And the hardest part
was letting go, not taking part
was the hardest part
and the strangest thing
was waiting for that bell to ring
It was the strangest start
The Hardest Part-Coldplay
They sat in there in each other's arms for hours, neither one of them willing to let go and that for them was the hardest part, letting go was the hardest part. Not just letting go of each other, letting go of the past and letting go of their hardships.
He found her on that beach after his whole world had just practically come crashing down. His brother wasn't speaking to him, his mother had gone off to New Zealand, his best friend was gone, and most of all the girl that he had practically spilled his heart to turned him down. He didn't even know if she was coming back or not and right now he didn't even want to think about that. He was hurting too much to think anymore and yet after everything… she was still there.
She had been sitting there for a while; she stopped caring after the first hour. She was just so broken, everything was happening to her and she couldn't stop any of it. Elizabeth was claiming to be her mother, she didn't want to believe her, but she knew her middle name! Sure, middle names weren't important, but why would someone do that to her? She had been hurting over her mother's death for years, hell she was still hurting and for someone to come up and tell her that everything she knew was wrong was just crazy. Everything that was happening was telling her that she had been living a lie. She didn't want to believe it; she didn't want to believe any of it. For all she knew Elizabeth could be the one sending those crazy IMs and her father, her father wouldn't even get in contact with her. She had tried calling him, e-mailing, letters, anything… but he never responded. She had no one. Everyone was gone. Her mother was dead, her father was out at sea, Jake had left to go find Jenny, her best friend was off to California, she had heard Haley wasn't coming back, and Nathan… he was off to High Flyers for the summer. She had come here for peace of mind and obviously she wasn't getting any of that and yet after all that she had been through… he was still there.
"Looks like it's just you and me this summer." He said after he had sat next to her.
He watched as she forced a nod and suddenly fell into his arms. He felt her squeeze tightly as if she was holding on for dear life and naturally he did the same. He closed his eyes and hugged her just as tight, closing his eyes to savor the moment. They had been anything but close these past few months, but her being in his arms seemed to make everything seem like it'll get better. They hadn't spoke much, but lately they had tried to be in each other's life a little more, atleast that's what he wanted. He wanted to be in her life more, he needed it. He hated to see her so broken and even though he didn't know much about her life lately, he would have the whole summer to try to get her to open up. He needed this hug.
She had heard his soft words and did everything she could to keep herself from falling apart, so she did the only thing she could think of… she hugged him. She held on to him like her life depended on it and felt comforted when she felt him do the same. She gently leaned her head on his shoulder and clung to him, she didn't want to let go… she couldn't let go because she was afraid that if she did he would disappear and leave like everyone else did. As strange as it sounded he was becoming the one constant in her life, even when they weren't so close at all. They barely even spoke to each other these past few months, but he had always been there even when she didn't want to admit it. She pushed him away even though it was the last thing she wanted to do, she opened up her heart to him, and he betrayed her trust. And yet being in his arms at this very moment told her that everything would eventually be okay. She didn't know if she could trust him completely, but they would have the whole summer to regain trust. As much as she didn't want to admit it, she desperately needed this hug.
They stayed like that for hours not moving an inch; there was something about the waves crashing on to the surface that comforted both of them. All he ever wanted was to just regain her trust again… all he had ever wanted was all of her. Their timing had never been great at all; there was all ways something in the way. She pushed him away and shut him out and for a while all he had was Brooke. He put all of his attention on her, but was it really worth it? Brooke was the only one there. Haley was gone; Nathan and him weren't on good terms for a while, and most of all she pushed him away. All he ever wanted for a while was to just be loved and she was the only one there. Now she was gone. The day he found out he had the HCM was probably the worse day of his life. No one knew… no one knew at all and right now he wasn't planning on telling anyone. They would treat him differently and he didn't want that. He didn't want that at all, but now since he ran out of pills and had no one to pay for them he didn't know what he was going to do. He had so much to think about and having Peyton in his arms seemed like the only thing clear in his life right now.
