Disclaimer: I own nothing! I own nothing! (Sing along!)
A/N: Alright, I just needed to get all this out of the way…so I did! It's a bit lengthy, but important. Special thanks this time go to LokileySmith (that's what every writer always wants to hear), Lysia Croft (what can I say but "ah…"), IssaLee (Galadriel and Arawyn with bleached hair…actually, that's pretty much what I was envisioning too! Wow!), SailorKagame (you guys are making me blush!) and FadeEclipse (oh, things are gonna get messy in the next few chapters. I hope I live up to your expectations!) Anyone else who happens to be reading, THANKS! Oh, and for proper background music, I suggest The Distance to Here, by Live. The three songs I listened to most while writing this chapter were Run to the Water, Face and Ghost, and Dance with You (which happens to be my all time favorite song.) The line I used for summary of this chapter is also from that CD, They Stood up for Love.
"But I've told you-"
"You're a star, aren't you? How can you know nothing?"
"Uranus, please!"
Inanna turned her head away as Serenity made a soothing gesture to one of her guardians. She heard the tall woman snort unhappily, but fall into silence. After a moment, she felt Serenity's warm hand on her arm.
"Can you go on?"
Do I have a choice? the Star wondered bleakly. But she only nodded. "Yes, Serenity. But I have nothing to tell you. I was very young when… I knew nothing of the Abyss until I… there's nothing to tell you!"
"There is so much you can tell us," the little one with blue hair, the one Serenity called Mercury, insisted. "You have been inside the Abyss!"
"All I knew in the Abyss was pain!" Inanna roared, turning on her. "Pain beyond anything you can even begin to imagine! And it never ends! It just goes on, getting deeper, shredding everything you are! I can't even explain…You can't ever know…" She bowed her head. "And all the time I heard them. Over and over, screaming for me to help them, to save them. I see them, I hear them, but I can't touch them, because they're dead! They're dead, and I killed them!"
Several people gasped. There was a shuffling of feet, not away from her, but towards Serenity. Her guardians were closing in, ready to save their beloved princess from the monster.
"You killed them?" Serenity asked quietly. "What do you mean?"
"You wouldn't-"
The hand holding hers tightened. "Please don't tell me I wouldn't understand. I want to understand you, Inanna. Make me understand."
Why? The Star shook her head slowly. Why would you want to understand? I am a monster, you are a princess. I am evil, you are good. Please, just let it go. Don't make me tell you. Don't make me relive it all again.
"Inanna." There came the sound of soft footsteps. From the other side, tiny Saturn took her other hand. She looked up with violet eyes as dark and deep and powerful as a black hole, but shining with the silver light still surrounding Serenity. "We want to help you. We want to be your friends. How can we do that if we can't understand you?"
Moonlight and twilight, they held onto her hands, and looked up into her face with something she had not seen in a very long time. Compassion, yes. Love, yes. Need, yes. But also, trust.
"You remind me of my daughter. Both of you. So beautiful, so bright, and so trusting. She believed in me, to the end." Her hands tightened painfully on theirs. "And it killed her. Can you understand that?"
"Actually, we all understand."
Tall and slender, her eyes flashing with electric green energy, the daughter of mighty Jupiter stepped forward. "We know what it is to love someone so much that even when they hurt you, even when they kill you," the man behind her flinched, "you just keep believing in them. You believe in the heart that you know, deep down, is still good. You believe that the soul that first touched you, that made your own soul soar, that made you feel like the most beautiful thing in the universe, is still there. You know, in your own heart and soul, you know they are still the ones you love. And you never stop loving them, not even for a second."
Inanna raised her hand quickly to brush away the tears. When had she become so weak? She had to be strong inside the Abyss, to keep her mind and her soul her own. She had not even known how to cry before she escaped to this place. Why now could she not seem to stop?
In the Abyss everything was the enemy. Here, now, there is something precious, something to protect. Something to love.
"I didn't mean for it to happen."
The words escaped without her realizing it. She gasped, as though she could draw them back in, erase them from the memories of those around her. But now they all knew.
