YEAHHH I'M BACK! Miss me much? ;P my apologies for the delay again...I'm just so happy that there's been a temporary break in projects this weekend. Thank you all for understanding the homework issue. and thanks so much for the reviews. They make me so happy! I'm not going to include a review list this time – I'd rather much get right to the story. But thank you all SO much...you all have my undying gratitude, my dear reviewers. I love you all!

I've been neglecting the disclaimer ; So, I don't own Escaflowne or any of its characters. I just own the story that I wrote.

Chapter Five

Hitomi stirred within her sleep, and slowly opened her eyes. Her sleep had been oddly dreamless, and she felt somewhat disappointed. She sat up and stretched, surprised to find that she was still wearing the clothes from yesterday night, and that her face felt oddly stretched.

And the Hitomi remembered it all. She had run down the hall and into her room, crying like there was no tomorrow. The harsh cold reality had hit her so hard that it numbed her soul with a deep, ripping sadness. She knew that she was a fool to believe what he said. A shred of doubt still hoped for the better. Please let this all be a lie! Please, it can't be true. Her thoughts begged. No, it can't be...

But it is.

Hitomi groaned and curled herself deeper into her bedspread. This couldn't be happening. It was true wasn't it? She was always hanging around nearby, and suppose he found it an annoyance? He never showed it though...never in his expressions. But Van was always one to hide things from everyone...

A knocking on the door broke her from her thoughts, leaving one remaining when she heard the voice on the other side.

"Hitomi?" Van called through the door. "We have to talk."

NO! Her mind hissed. But she didn't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that she suffered. She felt like such a bitch now. Maybe this is what love does to you. If so...I'll have none if it.

She quickly pulled a light, morning robe around her petite figure, and sat down at the edge of the bed, forcing herself to pull on a serene, controlled expression. She would give him a speech that he would never forget.

"Come in." She said, with some harshness in her tone.

Van opened the door cautiously. He admitted that he felt a little frightened now, but he had to talk to her. He had to make her believe him.

"Hitomi..." He shut the door behind him, and pulled up a chair so that he sat across form her. "I'm afraid that you may have misunderstood some things." He said carefully. The last thing he wanted was to make her agitated, or angry, especially in her state of mind right now. He knew that she was a lot more 'unstable' than she looked at the moment.

Hitomi's eyes flashed, and Van knew instantly that it was the wrong thing to say. "Misunderstood? Yes, I agree. I misunderstood everything." Hitomi began in an even controlled voice. Van almost stopped to breathe a sigh of relief, but realized all too soon that she didn't mean her words.

"Yes. It's all my fault isn't it?" Hitomi continued. "Stupid me, to even begin to think that I would have a chance with you. Did you know that I actually fell for you? I loved you. But that's all in vain now." She said bitterly. "Obviously you didn't even have the heart to spare me from the pain. You led me on, believing that possibly you could feel the same. In turn, I truly misunderstood. I misunderstood the fact that you could possibly be a kind individual with any feelings for me at all!"

Hitomi grabbed her glass of water on the table by her bed, and flung its contents at him angrily. Van simply sat calmly, as the water drenched him. He sat in silence for a few moments. His masked expression stonily regarded her with such silence that even Hitomi herself began to squirm slightly, uncomfortable under his scrutinizing gaze.

But she wouldn't give in.

Finally, Van sighed, and stood up, brushing off his pants. Hitomi forced herself not to stare at his form, as he moved the chair back to its original position. Anger still coursed through her like white-hot poison that refused to set.

"If that's how you feel...then I guess I have no choice." He said quietly, his expression full of sadness. He left, shutting the door gently behind him.

The moment he left, Hitomi felt the hard reality of the world drop onto in one single beat. Her anger dissipated, and was replaced by angst and cold dread. She has seen his expression, so full of depth, and for a moment, she had felt his sadness and yearning. Before, she had seen that expression so long ago, during the war, and it was she who coaxed him out of that sadness.

But now she was the one who caused it.

Hitomi pulled herself fully onto the bed, burying her face into her soft, comforting pillow. What had she done? How could she?

I don't deserve him. She thought. I don't deserve it. Not I, who turned his heart away, when I was the one seeking it.

She punched her pillow a few times out of sheer frustration. Hitomi knew that she should've told him everything, right at that chance. But she was too foolish to have seen that opportunity, and it slipped right out of her grasp. Amidst the punches, she noticed a strange sensation on her hands. Holding them up to inspect that, she noticed that it was wet.

Her hands flew up to feels her face, only to find a flood of tears falling down uncontrollably. In her mind, she had been so busy beating herself up that she had not noticed the natural reaction to the loss of what she had pushed away. Her body was shaking uncontrollably, and she was crying so hard that no sound escaped from her mouth.

In her sate of anguish, she barely heard a door fly open, and someone angrily stomping into the room.

"I've had enough." A steely voice said. Hitomi looked up to find a furious Merle staring down at her. "You had your chances, and you just missed them! I see how fairly obvious how much you care about Van. You hurt him more deeply then you could ever know." Merle extended her claws but hesitated before bringing them down.

