So this is it, the finally chapter of The Hardest Part. Will Peyton finally tell Lucas how she feels about him? Well… not all endings have to be happy so who knows. Sadly I just love inflicting pain on Lucas' part, I just had so many issues with his character after season two, but then I bought the DVD and listened to Mark's commentary on DTMFG and it was like all was forgiven. I usually wait and write whatever I have to say at the bottom, but I figured I'd say something now… and at the bottom. So yeah, I had a great time writing this. I've never finished a fic before so this is actually a first for me. I'll ramble some more when the chapter is finished…
You cut me down a tree and brought it back to me
and that's what made me see where I was going wrong
You put me on a shelf and kept me for yourself
I can only blame myself, you can only blame me…
Stupid was definitely what she was. Why she told Lucas that they shouldn't be friends and walking away from him was the stupidest thing she had ever done… okay maybe not the stupidest thing she'd ever done, but it was certainly up there. Cleary, the stupidest thing she had ever done was run away from him at Nathan's party when he told her he wanted it all with her. Of course all of the things that she basically beat herself up for involved Lucas, she was always so conflicted at the heart when it came to him. She was just so scared when it came to him.
She was lonely. She had been lonely and bitter for the past two weeks. She hadn't spoken to Lucas at all, he avoided her and she avoided him, it had become as simple as that. She hadn't told anyone about their fight, not even Haley, but she knew Lucas probably told her. She had to admit, she did miss Lucas. No one really understood her like he did, he saw through her and that's what scared her. That was the very thing that always made her back away from him. If she could do everything all over, she would've never run away from him.
"Hey Peyton have you seen Lucas?" Haley sat down on the opposite side of the lunch table Peyton was sitting at.
She looked up from the book she was reading, "If by Lucas you mean the broody, blond, bitch who isn't satisfied with being just friends with someone… then no."
Haley was obviously shocked by Peyton's comment because it showed all over her face. She bit back a laugh, but ended up doing so anyway.
"Whoa… where did that come from?" Haley asked.
"You should ask Lucas that." She replied. She really didn't know why she was so angry with him, she should've been angrier with herself.
"I did and all he told me was that you two aren't speaking anymore. Why is that Peyton and how come you didn't tell me?"
"We got in a fight a couple of weeks ago and as a result of that fight we decided that it was best that we shouldn't be friends anymore."
"We as in you and Lucas or really just you?" Haley was starting to know Peyton all too well.
"Just me and the reason why I didn't tell you was because it really isn't that important." Peyton tried to brush everything off as if her and Lucas' fight that night didn't really matter, but it did matter. It had been eating her up alive ever since.
"Of course it's important, Peyton. What were you two fighting about anyway?"
Peyton sighed as she gathered her thoughts and prepared to tell Haley everything. She figured there was no use lying to her about what happened anymore.
"He told me that he couldn't be just friends with me anymore and I pushed him away. That's the end of the story." She replied not willing to go into details just yet.
"Why did you do that Peyton? You obviously care about him… and you know he cares about you." Haley pointed out, but Peyton just shook her head.
"And yet I keep pushing him away. I know it's wrong, but I can't help it. Whenever things just start to go well between us he says or does something that makes me want to push him away and the worse part is he just keeps on coming back. I kind of got used to that, you know? Pushing him away, but him still being there. It wasn't until a couple of days ago when I realized he wasn't coming back… I pushed him way too far this time Hales. I blew it."
Haley took sympathy on her best friend. She had sympathy for Lucas, too. They both just had to be so stubborn and secretive with each other when it came to how they truly felt.
"Lucas hasn't given up on you Peyton. He still needs you, just like you need him." What she said was true, even though Haley hadn't spoken much to Lucas about what happened, she could still see it in his eyes when he looked at Peyton.
"Haley—"
"Tomorrow's the Raven's first game, you'll be there and he'll be there. Promise me you'll talk to him after or before the game?"
"I can't." She said her voice was full of sadness.
"Peyton please." Haley pleaded with her.
"Fine I'll talk to him after the game… I promise."
