A Satirical Inuyasha Romance

Aislin Oriel

"Kagome, let's not fight today. It always hurts my feelings. And my face." Inuyasha said in a genuine voice, and gazed into her eyes.

"What is WRONG with you? You've been saying all this crazy stuff ever since we've been here. You're acting weirder than usual. You saw Kikyou again, didn't you!"

"What! No! Why do you always assume that?" he asked grumpily, with a guilty look on his face.

"Ah-ha! I knew it! What did you do this time, have a heartfelt moment, promising to join her in Hell as soon as you could get your revenge?"

"No… seriously, this time all I did was ask for her advice on something."

"Yeah, 'cause you just know that she is full of great suggestions, and not at all just consumed with hatred for the world!"

"You wouldn't understand anyway,"

"That's obvious," Kagome crossed her arms peevishly. "I don't even want to bother trying, so let's just forget it… I really could care less!" she stormed out of the room, leaving him face to face with the cake. Well, if a cake has a face.

"Meh," he shrugged and helped himself to the cake, shovelling handfuls into his mouth messily.

A short minute and three quarters of the cake later, Kagome stomped back into the room with her arms clasped around herself, and looking even more peevish than before. She glared pointedly at him.

"Ano… nya, what?" Inuyasha swallowed the cake he had barely chewed, which went in a painful lump down his throat.

"I… went outside, but I forgot about the blizzard. I blame you." She said irrationally, but she was past that point.

Normally, Inuyasha would have his own brand of 'witty' repartee to brush off her ramblings, after all, he didn't control freak snowstorms. Only the control room in Author Space did. (Or occasionally referred to as the author's brain, when of course, one is present.)

On this particular occasion, the hanyou said nothing, largely due to the fact that he had a fistful of cake lodged in his throat.

Kagome stared at him in half-disbelief and mostly just confusion when no jab was issued in response, and she completely forgot that she was trying to be angry.

"What is it Inuyasha?" she asked, her tone edged with a slight bit of anxiety as his face turned an unpleasant colour to match his clothes.

Apparently, the feudal era had not yet employed the universal symbol for choking, or Inuyasha was too stubborn to admit to it opting rather to try and will it down, because he did little but blink forcefully as his eyes teared up, and turn even redder. It was getting close to the point of oxygen-deprived unconsciousness to kick in, followed by oxygen-deprived brain damage.

Luckily, Kagome seemed to, if not a little late, catch on. An accomplished Heimlich Manoeuvrer, she came to his aide promptly, while he still seemed to be obstinately in some form of denial.

"Are you alright?" she asked, worriedly as the blood seemed to drain from his complexion and he heaved a few deep breaths.

"I'm fine, nothing to worry about," he scoffed, panting slightly with a smug look on his face. "I had it under control."

"You almost died!"

"So, it's a daily thing remember? I almost die usually several times a day on the other side of the well."

"This is not something to be taken lightly! If I didn't know what was wrong with you, you'd be dead!"

"Feh, leave me be wench, I can take care of myself."

"Sure," she said sarcastically and tried to let it go. Arguing with him, as usual, would get her no where.

"So," Inuyasha began, pushing the remainder of the mutilated cake to the center of the table, "What's for dinner now?"

"You and your stomach!" she sighed in exasperation. She was annoyed but couldn't help but laugh as she reflected on the events that had just unfolded.

The powerful, undefeated demi-demon, almost meeting his end from a delicious pastry product.

This was definitely one to tell his dearest, big brother about! It was really that simple to do him in…? Kagome had visions of Sesshoumaru, Naraku, and Kouga all running off to buy a bakery in the modern world to make many delectable yet deadly confections.

Ah, if this weakness ever got out, and such a circumstance was even remotely possible, Inuyasha'd be a goner. It was well known how easy it was for him to turn down food.

Insult it, favouring msg-laced processed food, yes, but simply not eat it, preposterous! Such an effective method would surely be his downfall in the hands of his enemies.

At this point, mind you, it appeared that Inuyasha had fared better than the toilet.

AN: Refer to list of questions (chap. 6) pertaining to the feudal era in regards to the next chapter. No guarantee that they will be answered in one chapter… or will they? AO