: Calling :

Gensomaden Saiyuki

Disclaimer: I do not own Saiyuki. All rights go to Minekura Kazuya.

Rating: T

Warnings: Goku-centric, angst, language

Notes: Constructive criticism and feedback are appreciated.

Chapter Four

The mission meant nothing to him anymore. Or rather, it may have meant something, but whatever urgency that had trembled beneath the concept was dulled to the point it seemed unimportant. Goku couldn't remember the last time he had felt so free of worries, so at peace, so relaxed... as if he had finally come home.

A resulting murmur of agreement didn't surprise him. There were no words from this new entity, simply feeling. Goku could understand feelings far better anyway; words had never been one of his strong suits. Here, there was nothing to fear. He could stay here forever.

His left arm from the elbow down felt numb, and it was pleasant. He had long ago lost count of how many times he had broken that particular limb; to feel sweet nothing was amazingly comforting. To know that here, he'd never have to feel pain again—that was more than he could ask for.

And the entity whispered across the rim of his thoughts, assuring him that he always could have asked. Anything he wanted, the entity would grant.

The entity. What a crude name for the presence that had become his savior. Goku fumbled for a new name, to christen it something more appropriate. Something to do this wondrous being justice, to make it feel just as appreciated and needed as it was. Something like...

Just as he touched upon the perfect word, pain exploded. It was within him and outside of him at the same time; jolting his fragile hold on the peace he had grasped. Goku screamed.

-

Sanzo knew he was going to severely berate himself later. This always seemed to happen. No matter how much he scolded his charge, reminding him to think before he acted, he always broke his own rule. It was almost as though it were instinct for him to act the moment the brat got himself in trouble.

This time, however, there was one factor to alleviate his to-come self-flagellation. That was simply that what was happening here was the most bizarre thing they had ever come across, and complex thinking was hardly going to help them against powers they neither knew nor understood.

He wasn't aware of shouting, but dimly knew he must have. To call out—that, too, was an instinct he wished to be rid of. However, Sanzo was fully conscious of reaching into his robes and withdrawing his gun. A mere second later, he held his aim and fired.

Goku's scream came as a nasty shock. It wasn't a normal scream, filled with anger or pain or hatred. The pain was there, certainly, but with it came a resounding note of sheer emotional agony. That was the only thing which kept Sanzo from pulling the trigger a second time.

"Sanzo."

Strange, how he hadn't even registered Hakkai's presence until the man spoke. Utter desperation underlined his name, as well as a warning, but it was unnecessary. Sanzo already knew. Without lowering his gun, but relaxing his hold on the trigger, the priest took a second look at the situation. Even as he observed, the tree was melting into Goku—or perhaps, more correctly, Goku was melting into it. The sight was too unreal, yet at the same time made perfect sense. However, as Sanzo couldn't put into words how it made sense, he didn't try to think any further on it.

Instead, he heard himself saying in a low, flat voice, "So this is how it is."

"We can't hurt one without harming the other," Hakkai said. Again, unnecessary, but Sanzo did nothing to stop him, understanding the edge of panic to the man's voice.

He began to ask a question, but in the middle abruptly turned it into a statement. "He wasn't in any pain before I came."

The answering silence rang with 'No.'

Goku was no longer screaming, though his breathing was loud and uneven. The hand not one with the tree was clawing at the bark, a look of stark terror in his face. His lips moved, but no sound came forth. Sweat trickled down the side of his face, thick and fast, almost like tears.

With a start, Sanzo realized it wasn't sweat at all. Fascinated despite his anxiety, he only dimly heard the loud curse that signified Gojyo had found them as well. This little detail was stranger than what the tree was doing with his charge's limb; odder and more out of place than anything. When Goku normally cried, it came flooding out in torrents. He usually screamed, yelled, somehow used his vocal cords to the brink of tearing his voice to useless shreds. But slow, small tears... it was too strange.

"Stop it."

The boy's whispers were finally audible; his voice trembled with emotion Sanzo recognized but didn't want to place. He wanted to look away but did not. He couldn't.

"Stop it..." Sheer desperation added a pathetic plea to Goku's cry. "Gods, Mother, let go. Please let go."

-

Mother.

The simple utterance left Gojyo speechless; rooted to the spot, as though the earth had somehow attempted to make part of him one with the land. He couldn't even make a sound to let the others know he had come. All he could do was stare—and feel his heart wrench agonizingly. For a brief moment, he hated Goku for reminding him...

The instance passed, and all he felt was... nothing. Gojyo was numb, cold with the lack of feeling without even realizing he was cold. It was a fact; something he couldn't prove because he couldn't sense the frigidity. He just knew.

With that one word, everything had been explained. Anyone who knew of Goku's past – what anyone could know of an amnesiac, anyway – would have understood. And he did. Though he couldn't see their faces from his position, he knew Sanzo and Hakkai were struck dumb with the same realization.

Mother.

Without being told, he understood. Goku's actions had not been attempted suicide; rather, he had been influenced. It explained why his eyes had looked so blank and strange; glassy, distant, and so unlike him. It explained why the boy had mistaken reality for dreams. It explained his supposed uncharacteristic recklessness. Most importantly, it explained why, for the first time in his life, Goku had seemed to have so little regard for his own life.

Because he was the earth's child.

Gojyo would have much rather dealt with a demon; any demon, even Gyuumaoh. At least with a demon he knew where he stood—and if it was below that demon, he knew how to fight his way to stand above him.

But for the first time since his childhood, Gojyo felt as though he hadn't reason enough to stand. Hell, suddenly his entire existence seemed flimsy and unimportant. When up against the power of Nature, the Creator of any and everything – possibly even the gods – what chance did he have?