Lucas stood in his respective spot for what seemed like hours making free throws. He had been practicing at the River Court for tomorrow's game. He was nervous and as much as he missed playing basketball, his heart just wasn't in it. He was too worried about Peyton. He couldn't stand not being near her and not being able to talk to her. He hated that he wasn't able to read her anymore with their recent distance. He missed her. He missed her a lot.
Currently interrupting his thoughts was the sound of feet walking across the pavement. He kept his eyes straight ahead, secretly wishing that it were Peyton. He just wanted to apologize to her, having her, as a friend was better than not having her at all.
Lucas finally turned his head to see who was on the court with him and surprisingly it was the last person he would've expected to see.
"What are you doing here?"
"It's a public court," Nathan said while smirking, "I could practice here when ever I want."
"Whatever." Lucas ignored him; he wasn't in the mood to start anything with his brother so he just kept on shooting. Out of the few he had just shot, he only missed one. He didn't know what was wrong with him… he rarely missed.
"You suck." Nathan pointed out.
Lucas picked up the ball and just glared at him, "Can you explain to me why you're here again?"
He rolled his eyes, "I told you to practice for tomorrow's game… and to talk to you."
Lucas was surprised, he didn't think Nathan wanted to talk to him… they hadn't spoken since he had gotten back from HF and that was almost three months ago.
"What do you want to talk about?" Lucas stopped dribbling the ball, turned, and set his attention on Nathan.
"I want to talk about tomorrow's game. I want to win…and I know you do, too so despite what's going on between us it doesn't exist when we're on the court. Got it?"
"Yeah." He replied, his voice no louder than a whisper. He wished there was something he could do to get Nathan to actually talk to him again. He had made so many mistakes last year.
"So what's got you so distant lately? The only time I've really seen you miss a shot was back when your shoulder was acting up and now it's fine… so what's going on?" Nathan took the opportunity to actually talk to his brother. He knew he was wrong for acting so resentful towards him, but he just wouldn't tell him that. He couldn't, his pride just wouldn't let him. He didn't want to let himself get close to anyone anymore, he had no wife and he didn't have a brother and during the summer he struggled with that. When he was at High Flyers he realized that he just had to accept things the way they were. He would make peace eventually, but he would just have to do it one step at a time.
"I've just got a lot of stuff on my mind, that's all." Lucas turned, walked toward the picnic table, and sat on top of it. He wasn't in the mood to practice anymore.
Nathan shook his head, knowing that the stuff on Lucas' mind was obviously about a girl. Lately it always was. He walked over to the picnic table and sat on top of it next to Lucas.
"By stuff you mean girl right?"
Lucas laughed at Nathan's perception of him and despite whatever anger he felt towards him, Nathan felt himself laugh, too.
"It always is, isn't it? Remember a few months ago when you were telling me that my heart would be flawed until I told that girl how I felt?"
Nathan nodded, "Of course… how could I forget?"
"Yeah." Lucas nodded as a silence fell between them.
Nathan snapped out of his deep thought and hit Lucas on the side of his head.
"Hey! What was that for?" He turned to Nathan, giving him an angry look as he rubbed the side of his head.
"I meant Peyton you ass!" He practically shouted at him. He had been so confused when Lucas started to pursue Brooke, he had assumed Peyton turned Lucas down, but now he wasn't so sure.
"What?"
"The girl… I was talking about Peyton. What did she turn you down or something that night because you and I know good and well that you were never in love with Brooke."
"I know who you meant and I meant Peyton, too, and I was going over to see her when I remembered the conversation she and I had earlier. She told me some things that I really needed to hear… I wasn't what she needed at the time so I called Jake and then he came."
Nathan shook his head, "And where does Brooke come into all of this?"
"I was afraid of being alone… and I realized that it was easier to get on Brooke's good side so while we spent all of that time together I somehow blurred the lines of friendship between us. I convinced myself that I loved her… when of course I didn't. I was just afraid of being alone."
Nathan sighed; his brother had a pretty complicated life.
"That's what your problem is Lucas. You don't think before you speak and you're so caught up in trying to solve or help everyone when you don't realize that sometimes you have to just take a step back."
Lucas nodded, Nathan was right. Of course Nathan was right, Peyton had told him something similar to that a while ago.
"Calling Jake for Peyton was a really caring thing to do for her." Nathan added, realizing that he was a little too hard on Lucas.
