Understanding

by Mrs Ronald Weasley

Both House and Wilson know pain, but only in that pain can they find understanding. Loosely based and inspired by Evanescence’s “Understanding”. HouseWilson slash.

Understanding

Author: Mrs. Ronald Weasley

Rating: PG-13 or T

Pairing/s: House/Wilson Slash

Category: Romance/Angst

Spoilers: The Honeymoon and probably several other episodes from Season 1 that I am unaware of.

Warnings: None

Summary: Both House and Wilson know pain, but only in that pain can they find understanding.

A/N: This story is loosely based and inspired by Evanescence's "Understanding", hence the title of the story. The lyrics are included at the beginning of the story if you wish to read them. Otherwise, please read and review!

(Spoken) You hold the answers deep within your own mind

Consciously you've forgotten it

That's the way the human mind works

Whenever something is too unpleasant, to shameful for us to entertain we reject it

We erase it from our memories

But the answer is always there.

The pain that grips you

The fear that binds you

Releases life in me

In our mutual shame we idolize

To blind them from the truth

That finds a way from who we are

Please don't be afraid when the darkness fades away

The dawn will break the silence screaming in our hearts

My love for you still grows

This I do for you before I try to fight the truth my final time

(Spoken) We're supposed to try and be real

And I feel alone

And we're not together and that is real.

Can't wash it all away

Can't wish it all away

Can't cry it all away

Can't scratch it all away

Lying beside you

Listening to you breathe

The life that flows inside of you burns inside of me

Hold and speak to me, of love without a sound

Tell me you will live through this and I will die for you

Cast me not away; say you'll be with me

For I know I cannot bear it all alone

(Spoken) You're not alone, honey

Never... Never...

Can't fight it all away

Can't hope it all away

Can't scream it all away

It just won't fade away

Can't wash it all away

Can't wish it all away

Can't cry it all away

Can't scratch it all away

Can't fight it all away

Can't hope it all away

Can't scream it all away

Oh, it all away

Oh, it all away

(Spoken) But the imprint is always there

Nothing is ever really forgotten.

Because I'm tried too

Because I'll die if you do

The early summer night air was warm on James Wilson's face as he made his way to his Lexus that was parked in the underground parking garage. It was late and although his work had been done several hours ago, he hadn't left the hospital until now. These past few hours had been spent monitoring a patient named, 'Mark Warner'.

Mark was married to Stacy, his best friend's five year girlfriend. Wilson had warned Stacy about bringing Mark to Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital for a diagnosis and treatment of a mysterious illness that he'd been suffering from. She wanted her ex, world renowned diagnostician, Gregory House to do the diagnosis and treatment. Out of concern for his friend James had advised her against doing so. Because it was his belief that House was still in love with her.

Of course there was no real way to find out if his assumptions were right, because House would just tell him that 'yes' he was over her, that's what Greg does, he wouldn't lie but he denies the truth, most of the time anyway.

Wilson would only admit to himself that the only reason he decided to stay at work late was because he wanted to see if House was still around. He had to know if Greg was alright with the fact that Stacy was offered the job that he had heard Cuddy ask her about. What James didn't know, however, was that Stacy had told Cuddy that the only way she would take the position was if House was okay with it. He had also missed the conversation between Cuddy and House where Greg had said that he was fine with her giving his ex a job at the hospital.

As he flung his briefcase onto the passenger seat, Wilson pondered going to House's apartment. He wasn't sure though if he wanted to deal with the man at the moment, however, and decided that he would go home.

James was quite disappointed when he pulled out of the parking garage and saw that the brilliant moon and stars were hidden behind a layer of cloud cover. He hadn't heard anything about rain in the forecast, but it certainly looked like it might.

The slight humming of the engine and tires weren't to Wilson's liking, so he reached over to turn on the radio. As he did so, he noticed the digital clock that shed a green glow over his hand; it read 12:24 am. God it was late, Wilson thought, as he heard the droning voice of a radio talk show host come on. He'd have to wait six more minutes for the news.

