Chapter 2 - Regret

"Struggling to stand, with your head in your hands,
a stoic last stand of a dying man."

-music "Suicide Note" by Johnette Napolitano

6 months later ...

Lisa stepped out onto the balcony and leaned against the railing, taking in the breathtaking view of New York at midnight. She felt far away as she looked down the eight stories below, leaning far over the railing until she had to force herself to pull back up. A carton of smokes lay open beside her and she reluctantly reached for one. It wasn't cold, but her hands shook as she tried to light it, inhaling the flame, coughing, and resting it inside the ashtray in front of her. She still wasn't used to smoking. Turning her gaze towards the dimly lit suite, she caught his eye and returned the boyish smile he held. He was tipping the bellboy with a wad of cash and she laughed to herself as he reached for the champagne bottle and wine glasses. She heard the door slam shut, signalling that the bellboy had gone on his way and a glass full of bubbling champagne was placed between her delicate fingers.

"To celebrate," he explained, pouring his own glass full and clinking it against her own. "A job well done." As he sipped from his glass, she brought the cup to her lips and downed it all in one gulp, leaving him to stare at her with wide eyes. "Thirsty lady?"

Lisa nodded slightly, leaning forward and kissing him gently on the lips, her own still sweet with wine. He ran a hand through her hair before moving it to her forhead to trace a cut just above her eyebrow. Lisa turned her face to one side, pulling away from him and returning to her cigerette, inhaling deeply, another coughing fit following, and flicking the ash off the side to the city below. He watched her for a moment as she stared blankly into the dark sky, wondering what could possibly be going on inside her troubled mind. With a heavy sigh, he stepped beside her, setting his glass on the railing.

"You alright?" he asked quietly, a hint of concern in his voice, "You seem a little...far away."

Lisa bit her lip before looking up into his crystal blue eyes, the guilt inside her racking up as he gazed at her, a gentle hand reaching up to rub the side of her arm in sympathy. He almost didn't seem to notice what he was doing, for he then quickly pulled away at the shift in her eyes. She continued to stare straight ahead, pulling the cigerette to her lips for a brief puff before throwing it down and watching it disappear into the depths below.

"I'm fine," she insisted, unconvincingly, she knew, because his eyebrows raised up in skepticism. "Really...and please don't ask me if I'm sure."

Her father's face flashed before her eyes and she winced. It still hurt...

He said no words though and gulped down the rest of his champagne, clinging onto the glass as he set it down. Something was wrong. He knew it. It had been a long and traumatic day, especially for Lisa, but he didn't want to pry. Still, something in him sensed that Lisa was acting more oddly than usual...

"Okay," he said finally, taking a few steps towards the door and then, slowly, curiously, reaching his hand out to her. Lisa only stared at it for a moment, hesitating as she looked from his face to his hand before gently locking her fingers in his. They shared an awkward glance before they continued on inside. As they headed for the bedroom, Lisa took a sneaking glance at her watch.

They would be here soon.
There was no backing out now...

She wiped away a tear that had unconciously fallen from her eyes as they entered the bedroom, clutching back onto the warm fingers that were latched tightly around her own.

I'm sorry, Jackson...

6 months, 1 day earlier ...

"I need shoes."

Lisa slowly stepped away from her father, still obviously in shock, and walked up the stairs, destruction all around her. The wailing sirens grew nearer as she went up to her bedroom. Her hockey stick lay on the floor, from when Jackson had knocked it from her hands, and her heart was still racing, her adrenaline still pumping as she reached underneath the bed. Pulling her sneakers on, Lisa began to realize just how close her world had come to crashing down around her. It had taken so long just to get to this point, to be able to say that things were okay. Of course, things hadn't been okay, but even still, she could deal. She went through one day at a time, practicing her daily routine at the hotel before coming home, going to sleep and beginning the process all over again. It had worked for her, the slow process of normalcy.

Then, in mere hours, all the progress she had made had retracted and she was back there, back in that parking lot at the mercy of a man with no control over her world. It was a feeling she hadn't wanted to experience ever again, a feeling she took back when she decided to fight against it.

Her strength had returned to her, strength she thought she'd lost two years ago and she knew that with that strength anew, she'd be okay. The thoughts swirled around in her head as she reached for a jacket and walked out into the hall. She raced down the stairs, hearing overlapping voices of police officers. She stopped short when she saw the paramedics beside Jackson, his eyes tightly shut and his wounds bleeding profusely. Her father appeared behind her, pulling her away from the sight and placing two gentle hands on her shoulders.

"You go ahead and head to the hotel. There's a cop car that'll take you the way. I'll explain everything here."

Lisa looked up at her father, fighting back the tears that so easily encased her eyes and threw her arms around his neck.

"I'm just so happy you're okay." He held her close, stroking her hair and kissing the top of her head in a fatherly way.

"I know, sweetheart."

As Lisa broke the embrace, she gave him a quick peck on the cheek before heading out the front door, her shoes crunching on shards of glass as she walked.

"Just be careful!" Joe Reisert called out to his daughter, watching her give him a quick nod and a smile before stepping into the back of the police car. He watched her disappear around the corner with a heavy heart and leaned sadly against the doorframe.

He didn't know why, but he felt like this would be the last time he'd ever see her...

Sorry if it's a little confusing! I would like to finish this story though so that eventually all things make sense, but until then. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far!