"I just wish I could do things over you know?"
"Don't we all?"
"Yeah."
"So what's going on with you and Peyton now?" He asked; he was becoming curious to this situation.
"We're not talking anymore. I told her how I felt about her twice and she kept on freaking out… so a couple of weeks ago she decided that we just shouldn't be friends at all."
"And you're going to accept that?"
Lucas nodded, "Nathan, I have to respect Peyton's feelings."
"Oh yeah right… you mean to tell me you're just going to make the same mistake twice? You should go after her Luke. She's going to be at the game tomorrow… you should talk to her." Nathan began to devise a plan in his head.
"I can't."
"Yes you can," Nathan insisted, "Tomorrow after the game you're going to talk to her Lucas."
"Fine." He would talk to her, but he wasn't so sure she would be willing to talk to him.
You put me on a line and hung me out to dry
Darling that's when I decided to go to see you
You cut me down to size and opened up my eyes
Made me realize what I could not see…
He couldn't wait; he was so nervous and had so many thoughts swarm through his head that he just had to talk to her now. If he didn't talk to her now he would lose his nerve and end up not saying anything to her at all and he couldn't let that happen again. He opened her door and walked straight upstairs to her room. When he got there she had her back turned towards the door and had her cheerleading outfit on. That reminded him, he was supposed to be at practice before the game started, but he just had to talk to her. He probably just caught her before she was going to leave for the game, realizing that he only had a little bit of time he took a deep breath and prepared himself for what was to come.
As he was about to speak Peyton turned around and their eyes immediately met. There was a pained look in her eyes… pain that he caused and that hurt him.
"What are you doing here?" She gained some nerve and spoke up.
He stepped into her room so that he was closer to where she was standing and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He didn't know how to answer that so he just stayed silent.
"Lucas." She spoke again waiting for some sort of explanation from him.
"I—I need to talk to you." He finally got out.
She rolled her eyes. They hadn't spoken to each other in two weeks what was so important that he had to talk to her now?
"Well can you make it fast? I'm supposed to be at practice right now and I'm already running late so—"
"It'll be fast. I promise."
"Okay." She said while nodding.
"I can't stop thinking about what happened between us two weeks ago… they way we ended things. I didn't mean to push you into something you're not ready for and I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for that. If there's anything I can do so that we could start things over between us I'll do it. I'll do anything to get you back Peyt."
She avoided his gaze and looked down at the carpet… deep down she knew his words were sincere, but she didn't know if she could let him back in. If they went back to being just friends again would they stay like that or would a replay of what happened before just happen again? She wasn't sure if she was willing to take that risk.
"We can't start over Lucas… it's not possible. Things are much different now and our feelings are involved… it just wouldn't be right."
"You're right things are different now, but I'm willing to put it all in the past if you are."
She sat down on the side of her bed and thought about what he said.
"Lucas… I don't know if I can do this again. We make all of these mistakes and expect them to just be swept under the rug and forgiven, but it's not that easy. It's never that easy."
"I know I've made a lot of mistakes and I've been trying to fix them. You just have to give us a chance again, Peyton."
"Where did all of these feelings come from Lucas?" She decided to change the subject; "I mean you were practically chasing after Brooke last year and now—"
"Don't you see Peyton?" She watched as he walked over to where she was sitting on her bed, crouched down directly in front of her, and gently grabbed her hands. She was too caught up in everything to even pull her hands away… to even think.
"See what?" She asked softly.
"It's you, Peyton… it's always been you. I called Jake for you because I knew you needed him. I knew that I wasn't what you needed so I stepped back. The whole thing with Brooke, it was all just a big mess… I blurred the lines of friendship between us. I convinced myself that I felt something more than friendship for her and for a while I believed it, but then I found you on that beach and everything became clear again. When I held you in my arms everything felt right again and I don't want to lose that feeling Peyton. I can't lose you again."
Peyton sat there in shock at Lucas' confession… how was she supposed to deal with this? She didn't even have to question his feelings because she knew he was telling the truth. She wasn't even angry at what he said about Brooke, they both had been so lost months ago and now they were finally finding themselves. They were finding pieces of themselves in each other.
"I don't want to lose you either… but I just… I need some time to think about all of this."
