There's A First Time For Everything…
"I feel empty," I told her.
She smirked, and placed a finger on her chin as she tilted her head, giving me a mocking, satirical smile, showing just how little she believed me. I wasn't surprised.
She had learned not to trust me ever since I manipulated her into having sex with me…my first time.
Now that I've killed her baby brother Garma, she has even more reason not to believe me. I don't blame her. I feel that if there wasn't a part of me that wasn't so willing to manipulate, control, destroy others for my own benefit, and make me feel numb to their pain and suffering in the process, then I would in fact…possibly feel more than empty.
What I truly felt was numb. I had just killed a young man who was stupid enough to believe my lies, and naïve enough to think I cared.
If I searched deep inside, to the core of my being where a heart still beat, there would be a shred of caring left. Perhaps more.
It didn't do well to care sometimes.
Reflecting further, I realized that it didn't do well to care for a certain number of things.
One of those things involved sleeping with Kishiria.
What can I say to excuse that? Well, I was young…only 16 at the time. It was not the best year of my life…much less anyone else's. The hormones that had kicked in just two years ago, causing my once childish body to form into that of a man's, my raspy voice to transform into a deep, commanding adult tone, and my…well, that grew in proportion to everything else as well.
The hormones were telling me it wanted more than to just occasionally gawk at the multitude of magazines containing nude, exotic, erotic women that took positions that allowed the imagination to stretch and thirst for what it could only see.
At the time the Zabis still trusted me as a friend and ally…Garma had encouraged them to have that mindset. It never occurred to them that I could be an enemy using them for future dark purposes.
When I first met Kishiria, it never occurred to me that I would want to sleep with her. She wasn't that attractive. She was too mannish and intimidating for my taste. I didn't like that kind of woman. My tastes have always leaned towards women…and people…that are malleable to my desires and wants.
Kishiria had never been malleable.
At 16, my body and hormones were pleading with me to fulfill my needs. There weren't really any women around at the time. I didn't count Iserina a woman; she was hardly more than a young girl with a silly crush on silly Garma, who was fortunate to actually have any girl interested in him. His sexual appetite seemed nonexistent compared to mine.
Of course, I took care to change his attitude before I killed him, but that's another story…
Kishiria was the only woman around at the time. She was in her early twenties, and this is embarrassing to admit, but she was the first woman I had seen naked if you discount all those dirty magazines.
I caught her out of the shower once. It was a simple accident, I had entered the bathroom at the wrong time, and she had neglected to lock her door. She had also neglected to wrap a towel around her body. As a result, I saw everything.
Her face might not have been much to look at, but she certainly proved to be a woman physically speaking.
My little soldier certainly had noticed. Her face turned into as close to a blush as I'd ever seen on her, before her features narrowed and she made a threatening sound and motion for me to get out.
I left…after letting out a voluntary whistle. Then I shut the door, and it took me quite awhile to get the little soldier back into shape.
It was a week before I saw her again. I believed it was because I had embarrassed her, and I thought, wrongly at the time, that it was probably because I was the first man to see her naked, accident or not. It gave me a sense of masculine pleasure, knowing I could make a woman nervous and uncomfortable.
When I did see her again, she was in her room, and hard at work working on something that appeared to be a map. I normally would have tried to sneak a peek at the map, but since the hormones were so much more dictatorial than my logical frame of mind at the time…
I only wanted to take a look at her again.
Unfortunately she sensed my presence in the room, and turned to give me a glare. "Get out of my room. Now. Before I call my father and he beats your ungrateful, pathetic ass out of the house!"
I believed she would have done that. However, the hormones insisted that I give it a try. "I'm not leaving anywhere."
Kishiria raised an eyebrow in surprise. "You have the gall to speak to me in that tone of voice in my room!"
I gave a shrug to act as though I didn't care. "You had the gall to not lock your bathroom door when you knew my room is just across the hall."
It was Kishiria's turn to look surprised.
Feeling my confidence surge now that I'd finally bested her, I spoke again. "Look, it's obvious you have a thing for me, otherwise you wouldn't be getting your panties in such a twist trying to tell me off so often." I added a smirk at the end to show how cocky I felt, even though it was mostly pretense.
"You really think that I want to fuck with a little twerp like you?" Kishiria scoffed in bewilderment.
"Fuck, yes. Little, no." I tried to keep the edginess out of my voice. It shocked me how hormones could control emotions so strongly-at the time I was both nervous and excited at the prospect of fucking with her.
Kishiria raised her eyebrow again. "It's not little? That's good to know." She let out an amused laugh.
It was deep and throaty…and there was a hint of wildness and intensity as well. I had never heard her laugh before. It increased my nervousness.
"You probably couldn't handle it," I said. In actuality, I knew it was the other way around.
Kishria's laugh continued, resounding along the walls. "Handle it? Kid, you're hilarious! You really think…." She had to take a few breaths to catch her breath. "You really think that I couldn't handle your teenage cock?"
"Apparently so, since you're so reluctant to give it a go." It was enough that she'd referred to the soldier as little. Even though that was the name I gave it, that didn't mean anyone else could call it that. My teenage pride had suffered a heavy blow with that insult.
