Quidditch Term Named After Potter
By: Twinilly Hoffmeier
QUEERDITCH MARSH- As a new term at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry begins; a new Quidditch term is also coined. Move over Wronski Feint! Here comes an amazing play! The Potter Pass-Out is here to stay. Witches and Wizards all over the United Kingdom are confused by the exact meaning of this term, but I think we all know what it means.
Remember that fateful day in 1993 when young Harry Potter (13) saw Dementors on his school Quidditch pitch? Mr. Potter is presumed to have fainted when he spotted the horrid creatures lurking below him. Luckily for the boy wizard, Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore was present at the match to slow his descent to the ground.
Potter's mishap caused his Gryffindor team to lose to the Huffinpimp house. Or—is it Hufflepuff? I can never remember, which is sad since I was in that house... Alas, I find Huffinpimp to be humourous so I shall stick with the preferred term. Anyway, Cedric Diggory caught the famed golden snitch and Huffinpimp house won the Quidditch match.
In the following year at Hogwarts, in a rare event, two Hogwarts champions were chosen for the Tri-Wizard Tournament. You guessed it, Cedric Diggory and Harry Potter. In the third and final task, Mr. Cedric Diggory (a known fanatic of the Muggle telly show, Boohbah) was killed by Voldemort. We know this is a fact as a 14 year old Harry Potter was there to witness the death.
But I digress, Potter fans alike are sure to be performing the potentially dangerous stunt. I highly doubt that Mr. Potter will actually do this again though as he was hurt and has now learned to produce a corporeal Patronus to ward off Dementors. His Patronus is rumoured to be a stag; very much like his father's. Many teams have ordered the Minister of Magic to release some Dementors especially for this trick. The coach of the Hollyhead Harpies has scheduled a practice with Dementors for next Tuesday if any Potter enthusiasts would like to see the play performed right before their very eyes they are welcome to come watch. Omnioculars are recommended.
Twinilly Hoffmeier
Quidditch Columnist for The Quibbler
Diagon Alley 7B
London, England