He let go of her hands and stood up. That wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear, but it was better than her running away. He would just have to give her time.
"That I can deal with," He joked, which made her laugh, "I'll see you at the game then?"
"Yeah." She replied never leaving her spot on her bed as she watched him walk out of the door. She didn't need time to think about anything, she knew what she wanted and after the game she would tell him.
"United we stand, divided we fall, it's time to play, some basketball, GO RAVENS!" Peyton and the other girls cheered the team on from the sidelines. There were only two minutes left in the game and so far it was tied.
Lucas and Nathan were definitely working overtime; they hadn't let their disagreement come between them at all.
Lucas could feel the sweat pouring down his face and with each move he made his heart beat increased. It was all a mix of exhilaration and pressure. He was just so excited about playing again. He really missed the thrill of the game. There was really nothing like it. There was only a half a minute left as Nathan suddenly passed him the ball. He dribbled the ball through the court with ease dodging the other team's players left and right. This was it. This was his moment. He bent his knees as he prepared for the shot and kept his eyes on the basket. The crowd's screams and yells seemed to get louder and louder, but it didn't phase him.
He made the shot, stood there and waited for it to go in. He would've heard the final buzzer ring, see the ball go through the hoop, and the team celebrating if he didn't feel so dizzy. The crowd's screams began to sound distant and soon all he could see was darkness.
And I could write a book, the one they'll say that shook the world
and then it took, it took it back from me
and I could write it down and spread it all around
Get lost and then get found and you'll come back to me…
She stood there in shock. Just a second ago she had been cheering rather happily when it happened. It all seemed to happen in slow motion as she watched Lucas make the winning shot and then collapse on the ground. What the hell was going on? She looked around and saw the various people on the bleachers including Haley stand up from their seats to see what happened to Lucas. She looked to her left and saw Brooke and Bevin with equally shocked faces. She didn't know what was going on.
And then it dawned on her. His heart… it must've been it his heart! How could she forget? Was he going to be okay? About a million questions were going through her head as she dropped her pom-poms and ran over to where Lucas was.
As soon as she reached where he was Haley was right beside her.
"Oh my God. Peyton what's wrong with him?" She asked as they tried to get inside the crowd that was formed around him. Haley was so scared for Lucas; she didn't want to lose him.
"I don't know Hales." She answered. Of course she knew what was wrong. It was his heart, but as much as she wanted to she couldn't tell Haley. She had sworn to Lucas that she wouldn't tell anyone.
Nathan was just as shocked. He remembered seeing the ball go through the hoop and feeling happy that they had won the game and then that's when it happened. In a mere second the happiness wore off when he noticed that his brother was on the floor. If Lucas would make it through this he would never let a stupid disagreement come between their bond as brothers.
"Everyone stay back and give the boy some space!" They all heard Whitey shout as the crowd backed away and Lucas finally sat up. Haley and Peyton watched from the side as the EMT began to talk to him and see how he was feeling.
"He's gonna be okay right?" Haley looked up at Peyton with tears in her eyes. She couldn't take losing Lucas.
Peyton, who was pretty much speechless right now just continued to stare at the spot where Lucas was currently standing. She couldn't get over what happened… she had almost lost him tonight.
She looked down at Haley and tried to keep herself from crying, "He has to be."
She didn't go straight home after what happened. She dropped Haley off back at the house and just drove around. She couldn't get what happened out of her head. She couldn't shake the image of Lucas just falling to the ground like that and even though she knew he was okay, she wouldn't believe it until she could actually see him. What if he would've never woken up? They would've ended things horribly and it was all her fault. She needed to go home and get her thoughts together. She wanted to talk to him, but she didn't know where to start.
He was sitting there at the table with his mother sitting right across from him. They had been sitting there ever since she came out of her room and hour ago. An hour before that he came home and caught her sitting on the couch crying. She had no words for him so she just went to her room and slammed the door. Now, of course was different because now he was waiting for what she had to say, and whatever it was it probably wasn't good.
"So how long have you known?" Karen practically forced out as she glared at her son.
"I—"
"Or should I say how long have you been lying about it?" Karen stared at her son coldly as he gave her a defeated look.
"Mom please don't be like this." He pleaded.