"You don't deserve this. You don't deserve the salvation of pain." Merle hissed. "I thought that when I handed Van over to you that you would fulfill him, and love him just as he loved you. But I was wrong. You chewed up his heart and spit it back out!"

"Y-y-you don't-t u-understand-d..." Hitomi began weakly. All her crying had weakened her body, and it was the most Hitomi could rasp out as she clutched her aching stomach.

"Understand what? Did you actually believe that Van would say anything that degraded you? No! He loved you. Let me emphasize that one more time. He. Loved. You. He loved you too much to hurt you, and he even thought that he didn't deserve you! And he was wrong. You don't deserve him!" Merle seethed. She knew this was wrong, taking all her anger out on this poor girl, but it was just so frustrating.

All she ever wanted was for Van to be happy. This girl was supposed to be his happiness, and she gave it to him. But in result, this girl ripped apart his heart. The saddest part was...

Even through all this, even through all the hate and lies...Van still loved her. With all his heart, Van cared for Hitomi in a way that Merle couldn't understand. She had walked into his study, and found him sitting silently at his desk, head resting on his hands, and upon closer inspection, found tears silently dripping onto the parchment on the desk.

"What's wrong?" Merle had asked.

"Nothing. Just a misunderstanding, that's all." Van quickly wiped his face off with a piece of cloth from his desk, and resumed what looked like busy work. Merle knew better. He was only flipping papers around to make himself look busy.

"Tell me, Van. Please." Merle pleaded. She wanted nothing more to help him.

Van sighed. "Hitomi overheard my insults about Princess Eiko, and thought that it was about her. And she hates me now." He looked away, smiling sadly. "But I still love her. Somewhere inside her still exists a beautiful heart, the one I feel in love with. It's not there right now, but it'll be back! I'm sure of it." He gave Merle a genuine smile, and began writing on a piece of parchment paper.

"But she can't do this to you! How could she possibly think that she would be depicted like the slut that Eiko is?!" Merle fumed. With a loud resounding growl of frustration, she stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind her. She was going to have a little chat with Hitomi...

And now here she was, standing before the small girl, who was absolutely disgusted with herself.

"You're right Merle. I don't deserve to live. And I don't deserve to feel the pain of death. I'll just waste away...just fade away...until I'm not here anymore." Hitomi murmured quietly to herself. By now her sobs had subsided, and she was curled up into a ball, rocking herself back and forth gently.

Merle said nothing, only gritted her teeth in silence. Damn, this girl had no appreciation! She couldn't even appreciate the friendship she had with Van, and the hope of something more! There was nothing more for her to do. The punishment that Hitomi would deal to herself would be great enough.

Perhaps too great. Merle could only hope that Hitomi would not take her own life. Looking upon this broken girl, she cold only pray, that somewhere, inside Hitomi, the happy girl that had once brightened Merle's life would return. And the familiar spark in her now dull green eyes – maybe that would return as well.

She turned, and slammed the door upon leaving, the vibrations rippling through the walls of the castle. Hitomi winced at the sound, and curled herself up tighter. Moving to the darkest corner she could find, obscured from light, she curled herself up, and cried herself silently back to sleep.

When she woke it, it was well beyond noon, and the warm sun was shining through the open window. Her maids had been here, but it seemed that they had not found her. Hitomi stood, and dug herself out of the back of her closest, shaking herself quietly. Silently, she changed out of her wrinkled nightclothes and into a light dress and a dark blue cloak over it, before slipping out the door.

Hitomi ducked between the shadows, and managed to escape the palace unseen. She ran down to the front gates, and out the back gate that was not as heavily guarded. The door was covered by an abundance of vines and leaves, so that it was easily hidden from sight. Van had revealed this secret to her on one of their garden strolls.

Van...

Hitomi touched the door gently in reminiscence, before tearing her thoughts away from him.

I have to get away from here. Far away...where no one will find me. Ever. Her mind determinedly said. Even if it leaves him behind...I want to save him from that sadness, the sadness that I would only bring if I stayed.

She pressed two fingers to her lips and pressed it to the door, in an indirect kiss. This would be the last time she would see this place, and the last time it would see her. Bowing her head gently, and murmuring good blessings, she uttered her final farewell to the palace, before hurrying off down the dirt path that led to the town, pulling her hood over her head.

She reached the town in a matter of time, and was soon lost in the flurry of excitement. Merchants on her left and right shouted offers of good bargains, and she felt her old self return for a second. What caught her eye, however, was a lone stand between two extravagant ones. It was small and shabby, and not much, but the girl there was desperately trying to sell what she could to anyone.

Hitomi approached the stand, hesitantly, and the girl smiled shyly at her. The girl was no more than thirteen years of age, and had dark brown eyes and black hair that was tied up into a ponytail. Despite the booth's shabby appearance, the girl seemed to glow with happiness.

"What's your name? Why are you by yourself?" Hitomi asked, smiling. The girl looked down, shyly.

