What if there was no light
Nothing wrong nothing right
What if there was no time
And no reason or rhyme
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life

What If-Coldplay

Lucas' mind was spinning. He couldn't really process all that had happened in the last few minutes, he just knew that it wasn't good… it wasn't good at all. He slowly got up from the bed and went to go pick up the CD that had fell to the floor. The glass frame was slightly cracked, but he could still read what it said, "For being there". He sighed as he clutched the CD tightly in his hand. He was still crouched down on the floor when he looked up at Brooke, who seemed to be staring at the open door in confusion.

"What just happened?" She asked. So many things were going through her head right now. Not only did she clear things up with Lucas in a rather upsetting and relieving way, her best friend had just came in and left almost in tears in the same instant. What was going on?

Lucas stood up from the ground and averted his eyes from Brooke to the open door. Peyton… she must've misunderstood what was going on. All he had to do was tell her what really happened and things would be fine, but what if she wouldn't listen? It seemed his past with her would always catch up with him. She would probably think that he was lying, that he was back with Brooke, and that he wanted a replay of the whole cheating thing to happen again. He just knew her too well.

What if I got it wrong
And no poem or song
Could put right what I got wrong
Or make you feel I belong

Peyton ran. She ran as fast as her legs would take her and only made it three blocks down. After what she had saw at Lucas' house, her legs felt like jelly. Why did this always have to happen to her? Whenever she was ready to pour her heart out to Lucas something would get in her way. She knew she shouldn't have taken that chance, but she did it anyway and now it was too late to take it all back. How could she face him again? How could she face Brooke again? Everything was going completely wrong. Maybe she could take it back, or was it already too late to lie? He didn't know what she came there for, but she was sure the look on her face said it all. It was too late to undo anything.

What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life…

"I should go after her." Brooke offered, clearing the moment of uncomfortable silence that was now between them.

"No," Lucas said a little too quickly, "I'll do it."

Brooke looked at Lucas and suddenly saw how hurt and confused he looked. This was probably all her fault—was he hurt because of Peyton? Why didn't she see it before? The glances in the hall, the lunch periods they had been spending together, the looks he was giving her at practice, and now the hurt look on both of their faces. Lucas wanted to be with Peyton and she was sure after all that had just happened Peyton wanted to be with Lucas, too and again she messed it all up. She could see it now… honestly she could always see it. They shared a connection; they shared something way deeper than she and Lucas had ever shared, if they had shared anything at all. She finally knew where his heart was and she couldn't say she was angry. She wasn't completely happy with the idea, but she knew in time that she would be. She just had to move on.

Brooke nodded and watched as Lucas prepared to walk out of the door, mix tape in hand.

"She's the one you want, isn't she?" She finally brung herself to ask and watched as Lucas gave her a sheepish smile and nodded.

"Then go for it." She whispered as he finally walked out of the door and symbolically out of her hold. She wasn't going to be that girl anymore and for the first time in a while, she was genuinely proud of herself.

Every step that you take
Could be your biggest mistake
It could bend or it could break
That's the risk that you take…

He walked out of the door and let the cold air embrace him; he should've brought a jacket or something. Where would he start to go look for her? At her house, the beach, or just a few blocks down? He squinted in that direction and saw her walking back towards her house. Luckily for his sake Peyton wasn't a very fast runner. He quickened his pace trying his best to catch up with her and not forget what he was going to say. Wait, what was he going to say? He had no idea… maybe this was a bad idea. He should just turn around now and go back home, maybe that was all she came by for, to give him the mix tape and then go. What if he was wrong about everything? About how he felt, about how she felt, about everything.

"Peyton!" He called out to her as soon as he got closer to her, but she wouldn't stop.

"Peyton!"

Peyton closed her eyes and stopped on his second call… why did he have to follow her, why? She wiped under her eyes and let out a sigh. Couldn't she just go home and wallow in her sadness… she didn't need him to make everything worse, to make her feel worse. She turned around and waited as he came closer to her. She was already regretting this.

She stood with her hands at her side, with a defeated look on her face. She was trying so hard to keep her composure and to not break down in front of him. That was always the last thing she had wanted to do in front of him, but it was usually the first thing to happen. He had a way of making her not only take down her walls, but appreciate who she was without them.

There he was finally standing in front of her, on a cold, deserted block, under a streetlight. What was he doing there? He looked in her eyes and could immediately see she had been crying. He was sure that it was his entire fault. It always was.

