Chapter 3

Jackie walked through the park slowly. This was her favourite part of her walk home from school, and today she was in no particular hurry to get to the basement, the place she truly thought of as home. She knew Steven would be waiting for her, a thought which was usually all the incentive she needed to produce a little more speed. She wondered at her own reluctance and sat down on a park bench overlooking the duck pond to sort through her thoughts.

What is wrong with me? Coming home to Steven is usually the best part of my day and I'm sitting around staring at a bunch of ducks. Jackie sighed. She should find Steven, they would make out on the couch or in his bedroom. He'd tell her about his day – which he usually summed up in a couple of sentences - and she'd tell him about the gross thing Max Huntly did in Biology today and about her upcoming audition for the lead in the school play. He would do that zen thing where he pretends not to listen but is actually listening. And I'll get through one more day where I don't tell him that this relationship isn't enough for me.

"Hey, Jackie," a depressed voice said from behind her. Jackie turned around to find Michael Kelso behind her, unshaven with bloodshot eyes.

"God, Michael, you look terrible," Jackie exclaimed. It had been 2 weeks since the bet and she had not seen Kelso during that time. "Where have you been?"

Kelso collapsed onto the park bench next to her. "Home, mostly. After the first two days of giving up weed I couldn't concentrate at work so I've been on sick leave since then."

"How are you doing," Jackie asked tentatively.

"Hell, it's so hard," he moaned. "I'm not sleeping right, food tastes like crap and look! See those pigeons over there?" He pointed to a flock of pigeons pecking along the footpath. "I walked right by those birds and didn't even think about chasing them. Man, this withdrawal thing is messing me up."

"It'll get better," Jackie reassured. "And I think not wanting to chase birds is a good sign. Maybe you are becoming smarter and more mature."

"I don't wanna be mature," Kelso whined. "Seems like being grown up is all about having to give up your own fun to oblige somebody else. And why do I need to be smart anyhow when I have these amazing looks?"

"Michael, you are a police officer," Jackie replied. "That is the kind of job where if you screw up innocent people could get hurt. I know you – you may be thoughtless sometimes but you've got a good heart. You'd never forgive yourself if you made some dumb mistake that ended up with a criminal escaping or someone getting shot."

Kelso considered Jackie's words and knew she was right. Truth be told, he had already made a number of blunders that if anyone ever figured out he was responsible for he would be thrown off the force. If any of his superior officers discovered who it was that burned down the police academy…

"You're right, I know," Kelso admitted. "But Jackie, I just don't think I'm strong enough to do this."

"Hey, we're here for you, Michael," Jackie declared. "Its times like these you should lean on your friends."

"Not easy when all your friends hang out in the place that smells of the certain substance you are CRAVING, JACKIE!" Kelso retorted with emphasis.

"Is that why you haven't been around the basement? Oh Michael, I'm sorry."

"I've had it. I'm going to go into Kenosha and score some weed."

"No, Michael, don't throw away all you've gone through. I know you can beat this. Don't they say the first two weeks are the hardest? It can only get better from here."

"Why do you even care, Jackie? Are you that set on proving yourself right? Or is it the thought of being Hyde's love toy that is the source of your sudden concern for my wellbeing?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jackie retorted.

"You haven't given a damn about me since I ran off to California," Kelso said bitterly.

"That's not true," she cried. "You're my friend. Of course I care about you. Not the way I used to when we were dating, but I still care. We have so much history together and we know each other so well."

"Sure," Kelso groused sarcastically. "You and I both know I am only doing this because you made a bet with Hyde."

"No, Michael, I really believe if you break the hold this addiction has on you, it will make your life so much better. Please, Michael," she pleaded, letting him see her concern for him in her bewitching blue and green eyes. "If you don't give up, I'll do all I can to help you. I will even give it up too!"

"You'd do that for me?" Kelso said wonderingly, feeling a warmth stir in his heart he had not known for a long time.

"I will," she promised. "And if you can't come to the basement, we can hang out in other places and support each other."

"I could walk you home from school," Kelso suggested. "You really shouldn't be walking home alone, anyhow. This park is full of burn-outs."

"You should talk," Jackie laughed. "If you were a stranger I'd be running away screaming for the police."

"And then I'd run after you because you'd be calling for me," Kelso said, laughing for the first time in two weeks.

Jackie and Michael smiled at each other, both aware of having found something in the other they thought had been lost. She had forgotten how good it could be to talk to Michael, for he never judged her, which would have been difficult seeing as how he shared her character flaws. She tried to remember the last time she had talked to Steven from the heart with no limits on the emotions expressed.

"So now we have hashed out my problem, what's yours?" Kelso asked, seeing the shadow her thoughts cast on her face.

"What do you mean?" Jackie tried to project innocence.

"You've got that same weight of the world look I saw when I first noticed you sitting here. Is there something wrong?"

"Wrong? What could be wrong?" chirped Jackie. "I'm back together with Steven, we are doing it more than we ever have and I have my own television show."

"Now, Jackie, don't try to pull that in control routine with me. I can tell there's something on your mind. I even spotted it three weeks ago."

"What do you mean?"

"When we were all sitting around and watching Little House, that episode where Mary got married. Usually when you watch a wedding you're all excited, kicking your feet against the couch. And then you get all dreamy-eyed planning out your own wedding in your head. But you were quiet as a mouse when we watched that episode. In fact, when Mary was walking down the aisle, your eyes weren't even on her – they were looking just to the right of the TV, like you didn't want anyone to notice you weren't really watching."

Jackie was quiet for a moment. "You saw all that?" she said wonderingly.

"Hey, if I can remember the name of the turtle your great grandfather saved, noticing your reaction to a TV show is minor league."

"It's just that… when Steven and I got back together, we never talked about the things that broke us up. Being without him was so bad, I figured I'd take him back on any terms, even if that meant giving up on my dream of marriage. I mean, I know he is worth the sacrifice, I've learnt that from our time apart, but I still have these feelings, you know. And I can't talk to him about it because then he will see that as me going back on our agreement and maybe we would break-up again." Jackie felt her throat tighten at the thought of losing Steven.

"Hey, don't worry, he'll come around," Kelso said gently.

"You think?" Jackie said tearily.

"Of course. What guy wouldn't want to spend his life with a girl like you?" Kelso held up his finger warningly as Jackie smirked knowingly. "And don't bring up California – that was a long time ago."