"I'm Kelly. My mom...she's sick. I made a garden so that I could help her! I can make her not sick anymore with the medicine I bought!" Kelly replied cheerfully.

"What about your father?" Hitomi asked, curious.

"My daddy's away right now, and people say bad stuff about him." Kelly frowned at this. "But I still love him. I'm sure that he'll come back home soon, and he'll make mommy happy!"

"That's good to hear!" Hitomi smiled warmly. What Kelly said in a way reminded her of her situation. However, it was still not possible for Van to see her in the same way now.

"Can I get you anything?" Kelly asked gesturing to the fruits, blushing. "I feel bad asking for charity like this. Please, if you don't need to buy anything, then you don't need to."

Hitomi scanned the variety of foods before making her choice. "Um...what are those over there?" She point to a small pile of green fruits.

"Those are guavas! They're really good." Kelly took on, and hacked it opened with a dull knife she had. She sliced it into pieces, and handed one to Hitomi. "Try one!"

Hitomi took it, and ate it. Her eyes lit up. They were good! "I'll buy 10 guava fruits." Hitomi said, smiling slightly. Her stomach was demanding more, and she blushed when her stomach gave off a resonating growl.

Kelly handed her a sack with the carefully counted ten. Hitomi handed the girl fifty coins, but after Kelly counted it, she protested.

"This is too much!" Kelly cried. "They're only two coins each!" Hitomi smiled at Kelly gently, and took Kelly's hands into her own.

"It's for your mother. You care about her, so I suggest that you take care of her as best as you can. I...made the mistake of doing the opposite, and I ended up pushing the one I loved away. Please, don't make the same mistake I did. You're a special girl, and I wish you the best of luck!"

Hitomi hurried away, ignoring the protests of the girl who still claimed that she was overpaid. After a while, Kelly subsided her calls, and simply smiled at the retreating back of the woman who had just been here. She never got her name, but she had a feeling that they would meet once again.

Hitomi weaved through the forests on the outskirts of town until she came to a little clearing. There was a sparkling lake in the middle, and she sat with her back to a tree, washing the skins of the guava fruits, and eating them slowly in the warm sunshine. As she finished her final ones, she tucked the sack away, and walked over to the lake, staring down at her reflection.

A girl with long, brown hair, and dull green eyes stared back at her. Hitomi angrily smacked at the water with her hand, distorting her reflection. Those eyes that stared back. They were traitorous eyes. Eyes that hurt her most beloved.

Hitomi sat, and hugged her knees on the shore, and watched as the sun set on the cliff opposite the lake. The sky was painted pink and orange, and slowly fading into blue. Lanterns were lit in the town, and merchants began calling their offers to the new crowd that came out for the nightly festivities.

It was suddenly then that she knew that she had nowhere to go. Hitomi walked over to the cliffs, and stared down at the deep darkness that the bottom. It was as far as her eyes could see, and she subconsciously reached for it, arms outstretched. Darkness was what her deep loneliness sought, and darkness was what she found. What she most realized was the fact that they would never, ever find her.

In the back of her mind, voices kept telling her, "Don't, Hitomi, don't! You can't!" but she merely pushed them aside. I can. She thought firmly. And I will. The protesting grew even more insisting, and she simply pushed them to the back of her mind and ignored them.

Hitomi stood on the edge of the cliff, her back facing the wide canyon and the setting sun, her hands clasped against her chest in prayer. She couldn't think of much to say – the only thing that was on her mind was Van. Please, let Van be happy. Don't let my mistakes destroy his future, and may my demise be a healing cure for my horrible actions. May he find love, and peace within him. May his kingdom prosper, and may that girl Kelly find happiness within her life.

She opened her eyes, taking a deep breath. It was either now, or never. If she held it off, she could possibly never be able to do it again. She tilted her head up towards the sky, and let gravity push her body back. Her feet lifted off the ground, and she felt her stomach lurch uncomfortably, both in an uncomfortable feeling and from apprehension.

And so Hitomi began to fall to her death.

Gah. I've put this off way too long. I hope that this chapter wasn't full of extreme suckiness. I tried to make it longer, but I can't exactly think of anything to fill in. The words came as I typed. And to answer some of your questions...Yes, I actually did plan this story out. Actually, after you said the idea, I did it out of extreme boredom in my school agenda. I was so bored that I even planned a second story! So yes, that will be in the works after the completion of this story. I'm expecting this to be about...ten chapters in total. I've planned out each chapter, so lol, yes I'm proud of myself for that tiny accomplishment right now, and my thanks for the reviewer who asked about it! Anyways, I pray that my next update will not be too long, and THANK YOU to all of you for reviewing me. : You all truly do make my day!

Love always,
Kyoko

PS: Excuse my grammer. Whenever I do these, I type really fast, and sometimes my grammer goes...whee! out the door. So excuse those mistakes! Mircosoft Word doesn't pick it up, and I don't either. I was eager to get this out as soon as I could, and so I didn't really bother to go and nit-pick through the whole thing.