Disclaimer: Uh huh. Fanfic. Yeah. Read!

After the class, Robin, Cosette, and Malfoy wandered down to the Great Hall for lunch and seated themselves at the table.

"Cosette, get me a drink." Malfoy commanded lazily, stretching his arms up. "Robin, tell me more about this little scheme."

While the tiny dark-haired girl poured a goblet of pumpkin juice for her friend, Robin began to talk. "Well... we all know that Cosette seriously has the hots for Snape. But... Snape is old. So... we're going to remedy the situation."
Malfoy raised a blond eyebrow. "And... you say you're going to give him a potion?"

Robin nodded, brushing some hairs out of her face. "We're going to slip him a large amount of Monsieur Plarno's Patented Youth Reviving Serum. Except we're going to add a bit to it... Cosette and I have been researching some stuff. We've found the ingredients to change Plarno's simple cosmetic potion into an irreversible age-reversing potion. We've just go to slip him enough to reduce him to our age."

Malfoy shook his head. "That... is insane. Utterly and totally insane. And what is the point of this?"

Cosette giggled rather violently, spilling some pumpkin juice as she was pouring a glass for Robin. "Well, I can't very well be chasing around a man of his age can I? I need him to be a teeny tiny bit younger."

Robin nodded. "Quite simple. And you know we'll get away with it. I mean... look at her. How could Snape be angry?" She pointed at Cosette, who, knowing her cues, smiled and closed her eyes, wrinkling her nose slightly. She was indeed adorable.

Malfoy laughed at her and crossed his arms. "Alright. I'm game. So, has anyone put any thought into our Weekly Annoy the Gryffindors Campaign? We skipped last week. For shame, for shame." He clucked his tongue twice in a reprimanding manner.
Robin waved her arms around. "Oh! Oh! I know the password to the Gryffindor Common room. That must count for something... yes?"

Malfoy rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm... if I had a goatee, this would look much cooler. Or maybe a Soooooul Patch." He thought, putting some flair on the word soul. He dismissed his thoughts of facial hair, and turned his attention once more the Robin, who was watching him expectantly.

"Yes... the password... most helpful. You're a good lackey, you know that? Crabbe and Goyle were too stupid to find out anything useful." He was saddened for a moment at the thought of his lost friends, so he closed his eyes in memoriam.

"Uhm... Draco?" Cosette said, leaning forward, pointing one finger in Malfoy's face. "Are you alright? You have a little bit of something dripping out of your nose."

"WHAT?!" Malfoy quickly wiped his nose on the back of his sleeve, attempting to maintain some dignity. "Er... it was nothing. You imagined it. There was nothing there."

"Are you sure?" Robin asked, raising one red eyebrow. "You were talking about your old friends... so maybe you were feeling a little angsty? You know when wizards feel angsty, they tend to snot a bit."

Malfoy glared at her. "SHUT UP. THERE WAS NOTHING COMING OUT OF MY NOSTRILS. LEAVE MY ORIFICES ALONE. They're the sexiest orifices in Great Britain, they are."

Cosette and Robin nodded, not daring to defy his ego.

"Okay... so... the password. What is it?" Malfoy asked, looking expectantly at Robin. "Oh, do tell. The... antici...pation... is killing me." (Didja catch the Rocky Horror Picture Reference there???)

"Garbanzo." Robin said, with a flourish of her hands. "I got it from Colin Creevey after I promised to get him a lock of Harry's hair." She giggled to herself. "Harry hair. Hahahaha. I mean... er... So, what're we gunna do?¿"

Cosette perked up. "HAVING A THOUGHT!" She said, pointing at her temple with two fingers. "Oh... lost it... OH WAIT! We can steal all the Gryffindors furniture!"

Malfoy sighed. "That's a boneheaded plan, you moron." He grumbled, hitting her on top of her head with his fist.

"Ow..." She pouted, tears welling up in her eyes. Her lips trembled and a loud wail burst forth, causing everyone in the room to look at her.

Because of her innate cuteness, a crowd of people surrounded her instantly, all of them trying to comfort her.

Two large Ravenclaw boys glared at Malfoy. "Why'd you make her cry, you git?" One of them asked, stepping forward menacingly.

Malfoy "Harumphed." In reply, but said nothing else. He glared at Cosette and she snuffled back her tears, waving the people away from her. "I'm okey..." She said, still pouting.

Professor Severus Snape had approached the scene, making the crowd comprised of different houses disperse. "What's going on here?" He said in his deep, slightly evil voice.

"Nothing, sir." Cosette said, cheerful once more. She stood and clasped her hands behind her back, bouncing on her toes.

(Excuse this break in the story, I feel it necessary to give character stats now.

Robin:

Height: 5'8"/Weight: 140 lbs./Eyes: Green/Hair: Red/Birthday:July 19th/Bloodtype:B-/Age:15

Cosette:

Height: 5'2"/Weight: 103 lbs./Eyes:Grey-blue/Hair: Black/Birthday: November 30th/Bloodtype:A/Age:15

Malfoy:

Height: 6'2" (he's TALL!)/Weight: Refuses to reveal/Eyes: Grey/Hair: Blond/Birthday: Dunno, we're saying August 18/Bloodtype: Pure/Age: 16

Severus Snape:

Height: 6'5" (he's REALLY TALL! Mmmmm...)/Weight: 170/Eyes: Black/Hair: Black/Birthday: Dunno, we're saying December 7/Bloodtype: O

Okey, back to the story)

Snape looked at Malfoy, his brow furrowing in a furry manner.
"Why can't you be more like Potter and Weasley, here?"

Potter and Weasley had just shown up, arm-in-arm, snuggling. They had come out of the closet at the end of the previous year in a shower of rainbows and ribbons, and now were quite frequently seen snogging on the quidditch pitch. During games.

"Wait. WHAT am I SAYING?!" Snape shouted, smacking himself across the face with enough force to take down even the mightiest of ... trolls. (Even the red-haired little ones. Eep!) "If I EVER say ANYTHING like that again... you have my personal permission to curse me with the Flaming Arse Of Doom curse."

(more chapters to come... later. )