Disclaimer: Do not own Saiyuki.
Rated for: Minor Language, Character Cruelty
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Barnyard Boredom
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"I am bored."
"I am very bored."
"I am so bored, that I wouldn't mind taking Hakkai's real nose hair and eating it. I am really bored."
"Things can't get any worse, can they?"
Gojyo's pink head turned slowly towards the brown haired orangutan, who at this particular moment was snoring like an obese locomotive. Gojyo observed the monkey as a huge yellowish-brown bubble the size of a balloon appeared from his nose while he breathed some sticky goo out of his mouth. Right before the bubble burst and the goo ran further down his chin, however, he unconsciously took a deep breath and sucked it all back it. The big brown bubble got smaller and smaller, the goo shorter and shorter, until he breathed out and the process repeated again.
Gojyo watched the sleeping Goku with a further bored gaze. What he had just witnessed did not surprise him one bit, as he has seen this many times. The pink head was out becoming more and more apathetic.
'Not only I am bored' he looked down at his squirming stomach 'but extremely hungry too.' He looked back at the snoring monkey. 'By now, even he looks good to eat, and that's saying something.' He closed his eyes.
'If not for that stupid monk, I could have bothered Hakkai for his bad driving or his electronic brain.' Apparently, according to Sanzo, they were getting too much on his nerves and deserved a punishment. 'It's not like we did something bad' Gojyo recollected 'just very funny.'
Flashback
It was another one of those 'I am so bored that I could just find a weasel, tie him around my neck and go fucking hang myself with it in from of the daemon lair, just doubt that I'll be lucky enough for them to want me, just my weasel' kind of days on journey of the four travelers, two of whom were extremely diseased psychopaths, one fake robot who resembled 'E.T. Phone home' and one very silent dope head who looked like a tall Yoda in a yellow wig.
Gojyo was at his usual spot, sitting in the back of their army green truc, being the most bored one of them all. Goku, on the other hand, was sleeping while practicing his bubble slurping technique.
'What would I give for that? Sleep. Lucky bastard.' Gojyo sighted again, and with that, turned back to Goku. Suddenly and completely unexpectedly, so strangely that it made Gojyo's eyes pop out and make a double flip…Gojyo watched as the basakaru's hand very slowly moved up and lightly scratched the top of his monkey nose.
'Whoa!' thought Gojyo 'now that's something!' he quickly took out his diary and started 'Dear diary, today I was taken completely unawares as….
End flashback
'No' thought the water sprite 'that's not it…..hmmm, which one of the 3,045,974 days bored of traveling west was it?' Yeah, traveling west sure took them time. But than again, considering whom the team members were, they had still plenty more to go. 'In many villages' he recalled 'people were quite impressed that retards such as themselves actually got this far without getting killed.' Each time, though, Goku and Gojyo proudly presented their famous robot Hakkai and his daemon trampling skills. Villagers were amazed by that also and let them stay in the village consntly, while the monkey and the water sprite, like two beaming mother hens, narrated the exceedingly exaggerated version of their 'exciting' journey to the west.
Gojyo took a few long, deep breaths like a pregnant woman before giving birth to calm himself before his brain fried like a cheap circuit on an Arab plane. Giving his weeny brain some private space so it could reconnect with its inner self, he laid back and relaxed for a long while.
Around sunset, Gojyo put himself back together and recalled his previous thoughts.
Flashback
Goku and Gojyo were both standing on what appeared to be the main street of one of the villages they came across recently, scratching their heads, drooling, while the people going by were staring at them like at a free freak exhibition.
As they started walking down the street, a young woman passing by looked at Gojyo in shock and hurried further.
"Hey, basakaru, did you see how that chick stared at me just now? They can't take their eyes of me."
Gojyo turned left and stroke a pose grinning madly. "They can't help it, Goku. I'm a chick magnet."
Goku looked at him curiously for a second and than said "Um, Gojyo, why are your pants unzipped and all the way down to your ankles? Oh, and why are you wearing red boxers with Valentine hearts?"
End Flashback
Thinking back now, Gojyo still didn't know weather or not it was a bad thing. Personally, he always preferred a little wind looming through his private area since his perverted part of the brain that was still left kept functioning constantly.