The clock had just turned to 12:30 when James turned onto his street. Until now he had tuned out most of the radio, but listened intently when he heard, "Overnight tonight, 72 degrees, and an 80 percent chance of showers and thunderstorms." Great, just what we need, he thought while pulling into his driveway.

The house was completely dark, which meant one of two things: Julie either wasn't home or she was and already in bed, she never stayed up waiting for him anymore. Wilson got his answer when he pressed the automatic garage door opener and saw that her car wasn't in the garage. He was glad that she wasn't home; he didn't need to deal with her at the moment.

Silence greeted his ears as he shut down the engine and got out of the car. He grabbed his briefcase and headed toward the door. James flicked the garage light off as he turned on the inside hallway light.

The sound of the phone ringing startled him and he immediately ran into the living room to pick it up. The room was dark but the red light flashing on the phone with each ring led Wilson to it. "Hello?" he asked.

"James, it's Julie," her voice seemed strained on the other end.

"Julie, where are you? You didn't tell me that you wouldn't be home tonight," he replied.

"Yeah, uh, look James, I know things haven't been going the greatest between us for, well, four or five months," she paused. Wilson said nothing and waited quietly for her to confirm his fears. "And I... Awhile ago I started seeing Ryan from work, and he suggested that I, we-"

"Wait a minute," Wilson spoke sharply into the receiver, cutting her pained and quiet voice off. "You cheated on me!" He was angry now and came close to yelling. She remained silent on the other end, not that she could've continued even if she wanted to, he was too agitated to let her. "Goddamn it, Julie! How could you!"

His anger seemed to radiate into her too and she snapped back, "Oh, please! It's not like you haven't cheated on me too!"

"No, Julie! That's just it! I haven't!" The stunned silence that followed stood heavily in the air around Wilson as he waited for her response. It wasn't a lie, but she would probably think of it as one. He loved her and he didn't want their marriage, as screwed up as it was, to end this way.

"I'm filing for divorce in the morning," she stated as James felt the dread that had been deep inside his heart come out and fill his entire body to the point where he couldn't speak or move. "I've already taken what I wanted from the house," Julie paused waiting for a response, which she didn't get. "And as for the house itself, you can keep it."

Another moment of heavy silence passed between them before Wilson managed to choke out an "okay," prior to her hanging up on him.

The darkness in the room seemed to get even darker as James stood beside the couch, the phone receiver still in his hand. Slowly he set it down and just as slowly moved over to sit on the chair in front of him. He placed his elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands.

Sighing, Wilson ran his hands through his hair; he wasn't sure what he was going to do, he hoped that this divorce would go easier than the other two had, but he wasn't sure that it was possible. He did love Julie, more than he had his other wives; he had no idea what it was that seemed to drive her away from him.

He needed to be comforted and he knew of only one person who could give it to him: House. But would Greg want to listen to his women problems at the moment? He knew full well that House was currently dealing with his own and would Wilson's just add to them? Maybe, but he still decided to get up, grab his keys and leave for House's apartment. Even if he didn't want to listen, James would just be happy to be in the presence of someone who didn't hate him.

As soon as he pulled into the driveway, Wilson knew that House wasn't there. The 'Vette was no where to be seen. "Great," he muttered. He wasn't sure if he should just go inside and wait for Greg to come home or just go back home.

He sat there for several seconds before deciding to leave. He wouldn't go back home, the complete solitude that being in his home brought was too overwhelming for Wilson's emotions to handle.

Instead, James drove through the city, the quiet streets were almost empty and the overhead street lamps seemed to almost blind him. He nearly welcomed the intense darkness that fell on him and his car as he exited the city and drove into the country.

It wasn't long before Wilson reached his destination: a lake that his parents had brought him to several times when he was a child.

He parked in a small parking lot and walked down to the beach; the water was slightly calm, washing up the shore. James strolled noiselessly along the shoreline; it was a nice feeling, a beautiful sort of seclusion. He looked toward the heavens, and silently cursed the rain that he knew would fall tonight.

