Sunlight opened up my eyes
To see for the first time
It opened them up
And tonight
Rivers will run dry
And not for the first time
Rivers will run…
Twisted Logic-Coldplay
"What do you want to talk about?" He asked. He was playing dumb, he knew what she wanted to talk about. She wanted to talk about them.
Brooke held her hand firmly on her hip. She knew what he was doing and she really didn't have time for it. She just wanted to get everything over with. She couldn't take having to practically walk on eggshells whenever she was in the house. She had avoided him since the day she came back from California, not once did she say a word to him. How could he expect her to speak to him after what happened before summer started. Ever since they started going out before, she had longed to hear those words come from his mouth, but when he finally did she didn't feel the way she expected herself to feel. She was truly a different person and she planned to stay that way and yet in a way she still thought she needed him.
"Lucas—"
"I'm home!" They both turned as they heard the door slam. Karen walked over to the kitchen and put the groceries on the table.
"Hey mom." Lucas let out a sigh of relief. Now they wouldn't have to talk.
"Hey Karen." Brooke muttered. They couldn't do this now, not with his mother in the same room. She would just have to wait.
Karen's eyes darted from Lucas to Brooke and then back to Lucas again. She noticed the tension between them; it was the same tension she saw a few months ago when Lucas had finally came back home.
"Is everything all right?"
Lucas looked up at Brooke and watched as she looked at Karen. He just shrugged.
"Everything's fine," Brooke sighed as she prepared to retreat to her room, "We'll talk later."
They both watched as Brooke walked down the hall to her room and slammed the door shut.
"What was that about?" Karen asked as she began to put away the groceries.
"I don't know."
Lucas and Peyton were sitting in the lobby of the doctor's office waiting patiently for his doctor to come out. Lucas thought his check up had gone fairly well, but it wasn't up to what he thought. Nothing was ever that simple. His left leg was shaking and he couldn't stop it. It was something he did when he was nervous.
"Lucas—could you stop shaking." Peyton's irritated voice broke his thoughts.
He looked at her and shrugged helplessly, "I'm nervous."
"Yeah well you shaking is making me nervous, too." She was really scared for him.
He looked over at her, "What are you nervous for?"
She looked over at him and sighed, sometimes he could be so clueless.
"What if the doctor comes out and says that you can't play basketball anymore or that your heart is getting worse?" She hated admitting her thoughts like this, but she couldn't help it. If Lucas wasn't all right she didn't know what she would do. She couldn't take another person leaving in her life… not again. Now she was thinking too much, she rambled when she was nervous.
"And you're supposed to be my rock right now?" He joked and instead of receiving a laugh from Peyton he got a hit in the chest.
"What?" He asked defensively.
"Don't joke like that," She paused as he started laughing—his first real laugh of the day, "It's not funny."
He laughed some more at her seriousness all of the sudden. If she wasn't going to have a positive outlook on his situation then he just had to have one by himself.
"Lucas—Lucas this isn't funny." She gave in and started laughing along with him. She couldn't help it.
He loved hearing her laugh; watching the slow smile creep upon her face until she finally gave in. Her laughter was starting to make him feel better. It was the little things like this that made him weak for her.
"C'mon Peyton," He said once their laughter subsided, "We have to be positive about this."
She met his gaze and nodded. He was absolutely right. They had to be positive about this. Most of all she had to start being positive about things, but as much as she tried she just couldn't. That was one of the many things Lucas had tried to help her with this summer—not being so negative all of the time. She had to admit; if people weren't always leaving in her life she would be less pessimistic. Jake left her, her father was never home, and most of all her mother was gone.
Strangely enough ever since her mother died she had hoped that she would come back—just to tell her everything would be all right. She drew "Sometimes They Come Back" for a mix of reasons and ironically she had gotten her wish… well sort of. Instead of her mother she got Elizabeth, the woman claiming to be her mother. Being careful what you wished for never had a truer meaning.
"I'm sorry Luke, but I can't help being pessimistic. You know that."
