Disclaimer: Read the first chappy legal peeps. Too lazy to repeat :)
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Chapter Eight: Of Unbecoming Feelings
Obi-Wan paced his apartment back and forth. Qui-Gon was back at the Temple. Qui-Gon. Feelings very unbecoming of a Jedi rose up in him at that name, recent feelings that contrasted with warm memories of a lifetime ago. Time didn't take the edge away from them; it sharpened the blade and slicked it with bitter black poison that reeked of… feelings very unbecoming of a Jedi.
There was also the eddy, his talk with Yoda and Ashden Fahaay.
A headache was forming behind his eyes and gathering power while his footsteps gathered weight.
He couldn't deal with Qui-Gon, that situation was beyond his control. It span away years ago and whenever he tried to catch it again it teetered within his grasp, taunting him for a few minutes and he thought he could handle it but then it ripped away again, leaving him behind to stare.
The eddy… he would decipher that with time. Time, and observation, they would be the key to that minor mystery that would unlock the pattern he remembered as it disrupted the Force's pattern. Though nobody else sensed it as he did, some quiet questions revealed a Temple on edge… everybody felt it like animals felt a storm on it's way. Babies were crying, toddlers were restless, Masters were watchful without knowing quite why.
Yoda… he'd lived with Yoda and his ways all his life.
And Ashden Fahaay, he would do what he came here to do. He was defeating the object of following the Force to the Temple if he wouldn't follow it to one little Initiate.
He'd sort that out after the classes finished for the day.
Until that time, in three hours and sixteen minutes, he would be avoiding any place Qui-Gon might be, there was a time and a place for such discussions and as far as he was concerned the time was years in the future when he was senile and the place was nowhere he would ever go.
Finally, a plan that he could put into action.
Three hours fourteen minutes later, having helped out in the Crèche, found out what classroom Ashden was in for her last lesson, sparred with another Knight, showered and changed he stood beside the doorway to said Classroom L4 where the Mathematics lesson was just finishing and the fastest students were already leaving.
At long last -each second was taking forever- she came out with three others, talking animatedly about something.
"Initiate Fahaay?"
As one the four turned around, each with identical looks of shock on their faces that delayed their reaction times. It was a dark-skinned Maimew with droopy ears down to her shoulders that bowed first, then the others followed suit.
"Knight Kenobi, can I help?" Ashden greeted, a curious expression written on her face.
Taking a deep breath Obi-Wan was determined not to let the immense anxiety he felt show when he spoke again. It wouldn't do for the pre-teens to no he was nervous about speaking with an eight year old. "Would you come for a walk with me? I wish to speak with you."
Not bad, Kenobi. This could be good practise for when the little green one forces Qui-Gon and I into one room and bars the doors.
"Yes, Knight Kenobi."
Making sure he kept a slower pace to accommodate her shorter legs they walked silently through the high-ceilinged corridors until Obi-Wan found a suitably quiet, relatively un-used meditation garden.
Settling by a small pond, he looked at her carefully. Typical to Jardeni and it's hotter climate her hair was dark, pulled back in a sensible ponytail from olive skin.
Brown eyes looked at his, questioning.
"Do you like being a Jedi, Ashden?"
"Yes, Knight Kenobi, I like it a lot."
"What would you like to be when you grow up?"
Whilst those not wise to Jedi ways might think this a strange question, thinking a Jedi is a Jedi, they would be thinking wrong. If not chosen by their thirteenth birthday Initiates were sent to AgriCorps to put their abilities to use by growing food on planets that otherwise wouldn't for whatever reason -a fate he almost suffered, and then there were the different types of Jedi Knights, specialities if you wanted to define it. Bant was trained as a Healer, he in diplomacy for the most part -though he was very able at other, more violent missions, especially since his Knighthood.
Some preferred to stay at the Temple, or other Jedi outposts that were sparsely dotted around the galaxies and philosophise or others still, those like the permanent members of the High Council, dedicated their lives to the Force and weren't influenced by the outside… however these latter choices were usually made after a decade of Knighthood.
All Ashden had to decide was if she wanted to be a Healer or a Knight.
Her eyes lit up and she bounced from her knelt position, "I want to be a Knight."
"Would you like to be my Padawan?"
Perhaps not the most formal question to ever be formulated as a way of asking, it was the best he could think of.
And the grin that broke over her face answered his question in the same informal method before she schooled it to a more neutral version
"I would be honoured to be your Padawan, Knight Kenobi!"
Feeling the apprehension flood outwards and away, all that was left was to ask the Council's permission -a required formality in place to protect the children since the days of the Sith Wars.
Walking out of the Council Chambers with Ashden one step behind and to the left Obi-Wan should've known the positive happenings of the day were going to end.
It ended at a junction of hallways with a collision.
"Hey!"
"Sorry!"
