Standard Disclosure applies. Not mine.
Sensei, you told us to make a diary detailing our lives so we could practice our grasp of the English. You told us to make it as interesting as we could, and write whatever was in our heart's content. Well, if I told you all my secrets, I would have to kill you. However, as my secrets are really unbelievable, then I guess, there's no harm in writing them down for humans such as you. It would be a pleasure to tell you who I really am.
A Youko Once Named Kurama
Prologue: House of Cards
I'm vain, but I really don't look at mirrors that much. Like too many people, I don't like what I see; worse, sometimes I forget who I'm looking at. I'm a 16-year-old ningen, slightly above 5'8" in height, naturally crimson haired and emerald eyed. They say, I'm slightly androgynous, that is, I could pass for a boy or a girl. Maybe they're right. My eyes look too trusting, and my nose is too delicate. My mouth is male, don't ask me how, it just is. I look at the mirror only in the morning, when I have to smooth out the tangles in my hair, my unmanageable mane that seem to always fly away when it reach my neck. Try as I might, the only time my hair was right was when I cut it off in the style so many ningen males carry.
Outwardly, I live a perfect life. I'm the number one student in my school. Everybody likes me, and I appear to like everybody as well. But it's all a façade. Would they treat me the same if they know who I really am? A sadistic demon fox who would stop at nothing to get what he wanted?
Even my life is stolen. Stolen from a defenseless infant scarcely even formed. I'm a thief, blood, bone and guts.
Mom's getting very curious. She thinks I don't know, but I know she's nosing around my business. I don't like it, but she is well intentioned. All mothers are. They wouldn't be if they weren't. All mothers some time or the other, intrude on their children's business. It's inevitable.
I could see she's getting more worried each passing day.
It's my fault. I didn't lock the door. I was changing into more comfortable house clothes when she walked in on me. My chest was bare, and her eyes widened when she saw the numerous bruises on my body. The purplish marks were slightly yellow at the edges (which meant healing). They looked worse than they really are.
We stared at each other for a full minute.
That was the first time I saw her cry, and I didn't know what to do. She didn't either. Instead of berating me, she ran hurriedly to her room.
My heart was beating wildly in my chest, palpitating so strongly, I could hear it in my head. I followed her and found her sobbing on her bed. I sat next to her, the bed shifting a little at my weight.
"Shuu-chan, why… what is…" she stuttered, but the sight of my battered body was too much to bear. She broke down again. I bit my lips, the pain giving me a focus besides her.
Only this woman could produce such tender feelings in me. I hate it so much, I want to strangle her. But my human heart would break if I attempted it.
"Mom, don't worry, I'm fine," I smiled sweetly, soothingly brushing her hair. I wanted to tell her to shut up and mind her own business.
"But why are you wounded Shuu-chan?" her eyes were weeping a river. I felt my smile falter a little, but I regained my composure immediately. Lies and tales were spinning in my head as I breathed in deeply to stall for a little time.
"Mom, it's my job," I whispered, my voice low and distant. She looked at me worriedly, clutching the pillow to her chest. I observed her silently. Of course, I wouldn't tell her about my real job. I'll only tell her a pretty white lie, weave for her a more desirable tapestry of reality.
"Then quit!"
"But Mom… you don't understand. We need the money. How're we going to buy food? Pay the bills?" Stupid woman. Is it not enough that I lifted us both from the quandary in the slums? Did she want return in that filthy shed which we shared with three more families!
"Quit your damned job, Shuu-chan! I'd rather starve than see you like this!" she cried.
"You know I can't," I smiled weakly.
Her lips twitched in an upside-down smile, and her fingers dug into the pillow a little more tightly.
"But why, Shuu-chan? What's so important about your job? What's more important than yourself? Shuuichi, I know you're intelligent more intelligent than me! But, it's not right what you're forcing on your body…" she glared at the bruises on my chest, particularly the large circular bruise where my heart beats below.
"Mom, you don't understand." My vicious streak imagined her tongue bloodied and twitching on the pillows.
"Oh, I do understand! Your absences! Your excuses! You're not who you say you are!"
I stared at her dumbfounded. My mouth dried, and for the first time in my life, I was at a loss for words.
"What do you mean?" I tried to sound calm for her, but there was a mist of doubt between us. We stared in each other's eyes, searching, willing for the truth beneath our words. But I was more used to the pressure than her, and she was the one who broke the eye contact first. She sank to her bed, covering her swollen eyes with her thin arm.
She had nothing to say, but her words hung heavily in the air. I kissed her lightly on the forehead.
"I love you, Mom. If you have to know, my job is dangerous. I write for a newspaper, and not everybody likes the truth. I didn't want to scare you, so I didn't tell you. I'm doing an honorable thing, don't worry. I won't do anything that will shame you, our family or me."