In retaliation, I scoffed back "I think it'd be harder for you to handle my cock than it would for me to handle those little bumps on your chest you call tits."
The look on Kishiria's face could have killed me if they were in actuality laser beams. "Little bumps!"
"That's what they're called, right?"
"They're called breasts, fucko! And if you think you're such hotshit, why don't you whip it out and give us both something to laugh at!"
"Will do," and out it came. Seven inches of thick firm skin and muscle. The contempt in her face turned to reluctant admiration soon enough.
"You're pretty decent for a kid," she admitted, her voice not as dismissive.
Pleased that we were finally getting somewhere, I said, "Well, you've seen it. Is that all you wanted to do?"
Kishiria gave me that satirical smirk and strode over. I could feel all the nerves in my body start to jolt in anticipation and fear both at once. For one awful second, as she reached her hand out to touch me, I thought that she was going to rip it off.
Now she had power over me. Something I had never allowed of anyone. How would I cope?
One simple stroke answered that question…
The next thing I knew, she had us both undressed and on the bed, me on top of her, us rolling over the bed, kissing, our tongues meeting in a whirling frenzy to prove who was dominating the other, her on top of me…
Petting everywhere. Places I had never been touched by another person…places I had never seen on another woman before Kishiria.
She let me stroke her in mysterious channels and passageways that I knew existed, but marveled at once I felt them, the reality of it sweeping over me like a jolt of realization that this wasn't a wet dream where I'd eventually wake up to spunk spread all over the bed and me.
This time she'd take care of that.
She let me know when she was ready. I'd never heard someone groan and moan so much before. She was a very vocal and aggressive person, I should have realized before how passionate she'd be in bed.
But it didn't really hit me until she had me cornered on the bed, and her legs were straddling my waist. I looked up into her eyes; they were determined, hard and fiery.
"Fuck me," she let out.
In one swift motion, she lowered herself over me, taking my cock into her tight channel…
My teenage mind really couldn't take so much sensation all at once. I didn't know what to focus on first…the fact that I was actually fucking with her, or the fact that I was actually fucking.
My first time.
Did she know that all along?
If she hadn't, she knew three seconds later, when after three grunts and pushes and shoves, I shot my load deep into her…then shuddered and laid back, panting in amazement.
Kishiria remained on me for a few minutes. Then she pulled off of me and stood on the floor. The look on her face made me want to hide my genitals and race for the door. But I braved it instead and remained lying on her bed.
"That was the worst fuck I've ever had! I should have known better than to screw with a stupid horny teenager!" she bellowed at me.
To a 16 year old male, hearing the terms "worst fuck" and "stupid horny teenager" were not terms I wanted to hear, especially not after my first time.
This was before I learned how to give women pleasure.
"Well since you didn't know better, since you did fuck with me, how about you just shut the hell up!" I suggested to her, my tone cold and clipped. The little soldier had shriveled up rather fast.
"This is my fucking room, in case you've forgotten! You barged in here unexpected and unasked! I suggest you leave before I manage to inflict permanent damage to your 3 second cock!"
The threats should have been enough to force me to leave. But I wasn't about to give up yet.
"Well, before you inflict any said damage, why don't you give the '3 second cock' another try to see if you're so sure you're a better fuck than I am!"
"What makes you think I'm willing to give your 3 second cock another try?"
And here was where my brain finally worked for once.
"Because you still haven't been satisfied," I reminded her.
Kishiria looked as though she had to agree with me. "You're willing to do that?" she asked me.
I nodded…I wasn't entirely sure if I could pull it off, but I figured since she was so aggressive, she'd willingly show me where I was supposed to get her off. "Why, you think you're the only one that can get yourself off?" I asked.
"No," Kishiria looked amused again. "Not that it's any of your business, but I've gotten off with many people that you know to be important political and military figures. And they've all lasted more than 3 seconds."
"But they didn't have seven inch dicks."
"Not all of them. But some had 8."
It was remarks like that that made me willing to give sex another go.
After pleasuring her in certain areas, she let me straddle her and dominate for once. This time, I lasted more than 3 seconds. And I knew enough to know how to get her to come before I did.
She came with a grunt and a grin. "That was better. Much better. You're a fast learner," she told me when it was over.
I smiled back, the cockiness surging again in me. "You're a fast teacher."
Kishiria laughed at the double entendre.
I never slept with her again. I figured twice was enough, and I admit that the experience got me through many more sexual relationships with women. Of course, over the years I managed to add finesse and sophistication to my technique to meld with the experience.
But I never forgot my first time.
It was ironic, that although in nearly every facet of life both Kishiria and I were very similar in our dominating personalities, our need to control and our carelessness to the lives and needs of others due to preserving our own first and foremost...
The one thing in which we each had to give to others and not just take, to consider others instead of ourselves, to allow an exchange of power, and not always take control …was sex.
Those particular requirements in the act were probably why I hadn't been so perfect my first time…
Had it really been so long ago? Sometimes it seemed like years…it was in fact.
"You're the one person I can't fool," I said.
Her satirical smile turned into one of pure amusement. I could see, not just sense, that she finally believed me…this one time.
There's a first time for everything.