Eep! I've been neglecting this story! Ahhh I'm so sorry! I'm just really busy with homework. My social studies teacher likes to throw projects out one after the other...we've gotten three and it's only been a month and a half. And our latest one, the fourth, I have to make up a colony and I'm on charge of the economy...and the fashion. XD Ah well, but you probably don't want to hear about all of this do you? Yess...on to the real stuff.

My sincere THANKS to all my wonderful reviewers. You all make me feel so special. 3 chapters, 35 review. :O wowwie. This is the best response I've ever gotten. Yess and the wonderful and special reviewers are listed, as always. You all have my special thanks. I try my best to keep this story as nice as possible. And also...Van and Hitomi haven't realized that they ARE in love...it's just doesn't really work that way sometimes. This is almost like a first love for them, so of course they're in a sort of denial and a state of confusion. Don't worry....it'll all work out...but I don't want to give too much away ;)

Kamille

Inda

Hearts of Eternity

Darkangl28

Aja

sush

Spirit0

Lauren Laporte

f-zelda

kmmgirly

Kaguya99

nightwanderer

Lily20

iwakura.lain

Naria Anime

JadedTruth

Janine

Again, THANK YOU GUY SOO MUCH! I love all you wonderful people :D Thanks so much for your wonderful support. APOLOGIES FOR TYPOS AND GRAMMATICAL ERRORS!! My typing is off sometimes and I type the wrong words without realizing it. And yes, Mircosoft Word sometimes does NOT pick them up. And I'm just in a hurry to get these chapters out as soon as I can, and I'm sure they you guys don't want the delay of manual spell checking. (Yes, I'm also too lazy to do that. Sorry!!!)

Chapter Four

Hitomi was drifting in a deep comforting dream, void of any images. She in her dream began to drift...and she found herself in a dark hallway. Hitomi touched the walls and shuffled the floor beneath her. It all seemed real enough, and she allowed herself to believe that for a second. She began to walk down the hallway, when a hand roughly grabbed her arm, and spun her around to pin her against the wall. Prepared to scream, she opened her mouth, but found herself in the most unexpected situation indeed.

This stranger was kissing her. And yes, she knew it was a man, because she could feel his muscular arms holding her firmly yet gently against the wall. That surprised her most was that she wasn't fighting to stop it. No, she didn't want it to stop. He moved his lips against hers so sensually that it intoxicated her. Hitomi had parted her lips, so his tongue was in her mouth, exploring her every crevice, and rubbing his tongue against hers. His identity was unknown to her, but she didn't care. All she knew was that he was kissing her, and that enough was simply enough to make her world spin and pull her to the brink of sweet insanity.

They were hidden in the shadows, and Hitomi began to felt an urgency that she had never felt before. Whoever this man was she just wanted him, and all of him. Obviously, he must have had the same thoughts, and they began to inch slowly towards the nearest bedroom. And suddenly Hitomi knew this love was forbidden. But that was what made it all the more alluring.

There was a lit candle by the door, illuminating the dark hallway. Hitomi pulled back, and tried to look at his face, but just as she opened her eyes, she was met with a blinding white light. She blinked frantically, and shielded her eyes.

Hitomi sat up in bed, and rubbed her eyes. It was all just a dream. Hitomi groaned at the realization of that; she had really wanted to find out who it was...and his kisses...

Hitomi shook her head, clearing the dream from her thoughts. It would be haunting her all day anyways. She looked for the source of the unexpected brightness, and saw her maids pulling back the curtains. She simply disliked that perfect timing...but then again, it was one of those annoying truths, just as surely as the sun would rise in the east, and just as surely as one would be woken in the climactic part of her dream.

"Good morning, my lady. It's time to get up now. King Van expects you in the breakfast hall in 30 minutes." One of the maids reported happily. The other maid was glancing enviously at something by Hitomi, and Hitomi turned to look at it.

Another bouquet of roses had been left for her. She searched for a card, but this time there was none. Hitomi waited for the maids to leave before getting up to look for any clues as to whom it might've been. Could it of been Van again? Was the only logical thought in her mind.

The balcony doors were wide open, and so Hitomi went to close it. Just as the doors were about to click shut, she pushed open the doors again, and walked out to the middle of the balcony. A single white feather had been left behind.

Hitomi picked it up and ran it down her cheek, sighing at its softness. Van had been here.

She returned to her room, and got ready for breakfast, making a mental note to thank Van for both bouquets. If it turned out that it was not he, she could always say that she made a mistake.