Ashden had walked straight into a blonde haired Padawan and anger sliced through the air. It startled him to say the least, especially when the Master said nothing.
A swish of hair now more salt than pepper arrived on the seen. A tall figure held in a stance so familiar.
Qui-Gon.
The famed Master for skill with a lightsaber and known for never letting a failure go unnoticed didn't say a word about the surge of anger that couldn't have gone unnoticed from the Padawan.
Anakin.
Decorum reminded him that Qui-Gon was a senior member in the Order. He bowed, noticing Ashden quickly followed suit.
"Master Jinn." Yoda may have ordered him to speak with his former Master but he never specified a minimum word amount.
His plan of action had not included run-ins with ex-Masters and their Padawans, especially not literally.
Qui-Gon turned dark blue eyes to him, impassive, as Anakin's should have been. There was no trace of anything in those eyes. No trace that Qui-Gon was pleased to see him, no trace of regret for not speaking to him in four years, no trace of anger at he, Obi-Wan, for not sending a single letter over four years.
The perfect picture of Jedi serenity, just as he had always been.
"Obi-Wan." He greeted, "How have you been?"
Somehow, that was worse -that expression of interest in his well being after four years of nothing.
Forcing it down (he would have to meditate for a long time at some point, lately these feelings that were very unbecoming of a Jedi were coming more frequently and he found it harder to decipher where they came from) he held Qui-Gon's gaze. He would keep himself to himself, be aloof but not cold. Especially not with Ashden watching at his left, the girl needn't get pulled into this complicated mess.
"Very well thank you. Yourself and Padawan Skywalker?"
Anakin interrupted, impatience written through his signature, "We were on our way to the Council Chambers."
Giving his head a mental shake when, once again, Qui-Gon left the teenager's lack of control unchecked he cocked his head in respect. "By all means don't let us interrupt, may the Force be with you."
And he left. Without looking back. Until,
"Obi-Wan the Council can wait, I wish to speak with you."
"Master -"
"Anakin go to the waiting rooms, I'll be with you shortly." The words might have sounded harsh if they weren't accompanied by an understanding smile.
Now stuck between rock and hard place, Obi-Wan couldn't continue walking but he did not want to turn around either. He wasn't ready for this.
"Master?" Ashden's voice was unsure. Ten minutes as Master and Padawan was not long enough to decipher why Qui-Gon's words made him stand stock still…. Decades probably weren't long enough to decipher why. It was, complicated.
"Why don't you find your friends? I'm sure they'll wonder what I wanted to talk to you about."
She cast a glance at the two Jedi behind them, back to him and then understanding of something crossed her face. Sometimes the lack of emotion spoke more than the presence of it. "Yes Master."
With both Padawan's safely away Yoda's order to speak with Qui-Gon was the rock and Qui-Gon himself was the hard place. It was also increasingly difficult to keep the bitterness he felt out of his voice.
"What did you want to talk to me about?"
Surprise coloured the older Jedi's own voice, "You've taken an apprentice?"
"Yes." Impatience floored him. Qui-Gon had no right to questions like this, no right to surprise his taking a Padawan when Qui-Gon wanted him to take Anakin four years ago. "What do you want? I have to report to Housing to sort out new rooms."
"Obi -"
That nickname, the one that his friends used was one that he was not allowed to. Not any more. Not ever again.
"My title is Master Kenobi, Master Jinn."
Twelve years of experience lent knowledge of subtle changes in expression, and right now surprise flitted across the leonine features.
"Forgive me, Master Kenobi. I…" The older Jedi trailed off obviously at a loss for words. Obi-Wan's face was hard, his changeable eyes a cold grey staring at him through thick lashes. There was no wish for a deep and meaningful conversation in those eyes. "Anakin and I are to be staying at the Temple for three months to give him some stability -"
It was somewhere during that sentence that Obi-Wan felt something break. Something that held everything he'd felt towards his Master behind a tightly locked dam had been suffering from serious cracks for the last year, and that sentence was the key fissure.
Ten-tonne slabs of emotions weighted on his chest making his breath come out in harsh gasps.
"Wh -why?"
Qui-Gon took a step forward, as if to put a hand on his shoulder but stopped, "What?"
"You left me for him -a boy you just met -you pushed me aside like I was nothing, you could only think of him when you thought you were going to die! I could never bring myself to write to you because you never thought to write me! You cast me aside and ran back to the Temple with your greatest Padawan like I never existed! Did you regret taking me as your apprentice so much?"
Qui-Gon rose to his full height, crossing his arms. "I should think a Master of your status would be able to understand my actions, Anakin is the Chosen One; he must be trained to bring balance to the Force. Jealousy is not becoming on you, and certainly not of a Jedi. Did I teach you so little?"