"You didn't mean for what to happen, Inanna?" Serenity asked gently.
Her shoulders slumped. Defeat. Surrender. Strange how it almost felt freeing.
She stepped back, taking her hands away from both Saturn and Serenity.
"Alright. I will show you what I did. You may see for yourself what makes a monster of a star."
Standing in the center of their circle, Inanna held up her hands together, making a bowl of her palms and fingers. She tried not to tremble, tried to be strong. With a deep breath she drew air towards her.
"First, a star must be born. You must choose just the right elements. This one here, you see. And this."
"Ano… we don't see," Serenity told her. "What are you doing?"
Mercury tipped her head, a smile on her lips. "Elements. Atoms! Of course! Stars are made up of mostly hydrogen, with some oxygen and—"
Inanna shook her head. "I do not know these words. They do not matter. Just watch, and you will understand."
"But—"
"Mercury," soft Neptune whispered. "Hush. You can explain about atoms and elements later."
The blue haired girl closed her lips, and gave Inanna an apologetic nod.
"It begins with two elements. Each is missing something until they meet. Within each other, there is something they can share. Together, they are complete. Do you understand?"
Serenity glanced up through her eyelashes at the man with the strange, tall black contraption on his head.
"Hai."
"These two elements celebrate their union with a dance. They spin and spin, and in their dance they make a beautiful light." Between her hands was the faintest of flickers, like a tiny firefly. "Then other elements who are lonely see this joy. They, too, wish to be complete. They rush towards this light, and they learn to dance. They are welcomed, for the more who dance, the brighter the light. The brighter the light, the more beautiful everything is." The glow grew, illuminating her hands with the same gentle gold light that surrounded her when she sang. "The elements are not all the same. Some are large, some are small, some are bright, and some are dim. Each has its own color, its own tiny light.
"They dance and dance, spinning around each other and falling further in love with one another. As their love grows, they pull closer to each other, and the light becomes something more." The golden glow condensed, rolling and spinning until it formed a small, brilliant jewel, like a marble made of creamy-orange carnelian.
"So the light grows, and so more and more come to fill the aching emptiness. They fall in love with the dancing elements, and the dancers invite them to share in this love. The dancing and loving grows and grows, until, at last, the first elements can not tell where they end and their lovers begin. They have become one."
"Nuclear fusion," Mercury muttered, then winced. "Gomen."
Inanna shrugged. "Call it what you will. This I know to be true love. The elements became one. Their memories, their loves and losses, everything they ever were bled into each other. Then they were no longer dancing together. There was only me, and I danced alone."
The golden-orange jewel had quadrupled in size, shimmering and turning in the air. From somewhere in its depths was a soft, continuous melody.
"But stars don't make sounds," Uranus pointed out.
Inanna frowned. "Of course we do. This is not a true star. It is a small version of a star moving very fast. The real song of a star is slow and huge. You hear it every day, without knowing it. A star only falls silent shortly before its death." Her eyes dropped. "I had not sung since my children died."
"And… you're children?" tall Pluto asked.
She would not cry again.
"It was a very long time that I danced alone. I was young. I remembered everything my elements knew, but elements are very small, and very simple. I had questions, and I cried out. It took time for my voice to go out far enough to meet another star. He, like myself, was young. He answered my call with as much innocence and confusion as I knew. We called to each other, and to others, but speech amongst the stars is not easy.
"Perhaps it is the loneliness after being created of the sweetest, simplest of loves that makes stars do what they do. I don't know exactly how I did it. Unlike humans, I did not need a mate. Stars are much larger than you are, but we can also see much clearer. I could see other elements, elements that had already found one another, basking in my light.
"They love music, you know. The elements. I would sing, and I would glow, and they would dance around me. But my song was lonely, and I made the elements sad. They drew together for comfort, just as you did. Together, they danced again. The more they drew together, the happier my song became. I was not so lonely. So they drew even more into their dance, always laughing, always playing, and they fell in love. They did not want to stray from each other. They, too, drew closer until they became one."