The further he walked, the louder the sound of crashing waves could be heard; there was a rock pile just ahead that Wilson planned on sitting on for awhile, until he could work up the courage to go back home or until the dawn broke through the darkness.

As he neared the rock pile, Wilson noticed the outline of a car in the slight distance. It was too dark to tell what color it was, but that didn't matter, he knew whose it was.

A small smile came to his lips as he walked a little faster. Reaching his destination, James stopped and said, to the lone figure that he knew all too well who sat on a rock not mere feet from him, "you're the last person I expected to find here."

Gregory House, on the other hand, wasn't at all surprised to hear James' voice coming from behind him. "What, come to wash away your problems too? Or have you just come to make sure I don't throw myself in?" He didn't turn around, didn't need too, he knew what Wilson was going to do: sigh and walk over to sit down beside him.

And James did just that, while House picked up a pebble from alongside him and tossed it into the water. "You were right, you know," Greg said, after realizing that he wasn't going to get an answer out of his best friend. "I'm not over her."

"Love does strange things to us," Wilson replied, staring down at the swirling water beneath his feet. He paused, waiting to see if House was going to continue; he didn't, so Wilson did. "I went to your apartment-"

"Why? Were you so concerned that you were actually right about me?" House's bitterness cut across Wilson's soft tone.

"No, I…" James wasn't sure he could go on. He sighed, squeezed his eyes shut, and brought a hand up to his rub the back of his neck. "I hadn't actually planned on going to your apartment, it was late when I left work. I went home, and, uh, I got a call from Julie. She's…going to the divorce lawyer in the morning." He finished, sighed, and looked back down into the rushing water below.

"You came looking for me," Greg said, quietly ignoring the news of Wilson's third divorce. "You wanted to be comforted." James nodded. "Then why would you come to me? Surely you don't think that I'm one for that sort of stuff?"

"House, you're the one person in my life who I know will never leave me."

"You don't know that," his voice was soft and quiet and had a painful twinge to it.

Wilson turned his head to look at him. "You're the only person whom I really truly love."

House shook his head, "no one can ever love me."

"I don't think that you understand exactly what true love feels like," Wilson said.

Greg snorted, "Love is love, there's nothing good in it. At least not anymore. All it is, is pain."

"It took me a while to finally realize my love for you," James said, "and even longer to realize that it was sincere. You complete me, Greg. My life is nothing without you and although you may not admit it, I know that you need me too."

"I love you, James, I always have," House met Wilson's eyes, "but things got complicated, especially with the infarction and Stacy. I loved her, still do. And I don't know if I can ever get over her."

"I loved Julie too, or at least I thought I did," Wilson sighed, "but that love is nothing compared to what I feel for you."

Understanding dawned on House's face as he finally grasped what Wilson was actually saying. "I'm…I'm not sure I feel the same way," he said.

Wilson tried his best to hide the sinking feeling that had come from his friend's words, "well, what do you feel?"

"I…I don't know, things are just so complicated at the moment," Greg paused. "But I do feel something for you." He stopped and looked at James, his bright blue gaze pouring into Wilson's soft brown. And suddenly House couldn't take it anymore; that pain coming from Wilson's beautiful eyes, and did the only thing he could think of: he kissed him, slowly and lovingly.

When they separated a gentle rain began to fall. Both looked toward the sky, and smiled when they met each other's gazes once again. "I've always wanted to kiss someone in the rain," James said, and then smiled, "but I never dreamed that it would be you." He held that smile while he moved back towards House seeking another kiss; House granted it, although reluctantly, he wasn't as crazy about kissing in the rain as Wilson was. "Why did you kiss me?" Wilson asked as they broke apart. "I thought you said that you weren't sure if you loved me or not."

"I'm not, but I felt that you needed it," House said, "You know I can never deny you anything."

"Does that include love?" Wilson asked.

