Notice of retraction: Sharing an uncomfortable, tiny-ass bed with Jaina Solo's ass is totally okay with me. Anytime.
I knew it was dangerous.
I knew there was an excellent chance I'd regret this course of action and be incredibly hurt tomorrow morning.
But Jaina Solo does not want anything to do with my body very often, and if she in her weariness was bold enough to insinuate her desire, then I was brave enough to let her have all that she wanted.
I slid down beside her on my back, taking the edge of the bed and giving her the wall. I slipped my left arm under her body and she responded instantly, snuggling her entire, perfect frame furiously against my side. My hand settled at the small of her back and I swallowed hard, fighting to counteract the effect she was having on me.
I blinked deliberately, letting my eyes linger shut.
Her body was the perfect size. She fit perfectly there under my arm. And most people will try to tell you that the combined smell of rain, jungle and helmet has absolutely no aphrodisiac effect—but they're lying. At least where Jaina Solo is concerned. Her hair was just under my nose now, and I literally had to force myself to think about unsexy things like explosions and thudbugs and Tsavong Lah's face to keep myself under control.
I finally opened my eyes and thought that as long as I could calmly and reasonably remind myself why she was behaving like this, it would take all the fire out of it.
So, what had just happened between us was the emotional equivalent of passionate sex: just as intimate, and just as exhausting. A hint of that experience was currently manifesting itself in the form of physical attraction. Basically, the act was complete and now she just wanted to cuddle; and me walking away from her right now would be just as cruel as putting my clothes on and slamming a door in her face.
I squeezed my eyes shut again, realizing I'd just tried to extinguish a fire with a full tank of fuel.
It didn't help that right after that, she slid her hand onto my chest, causing my heartbeat to destabilize again. But I took a deep breath, calmed my nerves, and coolly brushed her arm with my right hand.
It's okay, I'm still on top, I'm still in control… at least for the moment.
We lay in silence for several minutes and I tried to let my thoughts drift elsewhere. But at the moment, our bodies and life forces were so aligned that I couldn't focus on anything else. I left her alone in her thoughts and tried to release some of the memories I had seen within her that night. The place she had taken me was vivid and wild and frightening…
…but I'd already been there myself.
She worried me. The path she was taking was natural after such a chain of events, but I didn't want her to have to walk it to find out that there was nothing but darkness at the end. I empathized with her pain, her rage, her helplessness. It was all so new, so sharp; like she was being slowly poisoned, and her body was gradually, painfully building up a tolerance. It hurt to watch her lust after dark power, to feel her becoming addicted to that which I knew could destroy her. It made me want to hold her closer, and stay up all night while she slept to protect her.
Calloused and strengthened by scars of my own affair with the Darkness, I vowed in that moment to walk through the fire with her, if that's what it took to bring her back. I knew she would not be quick to let go, but I would fight her to save her if I had to. I owed her that much; her father had certainly taken a risk to save me.
But I wasn't here tonight to repay a debt. I was here because it felt right; because somehow, something always drove us back together. Somewhere along the line, Jaina had become a part of me-- and it was amazing. I knew we would never be compatible in the way most couples are, but I also knew we'd always be stronger together than apart. Sure, she could be impossible, and yeah, I savored every occasion when I could get a rise out of her—
But I admired her so much. I admired her for putting up with me! She was so tenacious, but so compassionate. And she had such a bold spirit, that I tended to forget that she was still just a twenty year old woman, with a life just as fragile as any other human being. Jaina had always walked with an air of fierce and utter independence. But in a hidden place in the back of my mind, I reveled in the fact that in this moment, she wanted me here. And five minutes ago, while I had been noble and stoic, her feelings toward me had been completely carnal.
Of course, my thoughts had been rolling steadily in that direction for a couple of minutes now—but it was still a nice moment. Not one I would soon forget. I probably would have brooded over it a little longer if she hadn't broken our mental silence.
"Are you uncomfortable?"
"No," Force, no! "Are you?"
"No."
I paused, feeling the true depth of my question. "Is that good or bad?"
She paused, and I felt the wheels turning.
"I don't really know."
I was deciding whether or not to be extremely pleased with her answer, when lightning illuminated the room, thunder crashed, and the lights flickered out—leaving me alone, in the dark, in bed with Jaina Solo.
What an awesomely eerie feeling.
I was ashamed to admit, I'd been there in dreams, once or twice—but that was a different. As beautiful as she was and as wonderful as it felt to have her against me-- I couldn't let myself go there. Not now. Tonight, she needed me to protect her mind, body and soul, and I would—even from myself.
I reached out with the Force and flipped the switch so we wouldn't be disturbed if the power came back on.
"I guess we're in for the night."
"I guess so… unless you and me sleeping here is violently against your better judgment…"
That was worded like a test question. And she was searching for a very specific response. But truth be told, I didn't particularly care about the right answer. I was too comfortable to be noble and too tired to lie about it.
"I obviously have no better judgment. Especially when it comes to you."
She liked that. I sensed her grinning, and awarded myself a point.
"Goodnight, Kyp."
"Night, Goddess."
-Jaina Solo-He woke up first.
Early, too. The small bed had not been very comfortable, but I immediately missed his body next to mine...