Hitomi entered the breakfast hall, and slide into her usual seat by Van. Van nodded at her, and smiled.

"Did you sleep well?" He asked.

Hitomi had to fight down a blush as she recalled the dream, but she managed to smile brightly back and say, "Yes, very well, thank you."

Van smiled in approval, and began to dig into the food that had just been placed before him. Hitomi did the same, and pretty soon, everyone was done with breakfast. Each table guest eventually departed to begin their daily activities, and soon, Van and Hitomi were the only ones left.

"Would you accompany me out to the gardens?" Van asked suddenly. Hitomi had been sipping water, and she nearly choked on it in surprise. Usually Van had to tend to his kingly duties, but today it was different. Hitomi coughed, and nodded, as Van looked at her in concern.

"I'm okay...I'm okay..." Hitomi mumbled.

Minutes later, they were walking arm in arm down the beautiful garden paths making random conversation. And suddenly, both of them fell silent.

Hitomi swallowed nervously, and decided to tell him now. If she put it off, then it'd probably be harder later. She also wondered why there were so many butterflies in her stomach...

Hitomi leaned in and whispered next to his ear, "Thank you for the flowers."

Van turned quickly in surprise and by chance, Hitomi didn't have time to pull back her head fast enough. His lips brushed onto hers, and Hitomi felt her heart skip a beat.

And suddenly, Hitomi found herself kissing Van. Van was kissing her back with surprising gentleness that felt all too familiar. Images of her dream flashed before her, but she brushed them off. Surely...that couldn't true. Van, the oh-so-sexy man that she would have a forbidden love with? Oh, please, it wasn't like that dream would come true. Sure she had heard that "dreams were desires of the heart" but since when did someone dream about a sexy man kissing her, and re-live that fantasy?

Their kiss was imperfect, but to them, it was the most perfect kiss they had ever kissed. They hadn't had much experience, either. But at that moment, Hitomi felt so freed. Suddenly, she realized that she was in love with Van, so in love that she never wanted this kiss to end. She needed Van with her...she now knew what she had felt. That butterfly-like sensation, nervousness, and wonderful warmness in her heart...it was all out of her love for Van that made her feel this way.

And boy, did she love that feeling.

It was like an illicit drug coursing through her veins, intoxicating her senses. The longer the kiss continued, the more addicted she became. She wanted-no, she needed more of his kisses.

The kiss was far deeper now, but it made no difference in the world to them if anyone saw them. They were in heaven.

Very reluctantly, Van pulled back, and gently brushed her cheek with his hand. Hitomi smiled softly at him, and placed her hand hesitantly over his.

"I'm sorry." Hitomi whispered. "I had no right to do that."

Van's eyes widened. Hitomi, of all people, was apologizing for something that had electrified all his senses and intoxicated him beyond what a drug could ever do. He needed to tell her...after all these years of keeping it inside his heart, he needed to tell her how he felt.

"Please," Van said hoarsely, "Don't be."

Hitomi's breath caught in her throat. Could this mean...? "Van...I..." She began softly, but he silenced her with another brief kiss. He pulled back slowly, and places his lips next to her ear. Hitomi shivered slightly as she felt his warm breath by her throat.

"Hitomi...I love you." Van said. "I love you so much that it hurts...please, don't leave me again." He held his breath as he pulled back, and looked into her eyes.

Hitomi was lost for words. "I...I..." Hitomi rasped. "I..."

"I don't know what to say..." Was what finally fell upon Hitomi's lips. And instantly she knew she said the wrong thing.

Van's eyes clouded over, and he adverted his eyes, refusing to look at her. He drew a long, painful shuddering breath, before answering.

"It's alright..." Van said suddenly, though his eyes told otherwise. "Forgive me, it was wrong of me to think that you would ever feel that way. Please excuse me." He turned and briskly walked away.

Hitomi finally found her voice and called, "No! Wait! That wasn't what I meant to say! I...I..."

Van stopped, and turned. "Please, spare me your sympathy. I don't need you to pretend to feel the same just because you feel sorry for me."

"But that's not-" Hitomi began, but her words failed once more. He was already walking away, and it was no use now. She had broken his heart, and blew chance to tell Van how she felt.

Hitomi sank to the ground, knees weak. Why couldn't I say it? She kept repeating to herself in her mind. Tears coursed silently down her cheeks as she stared up at the azure sky.

