Disclaimer: I own nothing! I own nothing! (Sing along!)
A/N: Just something little for now…The song used in this is actually something I wrote six months ago, that fit very nicely. Thanks go to Lokileysmith (yeah, the house is pretty much a lost cause), Lysia Croft (don't worry, I still love you even if you can't write poetry, it's not my strong point, either), aiisha (hehehehe…), cardcaptor eternity (it's about time someone went hysterical, Michiru just happened to fit the bill) and IssaLee (thank you for the lullaby, it is beautiful)
Everyone looked exhausted. Mamoru paused in the doorway as Nephrite walked past, bearing his beloved Emerald … whatever the whole title was, into the bedroom. Poor Makoto would live, though her arm would hurt like hell when she woke up. Mamoru had done what he could for her, but he was no Moon Princess.
Thinking this, he turned towards where his Usako lay. Jadeite had lain little Hotaru on the other couch, and both looked almost wasted. His Shitennou had tried to wake the girls several times, but they slept on, their faces reassuringly serene.
Mamoru sank to his knees beside Usagi and looked around. The girls had not even morphed back into their civilian clothes. In one corner, Minako stood in the circle of Kunzite's arms, her cheek on his chest, her eyes closed. Jadeite sat on the floor, his back against the wall, his face in his hands. Ami wandered towards the kitchen, her expression somewhat dazed. Luna and Artemis muttered together, their feline faces concerned.
"What a night," Mamoru muttered, touching Usagi's hair. "What happened to everyone? What happened to you? Where are you right now?"
"Konichiwa, minna."
Haruka supported Michiru through the door, their faces strangely peaceful, almost content. Setsuna and Rei followed them in, each smiling somewhat sleepily. Rei branched off, walking over to Jadeite. She collapsed between his knees, leaning back into him and closing her eyes. He wrapped his arms around her waist, put his chin on her shoulder, and followed suit.
"Are you two alright?" Mamoru asked Michiru and Haruka.
The lovers looked at each other and smiled. "We're fine," Michiru reassured him. "What about Hotaru?"
"She's sleeping."
Setsuna leaned over the back of the couch to brush a lock of hair from her daughter's face. "Poor baby. What did that thing do to her?"
"I think," Michiru began slowly, "the Abyss got to her, too. When Haruka and I… she acted strange. She was calm, cheerful, not at all worried that we were trying to kill each other. That's not like Hotaru."
"But why would the Creature attack her, and then not kill her?" Setsuna sighed, and leaned her face into her hands. "I wish something would make just a little sense."
"It will when we talk to that beast." Haruka's voice was cold, deadly. "It is going to tell us what exactly is going on."
Mamoru glanced at Setsuna, then away, unable to meet her eyes, unsure if her earlier declaration had been the Abyss talking, or if…
"Everyone is safe for now," he murmured. "We're all…wait a minute. Where's Zoisite?"
There was a long moment of silence, then a gasp.
"I'll be right back!"
Ami ran past the three Outer Senshi, slamming the door behind her.
"I'm too tired to even wonder what happened," Haruka announced. "And we have no house to go home to. We're crashing out on your floor, Mamoru."
"I'll get you some blankets," he offered, standing up.
Michiru made a gesture for him to stay. "We know where they are."
"You two could use a shower," Setsuna added with a little smile.
Haruka grinned, opening her mouth, but Michiru held up a warning finger. "Quiet! Let's just get the blankets, and worry about showers tomorrow."
"But I promise I'll be good," Haruka told her coaxingly. "I just want to watch!"
Michiru caught her by the arm and dragged her off, giving her a quiet lecture about things that probably should not be said in front of everyone.
Setsuna smiled after them, then looked down at Mamoru. "Can I speak to you in the kitchen? Just for a moment."
He hesitated, but her eyes looked so hurt that at last he agreed. She led the way, and he followed.
…What would you do…
…If I told you I love you…
Setsuna picked up a tea cup nervously, staring at it as thought it might offer her all the answers to her questions. But it lay cold and dead in her fingers, the design blurred by tears she would not shed. She tried to look up at Mamoru, but found she couldn't.
"I just thought," she whispered, "you might want to ask me…something."
…You could hate me…
…Despise me…
…Just don't turn your eyes from me…
Mamoru watched as she played with the cup. Did she want him to ask, or was this a subtle way of trying to drop the subject? Women confused him.
"Is there anything you want to tell me?"
…I know I shouldn't speak so boldly…
Her hands shook, the cup clattering on the counter when she tried to put it down gently. So many things, built up over so many thousands of years, and he had opened the door. If she told him, would it make everything better? Would it make it easier to live with?
"Tonight, what I said to you… it was true."