"Answer the question."
"For a few months."
"A few months?" She practically shouted at him. She was trying very hard not to express her anger, but she just couldn't help it. She was so disappointed and angry with him, but she couldn't help but be scared for him. She was so scared for him.
"Mom—"
"Why didn't you tell me? How could you keep something as serious as your life from me?"
"Because I didn't want you to worry… I didn't want you to get upset."
"Well you wasted your time! I'm your mother, Lucas. It's my job to worry about you. You don't get to decide things for me."
"I'm sorry." Was all that he felt he should say; he didn't regret keeping this from her at all, but one thing he did regret was letting it come out like this.
"So that whole thing a few months ago… you living with Dan it was because he knew wasn't it? Were you ever going to tell me about this or were you just planning on keeping it to yourself?" She was asking the last question more to herself than him.
"I didn't want you to know because I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to see you like this—"
"Lucas Eugene Scott do not take that tone of voice with me…" She stood up from her seat and prepared to handle every aspect of her son's disease. This time there would be no secrets between them.
She practically dragged herself up the stairs to the front door of her house. She was tired and she was scared. She turned the doorknob and walked into her house. All she wanted to do was go to sleep and forget all that had happened tonight. She wanted nothing more but to get the image of Lucas on the court out of her mind. She made her way towards the steps and was ready to climb up them when someone stopped her.
"Were you ever going to tell me?" Haley blocked her way from climbing up the steps. Her voice was shaking and her eyes were red from crying.
"Tell you about what?" Peyton had no idea what she was talking about.
"Don't play dumb with me Peyton." She stared her right in the eye wondering how she could've kept something so serious from her.
"Haley I really don't know what you're talking about." She was being honest. She didn't know what she was talking about, but by the tone of voice Haley had held, Peyton knew it had to be serious.
"I know about Lucas, Peyton. I know that he has the HCM."
Peyton's hand flew up to her mouth and her eyes widened in shock. This wasn't good at all.
"Haley, I—"
"It's really horrible when I had to find out from Brooke of all people about it instead of my own two best friends." She said bitterly. She hated that she was basically out of the loop of this whole thing and yet she could see why neither Lucas nor Peyton had told her. Luke was probably scared that she would tell Karen, which she probably would've, and Peyton was just respecting Lucas' privacy. But that didn't make it hurt any less.
"How did Brooke find out? Haley I swear I didn't tell her—"
"She overheard Karen and Lucas yelling about it." Haley watched as a look of fear grew upon Peyton's face.
"No… Lucas didn't tell Karen that you knew." Peyton let out a sigh of relief.
"Haley I'm sorry I didn't tell you, I really am." She looked sympathetically at Haley. She didn't mean for any of this to happen this way… it just did.
"Then why didn't you?"
"It's just you know Lucas and I we were all alone over the summer, everyone had left, he told me you weren't coming back—so I guess I was the only one he could lean on about it. Once you came back, I wanted to tell you, but I had to respect his wishes. He promised me not to tell and I couldn't disrespect his wishes."
"This is Lucas' life we're talking about Peyton—something horrible could've happened to him tonight all because of his stupidity. I just wished he wasn't so protective all of the time… he has to realize that he shouldn't make decisions for others like this. All it leads to is disaster." She sat on the bottom step and cradled her head in her hands. She was just so frustrated with Lucas.
"Haley—"
"No Peyton, I'm sorry for yelling at you… none of this is your fault. You were just looking out for Lucas. It's just he gets me so angry and it's times like this where I just want to hurt him and cry for him at the same time." Peyton sat on the step next to Haley and nodded.
"Have you heard from Karen?" Peyton asked. She was curious to know how Lucas was doing.
"No," She shook her head, "But Brooke told me Karen was really upset about the whole thing."
"Well has Brooke spoken to him?"
"She tried when they got home, but he didn't really want to open up to her. I want to call him… you know, to find out how he is… or just to talk, but—"
"You're scared." She finished her sentence.
Haley looked towards Peyton, "Yeah."
"Me too." She said softly.
"I'm a horrible best friend." Haley stated, referring to her not being able to be there for Lucas.
"You're not a horrible best friend, Hales. You're an avoider… and in a way we all are."