His chest heaved and his eyes stung. There was a tornado inside him and he didn't know how to control it. "You taught me to follow my instincts in the Force! When I told you the boy was dangerous you dismissed me like a child who didn't understand!"
The other shook his head disdainfully. "If you cannot see what is right in front of you then you are a fool, Obi-Wan, and taking you as my Padawan was a mistake. The Order doesn't need fools."
Obi-Wan reeled as if he'd been struck.
So the truth was finally out. Qui-Gon always regretted taking him on, a burden for a dozen cycles he'd been only too glad to get rid off for one so much better, so much stronger in the Force.
This time when he left no voice called him back. He strode straight Housing without pause for thought. There was a keening ache that started in his stomach, spread to his chest and filled his throat, blossomed in his mouth and thickened his tongue to the point that he had to give his request to the droid via a keyboard because the words wouldn't come out. They were caught behind the wave of self-doubt that Qui-Gon bought straight to the forefront of his mind and confirmed in one fell swoop.
Yoda words echoed dimly around his mind but he was finding it hard to register them,
"Doubt yourself, you should not."
How could he not doubt himself when his doubts were just proved? Even though four years on his own gave him a larger sense of confidence than ever before, including knowledge of his own abilities and where his limits lay… however Qui-Gon was a doubt engraved to deeply to be erased and forgotten in four years… maybe in forty it would've faded a little.
"Your new rooms will be ready by the sixth cycle." The droid's monotone voice interrupted the thoughts that weren't going anywhere other than in circles, however it had freed up his speech and he thanked the droid -distress at an ex-Master was no excuse for not thanking one for help.
It was also no excuse to forget about the eight year old he just became Master and guardian of -the eight year old who was probably wondering why she was sent away.
"The past is the past, Kenobi," he muttered, shaking his head as if it would clear his thoughts, "It can't hurt the present."
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A billowing cloak topped with an overhanging hood shadowed the man's face as he spoke. The bounty-hunter shifted his weight from foot to foot -his latest employer was a well-paying one for sure and his job challenging but that wasn't what disturbed him, the very air around the man was off, unsettling one even as hardened as he was. A life of crime, killing and worse led to a cold disposition. His latest employer, known only as Ar-Es in all of their transactions, was so cold he burnt.
"Where is the Jedi now?"
"DeeBeeBee-ed in a storage container at the loading bay as you ordered." DeeBeeBee was criminal slang for drugging, binding and blinding any Force-sensitive, rendering them completely helpless from the drugging, unable to move anyway from the binding and unable to access the Force from the blinding.
An expensive job, if you could even get the Jedi in the first place.
That's why he was the best.
"You told no-one?"
"Not even my closest source. "
His last thought, in the half of a second before the blade sliced though his neck reverberated around his mind. Not the best.
Ar-Es stepped over the body disdainfully and slipped like a wraith to the container where the Jedi lay.
"Are you what I'm looking for?"
He stroked the side of Jedi's hair, a woman about thirty, with dark blonde hair and a fair complexion was completely unaware as he took a blood sample and waited with an air of patience bred from a long life of waiting.
The results came back with a flash of green light from the hand-held device.
Negative.
He chuckled a low and hollow chuckle that wasn't remotely amusing; it sent shivers and cooled the air. Resolutely he stood, pausing only to inject a vile, straw-coloured liquid into the female Jedi. She shuddered, with one last breath, and then she was dead.
"Then I will find those from the Temple."
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Author's Notes: So uh, death count has started: 2. Let's see how far it goes lol! Slight cliffie i suppose.... Who likes The Bad Guy's name? So, I'm not sure about the angst-ness: i can write better than that, so i'm gonna try and write proper juicy stuff in future chapters.
/ waves / 'ello Telperien, you've got me on Author Alert and have this fic on your favourites list.... you like? Review? Pleeeeease? There's quite a few others as well...
Review Thank Yous...
Kusco: Something different about Ashden? Everyone seems to be thinking that! Hmmm... what's so different about her? I'm really interested in that actually, since i didn't mean to make her so -she's just doing what all the others do lol! OK... so no Anakin and Obi-Wan fight -mostly because Anakin is about 14 and Obi-Wan about 29... it's be cruel!
Badger girl: Thanks :D
Knight Kenobi of Eryn Lasgalen: Well you can keep Qui-Gon as long as Obi-Wan can stay with me ;) I'm still not saying who it was :P
Aida: I hope this one went okay... personally i think it wasn't very good -but i'm hoping to work in some juicy situations for the pair...
Janna Hawkins: All of them? Whoah! I've got the first three... and there aren't any in my local library! What's she like in the rest of the books?
Walking Through Shadows: LMAO! Exams maybe over but I've got an advert to plan for Media, Psych. research to do, a brand new sketchbook to buy and start for Art and a lanugage history for English Language :P Plus i started work again!