"I know," He nodded sympathetically, "But you just wait things are gonna start looking up for you, Peyt."
He gave her one of those eye-piercing stares and she was gone. That stare that made her go weak and just want to put up her walls at the same time. She couldn't help but melt under his gaze, she just wished he wouldn't do this now, but she was sure he wasn't aware of what he was doing.
He couldn't help but get lost into her beautiful hazel eyes. The same eyes that would always pull him in and then reel him back out in the same instant, the same eyes that he could read so well. He didn't know what was going on between them recently, but he liked it. He liked spending time with her and he liked being in her life more. I guess you could say over the summer his heart's desire had been filled.
"Mr. Scott." The doctor's voice broke them both out of the moment.
"So can I play?" He wasted no time getting to the point. He just wanted to get everything over with.
"Well…" He stalled pausing to look over his files one more time. It was at this moment where Lucas' leg starting shaking again.
Peyton shot him a glare and he immediately stopped.
"Lucas you know having this HCM isn't easy," Lucas nodded. At this time Peyton placed her hand on his knee for comfort.
"But everything seems to be fine—so you can play." Lucas let out a sigh of relief. It felt like he had been waiting for this moment all of his life. He was just so glad.
"Thank you," Lucas rose up from his seat and shook his doctor's hand.
"Just remember to keep taking your medication and you should be fine." Was the last thing he had said before disappearing into his office.
"Congratulations." She rose up from her seat and patted him on his shoulder.
He turned to look at her, just so appreciative that he had someone there for him in this very moment, "Thanks for being here Peyt."
Don't fight for the wrong side
say what you feel like
say how you feel…
Peyton walked inside her house to find Haley sitting in the living room crying. She was glad she told Lucas that she would see him later. If he had came into the house he would see Haley crying and get defensive and that wasn't what Haley needed. Not right now.
"Haley? What's Wrong?" She asked as she took a seat next to her on the couch. Haley removed her hands from her face and looked up at Peyton… she was so miserable.
"It's over." She managed to croak out.
Peyton closed her eyes and shook her head; she hoped that she didn't mean what she thought she did.
"You and Nathan?" Haley nodded as she let out a sob.
"Oh Hales, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She looked at her friend sympathetically and hugged her. She really didn't think that they would actually end things. She thought they would work it out… she thought their love for each other would've been enough.
"It's okay," She sniffed as she pulled away and wiped her eyes.
"What happened?" She asked softly. She watched as Haley turned her gaze from her to look straight ahead.
"He came to me at the library during lunch and told me that we needed to talk. I agreed and after school I met him at the café and we talked. I thought—I thought we were going to work things out. We talked about things for a while and I thought everything was going well until I saw the papers sticking out of his bag." She stopped abruptly doing all she could to keep herself from crying.
"What papers?" Peyton didn't mean to pry, but she just had to know.
Haley looked at Peyton again with tears glistening in her eyes, "He wants to get an annulment."
Peyton sighed; she really didn't like to see her friend hurt like this. She knew Nathan had been hurting for a long time after Haley's departure and a part of her couldn't blame him. He had lost the love his life, but then the other part of her understood why Haley left. She had to follow her dreams and do something for herself for a change. She could never side with one of them—they both were her friends.
She couldn't really think of anything to say to her friend so she just let Haley lay her head on her shoulder.
"I know that I hurt him—I hurt him badly, but I didn't expect for him to want our marriage to be over." She whispered helplessly. She had been married and practically divorced all just before the age of seventeen.
"Did you sign the papers?"
"I practically had no choice… Deb is probably working on filing them right now so by tomorrow our marriage would've never happened. I bet she's happy," Haley laughed bitterly referring to Deb, "He said that this wouldn't work out anymore, that he was a different person now and so was I so it would be better off if we were just friends." She mumbled.
"I'm sorry, Hales. I really am. I thought you guys would work things out and that everything would go back to the way it was."
"Me too." An overwhelming silence came over the both of them as they sat on the couch. All of the events of the last year had had them both contemplating not only their everyday lives, but their future, too.