Sparkles of light had been growing around the golden jewel. One was a soft green, one a deep purple, one a brilliant blue, and one a delicate pink.
"And so they came to me, one at a time. They shimmered into life, and they called me Mother. They, too, had questions. I answered them as best I could. And then I named them all.
"My gentle Mehrdad." The green sparkle floated up and expanded. Serenity and her guardians leaned forward, and Inanna smiled. "Always patient, always kind. He was my first child."
The green planet revolved, showing a surface of gently sloping mountains and long, flat planes. The waters, the trees, and even the ice caps seemed to be tinted with a soft jade. The smell of damp forest and sweet flowers rose to their noses.
"My serious Kaspar." The green planet sank back into orbit around the glowing sun. In its place, the purple planet ascended. Inanna shook her head. "My dear Kaspar. He loved me, he loved his brothers and sister, but he had no sense of humor. They always teased him. Only my song could make him smile."
The surface was as barren and rocky as Mars, but instead of vibrant red, it was deep violet. No wind stirred the dust. No sound disturbed the silence. It was eerie, yet peaceful.
"My brave Assim." The purple planet was replaced with the brilliant blue. "Wild and untamed, he did love to play jokes on poor Kaspar. He was naughty, but he made me laugh like nothing else in the universe. He alone did not scream at the end."
The surface of the blue planet turned out to be entirely made up of oceans. The humans leaned in close, so close their noses almost touched it. Then they shrieked and leapt back. Something flew up out of the waters, spun in the air, and disappeared into the sea. Everyone laughed, watching as another creature sprang into the air, riding a huge wave until it crested, then following the other back into the deep.
"And my youngest. My daughter. My Taraneh." The blue retreated, and the pink planet came into their sights. "Sweet, and caring, and joyful, and laughing. She alone, of all my children, learned to sing."
Taraneh was beautiful. Her surface was made entirely of pale, milky crystal. Dazzling spires, glistening globes, and strange, shimmering surfaces glittered like rose quartz in Inanna's light, lending her that distinct pink glow. From within the crystal came a song, high and lilting, like the perfect soprano voice.
"My darlings. They were so beautiful." All four planets again floated within her hands, and she smiled. She did not care if she cried in front of these humans. Now they knew what she had lost. "I was so very blessed."
"Then why…?"
Inanna looked up. The lights of her dead children shimmered in all those wide eyes eyes, and sparkled on wet cheeks. Serenity's guardians wept for her.
"If I could answer that, maybe I could find some kind of peace. But I don't know why. All I know is how."
This time the deep breath was only to steady herself. She did not need to draw any more elements to her. She had everything she needed to finish her tale, except, perhaps, the strength.
"We were happy for a long time, my children and I. I still called out to the stars around me, but not with the same urgency. I learned more from watching my children, and their children, than any of my own kind could tell me. I knew why I existed. I was born, I lived, just to sing and to keep my children warm and happy.
"That kind of happiness leads to a certain kind of blindness. I was busy watching everything around me with such joy that I did not pay attention to the warning signs. I was growing closer to my children, which made me happy. I did not think that perhaps this was not good."
As she spoke, the carnelian sun kept glowing, and growing. The surface darkened to an almost red glow. The edges pushed out closer and closer to the four planets.
"It may seem like a long time to you humans, but it was so quick for me. My body and insides were transforming into something else, and I did not notice. No, that is not true. I did not want to notice, so I chose not to. But I was speeding up, and slowing down. Everything was changing at once.
"And it happened."
The dark, deep orange star exploded. The flash lit thirteen startled faces, and one tormented. The star flared out, racing towards the planets. And to the ears of the startled humans came soft, frightened voices.
"Mother! What's happening!"
Inanna sighed. "My gentle Mehrdad."
The green planet was swallowed by the rush of orange-gold light.
"Mother! What are you doing!"
"My serious Kaspar."
The wave rolled over the dark purple planet.
A strange humming silence came to them, the sound of a soul steeling itself for something terrible.