"Shuuichi, please, if something happens to you, I don't think I can bear it. You're the only one I have left, son… please…" she whispered.
"I know. And you're the only one I have, too. We'll take care of each other as we always have."
She smiled. I smiled. All was well between us again. I kissed her lightly on the forehead.
"Damn. You know your worthless bed's a mess tonight," a dark haired youth glared at me as he snuggled into my bed covers. "Where's your stupid mother? I want the cotton sheets, not this itchy cloth. What's this made of? Starched rug?"
"If you like it that much, why don't you sleep elsewhere?" I could see he was about to explode. I sighed. "Hiei, please, not now…"
"What now, smelly youko?"
I brushed a stray lock of crimson behind my ear nervously. He moved to the other side of the bed as I took my place beside him. He looked at me strangely, his brow furrowed, his gem-like eyes seemingly burrowing to my soul.
Then, as if realizing my dilemma, he smirked and returned the topic to the bed.
Hiei. He's a fire youkai I saved two years ago. He lived in Makai all his life. Now, he's a 'half-wild' youkai. He blames this on me. He accused me of seducing him into my bed. Seduced, ne? Sometimes, he uses bigger words than his vocabulary. Does he really know what seduction means to this 'smelly youko'? Innocents… seduction to him is nothing more than wanting. He wants my bed, its soft sheets, its clean pillows. It's not much, really, except if you've lived in the wilderness all your life, and 'comfortable' is an alien word. To him, my bed must've felt like heaven.
I turned my back on him. I adore him as I would a puppy, but like all puppies, sometimes his prattle annoys me.
"Shut up, bastard," I muttered, "I want to sleep."
"Fine," he sneered, then covered his body with the blankets. "Be careful, youko, your lies might break beneath their weight."
My eyes sprang open, but I refused to turn around. I said nothing, offered nothing. Before long, I could hear his even breathing.
I searched my dark room, making out the blurry forms of the furnishings. I closed my eyes again, but try as I might, I found it impossible to sleep. I glanced at the sleeping youkai beside me, his face now devoid of his mask. He looked so innocent and calm. A slight expression that I think included a smile even flitted on his face.
I summoned a small plant that blossomed and wilted and produced a tiny brown seed, all in a matter of a moment. Hiei started as he felt the exertion of energy, but his body knew my signature by now, and he again sank into his dreamless sleep. I took the seed into my mouth, rolling it on my tongue. Already its bitter chemicals made me drowsy, but my mind remained as alert as ever.
"Oh Inari, I-give-up!" I moaned and threw off the blanket. Hiei unconsciously procured it for himself, burying even deeper beneath the sheets.
I stormed off to the window, opening it to let the breeze inside. I tried to clear my head. I couldn't. Was it because I knew that my mother cries worriedly in the next room? Or was it because of a deep indifferent voice echoing in my memory, "Someday Kurama, your lies will break beneath their weight." Hiei. Ever so insightful naïve Hiei.
I was unaware when the seed finally took effect. All I knew was when I woke up, I had a very nasty pain in my neck. I groaned as I carefully moved my head sideways, grimacing as I heard a vertebrae crick. I glanced to my pet's territory, and as expected, he's already left without so much as a thankyou.
The least he could do is fix the sheets.
How could such a little guy manage to leave so much chaos behind him? The blanket was tossed near the bathroom, and half the pillows were strewn on the floor. Wearily, I arranged the bedspreads.
It's still early, but I dragged myself downstairs to get ready for school. The lights were still dead, Mom must still be asleep. Usually she makes breakfast for me. She probably overslept because of last night.
Should I wake her up or not? The taste of burnt pancakes hovered in my mouth as I remembered the last time I tried cooking. I lurched inwardly and decided to wake her up. I've already formed an apology for last night.
I knocked on her door. No answer. The knob turned obediently in my hands.
"Mom?"
A sense of trepidation engulfed me as I saw her unfeeling body on the bed. Immediately, I ran to her side, my voice shrill as I shouted her name, "Mom! Shiori!"
My hand jerkily checked her pulse. I had to close my eyes to better my sense of touch. I managed to feel it, albeit weakly and erratic.
The next few moment were hazy. I knew I called the hospital for they came after a few minutes. I knew I did CPR, because she was breathing and a lot less blue when the paramedics arrived.
They placed her in a stretcher, pushed me along to the back of the ambulance and made me sit in a corner. I swallowed a lump of saliva as the most surreal experience of my life came to an end.
I watched as they pinned all sorts of stuff on her body. Confusion flooded my mind until my flickering strength finally flowed out of me, and I plopped myself up with shaking weakening hand.
…your lies might break beneath their weight.
I saw three circular damp patches on my thigh.
To Be Continued
Next Chapter: The Episode of the Mirror of Utter Dark