas said shaking his head.

Barry read the paper desperately, he was right; everyone in the Gryffindor was drugged up on Abnormality Potion…

Hehehe another chapter! Soz took so long, 4 some reason I couldn't go into the load documents place on fanfic...

T.T.F.N!