Two weeks later, Jackie and Donna were spending a Saturday afternoon together for some "Jackie Magic Time", Jackie's version of supporting her friend. Since Eric had left for Africa Donna had been up and down emotionally and was grateful for her friend's attempts to distract her from her troubles, even though the activities were not always to her taste.
"God, Jackie, how much longer are you keeping this muck on my face? It feels like concrete."
"Donna, that feeling is your facial pores crying out in thanksgiving," Jackie explained as she began to daub the mud mask onto her own face.
Donna began to chuckle as she watched her immaculate friend transform into a green faced freak.
"What?"
"I wish I had my camera. Oh, if the guys could see you now!"
Jackie was never comfortable being teased about her looks. "Don't be silly. I look fine. You, however, are the creature from the green lagoon."
Donna laughed at Jackie's annoyance. "Seriously, if Kelso saw you now he would run screaming in the other direction, just like he used to do when you got sick."
"No, he wouldn't," Jackie contradicted testily. "Michael has grown up a lot since then."
"So I've noticed. It's quite amazing, really," Donna mused. "Yesterday I found him in the basement reading the Wall Street Journal. I never thought I'd see the day when Kelso would expose himself to any reading material which could offer him no glimpse of breast, butt or babes."
"Yes, well his new partner is a stockmarket whiz and has gotten Michael into it as well. I wish I had acted on the stock tip he gave me last week – those shares tripled in value."
"Kelso gave you stock tips? He never gave me any stock tips," grumbled Donna.
"So?"
"So he seems to be doing all he can to rub you the right way, lately, if you get my drift."
"We're just friends, Donna. Sheesh!" Jackie replied, examining her fingernails.
"Funny how you don't look me in the eyes when you say that," Donna remarked more seriously.
"What are you implying, Donna? Are you accusing me of something?"
"Whoa, whoa don't get all hysterical, Jackie. I was just saying – "
"Well, don't. There's nothing between Michael and I. Well, nothing like that. I must admit, though…"
"What?"
"I really enjoy talking to him these days. It used to be any conversation I had with Michael ended in frustration because he was so dim. But ever since he gave up… you know… it's me that has to race to keep up with him."
"OK, he does seem a lot less clueless these days but don't forget he's still the guy that broke your heart like a bazillion times and ditched you the day you got engaged."
"I know that is technically true, but it seems each day he becomes more like my dream Michael."
"What on God's green earth is a dream Michael?"
"When we were dating I had this image of what Michael would be like if he was smarter, richer and more considerate."
"Ah yes, I remember that little fantasy life of yours. As I recall it came crashing down on you the night Kelso set fire to your house," Donna recalled.
"Right. But every time Michael opens a door for me or remembers some trivial little thing that I like or talks about the thousands he made on the market that day, it's like I've crossed through the Twilight Zone into my old fantasy. It's kind of eery, in a way."
"Jackie, straight up, are you having feelings for Kelso again?" Donna demanded.
"I don't know," Jackie reluctantly admitted.
"What about Hyde?" reproached her friend.
"I love Steven, I swear on my Cosmo collection. But lately I've found myself looking forward to spending time with Michael. But he has always been a perfect gentleman and never hit on me, Donna. I'm sure he just sees me as a friend. So any vague feelings I may or may not have are harmless because I am just one of the guys to him."
"Right," Donna said, unconvinced. I think it's time Hyde had a heads up before this gets serious, she thought.
The next morning Donna knocked on Hyde's bedroom door. "Hey, Hyde, are you up?"
"Only in terms of consciousness," he answered.
"What's wrong with you, Surly Temple?" Donna quizzed.
"Get this – Jackie spent the night with me last night and was just on her way out to go to church, when in walks Kelso, asking all innocent where she's going – he knows she goes to the same friggin' service every week like clockwork – and she says she's off to church, all unsuspecting. Then he heaves a sigh and says he's been feeling like there's something missing from his life lately and he's been thinking of going back to the church but he doesn't have any friends who go and it's no fun if you don't know anyone. So then Jackie chirps up all helpful Oh, come with me, my church is great, we'll have the bestest time in the whole world. Son of a bitch!"
"So what, now he's walking her to church? What is this, the 1870's?"
"I tell you, Donna, that lanky weasel is plotting to steal Jackie away from me. I know you're going to call me paranoid…" Hyde paused. "Well, aren't you going to call me paranoid?"
"Um…" Donna stalled.
"What do you know?" Hyde enunciated slowly, pinning her down with his steely blue eyes.
"Nothing, less than nothing, I'm just way overreacting about some of the things Jackie said the other day."
"Ah ha! This is what I need – intel from the enemy. OK, Pinciotti," Hyde said menacingly, shining his desk lamp into Donna's face, "start talking."
Donna related the gist of her conversation with Jackie. By the time she was finished, Hyde had his head in his hands.
"And so to conclude," Donna finished nervously, "I think the key points we should focus on here is that she loves you and she sees Kelso mainly as a friend and believes he is only interested in friendship from her."
"Mainly as a friend!" Hyde repeated bitterly. "It's the unmainly part that scares me shitless. If she actually believes all Kelso wants from her is to be her "friend-boy", she's even more naïve than I thought. I've seen him work this angle on her before, right before they got back together, and he wasn't half as sneaky back then as he is now."
"Yes, but she was not in love with you when that happened," Donna reminded him.
Hyde was silent for a time and then turned to Donna. "So… what do you think I should do? Kill Kelso?"
"Why not try beating him at his own game? Kelso's just filling a vacuum in her life. Jackie needs someone to show her attention and make thoughtful gestures, say the right things. So if you just tried to do those things…" Donna said leadingly.
Hyde groaned. "Damnit, Donna, you know I'm not that guy!"
"You could try. You know Jackie magnifies every semi-sweet thing you do for her to the power of 100 anyhow, so it wouldn't take that much."
Hyde considered her words. "No, I think your killing Kelso plan had more merit. Now let's plan our operation accordingly."
Donna slapped Hyde's shoulder. "How many times do I have to tell you? We don't kill our friends!"