A Satirical Inuyasha Romance

Aislin Oriel

Miroku and Inuyasha sat around the campfire talking about the women. The monk was trying his best to explain the mysteries of females to the hanyou, who wasn't quite buying his rambling.

"She's made me feel true love for one special person. I hardly even look at other women anymore,"

"Yes, but now you grope Sango even more then before," he commented dryly.

"But I swear, my intentions towards Sango are nothing but honourable." Miroku put his hand to his chest and closed his eyes.

"Yeah, and I'm secretly best friends with Naraku,"

"How can I convince you – why did I want to convince you again? – oh yeah, for a humorous time-waster…" Miroku pondered to himself.

Inuyasha merely shook his head and stared at the fire.

"A-ha! I know just how I can explain it to you," he began to dig around for something behind him.

Inuyasha looked up in mild interest.

After a few more seconds, Miroku turned around with an… acoustic guitar?

Inuyasha looked very confused now, as Miroku began strumming gently, sitting legs-crossed, and eyes-closed.

"Well we met in the food court in the mall,

She was in line at Arbys and I was sippin' on a malt,

Such a lovely girl I walked up to her,

I wanna make u mine and buy u diamonds and pearls,

She gave me her pager number and said 'beep me sometime',

Right there I knew that this girl was mine…

You're my number one girl,
The best in the world,

You're the ish to me, forget the other girls...

"Biznitch,

My Biznitch is the shiznit,

Biznitch,

My Biznitch is the shiznit"

Inuyasha was frankly lost, and didn't quite know how to respond. He just looked on in strange fascination.

Miroku continued,

"I was doin' cannonballs at the YMCA,

She came up to me and said 'Hey no Horseplay',

So I got out the pool like I was the man,

Cruised on over to her lifeguard stand,

I asked for her number maybe call her sometime,

She looked at me, smiled, and said 'fine',

You're my number one girl,

The best in the world,

You're the ish to me, forget the other girls...

"Biznitch,

My Biznitch is the shiznit,

Biznitch,

My Biznitch is the shiznit"

At this, Miroku looked to Inuyasha in a 'understand?' kind of way. Suddenly, Inuyasha looked rather enlightened by the words, and his eyes brightened as he turned to a small turn table and grabbed a scratch pad. He continued the song, really getting into it.

"Well you know my Biznitch is the shiznit,

All the fellas jealous they should mind their own beh'ness,

I only got eyes for one girl,

She's the one that really rocks my world,

Every day with me she makes our love stronger,

When she's not by my side all I do is wander,

She's my number one girl,

The best in the world,

She's the ish to me, forget the other girls..."

Miroku looked on in approval as Inuyasha sang with such vigour. Then, together, both Miroku and Inuyasha sang the last few lines.

"Biznitch,

My Biznitch is the shiznit,

Biznitch,

My Biznitch is the shiznit"

Immediately, Sango and Kagome (with Shippo on her shoulder) fell out of the nearby bush they were hiding in.

Miroku looked on with a smirk, "Well this certainly is a reversal…" he mused.

After everyone resumed their seats around the campfire, and the musical equipment somehow vanished,

"You're the ish to me too Miroku," Sango whispered shyly.

It seemed that for the rest of the evening they were all content to ignore the earlier moment like it'd never happened.

Everyone settled down for sleep, were awakened by a slapping sound, and finally dozed off again.

Kagome was awakened by someone shaking her shoulders.

"...You really shouldn't do that if she has a concussion, it could do more damage then good..." a vaguely familiar male voice registered to her ears.

"...maybe we should splash her with cold water..." a voice that sounded like Yuka chimed in. It was followed by the girlish murmers of her other two friends.

"Kagome! Hey!" the voice above her said gently, voice laced with worry. She opened her eyes to the sunlight, squinting ever so slightly until the brightness was shadowed and Inuyasha's face came directly into view.

"Oh Kagome, are you okay?" Eri asked, as they began to crowd around her.

She blinked, feeling unsettled as her memory recalled how she'd gotten in that position. Then she remembered...

"Inuyasha... biznitch... shiz... does Miroku even play the guitar?" Kagome gazed into his eyes questioningly.

"Wha-? You must've hit your head pretty hard." he looked at her with genuine concern.

She looked at him, speechlessly, noting that, yes, she must've hit her head hard.

"Looks like you haven't really recovered from that leg weakness Kagome... maybe we should go inside so you can rest. Lie down and-"

Kagome interrupted Houjou, "Um, I'm sure that Inuyasha can help me inside just fine, won't you Inuyasha? You guys really don't need to stay, I wouldn't be good company anyway."

"Are you sure Kagome?" Ayumi asked disappointedly.

"Yes, sorry guys, but I don't want to be any trouble."

"Well, okay. Hope you feel better soon, and we'll have to go on that group date soon." Houjou said, chipper as usual.

Kagome closed and then rolled her eyes. She reopened them when she felt Inuyasha's arms around and under her as she was lifted up bridal-style.

Her friends said their goodbyes, and made their way down the many stairs. Inuyasha heard them pondering whether he wore that "costume" all the time, or just around the shrine.

"You really okay?" Inuyasha asked her, looking to see where she'd bumped her head.

She looked up at him nodding, then blushing at the proximity.

"What was it you were mumbling when you came to?"

"Huh? Oh, nothing... but, um... you don't know any songs do you?"

"What?" he looked at her with pure confusion.

"N-nothing."

Awkward silence.

AN: Yes... there really should've been a disclaimer near the beginning along the lines of: "And now we transverse from satire to just utter nonsensical insanity!" but I wasn't sure it would have the same effect with that sort of warning. Yes, so all to say is that it's been a long time coming, but I'm only 50 percent at fault, with my computer and hectic life being responsible for the rest of the wait. Um, well, the next chapter should be fun...! (Applause) here comes the feudal era... (happy-happy)! R&R and I'll love you. AO