Greg thought for a moment, maybe what he felt was love. "What do you think?" He replied, grinning and capturing James' mouth once again. "Come on, let's get out of here, I don't want to be soaked driving home." He got up and moved carefully through the rocks; Wilson following to make sure if he slipped he could catch him.

"My car is parked in the parking lot back there," Wilson said.

"I know, I figured you didn't walk all this way," House told him. "I'll give you a ride to it."

"Okay." They reached the Corvette and got in. House started the engine, and drove off the beach and down the road to the parking lot. He stopped beside Wilson's Lexus. "My place or yours?" James asked as he undone his seatbelt. Greg looked at him, a frown on his face. "What? She left me the house. And I don't think I can spend tonight alone."

House nodded. "Your place," he said, and added with a grin, "but only because your bed is bigger."

Wilson rolled his eyes as he opened the car door, he was feeling considerably happier than he had when he had first gotten here. "You're either going to have to follow me or wait for me, cause I only got one key."

"I'll see you there then," House said as Wilson shut the door and made his away over to his own car. Greg waited until James got into his car before speeding off down the road.

Wilson, naturally was a safe driver and although it was almost two in the morning, he wouldn't speed. And so, unsurprisingly he didn't even see the taillights on House's 'Vette as he drove out of the country and back into the city.

As they drove, the steady rain that had been falling, progressed into a moderate thunderstorm. The lightning flashed across the dark sky, lighting it up like white Fourth of July fireworks. It was a sight to behold and although House hated rain and thunderstorms, Wilson seemed to connect with them. Somehow he felt a good sort of solitude when it rained, maybe it was the fact that the rainfall, metaphorically speaking, washed away his emotional pain.

Finally and just as the rain was beginning to pour, Wilson pulled into his driveway; House's 'Vette was parked to one side of the driveway so he could get around it and into the garage.

Once both cars were fully inside, James hit the close button on the remote door opener. They silently moved towards the door and into the darkened house. "Do want to go to bed?" Wilson asked as he flipped on the hallway light.

"How late is it?" House asked as they moved into the kitchen and both simultaneously tossed their keys onto the table.

"It's about two," Wilson replied.

"Yeah."

"Come on," James urged, as he walked through the house turning off the hallway and kitchen lights. He left the living room light on; as he knew House would need it to see while going up the stairs.

"Oh, this is going to be hell," Greg said as he laid eyes on the flight of stairs.

"There's only five, I'm sure you can make it," Wilson said, "You're going to have to, because I don't have a spare room on the main floor."

"Yeah, well you'd better think about getting one, or at least start building up your strength so you can carry me," House started to climb them and found that although it was hard, that it might actually do him some good if he kept at it every day.

Wilson rolled his eyes. "I am not going to carry you up five steps!" He said as he followed House up them.

Once they reached the top, James moved ahead of Greg and into the master bedroom. He flicked on the light and immediately noticed the state of the room; apparently Julie had left in a hurry, his clothes were lying allover the room, her dresser was gone, and there was a dust pile where it had once sat. "Great," he muttered as House stood in the doorway, a look of amusement and annoyance on his face. "Give me a few minutes will you?" Wilson asked as he moved around the room, picking up several pairs of his pants, dress shirts and ties that Julie had thrown, probably in anger, on the floor. He didn't bother to try and distinguish between what was clean and what wasn't; he just threw it all into the empty laundry basket inside the three-quarters vacant walk-in closet.

As soon as everything was picked up off the floor, Wilson moved over to the queen size bed that sat in the middle of the room, surprisingly it looked like it was untouched, and began to pull off all the sheets and blankets. "What are you doing?" House asked, limping further into the room.

"I don't want you smelling like her, because you slept in the same sheets as her," James replied, a little breathlessly, as he yanked the fitted sheet loose from the mattress.

"Uh, okay," House said, clearly he didn't care whether or not the sheets smelled of Julie's perfume. "Where's the bathroom?"

"Through there," Wilson said, nodding his head in the direction of a door just off to the right of Greg, while moving back over to the now almost full basket of laundry and depositing the sheets, blankets, and pillow cases into it.