…But just for tonight…
…Will you hold me…
He felt like he should have shouted, looked shocked, something more than the calmness that overflowed him. In so many ways, so many things suddenly made sense. They were such little things, things one never would have thought strange. Just the occasional smile, a little more warm than maybe it should be. The touch of longing in her eyes when he held Chibiusa. Even the pained look when she spoke of Crystal Tokyo and the future.
"Setsuna…"
…What will I say…
…If you push me away…
"Stop." She held up one hand, her eyes closed, still unable to look at him. "Please stop. I know what you're thinking. I know why you can never… I just thought that a little honesty, after so long, would make it better. But if you start to tell me all the reasons why you love her, why it can't be me… If you tell me why it's my duty to forget my feelings, to freeze up like some black snowflake…"
…Will I break…
…Will I cry…
…I think I would die…
…If you acted coldly…
"I wasn't going to say that."
Mamoru hesitated, then touched her, his fingers just barely brushing her shoulder.
"You're a human being, Setsuna. You have as much right to feel as… as Haruka has the right to love Michiru, or—"
"Or she has the right to love you?"
…So for just one night…
…Will you hold me…
Her damp lashes clung together, but Setsuna forced her eyes opened. She forced herself to look into his face. She owed him that much for what she was doing to him.
"For so long I wondered, what if? What if I had been there first? What if she had obeyed the laws? What if I were the one you kissed, the one you loved? What if I was Small Lady's mother? Sometimes, when Pluto is very dark, and the Gates are quiet, my mind can't help but wander.
"Yes, I have imagined myself in the gown of the Queen, in her crown, holding her scepter, holding her child, holding her husband… Because I have always loved you, and I love your daughter."
"I never said anything, and I never really thought about why. But when I held her life in my hands, I couldn't take from her everything I had ever wanted. Because I love her more than I have ever loved you."
Setsuna managed a smile. "I think that is something you can understand."
…I won't ask for too much…
…All I need is your touch…
…I just need your warmth…
Something in her pain made him reach out. She relaxed so easily into his embrace, her forehead falling to his shoulder, and her whole body shook on her sigh.
"Mamoru…Endymion..."
Her voice caught. He tightened his grip on her, stroking her hair. He wished he could stop the tears soaking his shirt, but there was nothing he could do.
"More than anything," she whispered, her breath warm on his shoulder, "I just wanted to know what it was like to be loved by someone with their whole heart."
…Your caresses…
…Your kisses…
…I just want to know what love is…
…Please, can't you show me…
She pulled back, and looked into his face. He stared back, uncertain, almost afraid.
Mamoru shook his head. "I cannot give you what you want."
"You could," she breathed. "I am not asking for your heart. You cannot give me that. I just want… a moment of your time."
"Setsuna—"
…And just for one night…
…Won't you hold me…
"Please!" she begged.
…I know that you love her…
"Just for a moment. Let me be your everything for one second."
…I won't try to take you from her…
"Please, my love, for my sake, open your heart to me just this once."
…She is your world…
"Please, Endymion." She leaned closer, so close he could see himself reflected in her eyes. Was that how she saw him? Why did she want him? Why did she love him? Why did Usako love him?
Why does anyone love anyone? he thought. Does it matter why?
"Please."
…I won't stay too long…
…I know I don't belong…
Setsuna's mouth trembled, and her cheek burned where he cupped her face with one hand. She closed her eyes, deathly afraid he would leave her in that moment. If his arm was not around her, she thought she might crumble to the ground. She felt his breath on her lips for a second, and then…
…I know that it's wrong…
…I know, you have told me…
…But just for a little while…
Mamoru kissed her.
…Can't you please hold me…
Time froze. Her heart stopped. The world disappeared. Her whole body sang with the light pressure of his lips. Her fingers fluttered against the back of his neck, almost afraid to rest against his skin. Afraid to touch him.
Because he did not belong to her.
…Hold me…
…Just for my sake…
…Won't you hold me…
Setsuna's lips were warm, and very sweet. Different from the only other lips he had ever kissed, but still a thrill shot through his body. He deepened the kiss just a little, and for a moment he, too, wondered.
If he had not seen Serenity… If Pluto had come to him first, so beautiful, so graceful, so tender… If the past had been different… What would the future be?
But the picture would not come, because his heart could not see it. No golden hair fanning in the breeze, no radiant smile of absolute sweetness, no blue eyes full of childish laughter, no woman-child strong, sure, powerful and gentle, no innocence, no passion, no moonlight, no Usako. His heart rejected the very notion, sickened at the bleakness of such a world.
His lips left Setsuna's, and he looked at her gently.
"There is no life for me without her," he explained. "Even if I had met you first, and her later, it would have ended the same."
Setsuna smiled, and kissed his cheek. "Arigato, my prince."
"For what?"
"For being… her prince."
Mamoru glanced towards the living room, thinking hard. "Usako is still asleep. She doesn't need me right now."
She closed her eyes, and rested against his shoulder again. "Just until she wakes."
…What would you do…
…If I told you I love you…