Disclaimer: Do not own Saiyuki.
Rated for: Minor Language, Character Cruelty
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Brainless Surgeons
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"Hakkaaaaiiii, are we there yet?" Goku's annoying whining could be heard a mile away even with the use of the strongest ear plugs.
"Hakkaaaaiiii, are we there yeeet? Hakkaaiii… Are you ignoring me? Hellooo? Anyone there?" he yelled persistently while beating the hell out of the poor Hakkai's head. He did so for twenty minutes, and still nothing.
'Hmmmm…' Goku appeared to be in very deep thought for a while but then…Eureka! A light bulb appeared above his head, which appeared to be a first time occurrence with Goku, so Gojyo quickly phoned to the Book of Genesis to have the event recorded, and said 'a wild monkey in the area of Shangri-La has for the first time discovered the meaning of an idea' to which they responded 'the bad news sir, is that we don't give a fuck, but the good news is that I saved a bunch of money on my car in insurance and so can you by switching to Geico today.'
Of course, unable to comprehend, Gojyo's mind went to overload and he started hypervenalating.
Meanwhile, Goku and his tiny brain cells already formulated a plan on how to fix Hakkai with the help of 'Do It Yourself'. So he took off Hakkai's green cloth followed by his tightly secured brown wig, facial makeup and mask which left him with a Michael Jackson nose and Cher eyebrows not to mention his bunched up bushy nose hairs. His whole appearance converted somewhere to an Arab crossed with a Big Foot.
Afterwards, Goku made an incision with a scalpel right above Hakkai's eyes, leaving out the thin brown lines of eyebrows which Hakkai was always proud of by the way, ever since he became a cross-dressing transsexual.
Goku expertly opened his skull, revealing the mix of all kinds of colored wires making Hakkai's head look like one big rainbow globe. 'Hmmmm' thought Goku as he dug through thousands of multicolored spaghetti. 'Let's see…everything appears to be in place. The 'Saiyuki traveling west' blue wire-check, Hakkai's 'dramatic past of the heroic and yet unsuccessful transsexual who never made it past the front door of his log house' pink wire- check, the most important one of all 'Goku's need to get food every second to feed at the most a quarter of his microscopic brain cells' baby blue wire- check.' Goku seemed intrigued. 'Seems normal for Hakkai, yet something is out of place.'
Looking back at the now fairly calm Gojyo who already fainted about a hundred times after rereading 'The Ultimate Reason for Hope and Ways to Get Help 'again and again and drank all the sake he could steal from the weasels, squirrels and ferrets they passed on the way, scoring pretty much considering his only daily function was to drink, smoke and get fooled and robbed by the women he apparently keeps 'seducing', now laid in the back in the jeep keeping his eyes barely open.
"Water Sprite" pronounced Goku in his fake doctor-like tone "I do believe I will be needing a second opinion on this case."
Gojyo was way lost in his Wonderland of sake and other such pointless things his millipede brain was able to make up to even hear the orangutan talking to him, much less understand anything. Well, it's better than having cockroach insides splattered all over the seats.
Goku, who seemed to get more and more annoyed and frustrated by the second, finally with the thought 'one brain dead person ignoring me today is far too much already, two is way crossing the line' he got up, dragged the intoxicated pink head towards the taken-apart Hakkai and shoved his head angrily towards the rainbow mind.
As the completely confused Gojyo opened his moth to say something, a huge black fly the size of an eyeball flew into his mouth and he immediately closed it, and apologized for almost speaking out of turn.
Goku stood there feeling very weirded out for a while and it seemed like any second now the Downs Syndrome effects are going to hit the fool of a monkey, but fortunately Hakkai's barely functioning brain once again saved the day as it made a very strange buzzing sound making both Goku's and Gojyo's small attention span in focus.
They both stood over it for a while, then, breaking the silence, Goku blabbered out of nowhere: "Needs salt and pepper" he turned his head towards Gojyo "do you concur?" Gojyo nodded "Yeah and also bring my banana, Vaseline and some duck tape!"
Goku looked at Gojyo for a bit and muttered annoyingly "Gojyo, this is not a gay bar."
Gojyo turned to him incredulous "What the hell do you mean, basakaru, of course it is. Why else are we looking at a huge rainbow ball?"
"Never mind—" Goku started saying, but was cut off by Hakkai's superficial smiling head.
"Goku, Gojyo, are you both done playing with my brain yet?"
"HAKKAI? You're still alive?"
Both Goku and Gojyo fainted instantly after Hakkai's topless skull turned towards them and smiled, showing the tiny wires poking out of his head from all sides and the very black, thick nose hair pushing out of the dry skinned bony nose located exactly at the center.
'That always works too' thought Hakkai turning his head back around and smiling knowingly at the priest.
5 minutes later:
"Sanzo, could you please put my head piece back on, the sun is getting rather unbearable."
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Reviews are always welcome. Write your thoughts and comments on this story. Also,I thank all who reviewed my previous short story, and all who will review it in the future. Thank you.
kisses,
mirage