"What do you want Lucas?" She asked coldly, not even bothering to put up a façade about how happy she was, because she wasn't.

"To talk." He hated seeing her like this and knowing he was the cause of it all made him feel worse.

"We can't," She shook her head.

"Peyton what you saw in there—"

"Was none of my business, okay?" She tried to convince him and herself, her voice breaking in the process. She didn't want to let herself fall in front of him, she couldn't.

"Peyt." He tried pleading with her, but she wouldn't listen.

"Don't. Lucas you don't have to explain to me what was going on in there. I saw it with my own eyes and it's none of my business anyway. You've got everything you ever wanted now. You don't need me to bring you down." She felt the tears well up in her eyes. This couldn't happen now. How could she be so stupid? To let herself believe that she actually had a chance with him.

"You're wrong. I do need you, Peyt. I always have." He locked eyes with hers as the streetlight above them cast an eerie glow around her—around the both of them. He wanted nothing more than to tell her how he felt about her, but he never did. He had always been so afraid, but now none of that seemed to matter.

She wanted to believe what he said, she wanted desperately to do so, but she couldn't. Why did he always do this to her? Corner her into letting herself fall, into letting herself trust him. He didn't need her, he never needed her, and he had Brooke now. Brooke was what he wanted, atleast that's what she was making herself believe. She couldn't help but gaze desperately into his blue eyes, she wanted nothing more than to push him away, but she couldn't.

"I—I can't." She whispered and watched as he shook his head.

"I just want to talk to you Peyton. What—what was that in there?"

What could she tell him? Should she lie to him or tell him the truth? She didn't know what to do. If she lied to him, told him she didn't care about him and just continued to run her life would be filled with what ifs. But if she told him the truth he would tear her down, tell her he's with Brooke, and that she was nothing more than a friend. It was still a lose/lose situation.

She looked down at the sidewalk and then met his eyes with her tear filled ones, "It was nothing, Luke." She threw in a soft laugh and let her façade begin. She figured none of this was worth losing their friendship.

"Peyton." He pleaded with her; all he wanted her to do was open up to him.

"Just leave it alone. You can go back home to Brooke I'll be fine. I just—I just wanted…" She trailed off not sure what to say.

"What? You wanted to what?" He asked, hoping that she would come through and say what she was feeling.

She hesitantly grabbed his hand and received a somewhat shocked look from Lucas. He didn't know what she was doing; maybe this was his chance to tell her how he felt? He hoped it was, but instead she let her hand trail down to his fingertips and slowly took the CD out of his grasp. He let out a defeated sigh, realizing that was the reason behind it all.

"I wanted to give you this," She held the CD tightly in her hand before giving it back to him, "It's a mix, you know… to say thank you."

He held onto the mix tape and stuffed it in his pocket this was all a mistake. He should've just stayed where he was.

"That was all?" He whispered his eyes pleading with her own as if it were some sort of signal for her to open up.

She closed her eyes slowly. She could tell he was reading her—he probably saw right through it all and she really couldn't take it anymore.

"Why are you doing this Lucas?" Peyton whispered, opening her eyes again as her voice began to break.

"Doing what?" He was completely oblivious as to why her voice was breaking and her eyes were welling up with tears, as far as he knew she was the one pushing him away.

"This. Lucas we can't keep doing this." And still he had no idea what she was talking about.

"Doing what?" He repeated, his voice rising a little. He still didn't completely understand what she meant.

"Lying! You can't please everyone, Lucas. Why couldn't you just tell me before?" She raised her voice right back at him. None of the words that were coming out of her mouth seemed to make sense at all. She was just so angry. She wasn't angry with Lucas or Brooke, she was angry with herself.

"Tell you what?" He spoke as he tried to control his voice level. He was tired of her speaking in circles. She was doing it again. Her eyes were telling him one thing and her words were telling him the complete opposite.

"That you wanted to be Brooke." She shut her eyes as she felt a lone tear slide down her cheek.

"Peyton, I don't want—"

"You don't have to lie to me Lucas. Don't you think you atleast owe me that much not to lie to me?" Soon more tears were sliding down her face as she continued to look up at him. She hated crying and most of all she hated crying over this.

He didn't like seeing her cry and knowing that he was the cause of it made him feel worse. All he wanted to do was take her in his arms and tell her how he felt, but he was afraid that she would resist.