All she ever wanted was for him not to give up so easily. She remembered that day clearly when she told him he didn't qualify as a friend anymore and at the time she meant it. He had been back for a while and not once did he ask her how she was doing and it hurt. After she had told him that he went away and he called Jake. She was grateful for that. Jake had allowed her to open up her heart again and for a while he and Jenny were all she had. They were her family… even though she knew none of it would last and it didn't, but for a while it was nice. She knew she shouldn't have depended on him so much, but she did anyway and now that she thought about it was the worst decision she had ever made. She shouldn't have let herself need him and Jenny so much at all, if she didn't she wouldn't be hurting so much now. But that was what happened when you let yourself love someone. She loved him, but she wasn't in love with him. It hadn't gone that far yet, but maybe if he would've stayed… just maybe. All she ever wanted was to be loved, she had tried coke because she wanted to feel loved and all it ever did was make her feel worse. She lost her better judgment because of it and she vowed to never do it again. Some days it was hard and others it was easy, with Jake there and her friends it was mostly easy. But now he was gone and being in Lucas' arms was the only thing keeping her sane.
After what seemed like forever they finally pulled away, but they stayed on the beach until dawn. Peyton watched as Lucas got up from the sand and stretched a little before holding out his hand. She looked up and smiled a little as she took his hand… they didn't really know where to go from there.
"I was wrong, Luke. You do qualify." She said, her voice barely over a whisper, but he heard her. He heard her loud and clear as his mind instantly went back to that conversation in her room.
She grabbed his hand and he helped her up. They walked to her house where as soon as they reached her bedroom they both collapsed on the bed with no questions asked. They were both so emotionally drained from the events of the past couple of days all they needed was sleep. Before drifting off Peyton felt herself staring at her drawing on the wall, "Sometimes They Come Back". She turned her head to look over at Lucas who was fast asleep and she smiled. She smiled her first genuine smile in days and went to sleep.
They had an amazing summer together. Despite all of the many losses in their lives they had managed to let go and have fun. Most of the time no words were needed between the two, both of them just needed someone to understand, someone to open up to. They saw a lot of movies; they went to the beach a couple of times, and most of all they talked. Over those three long months she had learned to trust him again—they had learned to trust each other.
He had never had such a summer. He had to admit it did start off a little shaky, but none of that mattered now. Over the summer he had seen a different side of Peyton, he had seen a more relaxed, carefree Peyton. They were practically inseparable through out the summer they did everything together. He was so grateful that she learned to trust him again, that she opened up to him again. It was really all he had wanted. In return he had learned to open up to her, too. Sometimes when it was late at night they would meet up at the beach and just talk. It was there where he told her the truth about the HCM. She didn't judge him at all. Of course she was upset that he didn't tell anyone, but she was just glad that he told her and that if he kept taking his pills he would be all right. They were in his room when he told her about his Peyton box. She laughed it off and did nothing but drag him down to her house where she showed him her own box. He did the same and laughed it off even though it meant a lot to him. He was sure his box meant a lot to her, too. She was also there for him through his roughest times at the start of the summer when they found out Dan had almost died. He was still in the hospital to this day and Lucas had made no effort to see him, despite Peyton's pleas. He had felt no remorse or sadness that the man who was his father was in the hospital in a coma; he just couldn't bring himself to see him. Maybe in time he would, but right now he had other things to worry about. Deb who visited Dan everyday, despite all that he had put her through, had surprisingly paid for Lucas' pills. Lucas, who at first didn't understand until he had to confront Deb herself, was very grateful.
"Just because you and Dan don't get a long doesn't mean that you have to suffer for it," She had told him once she decided to pay for his medication.
Maybe he was wrong about her after all.
Peyton hadn't felt this relaxed in a very long time. At first spending the summer with Lucas didn't sound like a great idea, you know with their history and all, but she was wrong. Over the summer she had shown a different side of herself to Lucas, a side that no one had seen before. They laughed a lot during the summer and they talked. They talked about everything from the whole Nikki fiasco to her doing that line of coke all of the way to him having the HCM. Just as she didn't judge him for not telling the truth about his HCM, he didn't judge her about the line of coke. It was something she had struggled with for the longest and he made sure that she wouldn't have to do it again.
"Everyone falls sometimes—we all become a lesser version of ourselves at times. It just makes us human."
He had said to her and after that everything wasn't so tense between them. They were regaining the connection they had.
Over the many days of summer Lucas got to see the many sides of Peyton. She went from being moody, to sad, to happy, and then back to moody all over again. It would've been annoying to some, but he could only love her for it. She would say the silliest of things at times like when they were laying in his room just staring at the ceiling.