"You should go talk to him." Haley spoke up after a few moments of silence.
"What?"
"You should go talk to him Peyton," She repeated, "Tell him how you feel."
Peyton stared down at the floor, "I can't."
"Hasn't tonight taught you anything? You promised you would talk to him after the game… well here's your chance."
"Haley I don't know. I should give him his space…"
"You should do it now before something gets in your way again. You and Lucas deserve your share of happiness… what's wrong with having it now and having it with each other?"
Seeing that Peyton had no answer to her question Haley knew she had finally knocked some sense into her head. She just hoped Peyton would actually use her advice this time.
The streets you're walking on, a thousand houses long
Well that's where I belong and you belong with me
Oh what good is it to live with nothing left to give
Forget but not forgive, not loving all you see…
She had walked the whole way to Lucas' house. Haley had practically pushed her out the door and her thoughts were so scattered she forgot that she could've just drove there, but none of it mattered. She just needed to see him. For some strange reason the streets had seemed so much longer this time around. It was probably a combination of the nerves and anxiety she felt.
She took a deep breath and walked up the steps to his house. She could do this… she knew what she wanted and she knew that he wanted it, too. There was nothing in her way anymore… there was nothing in their way anymore. She stood in front of the door and contemplated on whether to knock or not. Instead she played with the ends of her leather jacket and tried to think of something to say.
She turned towards the door and was about to knock when it opened up. She stood there frozen as Lucas stepped out of the doorway. He stood in his place as well, with the same scared look on his face. Neither of them knew what to say to each other.
"Peyton…" He spoke up first, but couldn't get any words out except for her name.
"Lucas…" She responded the same way. She was happy to see him—she was glad that he was okay, but something about him was off.
"I—" They both started to speak, but ended quickly. He didn't know what to say to her… he knew that his little accident had scared her.
She continued to stare at him, but this time her vision was blurred with the tears that were forming in her eyes. She was scared, but she would start over this time. She moved in closer to him closing the gap that was between them and wrapped her arms around him tightly.
He could feel her tears soaking into his shirt as he wrapped his arms around her waist and held onto her tightly. He never wanted to let her go. She was the only one that he could trust right now and the only one who truly understood him and after what had happened earlier, he just couldn't let her go.
She couldn't stop herself from crying, she had been fine before, but once she saw him and read the look in his eyes she just fell apart. Maybe it was the realization finally sinking in that she could've lost him tonight.
"Don't ever leave me again Lucas." Her voice was muffled because her face was buried into his shirt, but he still he heard her.
"I won't… I won't…" He repeated, comforting her as she continued to cry.
"You promise?" She lifted up her head so that she could see his face.
He looked down at her and nodded, gently wiping her tears off of her face, but never taking his eyes off of hers.
"I promise." His voice was barely over a whisper, but she heard him. She heard him loud and clear.
"So you're gonna be okay right?" She knew he was but she just needed some reassurance.
"Yeah… I guess the reason why that whole thing happened was because I didn't take my pills this morning—"
"Lucas—" She was preparing to scold him, but he cut her off.
"I didn't do it on purpose… I guess I had so many things to think about and then there was the excitement of the game… so I just forgot." He explained.
"You gave us all a scare tonight, Luke. I thought—I thought something really serious happened to you and that I would never—"
"Shh," He placed a finger on her lips, "I'm fine okay… and that's all that matters. I'm not going to leave you Peyton. Not now and not ever."
She nodded and gently pulled away from his hold, just feeling the need to walk around or something.
"You should talk to Haley… she was kind of pissed that we didn't tell her what was going on and besides she's really worried about you."
"I'm sure she wasn't nearly as pissed off as my mom was when she found out." She watched Lucas' whole demeanor change at the mention of his mom. That was what was different about him; they both must've taken what happened very hard.
"What did she do?" He started pacing around the porch, not willing to look her in the eye.
"Well after crying she basically yelled at me for lying about it, yelled some more, hugged me for being brave about things, grounded me for a month, and then she cried some more. I can't say that I blame her for yelling at me… because I don't. I deserved everything she said. I caused her more pain than I meant to… you know this whole thing made me realize how stupid it is to keep things from the people you love."