Gojyo dimly wondered of Hakkai and Sanzo were feeling the same way.

"So what's the plan?" The sound of his own voice, strangely calm and cool, mildly surprised him. Gojyo hadn't even realized he was moving to stand beside the others; but he must have. From his peripheral vision, he saw Sanzo and Hakkai give him startled looks. Without acknowledging them, he spoke again. "We can't just leave the monkey here. If we let this go on, we'll be out one mah-jongg player. Not to mention, I need someone to wrestle with," he added absently.

It was a strange sensation to feel so level-headed, especially with the unreal in front of him. But a part of him understood... more than understood. He could empathize, at least a little.

The pull of a mother was very strong.

"There is no plan," Hakkai said. His voice was strained, but he sounded more rational than he had seconds ago. "However, it seems we have a better understanding of what we're dealing with."

"Kid never was a normal demon, even by our standards," Gojyo agreed. Panic threatened to rise, but he clamped down on it.

At first Sanzo said nothing. When the pause turned into silence, Gojyo was certain he wasn't going to. As he inhaled to speak again, Sanzo abruptly beat him to the punch. "Goku has to get himself out of this."

Bewildered, Gojyo shot the man a look. Sanzo didn't return the favor, his lips compressed into a tight line as he stared coldly at the sight before them. He was clearly angry, but this level of it simply turned the emotion into concern. Thinly veiled, but apparent even so.

Still, that didn't mean he was all right with the man's plan of action. "Look," he began.

"You look," Sanzo cut in. "Attacking it hurt him. We can always risk a hands-on approach, but if Goku can fall under that kind of spell..."

His voice trailed off, but there was no need to finish it. At first Gojyo was simply doubtful (and irritated, because he didn't see how letting Goku deal with it was any better then letting him jump over the cliff) but it didn't take long for the meaning to sink in. Despite his age, and despite his amnesia – or perhaps even because of it – Goku was easily the strongest of the group. He had all his companions beat in emotional stability by a long shot, surpassed their physical strengths easily, and while he wasn't to be trusted with tactics, he had proven every so often that he could pick himself up from defeat faster than any of them.

Goku was insanely strong. It wasn't funny, but Gojyo had the wild urge to laugh. He wanted to say Look, this isn't how it works; we have to fight the bastard, because fighting had gotten them out of all their scrapes before, fighting and thinking.

But before he could open his mouth to let the words tumble, Goku had taken the reigns of his problem and was beginning to tug.

-

Overwhelmed. For what seemed like hours, that was the only sensation Goku could discern. At moments he thought he'd caught fleeting guilt, a horrible pressing weight of sadness, trickles of envy, a spurt of hatred. But if he had, all were gone in the simple feeling of being outmatched. This presence – his mother – knew of sadness that cut so deep, no mortal wound could compare.

It was this sensation that almost convinced him to give in. He didn't want Her hurt any longer...

Yet it was the very same sensation that made him realize he could fight his way free. He could give in, and probably should have, but that wouldn't have been right; it wouldn't have felt right.

But his mother was afraid of hurting him, and he could use that against Her. And all he had to do was slip into the comfortable glove of his childish nature and play out the role of a victim as best he knew how.

Goku sucked in a sharp breath, before letting it flow out in a hiss. He cringed, finally giving in to his fear and allowing his body to tremble noticeably. If his mother mistook it for pain, all the better.

That was his goal.

"Mother," he choked out in a thin voice. His knees felt weak—were they truly weak, or was he getting too far into his act? No matter, he thought distantly. For now...

"Mother," he tried again, his teeth clenched in agony. "This... it hurts."

And She hesitated. Though he knew very well he had no feeling in his limbs, that even his legs were beginning to go numb, he was still Her child. She was inclined to believe him, and Her determination wavered. The pure sense of being overwhelmed began to ebb, and in its place he there was a montage of uncertainty, doubt, and a new type of fear.

But though She had paused, She had not yet relinquished Her hold on him. Inhaling shakily, Goku knew he'd have to do better. To be more convincing. But how...?

It was more out of panic than anything else that he felt the stinging in his eyes. The very idea of being stuck to this damn thing frightened him more than he would have thought possible. But to imagine being trapped in place, with his arm melting into the tree and his feet bound for eternity...

He would rather die. And he didn't want that, either.

"Mother," he whispered. Fear and anger shook his voice; overwhelming emotion as multiple as various shades of color gathered into painful tears that coursed down his face. Once he started, he was unable to control it. "Mother, it hurts. Let go!"

He felt indecision. And then he knew.

"If you don't let go..." His voice rose rapidly, and try as he might, Goku was unable to control it. He was afraid of hurting Her, knew She was already hurting now, but the overwhelming terror his dark imagination fed him was a far stronger force than Her emotions. "If you take me away now, I'll hate you!"

Blankness. All the uncertainty that had been emanating from Her had vanished in an instant. Faced with this threat, She seemed unsure of how She was supposed to act.

Then there was anger, fury that came in a white-hot rush of heated pain, worse than what had happened to jolt him back to his current awareness. Where his arm had been numb before, Goku now felt the agonizing sensation of bones grinding. Within the bark, he could feel his flesh ripping. Pain tore into and through his nerves, jolting so many signals to his brain that he couldn't hear his own screams. All sense but touch had been blocked out. His Mother's rage poured into him, and for what seemed like forever, Goku was certain she was going to tear him apart completely.

He never had the chance to see how it ended. Eventually the agony became too much, even for him, and Goku blacked out.