"What's broody, moody, and just plain dark all over?" She would ask and he would have no choice but to ask what, "Lucas Scott." And then she would laugh and soon he would join in with her laughter.
He heard her infectious laugh, he heard a sing, he watched her cry, and he watched her get angry. Those many emotions he had put up with all throughout the summer and he wasn't angry at all. He loved seeing her do all of those things, he was happy that she allowed herself to open up to him again. That was all he could ever ask for. They had learned to let go of past heartaches. It took tragedies to bring them together and now they were closer than they had ever been. They were both so lost and incomplete. He had lost himself for a while and surprisingly he found a piece of himself in her.
Peyton had learned to live with the many emotions of Lucas… or lack there of. She had finally gotten him to loosen up and although she couldn't get him to stop brooding she was still satisfied. At times when they were just lying on her bed listening to one of her vintage records he would say something really strange.
"You know… I like it when you call me Luke." She would just stare at him like he was crazy, but answer him anyway.
"Nathan calls you Luke, your mom calls you Luke, Hales calls you Luke, practically everyone does." She would say and he would just laugh.
"Yeah… but I like the way you call me Luke." He would turn to look at her and give her an eye-piercing stare. She would just turn her head away so he wouldn't see her blushing.
She had told him a lot of things over the summer, she even confided to him about the whole Elizabeth situation. Although her fears about Elizabeth being her biological mother hadn't went away, he had eased the pain a little. She would still try to contact Peyton from time to time, but she would never respond. The IMs had stopped too so she could honestly say her summer was actually peaceful. Lucas in more ways than one had helped he over the summer. Even when she let herself fall he was eventually there to pick her back up again.
For you I'd wait Till kingdom come
Until my days, my days are done
Just say you'll come and set me free
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me
Till Kingdom Come-Coldplay
So here they were—the first day of school in their first period of English. Brooke had returned from her "fabulous" as she called it, summer in California and even though she lived with him had successfully avoided Lucas and Haley was back, too. Neither Peyton nor Lucas knew what was going on between she and Nathan, but towards the end of the summer when she returned she was welcomed with no apartment and an already gone Nathan who was at High Flyers. So naturally Peyton had let Haley stay with her since the Scott household was obviously full. Nathan, who had just returned a couple of days ago wasn't even aware Haley was back in town until this morning. He looked obviously shocked to see her, but they still hadn't spoken to each other at all. They were too shy, too angry, or just too stubborn.
And that left Lucas and Peyton. Lucas, who sat across from Peyton was listening to the teacher drown on about something he obviously didn't care about and Peyton sat at her desk sketching. They hadn't spoken to each other for the first time in three long months. They both had agreed that it would be best if they just kept their newfound friendship to themselves. It was something that neither of them wanted, but something they had to do. She had told Brooke that she spent the summer with Lucas and that they were friends, but she just didn't want to act on anything in the case of hurting Brooke's feelings—or until she and Lucas had had a chance to talk.
Honestly he didn't really feel for her what he did before she left—everything was just so different now. He missed hanging out with Peyton and talking to her, they hadn't spoken or hung out for the past few days. He knew they had just started to rebuild their friendship and he really didn't want to mess anything up, but he couldn't help but feel something more for her.
Peyton watched as the teacher turned around and began scribbling something on the board. She took the opportunity to look over at Lucas who in turn looked back at her. He gave her a half smile and in turn she gave him a small one. She lifted up the paper she had been sketching on and showed him what she was sketching. It was of a classroom, much like the one they were in, where Peyton was all of the way on one side of the room and Lucas was on the other. "Notice Me," the words were written at the top.
"I'm sorry," She mouthed.
"Me too," He mouthed back before turning his attention back to their teacher, but Peyton didn't turn her head away. She continued to stare at him much to her dismay. She really missed him these past few days, but she didn't want to need him. She really didn't want to need anyone again, because she knew she would end up getting hurt, but he made her need him. She wasn't too sure if his heart was still with Brooke, but she couldn't help but need him. She couldn't help but want to spend time with him. She couldn't help but practically fall for him all over again. She wanted him to feel the same way she did. Someone would end up getting hurt she was sure, but maybe time was on their side this time. She just hoped that he would wait for her.