Instead of replying, she just sighed, wishing she could share his outlook on things. It was stupid to keep thing from the people you loved but if she agreed she would just sound like a hypocrite.
"So does your mom know you're out here right now?" She changed the subject when she noticed his jacket in his hands.
He began pacing again, "About that…"
Peyton noticed the way he was acting and grew nervous.
"Lucas what's wrong?"
"Nothing," He assured her, "My mom's sleeping and I just… I need to get out of here."
Any other time she was up for leaving, but she didn't want to get him in any more trouble.
"Lucas I don't think that's such a good idea… you're already grounded and—"
"Please." He gave her that look that just made her give in to anything he wanted.
"Fine… lead the way."
They ended up walking along the docks in silence. She was trying to figure out how she would tell Lucas how she felt and he was thinking about how his life would be now that basically everyone knew about his HCM. If they didn't know now he knew by the end of this week they all would.
"You're going to be okay right?"
"Yeah, but you know someone once told me that if I didn't tell this girl how I felt about her my heart would always be flawed…" He trailed off hoping he would get his point.
"Well did you?" She played along.
"Yeah… but she ran away." They both shoved their hands in their pockets at the same time and laughed a little because of the awkwardness of this all.
They both stopped walking and turned to face each other.
"You know, it was right here when you told me how you felt—when you kissed me." She recalled that night as well as her stupidity, but she wasn't going to let it happen again.
"Yeah… I noticed." He said sheepishly.
"Why do you keep coming back? Wh—why do you keep waiting—running after me when I push you away so much?" She wanted to know how he felt again; she didn't need to be reassured that this was all worth it; she just wanted to hear him say it.
"I guess—I guess I'm in it for the chase." He said half joking and half serious. There was much seriousness in that statement. The chase was all both of them had known for the past few months.
"Well I've stopped running a while ago, Lucas… I was just scared. I was too scared to move forward and I was too scared to lose what we had… to lose our friendship. I just didn't want to get hurt again. I was so use to everyone leaving that I just expected you to just get up and leave me one day, too, but you didn't."
"Peyton, you don't have to explain—"
"Yes I do, Lucas. I'm sorry that I pushed you away so much lately and I'm sorry that it took me this long to tell you how I really felt about you. When you hit the floor tonight… you wanna know what I was thinking? I thought I would never see you again and then I thought about how we had left things and how it was all my fault." She felt herself becoming emotional as the tears began to slide down her face.
"Peyton none of this is your fault." He tried to reassure her, but she wouldn't listen.
"We had left things so open ended… we weren't even speaking, Luke and this was all because of my selfishness. But I'm not letting this happen again… because everything that happened tonight just made me realize that I never want to lose you, Lucas. You mean too much to me."
Lucas stood in his place, he had waited so long for this moment and now it was happening. He was finally getting his heart's desire.
"You'll never lose me, Peyt." He whispered to her as he gently cupped her face.
"Good… because I don't want to. I'm tired of running. I'm in love with you, Luke… I always have been. You've always had my heart." Without another word she tip toed up to meet his face and her lips crashed onto his in a passionate kiss. That kiss told him everything that she was afraid to say.
Breaking away from her he replied jokingly, "Is this the part where you run away?"
She laughed and shook her head.
"There's nothing to run for me to run from anymore." She said simply as she met his lips again in a sweet kiss.
She had realized now that life was entirely too short and that she couldn't just hide her feelings anymore. Although it took many tragedies for her to see that, she finally reached her destination; the final stop on her journey and that was to be with him. They both didn't have to run anymore because they had gotten past the hard parts, they had gotten through it all together and finally found the happiness both deserved.
You belong with me, not swallowed in the sea…
Finally it is finished. I had such a great time writing this and thank you to all of you who reviewed. It was between your reviews and my pent up longing for OTH to premiere that kept me motivated to finish this. So yeah Lucas and Peyton… they're happy now… finally. They had some pretty messed up things happen to them, but now it's all over. I hope you guys enjoyed this last chapter. I had fun writing it, the whole basing the chapters off of songs really made the whole writing process go faster. It's really much easier to do it this way when you find a song that relates, you know? I might even do another one of these, of course with a different CD and probably a different band, but most likely still L/P.