"I'm not lying to you." He practically murmured, but she heard him loud and clear.

"What?" She practically forced herself to say. She didn't think she was ready to hear the next few words come out of his mouth. She stood there frozen as he suddenly came closer to her, closing the gap there was between them, but still giving them both enough space. What was he doing?

"I don't want to be with Brooke—" He tried to finish what he was going to say, but she cut him off once again.

Peyton immediately became angry at the start of Lucas' sentence. What was he trying do?

"If you're going to tell me that you're leading her on, Lucas—"

"I'm not! Peyton would just listen to me?" He was getting frustrated with her assumptions.

She nodded feebly and finally let him continue.

"Brooke and I—we're not together, okay?" He intently watched her, trying to see some sort of emotion on her face, but it just stayed cold.

"You're not?" She asked, hope lingering in her voice as she looked up at him with big eyes.

"No." He said softly as he looked down at her, offering a small smile. She let herself become lost in his blue eyes for a few moments, before returning back to reality… what was she doing?

"Look I'm sorry, Lucas, for bringing you out here this late. I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions—you know I don't even know what this was all about." She let out a nervous laugh and turned away from his gaze. She was cracking under pressure, fearing what would happen next if she admitted her true feelings.

What was she doing? Maybe this was his chance to tell her how he felt. Of course he didn't know how she actually felt, but taking a chance sounded better than being left with what ifs.

"You don't have to apologize—"

"No," She cut him off and met his gaze again, "I do. I hope this doesn't mess anything up. We're friends, right?"

The courage that once filled the both of them had suddenly left with the coming of her words. Friends. Was that all they wanted to be?

Lucas tried his best not to let his small smile falter in front of her. When did they become so guarded, so lost?

"Yeah. Friends." His chance was lost.

Peyton hurried upstairs, sneaking past Haley's room, and went into her room. She closed the door softly, careful not to wake Haley, and collapsed on bed.

What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side
That you don't want me there in your life…

About three hours later she was still up, asking herself the same questions over and over again. How could she be so stupid? What was wrong with her? This night had been a total disaster. She had plenty of chances to tell Lucas how she felt, for a moment when they were standing under that streetlight she could've sworn he felt the same way she did, but that was before she told him they were just friends. Usually she was the blunt one, not afraid to show her feelings, hell she let probably hundreds of people watch her on her web cam on a day-to-day basis anyway and yet whenever she had a chance to tell Lucas how she felt something would hold her back. She was holding her own self back for a reason she didn't know. It was just… when it came to Lucas it was different, he wasn't like anyone she had ever met. He made her feel… and that scared her. It scared her so much that it made her push him away.

Peyton turned around and reached under her pillow where her sketchbook was. She grabbed it, opened it, grabbed an art pencil from her desk, and started sketching. She closed her eyes and envisioned what just happened between she and Lucas just hours ago. She could still remember everything so clearly. The way the light shown over both of them, the way the cold air whipped around her, and the way he looked at her… she remembered everything.

"Lucas… I should go. It's getting late and…" She trailed off, not wanting to remain in this conversation any longer.

"Yeah. I understand, I should get going, too." He nodded sadly at her before speaking. Why did everything have to be so complicated?

"Okay." She said softly as she began to turn around until she felt him grab her arm.

"Peyton?" She hesitantly looked down at his light grasp on her arm and back up at him… what was he doing?

"Yeah?"

"I…" Lucas stalled not sure if he could do this now. He stared at her questioning expression for a while before finally letting her go.

"Just forget it." He whispered, sighing sadly. None of this was worth ruining their friendship was it?

She nodded and began walking again.

"I'll be seeing you, Peyton." He whispered more so to himself than to her.

"Goodbye Lucas." She whispered to herself. This was all her fault.

About ten minutes later she finished her sketch of she and Lucas. The streetlight in place casting a shadow above herself, leaving Lucas in the dark watching her walk away, with the words "What If" on the top. She closed her sketchbook and placed it on her nightstand next to her bed and preceded to lie down on her bed, only she wasn't tired. She didn't think she would get any sleep for the rest of the night. She had too much to think about. What if she could never right what she had done wrong with Lucas? What if all he ever wanted from her was actually friendship? Everything was practically eating her alive. Frustrated, Peyton rose up from her bed and walked over to her closet. She grabbed a sweater that was hanging on the doorknob and headed out the door. Maybe a visit to the beach would do her some good.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. That was exactly what he was. He should've told her how he felt when he had the chance, but did he? No. He wanted to save their friendship… before that sounded like a perfectly logical idea and now… now it just sounded stupid. He laid on the couch just staring at the ceiling in the dark. He closed his eyes and remembered when he and Peyton used to lie on his bed in his room and just stare up at the ceiling… back when everything was simple.