'Hmmmm…' his tiny brain thought' that's still not it. My brain capacity can get through just one more flashback before it goes overload, so this better be the one. Three, two, one – action!'
Flashback
After a long, tiring day of doing not doing anything but running over demons, sleeping, steeling sake from weasels and ferrets, plenty of cold sweats…well you get the drill, Goku and Gojyo settled in for an evening snack…or whatever was left of it. That is when trouble started.
Gojyo and Goku were finishing the last if their Sbarro/Arabian Bistro/McDonald's/Taco Bell … and it would take about a year and plenty of quadruple espressos just to get through half of that list, and stretching out their sore belly muscles. Everything was going fine and dandy… or so the millipedes thought.
Just as Goku was about to put the last of his Kentucky fried Chicken in his into his brown, greasy mouth, a loud sound erupted from the inn entrance and in walked the phony smiling Hakkai, and a very upset and hungry looking Sanzo.
The two of them walked up to their full companions with stricken looks on their faces. Hakkai as if to say 'o oh, they ate all the food, so we can't get more until breakfast', and Sanzo with a murderous glint of 'if those bitches ate all the food I'll fucking gut them right here, never mind the Sanzo title'.
Right then, the starving priest caught the sight of Goku's final chicken wing. The desperate eyes of a usually very calm Sanzo were unbearable to look at, you could almost say he was begging for his life the way he was staring at both Goku and his last piece of that beautiful, crispy fried chicken.
Gojyo and everyone else in the room were anxiously anticipating the monkey's next move. Like on a verge of the most important basketball game, they all held their breaths in expectancy of what was to come next.
And what do you thing that monkey did? No, the retarded monkey didn't offer the pleading Sanzo his last piece of chicken, he didn't kindly hold out his hand and say "here sanzo take, please, I'm full". No, the idiot did right the opposite. The orangutan was so absentminded that the didn't even notice what was going on around him and the extremely beseeching looks that were sent to him by Sanzo, he didn't even acknowledge the silence and the glances that fell upon him. Instead, he casually took one last look at Sanzo, and without slightest hesitation, popped the last piece of chicken into his mouth, chewed once and swallowed down his throat.
After a lapse of about one minute, which seemed like hours to everyone around, Sanzo's angry and disappointed stomach made itself known with a high pitched growl, it said 'you'll get it so hard bitch, you won't even know what hit ya'. If the belly could walk, it would already we beating the crap out of the basakaru.
That fate was soon to become inevitable however, because as if Goku's recent actions weren't enough, his next just jumped over the line and started sprinting for marathon.
Goku gave Sanzo's very loud stomach an inquisitive look, than looked up at the priest himself and said "It has a nice melody, but you can't dance to it."
Immediately after that comment, the real Genjo Sanzo made himself known, which meant that Goku could forget about the pleasant, gentle beatings with the paper fan, because that was sunflowers compared to what followed next.
End Flashback
Gojyo stopped on that note; he really didn't want to reflect on what happened afterwards, because his back, feet, and every other part of his abused body still ached in remembrance.
Oddly he wondered why he got always beaten too, but then realized that he was just another one of Sanzo's victims of circumstance. Apparently Goku's fragile, thin body wasn't enough to satisfy Sanzo's desire, so he needed Gojyo to complete it. 'Wow it's so wonderful to be at least of some use to the great Sanzo.'
Anyways, after that Sanzo crawled even deeper into his shell and stayed there not making a sound for a long while now. 'Great punishment' Gojyo thought sarcastically. 'The monk actually installed a sound proof mirror, like the ones in limousines, so that he 'wouldn't he bothered any more by this ridiculous foolishness' to separate them. Got to tell ya though-----
The little battery signal appeared above Gojyo's brain, and went out, leaving the pink head unconscious. His tiny brain couldn't take it anymore.
'What foolishness' thought Sanzo to himself. He looked irritably at his wet clothes and added silently 'tomorrow I'm going back to getting dressed after I take the shower'.
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Reviews are always welcome. Write your thoughts and comments on this story. Please be kind enough towrite your review in at least one, clear sentance. It would be very appreciated and I'll try to rsepond in my following stories. Also, I thank all who reviewed the two of my previous short stories, and all who will review them in the future. Thank you.
kisses,
mirage