"So," Haley drawled as she stood up from the couch and walked over to the kitchen, "I've been here for a little over two weeks and I still don't know what to do when I get hungry or something."
They both laughed as Peyton got off the couch and walked to the kitchen to stand next to Haley.
She grabbed the cordless phone and wrapped her arm around Haley; "Let me introduce you to the wonderful world of take out." They both starting laughing as Peyton opened the freezer to show packaged frozen pizza that had to be about 3 yrs old.
"Unless you want to take your chances and try the pizza?" Peyton joked and Haley laughed. Peyton was doing a great job taking her mind off of things—things being Nathan, but she was helping a lot. She couldn't ask for a better friend.
"I'm serious." She tried to keep her straight face on but ended up laughing along with Haley instead.
"So, are you gonna be okay?"
"I will be."
One large pizza later, both Peyton and Haley were stuffed and exhausted as they sat on the couch watching some lame romantic-comedy.
"This is so horrible—who gets married at sixteen?" Peyton asked obviously not thinking before she spoke.
"I did." She looked over at Peyton and watched her face drop.
"Oh," She winced, "I'm sorry Hales."
"It's all right," Haley grabbed the remote and turned the TV off, "But enough about me… what's going on with you and Lucas?"
"Nothing." She answered simply.
Haley rolled her eyes, "Yeah, yeah. I saw you two after school, he got in your car! Where were you two going anyway?"
Peyton didn't know what to say now. She couldn't just tell Haley about Lucas having the HCM. Not only would she be angry with her for not telling her, but also if she did tell she would be disrespecting Lucas' wishes.
"Um…" Peyton trailed off. She didn't know what to say; even if she did lie she was sure Haley would see right through it.
"It's okay you don't have to tell me," She paused noticing that Peyton was hiding something from her, "But you still didn't answer my question."
Haley watched as a shy smile appeared on her friend's face soon followed by a light blush.
"Is Peyton Sawyer blushing?" Haley laughed and clapped her hands together. She was getting such a kick out of this. She hadn't spoke to Lucas for a few days and the last time she had really had a decent conversation with him was when he came to visit her on tour with Brooke. She had to admit she was shocked to see Brooke with him instead of Peyton. She had always thought him and Peyton had made more sense anyway.
Peyton looked away shyly, "No!"
"Oh yes you are," Haley laughed some more, "People with nothing going on between them sure don't act like this."
"Fine…fine…" She was prepared to talk, "Like I told you before we spent an amazing summer together as friends and I really don't want to ruin anything at all. He helped me get through a lot of things and we practically weren't even friends last year, but now we are and I just can't help but feel something more for him." Peyton sighed.
"Peyton—"
"It's just hard Hales. It really is." Peyton admitted as Haley patted her on her leg.
"I'm sorry Peyton. I really am, it's just you know he's seeing anyone right now, you're not seeing anyone right now…" She trailed off hoping that Peyton would get her point.
"It's not that easy. You know I want to tell him—but then I see Brooke and I just start to feel guilty."
"Have you spoken to her about it?"
"No. I've been kind of avoiding her lately." She admitted.
"So, it's not like you two are doing anything wrong." Peyton shook her head at Haley's response.
"I don't know if she still likes him or not—I don't even know if he's really over her or not either. Before she left he told her he loved her." Saying that never really hurt her up until now. What if he still had feelings for Brooke? She couldn't take ruining her and Brooke's friendship let alone her and Luke's, too.
"Peyton you should tell him, seriously." She tried to offer advice to her friend, but she didn't think her words were going to get through to her. She knew herself what it was like to be on the outside looking in, she knew what it was like to feel like your going forward but only to take two steps back. She had been doing it for months with Nathan and the tour and she just didn't want to see Peyton go through it. Conflictions with the heart and your head—she knew it all too well.
"Haley—"
"What's the worse that could happen?" She cut her off causing Peyton to think about her words.