"Why do we do this almost everyday?" She asked, keeping her gaze fixed on the ceiling. It was only the second week of summer and here they were on a Friday afternoon lying on his bed with nothing better to do, but stare up at the ceiling. They were young, out of their little circle of friends they were the only ones left in Tree Hill, they had a whole town to roam, but instead here they were doing absolutely nothing. The strange thing about it was, both of them felt content with doing so.

"I don't know." He answered simply. For everyday they spent doing this, she would ask this very question and he would give her the same answer.

"That's your answer?" She asked finally turning to face him and at the very moment he turned to do the same thing.

His lips curved into a smug smile, "Isn't it always?"

"You suck." She scoffed obviously not enjoying his mockery.

"Okay… okay… we do the same thing everyday because there's air conditioning." He came up with a lame excuse, which earned him a light slap on the arm from Peyton.

"What was that for?" He glared at her.

"For being a moron." She joked as he rolled his eyes at her answer. They stayed silent for a few moments again until Peyton spoke up.

"Seriously Luke. We should be outside somewhere. You know like at the beach, or the movies, or going on a road trip or something." She watched his eyes light up at the mention of a road trip and almost regretted that she had mentioned it.

"A road trip?" He arched his brow as he sat up on his bed.

She sat up with him; "Now Luke I didn't mean it like that… it was just an idea."

"I like the sound of that." He whispered referring to the road trip.

"Lucas c'mon, it was just a suggestion. I didn't actually mean that." She looked over at him and could already see the wheels turning inside his head… he was coming up with a plan, one that she was almost afraid to be apart of.

"We should go."

"It was a dumb idea… let's just stay here or go see a movie or something." She tried to suggest something else, but Lucas was already fixed upon the idea of a road trip.

"Yeah right. C'mon Peyt, you said it yourself we're basically all alone in Tree Hill. Why should we stay here? Our parents aren't here so there's no one to catch us, we're practically free and it's practically the weekend." He tried to convince her. As much as she hated to admit it, he had a point, actually he many points.

"What's with the sudden burst of enthusiasm? For the past two weeks I had to practically force you to get out of your room."

"Don't make me beg." He gave his best pout.

"Lucas!" She groaned, "Don't look at me like that." She hated when he did that, whenever he gave her that look she would just break and give in to practically whatever he wanted.

"Please Peyt, please." He pleaded repeatedly until she couldn't take it anymore.

"Okay, fine! Suppose I agree to this road trip… where would we go?" She watched as he suddenly paused to think. She finally had him cornered.

"Charleston."

And that was exactly where they went… to Charleston. The drive would've been about 45 minutes if Peyton would've listened to his directions, but she didn't and they got lost. About an hour later they finally reached their destination and just basically drove around. The only time they actually made a stop was to go stock up on junk food at the local 7-Eleven there. There was no point to the sudden road trip, but they needed something to take their mind off of things. They had fun, they always had fun with each other over the summer, but now things were different. Things were complicated, feelings were involved, and other people were involved it was all just a big mess. If Lucas had a chance to do anything differently he would've told her how he felt a long time ago and maybe, just maybe things would be different. Who was he kidding? He wasn't going to be getting any sleep anytime soon. He was suffering from insomnia.

How can you know it when you don't even try?

Lucas rose up from the couch and walked softly down the hall. He peaked into his mother's room to see if she was asleep, but she wasn't there. She must've been with Andy and that meant he wouldn't get caught going out. He wasn't going to risk checking into Brooke's room, it wasn't worth it. She wouldn't get him in trouble. He turned around and walked down the hall again, this time heading towards the door. Maybe a walk on the beach would clear his thoughts.

And that's the end of What If. Peyton and Lucas are just a bunch of stubborn people aren't they? I guess you could see where they're going to end up in the next chapter anyway… once again thanks for the great reviews they mean a lot. So… next up is Low.