The Very Last Time
I've tried everything to get Lily Evans to go out with me. I've tried hexing people to impress her; I've tried wooing her with poetry. I've tried singing, dancing, smiling, winking, I even stopped a Quidditch Game, to ask her out. A Quidditch Game! But, still, she hates me! I don't get it, every other girl, the girls I don't want, swoon when I make a joke, but my beautiful Lily flower just rolls her eyes! Well, that is why, I, James Potter, have made a very important decision. It's my seventh year, last year to try and woo her, last year to make her mine, and I might…(It hurts to think this) I might not ever see her again…So, I've decided to try, one last time, to ask her out. It's really, really the last time; the very last time. I don't remember ever being this nervous…well, I better get going.
-James (Prongs) Potter
James Potter put his quill down and rose from his desk in the dormitory he shared with his three friends, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew. He could feel himself shaking, and cursed. He had never been this nervous all the other times, why now? His heart was pounding furiously, and it felt like there was a giant balloon in his throat, making it nearly impossible to get any breath into his lungs. He took a few unsteady steps toward the door leading to the Gryffindor Common Room, and put his chalk white hand on the doorknob. He took a few, steadying, deep breaths, and opened the door. He descended the stairs, all the while feeling out of his body, as if seeing his life from another point of view. He reached the bottom of the maple staircase, and scanned the room for her. His face fell; she wasn't there. He approached his mate, Remus Lupin, and before he could say a word, Remus asked him a question.
"So you're really going to do it then, huh mate?"
James nodded his head silently, praying that Moony would take the hint that he was absolutely petrified, and not tell Sirius, who laughed at him for five minutes straight when he said he was only going to ask Lily out one more time. However, Remus, taking the hint, nodded his head toward the Portrait Hole.
"She went through there, not a minute ago, I think she said something to her friend about going to the library," Remus informed James.
"Thanks," James said breathlessly, hurrying out of the room to catch up with the love of his life. Despite his nervousness, he couldn't help letting a small smile form on his lips; Lily, always the studious one. He ran through halls, around corners, toward the library, and his heart caught in his throat when he rounded the last corner before the library, and he saw a head of glowing red hair, and a petite frame. Only one person he knew had that hair; Lily. He jogged a little slower than the wild beating of his heart to catch up to her, and just as she was about to enter the library, oblivious to James' presence, he called her name; her first name, for the first time in his life, and he couldn't help but think how right it sounded when he said it. "Lily!"
Lily turned to face James, and James couldn't help his heart beating faster, or his sweaty palms, or his shaking legs, she was so beautiful. Lily's bright green eyes regarded James with a sense of apprehension and it was with great restraint that she managed to politely say: "Yes, James?"
"Um, well…the thing is," James mumbled, trying to get his bearings. Now that he was here, his tongue seemed to decide the conga was a most amusing dance, and now was the best time to try it out. James mentally scolded himself for acting so silly, "I know, you don't like me very much, and I know, you think I'm just a stupid, little boy who will never grow up, but, I like you. I like you a lot, and, this is the last time I'm ever going to ask you this, the very last time, and I hope you at least consider it. Would you accompany me to Hogsmeade this weekend, Lily Evans?"
There, he had said. He had actually said it. James felt relieved, but only a little, as he could feel Lily's eyes traveling over his face, looking for a sign that he was lying. She had not said a word yet, simply looked at him, and it was making James very uncomfortable, and just as James was going to tell her to forget it, she responded.
"No."
There it was. James' heart fell, and broke into a thousand pieces, he never knew a single word could hurt so very, very much. Lily looked at him sadly, but stated the same word again. Each time she said that one word, it felt like James had been stabbed.
"No, Potter. I'm sorry, but I just don't see how it could work. You said this was the very last time you'd ask, and this is the very last time I'll answer. Goodbye," she took a couple of steps toward him, stood on her tiptoes, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and turned swiftly away, walking into the library without so much as a glance back.
No one in the Common Room need ask what happened when James returned, the look of utter pain and rejection on his face shone like beacon, that could be seen from miles away. He spoke to no one, and strode up into his dormitory, shutting the door quietly. Remus and Sirius exchanged looks. They didn't think Lily knew what she had done. Sirius had never, ever seen his best friend look so devastated, and rose from his seat beside the fire, to go talk to him. No one said a word. Sirius' light footsteps could be heard, fading away, and the opening and closing of a door. The room was deathly silent, but, through the silence, there could be heard a choked sob from upstairs. No one knew whether they had imagined it or not, and no one dared ask.
The next morning, James Potter rose from his four posted bed at 6 a.m. Anyone who knew James would find this rather odd, particularly because it was a Saturday morning. He sat up, not bothering to move for a half hour. His best friend's words were running through his mind, as if played by record.
"Prongs, how you doing, mate?" were Sirius' first words as he entered the dormitory, looking worriedly at his best mate, sitting dejectedly on the floor, staring at a patch of wall with a glazed look. Slowly, James turned his head to face Sirius, the look on his face paining Sirius greatly.
"She said no."
Sirius nodded sadly.
"I know, mate. I know."
"It was the very last time, I was ever going to ask her, and she said no," James repeated, a little louder this time,despair evident in the tone of his voice. James had never had a lot of pain in his life, not like Sirius, and Sirius sometimes resented his best friend, and felt bitter toward him because of it, but afterward, he always felt guilty. James loved Lily, Sirius knew this. He had never had much experience in love, but he just knew, James loved her. Now, here he was, broken down, given up, just…not the James Sirius knew.
"It'll be alright, mate. If she was the one, she wouldn't have said no, you'll find someone. You'll get over her, someday…" Sirius spoke softly, not believing a word that came out of his mouth.
"Someday…" James had repeated.
James sat on his bed, wondering when his best mate had grown up. When he had stopped joking around, and really become a man. Maybe they all had grown up, everyone but him. Maybe James was still that first year, staring transfixed at the redhead sitting diagonal from him in the Great Hall.
No one knew what had become of James Potter during the next month. He did not joke, he did not prank, he did not smile; this was not James Potter. Sure, he laughed along with his friends when they joked around, but it was all an act. Even McGonagall was worried, and had called James into her office, and only let him leave when she was completely assured that he was fine. Needless to say, James had lied a lot. But one thing James was completely oblivious to, was a pair of green eyes, watching him intently. Throughout meals, in the Common Room, during classes, they were watching his every move. Then, one not-so-special day, he was walking in the halls, trying to clear his mind, when he heard his name called.
"James?"
He turned around to find her standing there. The one who had broken his heart, the one who had denied him each and every time, and the one he still loved. "Yeah?" he asked half-heartedly, regarding her with melancholy eyes. Lily walked up to him, and seemed to be trying to think of what to say. James couldn't help but notice that she was only about a foot away from him, and his heart starting pounding, which only aggravated him. She seemed about to say something, but then changed her mind. She got on her tiptoes, once again, and placed a soft, feathery kiss on James' lips. James' mind clouded over, and his insides twisted themselves into knots, and he barely had time to kiss her back before she pulled away. James mouthed wordlessly.
"Wha…?" he began to ask.
"Ask me again," Lily whispered, her green eyes boring into his hazel ones.
"What?" James asked, confused but pleased, "but I thought-"
"Ask me again," Lily repeated, taking a step closer to James, still staring up at him.
Harry James Potter sat in Sirius' bedroom in Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, a box of Sirius' heirlooms in his lap, clutching a very short note. It was a note his father had written, when he was in school. It was about his mother. And at the bottom of the page, below his father's signature, three messy, quickly written words were scribbled. SHE SAID YES!