You'll go backwards
but then
you'll go forwards
and then
you'll go backwards
again
you'll go forwards…
After much thought and a little push from Haley, Peyton had found herself at the River Court. It wasn't too late out and it was the only place she had thought Lucas would be and she was exactly right. She walked onto the court and stood there for a while as she watched Lucas shoot numerous free throws. He missed a couple, but the rest went in. It wasn't until five shots later when he turned his head and saw her standing there.
"Hey." He called out as he continued to shoot.
She walked up to where he was standing, "Hey."
He watched as the ball fell threw the hoop and rolled onto the side. He jogged over and retrieved it.
"So what are you doing here so late?" She started up the conversation wondering why she was even there at all.
"I could ask you the same question." He arched his brow and looked her way.
He watched as a small smile appeared on her face, "Very funny Luke."
"I try." He said smugly as he shrugged and smiled.
"I came here to warm up," He turned to look at her, "You know for practice tomorrow."
She nodded, "Oh? So does your mom know your here or did you just sneak out the window?" It was now her turn for the smart remark.
Lucas laughed, "Something like that."
"So now it's time for you to answer my question. What are you doing here?"
"I just came—you know to talk."
He nodded and motioned for her to follow him over to the picnic table that was positioned by the river. Within a few strides behind him they were both sitting on top of the table just staring into the night sky. There was silence, but it wasn't an awkward one. They didn't have those anymore. It was a comfortable silence; they understood each other without words.
"What do you want to talk about?" He asked clearing up the silence.
She met his gaze and took a deep breath… could she really do this? Right here and right now?
"We're friends right?" She started off slowly, choosing her words carefully.
"Yeah of course." Lucas stated as if it was the stupidest question in the world.
"Good," She nodded, "Look Lucas we never really did discuss what happened over the summer and I just think now would be a good time."
"Now?" He asked. He was becoming confused by her words, what was she really getting at?
"Yes now."
"But nothing happened over the summer—I mean nothing life altering. We rekindled our friendship." He placed a hand over her shoulder and she nodded.
"Right," She said no louder than a whisper, "I—I told you a lot of things about myself and everything going on with me."
"Yeah," He nodded, "Just like I told you a lot of things about myself and everything going on, too."
"Yeah." She agreed. She couldn't seem to find the right words to say to him about how she was feeling. So she just didn't say anything. If she said too little he would think something was wrong and if she said too much he would still think that something was wrong. So either way it was basically a lose/lose situation.
"Peyt, is there something wrong?" There. She had said too little.
"No… nothings wrong," She gave him a reassuring nod but he didn't seem to believe her, "I promise."
"Okay." He said softly still wondering why she was acting like this. Something had to be wrong.
"Is this about Elizabeth?" He asked and she shook her head.
"No," She met his gaze again, "Luke you helped me get through a lot of things over the summer and—and I just…" She stalled again. She didn't know what to say; well she knew exactly what to say, but she just couldn't get it out. There was too much at risk if she told him how she really felt about him, if she told him that she wanted there to be more than friendship between them.
He set his blue-eyed gaze on her again, his eyes secretly begging her to say what she felt. A part of him was longing to tell her how he felt—but the other part was telling him not to. If he did she would probably shut him out again and he didn't want that. That was the last thing he would ever want.
"I just," She started over, "I just wanted to say…thank you." She let out. Instead of telling him how she felt she opted for gratitude instead.
Lucas let out a hushed sigh… that wasn't what he was hoping for, but it made things a little clearer. All she wanted from him was friendship so if that was what he wanted then that was what he would be… a friend.
"It's no problem… we're friends." He looked down at her, locking his blue eyes with her hazel ones.
She layed her head on his shoulder and nodded.
"Yeah… friends." She sighed… she would just have to tell him how she felt another day. That is… if he would wait.
You'll go forwards
and then
you'll go backwards
again…
Disappointing? You wanted Peyton to tell Lucas how she felt didn't you? Yeah… well maybe she won't, or maybe she will… eventually. Thank you guys for the wonderful reviews, I'm really glad that you like this! I hope you Coldplay fans enjoyed my use of Twisted Logic. Next up is X & Y.