"My brave, brave Assim."
The blue twinkle disappeared in the star's wake.
"Mother! Stop! I'm frightened!"
Inanna sobbed brokenly. "My sweet Taraneh."
"MOTHER!"
The pink light trembled, and then the gold swept it away.
The star froze, expanded to touch the walls made by Inanna's hands, and then began to collapse. It sped faster and faster, becoming a ball again, then a marble, and shrinking still farther.
"I could not understand what had happened. My elements had turned against me. My children… my beautiful children. I ripped them to pieces, and then I devoured their corpses. I did not want to. But I knew I had, and I fell into a darkness like nothing I had ever known, either as an element or as a star. I felt hollow inside, and I kept collapsing into myself.
"I wanted to feel that beautiful, simple joy of the elements when they first began to dance. I pushed my elements closer and closer together, but still I felt empty. I thought if I kept pushing I could go back to a simpler time, when love was the light of a dance, and everything in the universe was beautiful. But all I did was destroy myself.
"And then, I died."
The shimmer of the carnelian orb darkened, and went out.
Inanna folded her hands.
"But that was not the end. I fell into darkness, and the darkness came alive. It knew of my sins, and it would make me pay for the murder of my children. It started with the whispers, the taunts, the constant reminders of what I had done. I pulled myself tighter in, trying to lose myself in the old dance. But I could not sing, not with the hissing and snarling that seemed to be coming from everywhere. My voice was lost.
"Then the pain came. Cutting, slashing, crushing, whatever it could do, it did. It growled and laughed. It drew pieces of me into itself in a feeding frenzy, but only small pieces. It wanted to keep me screaming as long as it could. All the while, it replayed my children's deaths. Every second I saw them dying, over and over again. They cried out for me to save them. I never could.
"Somehow, I managed to seal my soul deeper and deeper within myself. The more they cut, the further I sank. But inside that safety of myself I looked around me, and I began to understand. I knew I could not go back the way I came. So instead, I focused on the walls around me. If I pushed with my will hard enough, I could begin to make a kind of hole. I practiced a few times, and I began to glimpse, very briefly…stars."
"So then one day you decided to just do the thing, right?" Uranus asked. "You just punched your way through to our world."
Inanna shrugged. "Well, to be honest, yes."
"But, why us?" Serenity asked. "Why Earth?"
"I don't know. I just saw a weakness in the wall, and I took my chance. Then I was here."
"Killing people," Mars reminded everyone.
Inanna frowned, trying to find the words. "The people who came to me were not happy. I understood them. They were lonely. So I took their loneliness, and their warmth, in exchange for peace."
"They did not die in peace!" Mars' man snapped. "They died in horrible pain!"
"Doesn't everyone?"
They all started back in surprise. Inanna looked around in honest confusion. "What?"
"Not everyone dies in horrible pain," Serenity explained slowly. "Some die quietly in their sleep."
"And some take a long time of agony to die," Inanna retorted. "They did not want to go on that way. The brief pain of their deaths was better than a lifetime alone, wasn't it?"
Serenity reached for her hand again. "But if you had let them live, they might have found someone else in this world to love."
"Someone else?" Inanna jerked away, horrified. "Why would they ever forget their love, replacing it with another!"
"Iie, that's not how it is! You can find other love without forgetting those who claimed your heart first!" Jupiter's man said. "You can love new people while still loving the old."
Inanna looked around at them all. "I didn't want to hurt them! They were lonely, confused, frightened. I thought... I needed their warmth, and they wanted peace. Is that such a bad trade?"
"You can't just—"
"Alright!" Neptune held up her hands. "This is getting us nowhere!"
"But—"
"Iie, love. No more. What is done cannot be undone, and we need to deal with what is happening right now. So shush!"
"How do we deal with what is happening right now?" Saturn asked.
Serenity bowed her head, thinking. "My mother said we have to return the balance."
"What does that mean?" Inanna looked at her suspiciously.
"I think it means we have to take you back into the Abyss."