When House disappeared into the bathroom, Wilson left the bedroom to grab some clean sheets out of the hallway closet; this one too, he noticed, much to his dismay was also a mess. He shook his head, bent down and grabbed two sheets and two pillow cases, not caring if they weren't from the same set; he'd no doubt have more messes to clean up in the morning.

Inside the bathroom, House removed his Vicodin from his pants pocket and took one. He could already tell that Wilson wasn't going to take the divorce well. But perhaps what they now shared helped to ease James' pain. At least Greg hoped it would; he needed to know that Wilson would be okay.

He turned on the water and splashed his face with it; the cool water felt good and refreshing. Then looked up into the mirror for a split second before reaching for a towel to dry his face off.

When he re-entered the bedroom; the bed was made and Wilson was in the closet. "What are you doing now?" House asked, frustration ringing in his voice.

"This…" Wilson suddenly stopped fiddling with the coat hangers and looked down at the floor, "everything in my life right now is just a total mess and I have no idea how to fix it." Wilson looked up and turned around to face his friend; tears shone like glass in his dark brown eyes.

"James, stop fussing over every little thing-"

"I'm not!" Wilson cut him off, slight anger in his voice.

"Yes, you are!" House set his cane down on the bed, limped over to Wilson and grabbed a hold of his arms. "You're obsessing over the little things to hide what you're really worried about." James stared at him; Wilson knew that Greg had figured him out; the only question now was if he was going to pester him about it. "Now I know that it is most likely not the divorce, she left you with practically everything, so that should go pretty well." House paused, "it's about me, us, and our relationship isn't it?"

"I'm scared, Greg," Wilson admitted, he looked away and House let go of his arms. "I'm scared because you're not sure of your feelings for me." He rubbed his forehead and went to sit on the end of the bed.

"You're afraid that I'll just become another ex," House said, joining him on the bed.

"Yeah," Wilson declared, "everyone that's ever liked me has done so just because I'm attractive, kind and a successful doctor. I'm not sure if they only liked me because I'm all those things, it certainly seemed like they did."

"And you think that I'm just like them? That I only kissed you because you're nice to me?"

"I hope not, I want you to love me for more than just those things," James looked down at the floor. "But, God knows, that you're not capable of that." He looked back up; tears once again filled his eyes. "I don't want this to end," Wilson choked out.

House shook his head. "Do you know how this is going to end?" House asked, "things will never be the same between us ag-"

"What's your point exactly!" Wilson asked, his voice rising a little.

"James, I don't think that this is a good idea," Greg replied, not at all shocked from Wilson's slight outburst.

"You don't know that-"

"Just look at the odds! We're two very different people," House said, anger apparent in his own voice. "We both have issues; my bitterness, your loneliness, the way I push people away, your marriage history, your neediness-"

"Stop," Wilson closed his eyes. "You're just covering up your fear of this actually working out." House stared perplexedly at him. "Damn it," he muttered. "Ok look, I'm not expecting anything close to a fairy tale romance and happy ending. I know that if we continue our relationship, things are going to get complicated, especially with our separate issues. But there is nothing I want more, please don't tell me that you don't think it's worth the pain."

"It's not," Greg said quietly.

"Fine," James stood and met House's level stare. "If you tell me that you don't want this, then I'll go and sleep in the spare room. And tomorrow we can…attempt to go back to way things were between us before tonight."

"I'm not," House said, staring hard into Wilson's eyes. "Because even though it's not worth the pain, it's worth it because it's you." Wilson's eyes widened slightly at that last comment; completely surprised that House would say such a thing.

The rest of Wilson's thoughts were cutoff as House stood up and kissed him.

"Now, bed?" House asked when they had separated; James nodded and went to close the door and turn off the light.

The bed was a queen, but tonight he didn't need all that extra space that he usually used when Julie slept there. He sifted over, turned on his side, and laid his head in the crook of House's neck. "Wilson?"

"Hmm?"

"You don't snore do you?"

James smiled, "no."

"Good."