Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters or places. They all belong to J.K. Rowling.

A/N: This is my very first HP fanfic. I know a lot of you were complaining about spelling errors so I updated it and also added a disclaimer. I also changed a bit of dialogue to make it SLIGHTLY less repetitive. I want to thank all of my reviewers so much for their support and advice :)

Dear Ms. Lovegood,

I've gotten wind that you have been participating in a number of unmentionable activities at Hogwarts and I am very displeased. I would like to carefully consider the following rules that I have designated for your actions:

Luna Lovegood is no longer allowed to participate in the following activities:
Rules applying to the use of broomsticks:
1)Do not ask Harry to have a go on his broomstick
2)Do not ask Ron to have a go on his broomstick
3)Do not ask Draco to have a go on his broomstick
4)Do not ask Ginny to have a go on her broomstick
5)Do not ask people who don't have broomsticks to have a go on them (Ms. Granger has been scared for life)
6)Do not use a broomstick for anything other than the use of flying
7)Do not refer to anything other than a legitimate broomstick as one

Rules applying to wands:
all rules as with broomsticks apply as well as:
1)Do not perform any self arousing charms in the Great Hall
2)Do not perform any self arousing charms in the classroom
3)Do not perform any self arousing charms in the corridors
4)Do not perform any self arousing charms period
5)Do not stick your wand into any holes without the persons permission
6)Do not stick you wand into any hole period

Rules applying to teachers:
1)Do not request any teacher to "teach me how to do it myself"
2)Do not ask Professor Sprout if it is normal to grow magical fungus in private areas
3)Do not ask Professor Trelawney if she foresees any love in you and her's future
4)Do not ask Professor Trelawney if she foresees any SEX in you and her's future
5)Do not ask Professor Snape to make you an arousing potion
6)Do not ask Snape to make you an arousing potion for money
7)Do not ask Professor Snape to make you an arousing potion that you will use on him
8)Do not ask the ancient runes teacher how ancient her runes are
9)Do not ask Hagrid how big he is in all areas
10)Do not ask myself why I chose to transform into a pussy
11)Do not ask Professor Flitwick if he will use his 'charms' on you
12)Do not ask Professor Dumbledore if old people still work
13)Do not have sexual relations with above teachers or any teachers for that matter

Rules applying to fellow students:
1)Do not perform explicit acts on Harry without his permission (or even with his permission)
2)Do not try to change a girls mind about her sexuality, telling them that they will die at the hands of the heliopaths if they don't (what on earth are heliopaths?)
3)Do not try to change a girls mind about her sexuality saying that Fudge will bake them into a pie if they don't
4)Do not try to change a girls mind about her sexuality period
5)Do not try to change a boy's mind about his sexuality to see him with another male for your own pleasure, telling them that you will make them have sex with Professor Umbridge if they don't
6)Do not try to change a boy's sexuality period (I will not except your excuse of "but Harry and Draco are so hot together" although I must agree)

,Professor Minerva McGonagall

A/N: Please read & review and tell me what you think of the updated version!