"Why?" She breathed once more. Hitomi knew that she had only brought this upon herself, refusing what she wanted most. It was not as if she meant to do that; her soul was weak with desire for him, and her heart was melted through and through with passion. Hearing him say those words that she had so wanted to hear was enough to bring her down, and she hated that. She felt so weak, so vulnerable...

But she refused to lose to her weak self.

I promise, for the sake of my love for Van, that I will not lose to a weak self. She promised herself. Van WILL know. Even if it takes a thousand years and I die a thousand deaths...

My love for him shall be eternal. It will be known.

Hitomi wiped her tears away and walked back to the palace, still feeling as alone as she ever was.

Merle's tail bristled and Hitomi walked into her bedroom. Hitomi saw Merle, and blinked confusedly.

"Merle? What are you doi-" Hitomi began, but was cut off when Merle pounced on her, knocking her to the ground.

"Gee, you're really smart aren't you?" Merle said sarcastically. "You got a PERFECT chance, but you blew it! My, my, I should've known." Merle sighed wearily. "If it wasn't Van who messed up, it would be you!"

Merle swept her annoyed eyes back on the girl, but her eyes softened at once. Hitomi wasn't looking at Merle anymore, but staring off into space, tears silently flowing down her pale face.

"And I promised I wouldn't cry again..." Hitomi's voiced cracked as a fresh wave of sobs over took her again. Merle pulled Hitomi up, and cradled the heart-broken girl in her arms.

"I understand now...you must've not known what to say, right?" Merle crooned. She stroked the girl's hair, frustration now dissipated. She held the girl, rocking her back and forth gently until the sobs subsided, and was replaced by gentle breathing.

"You do know that I have to face him again..." Hitomi said weakly. Merle simply patted her shoulder reassuringly.

"Be strong, Hitomi, for the sake of the ones you love...and for yourself. I'll be expecting you at the table for dinner." Merle said quietly, and left Hitomi with her own thoughts to contemplate.

The hours flew past, and dinnertime came around. Merle entered to hall to find that Hitomi was not there yet. Knowing that girl, she would probably walk in quietly, and stay silent the entire dinner.

She nodded to Van, who had a distant look in his eyes. She didn't know if he knew that she had been watching from behind the shrubs, but if he did or didn't, he didn't show it. Instead he simply smiled sadly at her, with the eyes of one who had suffered a great loss. Merle's heart gave way once more to sympathy for him, but she knew that Van still loved Hitomi, and always would, no matter the circumstance.

Minutes passed, and the dishes were laid before them, even one at Hitomi's unoccupied place at the table. Merle was becoming a bit impatient, her usually swaying tail twitching and bristling every now and then with annoyance. Where was that damned girl? Merle was beginning to wonder if something had happened to Hitomi. Was it possible that she took her own life?

"NOOO!" Merle shouted, and stood up from her seat, watching the empty doorway. Seeing no one there, she stared blankly at her plate. Everyone had stopped eating, and was staring at her by now. No, Hitomi wouldn't be that desperate would she? She couldn't have been that broken...but this was Hitomi. And so much had changed since the last time that they had met, so Merle was not certain. From what she had seen in Hitomi's eyes, the chances were quite likely. And this was the reality that dropped down on Merle like a stone weight.

"Merle, is everything okay?" Van asked, voice full of concern.

"HITOMI YOU IDIOT!!" Merle screamed at her plate.

"HEY! Who are you calling an idiot?" Came a voice from the door. Merle looked up and her jaw dropped. Hitomi was dressed beautifully, more nicely than usual, and the make-up on Hitomi's face made her look simply elegant. Merle could tell that Van noticed too, because he was clenching his jaw again in personal frustration that he could not have her.

Van really was refraining himself from ravishing her. He hated the lustful looks that Allen was not giving Hitomi, and he hated how he could not have her. If only, if only...He could only long for her in his silent heart. If he could not have her then so be it, but his heart simply refused to let her go.

Van reluctantly tore his eyes away from her, and forced himself to grind out, "You're late" in an even and controlled tone.

"Yes, my apologies, Milord." Hitomi answered quietly and formally, as she took her usual place at the table. She felt a bit rejected at the fact that Van was answering in such a harsh tone, but she knew that he still loved her. True, it may have sounded a tad bit too conceited in her eyes, but that was the way it is. Van was often frustrated with himself for reasons even Hitomi didn't understand herself. It was always that he was frustrated at himself for not being strong enough, not being quick enough, not realizing this or that fast enough...

