Joey woke up with a pounding headache. She sat up slowly and looked around the room. She had no idea where she was. She slinked out of bed, in search of the bathroom, and hopefully something for her headache. She took a couple aspirin, then went to find the kitchen, still with no idea where she was. She passed a sofa and a blue-screened TV as she spotted the kitchen. She found the coffee in a cupboard and started some brewing. She then went to find her purse. As she entered the living room, she saw someone laying on the couch. She was suddenly worried that she'd gone home with some unknown drunk. Walking over to the couch, she realized that she knew this stranger. It was none other than Pacey Witter. She now remembered that she left the bar in a cab, and she must have somehow given his address to the cab driver. She stood over him, silently watching him sleep. Joey noticed a picture resting on his chest, it had obviously slipped from his grip. She then noticed a box of pictures sitting on the floor. She sat down slowly and began sorting through the pictures, all of hers were packed away in the attic… along with anything else that had somehow reminded her of Pacey, and what they'd once had. It had all hurt too badly, yet she couldn't bare to get rid of any of it. She was saving it for the day when it would no longer hurt. As she flipped through a stack of pictures, memories of her past came flooding back. She came across the picture taken just before Andie had left for Italy. As much as she tried no to, she started to cry.
Pacey emerged from his sleep to see Joey sitting on the floor in front of him, crying. He looked down at her and noticed the picture she was holding onto. Pacey sat up slowly, "How are you feeling this morning Jo?"
Startled, Joey turned to face Pacey, "Hi. Um, well, I've been better. I've got a slight… okay, major headache, but otherwise, not too bad. Look Pace, I'm sorry about last night. I don't know what came over me. I also apologize for whatever I said or did."
"No big deal Joey."
"I got your message yesterday, and I was on my way to see you. And I guess I got sidetracked."
"So do you forgive me for kissing you yesterday?"
Grinning she said, "Yeah…this time. Although it's hard to forgive someone when you're not mad at them."
"You weren't mad at me? Then why'd you run off like that?"
"I was surprised, that's all. I guess I didn't know what to expect when I saw you."
"I apologize again Jo. I think I was more surprised than anything to see you. I never thought I'd see you again. And, I guess I felt ashamed that I didn't recognize you when I first saw you yesterday."
"Do you know how much it hurt me when you left?"
The question seemed to come out of nowhere. "Jo, I never…Well, that's why I called you. I wanted to tell you the answer to that question that you asked me at lunch."
She looked up at him, "You don't have to tell me if you're not ready."
"I'm ready Jo. You just caught me off-guard yesterday," he paused again before starting his story. "Jo, I've always loved you. I hated to let you go, but I knew it was in your best interests…"
"My best interests?"
"Please, just let me finish. Anyway, I knew you would be happier with Dawson. I could tell that your thoughts were always with him. And whenever he got into one of his moods or threw one of his tantrums, you'd grow distant. It was as if I didn't exist at those times. How do you think it made me feel? I didn't want to leave. Believe me, it hurt me a lot to do it. Can you ever forgive me?"
In a bold move, Joey scooted closer to Pacey, took his hand, and put her head on his shoulder. "Oh Pacey, of course I'll forgive you. I'm sorry that I hurt you so much. That was never my intention. It's just that Dawson was always trying to make me feel guilty for choosing you over him. And, I guess, I just couldn't picture myself without his friendship, but I no longer lived to gain his love. It was your love that I wanted. And I thought you knew that."
"But you're with him. No, not just with him, but married to him. You hurt me too Jo. How do you think I felt when I found out that you had married him. Just four short months after I left?"
"Don't remind me,
please. But, you really didn't leave me with much choice, and
it seemed like my only option. Dawson was always there when I
needed a shoulder to cry on. He was constantly reminding me
that 'He didn't deserve you,' or 'You deserve better' –
meaning him. It was as if he had finally won. I don't
think he really loved me anymore, he just hated the thought that you
and I had what he had wanted, and that he could only hope that I
would have it with him. After a while, I began to think that
maybe Dawson did love me, and that we were meant to be together."
"I
couldn't have been more wrong. He treats me like a trophy he
won, not a wife that he loves. The marriage is purely one of
convenience – that's all it's ever really been. He still
throws those stupid tantrums when things aren't going his
way."
"Jo, if only I'd known."
"I don't think any of us could have known. In fact, he threw another one of his tantrums yesterday – over you."
"Me?"
"Yeah, he's pissed because I didn't tell him that I saw you. He's gone too far this time."
"Is there anything I can do to help?"
"I don't know Pacey. I don't know what I'm going to do yet. I think I'm going to try talking to him. Tell him how unhappy I am. That I want things to change."
"That sounds like a good idea Jo. But do you think he'll really listen?"
"No, probably not. Especially once he hears that I stayed here last night. But, I want to see you again. Will you meet me for dinner tonight? Maybe we can make this meal work better than our last one."
"It would be my pleasure." Pacey liked where this was going. Maybe he was being given his second chance at true love.
"Why don't you meet me at the same place as yesterday, at 6:30."
"I'm looking forward to it already."
Joey picked up her purse and headed to the door, "So am I."
Joey walked into her hotel room to find Dawson sitting on the bed watching TV, something he rarely did.
Dawson looked at Joey, "Where were you last night?"
Joey grinned, "I went to the bar."
"But bars close at 2, and you didn't come back at all."
"There was an inn across the street. I stayed there because I was too drunk to drive home."
"You stayed with Pacey, didn't you?"
"It's not what you think Dawson. Although, even if it was, I don't really care. You don't love me anymore."
Dawson stared at her in shock.
"Did you ever love me? Or was I just a trophy to be won. Something to make you feel superior to Pacey?"
"Of course I loved you Jo."
"But you don't anymore, do you."
"No, I guess I don't."
"Did you love me when we got married?"
"I thought I did, but I don't know."
"Dawson, there is something I need to tell you. I can't live like this anymore. You treat me like I'm an object. Somebody to help make you look respectable. Our fights have become more frequent."
"I know Jo. I don't know what happened to us. There was a time when we did work."
"But that was ten years ago; before Pacey. It hasn't worked since then. I've been talking with a lawyer Dawson. And I've decided to leave you."
"Is that really necessary Jo? Can't we somehow work things out?"
"Why Dawson? We can't fix something that didn't work to begin with."
"Are you going to go to Pacey?"
"Is that what this is about? You feel that you've lost to Pacey? You just hate that feeling? The feeling of being a failure. Of not being able to make this marriage work?"
"No Jo, for once, that's far from the truth. Yes, I wish I could have made this work. But, I just wanted to know where you were going to be? Believe it or not, I do worry about you still."
"Thanks Dawson. But, I dunno what I'm going to do. We're having dinner tonight. But we're only friends. As you know, he hurt me. And I don't know how far I've come towards healing."
"How are we going to handle things now?"
"I dunno. I didn't even know how I was going to do this Dawson. But I can't stay here anymore Dawson." Joey walks around the room, gathering her miscellaneous items and shoving them in a suitcase. "I'm going to finish collecting my things and then I'm leaving. I'm going to Montana. I'll have all of my things out of the LA house before you return." Joey shoved the last of her things in a tote bag and headed to the door.
"I'll miss you Jo."
She opened the door and paused, "No you won't." Joey turned and shut the door behind herself. She had finally shut the door on what had been an extremely unhappy period in her life.
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