Disclaimer: I do not own Survivor, Warcraft, or anything associated with them.
camera comes up on Jaina standing on the bridge of a goblin zeppelin in front of what looks like a huge shield
Jaina: Welcome back everyone. We here at AAN once again would like to apologize for the delay in our show. Fortunately, thanks to the miracle of Gnomish engineering we have put a temporal stasis field in place around the island! This means the contestants are exactly the way you saw them before our long hiatus. Now, let's drop the field and get on with the show!
Jaina presses a button on a nearby control panel, and nothing happens.
Jaina: That's odd… This button should cause the field to fall…
Jaina presses the button again, with no result. A red error message appears on the panel's display screen.
Jaina fuming: Where's that manual override button! I can't believe this is happening!
Jaina presses a large blue button marked "MO" on the far left side of the panel. An explosion is heard in the distance and a thick column of black smoke begins to rise from an island near the base of the shield. The shield itself remains in place.
Jaina staring dumbstruck: I swear… When I get my hands on those gnomes I'm going to… Jaina realizes she's still on camera Oh, yes, well… As long as the shield is still up we can't continue the show. I think that now would be a good time to check up on my co-host, Kel'Thuzad. As many of you are aware, Kel'Thuzad has been in rehab for a serious addiction for quite some time now. He seemed to be doing fine up until a few months ago, when he suffered a major relapse. Something like this.
Jaina reaches into her robes and pulls out a tape, which she gives to a nearby goblin attendant. The goblin takes it off-screen.
scene changes to a small room with a glass viewing window. the room's major features are a huge screen hanging in front of one of the walls and a table. on the table is an object covered by a cloth. Kel'Thuzad stands in front of the table looking at the viewing window
Kel'Thuzad (KT): I've told you a hundred times! I'm better now! I don't need to be in rehab anymore!
A female troll dressed in priestly robes steps into view at the window. She speaks into a microphone and addresses KT.
Hyas: We just got one more ting for ya to do, Kel'Tuzad. Dis be de final test. If ya pass this one, you be cured for sure.
As Kel'Thuzad yanks the cloth off the object on the table, Hyas presses a button on a control panel in front of her. The screen rises into the ceiling, revealing that the wall behind it is painted to resemble a carved stone doorway leading into a large, dark room. The floor of the room behind the door is covered by what appear to be spiky eggs.
On the table is a bucket of chicken.
Kel'Thuzad tosses the cloth aside and picks up the bucket of chicken, obviously confused. He then notices the wall painted the way it is. As he glances between the bucket and the wall, his hands begin to shake. Tucking the chicken under his arm, Kel'Thuzad raises his arm in a salute and shouts.
KT: LEEEROOOYYYY JENNNKINNNNS!
Kel'Thuzad charges straight at the painted door, realizing only after he has slammed face first into it that it is, in fact, a wall.
Hyas: sigh Looks like it be back to rehab for him.
scene fades out as KT collapses to the floor unconscious and returns to Jaina on the blimp
Jaina: Yes, Kel'Thuzad was, up until recently, a seemingly-incurable addict. For a while he even refused to answer to his real name and insisted that he was Borovor the Mighty, Paladin of Justice. I still don't understand why the Lich King's right hand lich would play as a paladin, but I guess undeath does funny things to people's heads. He'll be back once Hyas, the acclaimed troll priestess turned psychiatrist who specializes in extreme cases like Kel'Thuzad's, pronounces him fit to return to work. If her last report is any indication Kel'Thuzad is making excellent progress and they're almost ready to try him in the "Whelp Room Test" again. And, honestly, they can take as long as they need, since we need to wait for an engineering division from the Gnomish Engineering Society to fix the shield…
Jaina looks over the side of the zeppelin at the huge cloud of smoke boiling up from the nearby island.
Jaina: Once again we thank you for your patience in dealing with our technical difficulties. Tune in again soon!
scene fades out and is replaced by the image of a gigantic fiery figure inside a huge lava-filled cave
Ragnaros: Good evening, mortals. I am Ragnaros the Firelord, and I am here to help you. Do you have people problems? Are you tired of being made fun of by friend and foe alike? Take these poor creatures for example.
Standing on the rock ringing Ragnaros's fire pool are a gnome, a tauren, and a male night elf.
Ragnaros: Each of these three puny ones has their own set of problems. The gnome is constantly being used as a ball and gets called short at least twenty times a day. The tauren is subject to a ceaseless stream of bovine jokes. And this night elf is constantly called gay. Now I know that the gnome is short and the tauren is a cow and the night elf is gay, but wouldn't you be tired of it after a while? If so, come on down to the Molten Core! We can rebuild you, we have the technology. We can make you stronger, faster, better than you were before!
While Ragnaros speaks the three "unfortunates" walk off-screen for a few moments and return resplendent in new suits of armor. The tauren is decked out in shining plate mail, the gnome is wearing a splendid wizard robe, and the night elf is wearing shadowy leather armor.
Ragnaros: Now who would dare to make fun of these three? Remember, Molten Core for all of your adventuring needs! We are located at the bottom of Blackrock Depths, Blackrock Mountain, Azeroth.
Ragnaros and his three "unfortunates" cheer. A fire elemental pokes his head onto the screen and begins speaking very rapidly.
Fire elemental: PricesinMoltenCorebeginat666goldNoitemswillbesoldtogroupsoflessthan40peopleItemsfoundmayappeardifferentlythanseeninthisadvertisement
scene fades to black
Author's note: I just want to make it clear that I have absolutely nothing against gay people. But have you ever seen a night elf man dance? Creepy… Also, Borovor is a name I made up off the top of my head. Hyas, though, is the nickname of my friend's character.