And frustration at not being able to protect Hitomi.

Hitomi knew that this was unhealthy for him in the long run, but this was just the way he was. Sometimes, though, Hitomi just wished that Van would open up to her more. There was a lot that she still did not understand about Van.

Dinner ended as quickly as it had started, and as soon as it was over, Van left briskly to his study, where he had lately been spending all of his time. Hitomi wanted to talk to him – she did not want him to have misunderstood her meaning when she said what she did. He needed to know that she loved him back, and with every fiber of her being.

She walked down the hallway quietly, blending in with the darkness, until she came to the familiar oak doorway to the study. Hitomi was about to raise her hand and knock when a sudden outburst of shouts made her stop in her tracks.

"What?! That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!" Van's angry voice came. Hitomi hesitated, before leaning her ear against the door, curiosity getting the better of her.

"But sir! You must! For the good of the kingdom, it has to be done!" Another voice pleaded. Most likely one of his advisors, Hitomi thought.

"I don't care! I'm not marrying her!" Van's muffled shout came. Hitomi listened more intently, her heart beating a million times more faster than before. Marriage...surely, he didn't mean...?

"You must! For the good of the kingdom, you also must produce a valid heir to the throne! Otherwise..." His advisor trailed off.

"Otherwise what? I'm not in love with her, at all! You may think so, even EVERYONE may think so, but I'm not, and I simply REFUSE to marry her!" Van angrily shouted.

"You think that you're going to marry for love, do you? Don't forget that this girl helped to save your life. You are indebted to her." His advisor argued. Hitomi's eyes widened. Not me...please don't let that girl be me...she thought as her heart pounded in apprehension.

"Save my life? Oh please, I would've been fine without her help. It was her choice to butt in at the last minute and-" Van was cut off by his advisor.

"You would have been seriously injured, and we would have possibly lost you! And even YOU know that! Plus, she has the city's respect and admiration. Surely, this has to be the best match!"

Van was silent, before answering. "I still stand with my answer. No. I have talked to her recently, as you remember, and I simply can't stand her improper behavior. She has a whiney voice, she complains too much, she's rude and incompetent, and she hangs herself all over me. Simply repulsive, this girl is! She may look like an angel, but she is horrible and ugly inside. She is a disgrace to this country, and to marry her would be destroying my image as a respectable king. Most and surely of all, I do not love her, not as I-" Van's voice died in Hitomi's ear. Hitomi had enough. She wasn't going to stay, and listen to him insult her, breaking her down bit by bit. He must have remembered that kiss...She thought sadly. Perhaps he mistook her actions. Perhaps it was all her fault...Hitomi shut her eyes, places her hands over her ears, and ran. She ran away, away from the voice that had hurt her so deeply at that instant.

Was she truly so repulsive in his eyes?

But if our Hitomi had stayed, she would have heard Van finish his conversation.

"-not as I love Hitomi. Though she may not love me back, I'll find some way for her to be happy. It's either her, or no one else at all, and I stand by that decision." Van said firmly to his advisor.

The advisor sighed, defeated. "Time and time again, we have had this argument. It's repeated like a broken record. I am old, and I simply cannot drive myself to my wit's end every single time to persuade you to marry Lady Eiko of Freid. But tonight, this record will skip."

Van looked curiously at his advisor. "You don't mean..."

"Yes. I will allow you to marry whom you wish. I admit that perhaps you will not have died that day. If she had not pulled you back from the edge of the castle wall, all you may have suffered was a broken arm or leg. Nevertheless, I admit that the other advisors will not be too happy with me. It was actually one of your father's last wishes to allow you to marry as you wished. Perhaps it is I, in my old age, felt the urgency to see you married and settled, and made the mistake of trying to push your heart towards another. As long as you are happy..." His advisor bowed, and left the room. Van walked him to the door, and blinked confusedly.

There was something different about this door...he closed his eyes and tried to somehow sense the difference. The scent of wild flowers met his senses, and he knew instantly that Hitomi had been here, if not briefly, for a little while.

And his usually tanned complexion paled when he realized what must have happened.

Oh, he was certainly in deep shit if he was ever going to try and win Hitomi back.

I am so sorry for the long wait! So many projects...a ton of homework...and a mother who don't give me enough time on the computer. -.-; I really can't guarantee the time of wait for the next chapter, but I will do my absolute BEST to make is a little faster than this wait was. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! You guys really make my day.

Yours truly,

Kyoko